villa rubein and other stories-第44节

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in　nineteen　battlesseveral　times　in　positions　of　some　danger；　when

the　lifting　of　a　finger　perhaps　meant　death；　but　I　have　never　felt

what　I　was　feeling　at　that　moment。　　I　knew　something　was　coming；　and

I　was　paralysed　with　terror　lest　it　should　not　come！〃　　He　drew　a　long

breath。



〃The　servant　came　in　with　a　light　and　broke　the　spell。　　All　that

night　I　lay　awake　and　thought　of　how　she　had　looked　at　me；　with　the

colour　coming　slowly　up　in　her　cheeks



〃It　was　three　days　before　I　plucked　up　courage　to　go　again；　and　then

I　felt　her　eyes　on　me　at　onceshe　was　making　a　'cat's　cradle'　with　a

bit　of　string；　but　I　could　see　them　stealing　up　from　her　hands　to　my

face。　　And　she　went　wandering　about　the　room；　fingering　at

everything。　　When　her　father　called　out：　'What's　the　matter　with　you；

Elie？'　she　stared　at　him　like　a　child　caught　doing　wrong。　　I　looked

straight　at　her　then；　she　tried　to　look　at　me；　but　she　couldn't；　and

a　minute　later　she　went　out　of　the　room。　　God　knows　what　sort　of

nonsense　I　talkedI　was　too　happy。



〃Then　began　our　love。　　I　can't　tell　you　of　that　time。　　Often　and

often　Dalton　said　to　me：　'What's　come　to　the　child？　　Nothing　I　can　do

pleases　her。'　　All　the　love　she　had　given　him　was　now　for　me；　but　he

was　too　simple　and　straight　to　see　what　was　going　on。　　How　many　times

haven't　I　felt　criminal　towards　him！　　But　when　you're　happy；　with　the

tide　in　your　favour；　you　become　a　coward　at　once。。。。









V



〃Well；　sir；〃　he　went　on；　〃we　were　married　on　her　eighteenth　birthday。

It　was　a　long　time　before　Dalton　became　aware　of　our　love。　　But　one

day　he　said　to　me　with　a　very　grave　look：



〃'Eilie　has　told　me；　Brune；　I　forbid　it。　　She's　too　young；　and

you'retoo　old！'　I　was　then　forty…five；　my　hair　as　black　and　thick

as　a　rook's　feathers；　and　I　was　strong　and　active。　　I　answered　him：

'We　shall　be　married　within　a　month！'　　We　parted　in　anger。　　It　was　a

May　night；　and　I　walked　out　far　into　the　country。　　There's　no　remedy

for　anger；　or；　indeed；　for　anything；　so　fine　as　walking。　　Once　I

stoppedit　was　on　a　common；　without　a　house　or　light；　and　the　stars

shining　like　jewels。　　I　was　hot　from　walking；　I　could　feel　the　blood

boiling　in　my　veinsI　said　to　myself　'Old；　are　you？'　And　I　laughed

like　a　fool。　　It　was　the　thought　of　losing　herI　wished　to　believe

myself　angry；　but　really　I　was　afraid；　fear　and　anger　in　me　are　very

much　the　same。　　A　friend　of　mine；　a　bit　of　a　poet；　sir；　once　called

them　'the　two　black　wings　of　self。'　　And　so　they　are；　so　they　are。。。！

The　next　morning　I　went　to　Dalton　again；　and　somehow　I　made　him

yield。　　I'm　not　a　philosopher；　but　it　has　often　seemed　to　me　that　no

benefit　can　come　to　us　in　this　life　without　an　equal　loss　somewhere；

but　does　that　stop　us？　　No；　sir；　not　often。。。。



〃We　were　married　on　the　3oth　of　June　1876；　in　the　parish　church。　　The

only　people　present　were　Dalton；　Lucy；　and　Lucy's　husbanda　big；

red…faced　fellow；　with　blue　eyes　and　a　golden　beard　parted　in　two。

It　had　been　arranged　that　we　should　spend　the　honeymoon　down　at　their

inn　on　the　river。　　My　wife；　Dalton　and　I；　went　to　a　restaurant　for

lunch。　　She　was　dressed　in　grey；　the　colour　of　a　pigeon's　feathers。〃

He　paused；　leaning　forward　over　the　crutch　handle　of　his　stick；

trying　to　conjure　up；　no　doubt；　that　long…ago　image　of　his　young

bride　in　her　dress　〃the　colour　of　a　pigeon's　feathers；〃　with　her　blue

eyes　and　yellow　hair；　the　little　frown　between　her　brows；　the　firmly

shut　red　lips；　opening　to　speak　the　words；　〃For　better；　for　worse；

for　richer；　for　poorer；　in　sickness　and　in　health。〃



〃At　that　time；　sir；〃　he　went　on　suddenly；　〃I　was　a　bit　of　a　dandy。　　I

wore；　I　remember；　a　blue　frock…coat；　with　white　trousers；　and　a　grey

top　hat。　　Even　now　I　should　always　prefer　to　be　well　dressed。。。。



〃We　had　an　excellent　lunch；　and　drank　Veuve　Clicquot；　a　wine　that　you

cannot　get　in　these　days！　　Dalton　came　with　us　to　the　railway

station。　　I　can't　bear　partings；　and　yet；　they　must　come。



〃That　evening　we　walked　out　in　the　cool　under　the　aspen…trees。　　What

should　I　remember　in　all　my　life　if　not　that　nightthe　young

bullocks　snuffling　in　the　gatewaysthe　campion　flowers　all　lighted

up　along　the　hedgesthe　moon　with　a　halo…bats；　too；　in　and　out　among

the　stems；　and　the　shadows　of　the　cottages　as　black　and　soft　as　that

sea　down　there。　　For　a　long　time　we　stood　on　the　river…bank　beneath　a

lime…tree。　　The　scent　of　the　lime　flowers！　　A　man　can　only　endure

about　half　his　joy；　about　half　his　sorrow。　　Lucy　and　her　husband；〃　he

went　on；　presently；　〃his　name　was　Frank　Tora　man　like　an　old

Viking；　who　ate　nothing　but　milk；　bread；　and　fruitwere　very　good　to

us！　　It　was　like　Paradise　in　that　innthough　the　commissariat；　I　am

bound　to　say；　was　limited。　　The　sweetbriar　grew　round　our　bedroom

windows；　when　the　breeze　blew　the　leaves　across　the　openingit　was

like　a　bath　of　perfume。　　Eilie　grew　as　brown　as　a　gipsy　while　we　were

there。　　I　don't　think　any　man　could　have　loved　her　more　than　I　did。

But　there　were　times　when　my　heart　stood　still；　it　didn't　seem　as　if

she　understood　how　much　I　loved　her。　　One　day；　I　remember；　she　coaxed

me　to　take　her　camping。　　We　drifted　down…stream　all　the　afternoon；

and　in　the　evening　pulled　into　the　reeds　under　the　willow…boughs　and

lit　a　fire　for　her　to　cook　bythough；　as　a　matter　of　fact；　our

provisions　were　cooked　alreadybut　you　know　how　it　is；　all　the

romance　was　in　having　a　real　fire。　　'We　won't　pretend；'　she　kept

saying。　　While　we　were　eating　our　supper　a　hare　came　to　our　clearing…

…a　big　fellowhow　surprised　he　looked！　　'The　tall　hare；'　Eilie

called　him。　　After　that　we　sat　by　the　ashes　and　watched　the　shadows；

till　at　last　she　roamed　away　from　me。　　The　time　went　very　slowly；　I

got　up　to　look　for　her。　　It　was　past　sundown。　　I　called　and　called。

It　was　a　long　time　before　I　found　herand　she　was　like　a　wild　thing；

hot　and　flushed；　her　pretty　frock　torn；　her　hands　and　face　scratched；

her　hair　down；　like　some　beautiful　creature　of　the　woods。　　If　one

loves；　a　little　thing　will　scare　one。　　I　didn't　think　she　had　noticed

my　fright；　but　when　we　got　back　to　the　boat　she　threw　her　arms　round

my　neck；　and　said；　'I　won't　ever　leave　you　again！'



〃Once　in　the　night　I　wokea　water…hen　was　crying；　and　in　the

moonlight　a　kingfisher　flew　across。　　The　wonder　on　the　riverthe

wonder　of　the　moon　and　trees；　the　soft　bright　mist；　the　stillness！　It

was　like　another　world；　peaceful；　enchanted；　far　holier　than　ours。

It　seemed　like　a　vision　of　the　thoughts　that　come　to　onehow　seldom！

and　go　if　one　tries　to　grasp　them。　　Magicpoetry…sacred！〃　　He　was

silent　a　minute；　then　went　on　in　a　wistful　voice：　〃I　looked　at　her；

sleeping　like　a　child；　with　her　hair　loose；　and　her　lips　apart；　and　I

thought：　'God　do　so　to　me；　if　ever　I　bring　her　pain！'　　How　was　I　to

understand　her？　the　mystery　and　innocence　of　her　soul！　　The　river　has

had　all　my　light　and　all　my　darkness；　the　happiest　days；　and　the

hours　when　I've　despaired；　and　I　like　to　think　of　it；　for；　you　know；

in　time　bitter　memories　fade；　only　the　good　remain。。。。　　Yet　the　good

have　their　own　pain；　a　different　kind　of　aching；　for　we　shall　never

get　them　back。　　Sir；〃　he　said；　turning　to　me　with　a　faint　smile；

〃it's　no　use　crying　over　spilt　milk。。。。　　In　the　neighbourhood　of

Lucy's　inn；　the　Rose　and　MaybushCan　you　imagine　a　prettier　name？　　I

have　been　all　over　the　world；　and　nowhere　found　names　so　pretty　as　in

the　English　country。　　There；　too；　every　blade　of　grass；　and　flower；

has　a　kind　of　pride　about　it；　knows　it　will　be　cared　for；　and　all　the

roads；　trees；　and　cottages；　seem　to　be　certain　that　they　will　live

for　ever。。。。　　But　I　was　going　to　tell　you：　Half　a　mile　from　the　inn

was　a　quiet　old　house　which　we　used　to　call　the　'Convent'though　I

believe　it　was　a　farm。　　We　spent　many　afternoons　there；　trespassing

in　the　orchardEilie　was　fond　of　trespassing；　if　there　were　a　long

way　round　across　somebody　else's　property；　she　would　always　take　it。

We　spent　our　last　afternoon　in　that　orchard；　lying　in　the　long　grass。

I　was　reading　Childe　Harold　for　the　first　timea　wonderful；　a

memorable　poem！　　I　was　at　that　passagethe　bull…fightyou　remember：



〃'Thrice　sounds　the　clarion；　lo！　the　signal　falls；

The　din　expands；　and　expectation　mute'



when　suddenly　Eilie　said：　'Suppose　I　were　to　leave　off　loving　you？'

It　was　as　if　some　one　had　struck　me　in　the　face。　　I　jumped　up；　and

tried　to　take　her　in　my　arms；　but　she　slipped　away；　then　she　turned；

and　began　laughing　softly。　　I　laughed　too。　　I　don't　know　why。。。。









VI



〃We　went　back　to　London　the　next　day；　we　lived　quite　close　to　the

school；　and　about　five　days　a　week　Dalton　came　to　dine　with　us。　　He

would　have　come　every　day；　if　he　had　not　been　the　sort　of　man　who

refuses　to　consult　his　own　pleasure。　　We　had　more　pupils　than　ever。

In　my　leisure　I　taught　my　wife　to　fence。　　I　have　never　seen　any　one

so　lithe　and　quick；　or　so　beautiful　as　she　looked　in　her　fencin