villa rubein and other stories-第45节

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so　lithe　and　quick；　or　so　beautiful　as　she　looked　in　her　fencing

dress；　with　embroidered　shoes。



〃I　was　completely　happy。　　When　a　man　has　obtained　his　desire　he

becomes　careless　and　self…satisfied；　I　was　watchful；　however；　for　I

knew　that　I　was　naturally　a　selfish　man。　　I　studied　to　arrange　my

time　and　save　my　money；　to　give　her　as　much　pleasure　as　I　could。

What　she　loved　best　in　the　world　just　then　was　riding。　　I　bought　a

horse　for　her；　and　in　the　evenings　of　the　spring　and　summer　we　rode

together；　but　when　it　was　too　dark　to　go　out　late；　she　would　ride

alone；　great　distances；　sometimes　spend　the　whole　day　in　the　saddle；

and　come　back　so　tired　she　could　hardly　walk　upstairsI　can't　say

that　I　liked　that。　　It　made　me　nervous；　she　was　so　headlongbut　I

didn't　think　it　right　to　interfere　with　her。　　I　had　a　good　deal　of

anxiety　about　money；　for　though　I　worked　hard　and　made　more　than

ever；　there　never　seemed　enough。　　I　was　anxious　to　saveI　hoped；　of

coursebut　we　had　no　child；　and　this　was　a　trouble　to　me。　　She　grew

more　beautiful　than　ever；　and　I　think　was　happy。　　Has　it　ever　struck

you　that　each　one　of　us　lives　on　the　edge　of　a　volcano？　　There　is；　I

imagine；　no　one　who　has　not　some　affection　or　interest　so　strong　that

he　counts　the　rest　for　nothing；　beside　it。　　No　doubt　a　man　may　live

his　life　through　without　discovering　that。　　But　some　of　us！　　I　am

not　complaining；　what　isis。〃　　He　pulled　the　cap　lower　over　his

eyes；　and　clutched　his　hands　firmly　on　the　top　of　his　stick。　　He　was

like　a　man　who　rushes　his　horse　at　some　hopeless　fence；　unwilling　to

give　himself　time；　for　fear　of　craning　at　the　last　moment。　　〃In　the

spring　of　'78；　a　new　pupil　came　to　me；　a　young　man　of　twenty…one　who

was　destined　for　the　army。　　I　took　a　fancy　to　him；　and　did　my　best　to

turn　him　into　a　good　swordsman；　but　there　was　a　kind　of　perverse

recklessness　in　him；　for　a　few　minutes　one　would　make　a　great

impression；　then　he　would　grow　utterly　careless。　　'Francis；'　I　would

say；　'if　I　were　you　I　should　be　ashamed。'　　'Mr。　Brune；'　he　would

answer；　'why　should　I　be　ashamed？　　I　didn't　make　myself。'　　God　knows；

I　wish　to　do　him　justice；　he　had　a　heartone　day　he　drove　up　in　a

cab；　and　brought　in　his　poor　dog；　who　had　been　run　over；　and　was

dying：　For　half　an　hour　he　shut　himself　up　with　its　body；　we　could

hear　him　sobbing　like　a　child；　he　came　out　with　his　eyes　all　red；　and

cried：　'I　know　where　to　find　the　brute　who　drove　over　him；'　and　off

he　rushed。　　He　had　beautiful　Italian　eyes；　a　slight　figure；　not　very

tall；　dark　hair；　a　little　dark　moustache；　and　his　lips　were　always　a

trifle　partedit　was　that；　and　his　walk；　and　the　way　he　drooped　his

eyelids；　which　gave　him　a　peculiar；　soft；　proud　look。　　I　used　to　tell

him　that　he'd　never　make　a　soldier！　　'Oh！'　he'd　answer；　'that'll　be

all　right　when　the　time　comes！　　He　believed　in　a　kind　of　luck　that

was　to　do　everything　for　him；　when　the　time　came。　　One　day　he　came　in

as　I　was　giving　Eilie　her　lesson。　　This　was　the　first　time　they　saw

each　other。　　After　that　he　came　more　often；　and　sometimes　stayed　to

dinner　with　us。　　I　won't　deny；　sir；　that　I　was　glad　to　welcome　him；　I

thought　it　good　for　Eilie。　　Can　there　be　anything　more　odious；〃　he

burst　out；　〃than　such　a　self…complacent　blindness？　　There　are　people

who　say；　'Poor　man；　he　had　such　faith！'　　Faith；　sir！　　Conceit！　　I　was

a　foolin　this　world　one　pays　for　folly。。。。



〃The　summer　came；　and　one　Saturday　in　early　June；　Eilie；　I；　and

FrancisI　won't　tell　you　his　other　namewent　riding。　　The　night　had

been　wet；　there　was　no　dust；　and　presently　the　sun　came　outa

glorious　day！　　We　rode　a　long　way。　　About　seven　o'clock　we　started

back…slowly；　for　it　was　still　hot；　and　there　was　all　the　cool　of

night　before　us。　　It　was　nine　o'clock　when　we　came　to　Richmond　Park。

A　grand　place；　Richmond　Park；　and　in　that　half…light　wonderful；　the

deer　moving　so　softly；　you　might　have　thought　they　were　spirits。　　We

were　silent　toogreat　trees　have　that　effect　on　me。。。。



〃Who　can　say　when　changes　come？　　Like　a　shift　of　the　wind；　the　old

passes；　the　new　is　on　you。　　I　am　telling　you　now　of　a　change　like

that。　　Without　a　sign　of　warning；　Eilie　put　her　horse　into　a　gallop。

'What　are　you　doing？'　I　shouted。　　She　looked　back　with　a　smile；　then

he　dashed　past　me　too。　　A　hornet　might　have　stung　them　both：　they

galloped　over　fallen　trees；　under　low　hanging　branches；　up　hill　and

down。　　I　had　to　watch　that　madness！　　My　horse　was　not　so　fast。　　I

rode　like　a　demon；　but　fell　far　behind。　　I　am　not　a　man　who　takes

things　quietly。　　When　I　came　up　with　them　at　last；　I　could　not　speak

for　rage。　　They　were　riding　side　by　side；　the　reins　on　the　horses'

necks；　looking　in　each　other's　faces。　　'You　should　take　care；'　I

said。　　'Care！'　she　cried；　'life　is　not　all　taking　care！'　　My　anger

left　me。　　I　dropped　behind；　as　grooms　ride　behind　their　mistresses。。。

Jealousy！　　No　torture　is　so　ceaseless　or　so　black。。。。　　In　those

minutes　a　hundred　things　came　up　in　mea　hundred　memories；　true；

untrue；　what　do　I　know？　　My　soul　was　poisoned。　　I　tried　to　reason

with　myself。　　It　was　absurd　to　think　such　things！　　It　was　unmanly。。。。

Even　if　it　were　true；　one　should　try　to　be　a　gentleman！　　But　I　found

myself　laughing；　yes；　sir；　laughing　at　that　word。〃　　He　spoke　faster；

as　if　pouring　his　heart　out　not　to　a　live　listener；　but　to　the　night。

〃I　could　not　sleep　that　night。　　To　lie　near　her　with　those　thoughts

in　my　brain　was　impossible！　　I　made　an　excuse；　and　sat　up　with　some

papers。　　The　hardest　thing　in　life　is　to　see　a　thing　coming　and　be

able　to　do　nothing　to　prevent　it。　　What　could　I　do？　　Have　you　noticed

how　people　may　become　utter　strangers　without　a　word？　　It　only　needs

a　thought。。。。　　The　very　next　day　she　said：　'I　want　to　go　to　Lucy's。'

'Alone？'　　'Yes。'　　I　had　made　up　my　mind　by　then　that　she　must　do　just

as　she　wished。　　Perhaps　I　acted　wrongly；　I　do　not　know　what　one　ought

to　do　in　such　a　case；　but　before　she　went　I　said　to　her：　'Eilie；　what

is　it？'　　'I　don't　know；'　she　answered；　and　I　kissed　herthat　was

all。。。。　　A　month　passed；　I　wrote　to　her　nearly　every　day；　and　I　had

short　letters　from　her；　telling　me　very　little　of　herself。　　Dalton

was　a　torture　to　me；　for　I　could　not　tell　him；　he　had　a　conviction

that　she　was　going　to　become　a　mother。　　'Ah；　Brune！'　he　said；　'my

poor　wife　was　just　like　that。'　　Life；　sir；　is　a　somewhat　ironical

affair。。。！　　HeI　find　it　hard　to　speak　his　namecame　to　the　school

two　or　three　times　a　week。　　I　used　to　think　I　saw　a　change；　a　purpose

growing　up　through　his　recklessness；　there　seemed　a　violence　in　him

as　if　he　chafed　against　my　blade。　　I　had　a　kind　of　joy　in　feeling　I

had　the　mastery；　and　could　toss　the　iron　out　of　his　hand　any　minute

like　a　straw。　　I　was　ashamed；　and　yet　I　gloried　in　it。　　Jealousy　is　a

low　thing；　sira　low；　base　thing！　　When　he　asked　me　where　my　wife

was；　I　told　him；　I　was　too　proud　to　hide　it。　　Soon　after　that　he　came

no　more　to　the　school。



〃One　morning；　when　I　could　bear　it　no　longer；　I　wrote；　and　said　I　was

coming　down。　　I　would　not　force　myself　on　her；　but　I　asked　her　to

meet　me　in　the　orchard　of　the　old　house　we　called　the　Convent。　　I

asked　her　to　be　there　at　four　o'clock。　　It　has　always　been　my；　belief

that　a　man　must　neither　beg　anything　of　a　woman；　nor　force　anything

from　her。　　Women　are　generousthey　will　give　you　what　they　can。　　I

sealed　my　letter；　and　posted　it　myself。　　All　the　way　down　I　kept　on

saying　to　myself；　'She　must　comesurely　she　will　come！'









VII



〃I　was　in　high　spirits；　but　the　next　moment　trembled　like　a　man　with

ague。　　I　reached　the　orchard　before　my　time。　　She　was　not　there。　　You

know　what　it　is　like　to　wait？　　I　stood　still　and　listened；　I　went　to

the　point　whence　I　could　see　farthest；　I　said　to　myself；　'A　watched

pot　never　boils；　if　I　don't　look　for　her　she　will　come。'　　I　walked　up

and　down　with　my　eyes　on　the　ground。　　The　sickness　of　it！　　A　hundred

times　I　took　out　my　watch。。。。　Perhaps　it　was　fast；　perhaps　hers　was

slowI　can't　tell　you　a　thousandth　part　of　my　hopes　and　fears。

There　was　a　spring　of　water；　in　one　corner。　　I　sat　beside　it；　and

thought　of　the　last　time　I　had　been　thereand　something　seemed　to

burst　in　me。　　It　was　five　o'clock　before　I　lost　all　hope；　there　comes

a　time　when　you're　glad　that　hope　is　dead；　it　means　rest。　　'That's

over；'　you　say；　'now　I　can　act。'　　But　what　was　I　to　do？　　I　lay　down

with　my　face　to　the　ground；　when　one's　in　trouble；　it's　the　only

thing　that　helpssomething　to　press　against　and　cling　to　that　can't

give　way。　　I　lay　there　for　two　hours；　knowing　all　the　time　that　I

should　play　the　coward。　　At　seven　o'clock　I　left　the　orchard　and　went

towards　the　inn；　I　had　broken　my　word；　but　I　felt　happy。。。。　I　should

see　herand；　sir；　nothingnothing　seemed　to　matter　beside　that。

Tor　was　in　the　garden　snipping　at　his　roses。　　He　came　up；　and　I　could

see　that　he　couldn't　look　me　in　the　face。　　'Where's　my　wife？'　I　said。

He　answered；　'Let's　get　Lucy。'