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16-is shakespeare dead-第4节

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and Spenser; and Raleigh; and the other distinguished literary

folk of Shakespeare's time passed from life!  No praiseful voice

was lifted for the lost Bard of Avon; even Ben Jonson waited

seven years before he lifted his。



SO FAR AS ANYBODY ACTUALLY KNOWS AND CAN PROVE; Shakespeare

of Stratford…on…Avon never wrote a play in his life。





SO FAR AS ANY ONE KNOWS; HE RECEIVED ONLY ONE LETTER

DURING HIS LIFE。



So far as any one KNOWS AND CAN PROVE; Shakespeare of

Stratford wrote only one poem during his life。  This one is

authentic。  He did write that onea fact which stands

undisputed; he wrote the whole of it; he wrote the whole of it

out of his own head。  He commanded that this work of art be

engraved upon his tomb; and he was obeyed。  There it abides to

this day。  This is it:





Good friend for Iesus sake forbeare

To digg the dust encloased heare:

Blest be ye man yt spares thes stones

And curst be he yt moves my bones。





In the list as above set down will be found EVERY POSITIVELY

KNOWN fact of Shakespeare's life; lean and meager as the invoice

is。  Beyond these details we know NOT A THING about him。  All the

rest of his vast history; as furnished by the biographers; is

built up; course upon course; of guesses; inferences; theories;

conjecturesan Eiffel Tower of artificialities rising sky…high

from a very flat and very thin foundation of inconsequential

facts。





IV



Conjectures



The historians 〃suppose〃 that Shakespeare attended the Free

School in Stratford from the time he was seven years old till he

was thirteen。  There is no EVIDENCE in existence that he ever

went to school at all。



The historians 〃infer〃 that he got his Latin in that school

the school which they 〃suppose〃 he attended。



They 〃suppose〃 his father's declining fortunes made it

necessary for him to leave the school they supposed he attended;

and get to work and help support his parents and their ten

children。  But there is no evidence that he ever entered or

returned from the school they suppose he attended。



They 〃suppose〃 he assisted his father in the butchering

business; and that; being only a boy; he didn't have to do full…

grown butchering; but only slaughtering calves。  Also; that

whenever he killed a calf he made a high…flown speech over it。

This supposition rests upon the testimony of a man who wasn't

there at the time; a man who got it from a man who could have

been there; but did not say whether he was nor not; and neither

of them thought to mention it for decades; and decades; and

decades; and two more decades after Shakespeare's death (until

old age and mental decay had refreshed and vivified their

memories)。  They hadn't two facts in stock about the long…dead

distinguished citizen; but only just the one:  he slaughtered

calves and broke into oratory while he was at it。  Curious。  They

had only one fact; yet the distinguished citizen had spent

twenty…six years in that little townjust half his lifetime。

However; rightly viewed; it was the most important fact; indeed

almost the only important fact; of Shakespeare's life in

Stratford。  Rightly viewed。  For experience is an author's most

valuable asset; experience is the thing that puts the muscle and

the breath and the warm blood into the book he writes。  Rightly

viewed; calf…butchering accounts for 〃Titus Andronicus;〃 the only

playain't it?that the Stratford Shakespeare ever wrote; and

yet it is the only one everybody tried to chouse him out of; the

Baconians included。



The historians find themselves 〃justified in believing〃 that

the young Shakespeare poached upon Sir Thomas Lucy's deer preserves

and got haled before that magistrate for it。  But there is no shred

of respectworthy evidence that anything of the kind happened。



The historians; having argued the thing that MIGHT have

happened into the thing that DID happen; found no trouble in

turning Sir Thomas Lucy into Mr。 Justice Shallow。  They have long

ago convinced the worldon surmise and without trustworthy

evidencethat Shallow IS Sir Thomas。



The next addition to the young Shakespeare's Stratford

history comes easy。  The historian builds it out of the surmised

deer…steeling; and the surmised trial before the magistrate; and

the surmised vengeance…prompted satire upon the magistrate in the

play:  result; the young Shakespeare was a wild; wild; wild; oh;

SUCH a wild young scamp; and that gratuitous slander is

established for all time!  It is the very way Professor Osborn

and I built the colossal skeleton brontosaur that stands fifty…

seven feet long and sixteen feet high in the Natural History

Museum; the awe and admiration of all the world; the stateliest

skeleton that exists on the planet。  We had nine bones; and we

built the rest of him out of plaster of Paris。  We ran short of

plaster of Paris; or we'd have built a brontosaur that could sit

down beside the Stratford Shakespeare and none but an expert

could tell which was biggest or contained the most plaster。



Shakespeare pronounced 〃Venus and Adonis〃 〃the first heir of

his invention;〃 apparently implying that it was his first effort

at literary composition。  He should not have said it。  It has

been an embarrassment to his historians these many; many years。

They have to make him write that graceful and polished and

flawless and beautiful poem before he escaped from Stratford and

his family1586 or '87age; twenty…two; or along there; because

within the next five years he wrote five great plays; and could

not have found time to write another line。



It is sorely embarrassing。  If he began to slaughter calves;

and poach deer; and rollick around; and learn English; at the

earliest likely momentsay at thirteen; when he was supposably

wretched from that school where he was supposably storing up

Latin for future literary usehe had his youthful hands full;

and much more than full。  He must have had to put aside his

Warwickshire dialect; which wouldn't be understood in London; and

study English very hard。  Very hard indeed; incredibly hard;

almost; if the result of that labor was to be the smooth and

rounded and flexible and letter…perfect English of the 〃Venus and

Adonis〃 in the space of ten years; and at the same time learn

great and fine and unsurpassable literary FORM。



However; it is 〃conjectured〃 that he accomplished all this

and more; much more:  learned law and its intricacies; and the

complex procedure of the law…courts; and all about soldiering;

and sailoring; and the manners and customs and ways of royal

courts and aristocratic society; and likewise accumulated in his

one head every kind of knowledge the learned then possessed; and

every kind of humble knowledge possessed by the lowly and the

ignorant; and added thereto a wider and more intimate knowledge

of the world's great literatures; ancient and modern; than was

possessed by any other man of his timefor he was going to make

brilliant and easy and admiration…compelling use of these

splendid treasures the moment he got to London。  And according to

the surmisers; that is what he did。  Yes; although there was no

one in Stratford able to teach him these things; and no library in

the little village to dig them out of。  His father could not read;

and even the surmisers surmise that he did not keep a library。



It is surmised by the biographers that the young Shakespeare

got his vast knowledge of the law and his familiar and accurate

acquaintance with the manners and customs and shop…talk of

lawyers through being for a time the CLERK OF A STRATFORD COURT;

just as a bright lad like me; reared in a village on the banks of

the Mississippi; might become perfect in knowledge of the Bering

Strait whale…fishery and the shop…talk of the veteran exercises

of that adventure…bristling trade through catching catfish with a

〃trot…line〃 Sundays。  But the surmise is damaged by the fact that

there is no evidenceand not even traditionthat the young

Shakespeare was ever clerk of a law…court。



It is further surmised that the young Shakespeare

accumulated his law…treasures in the first years of his sojourn

in London; through 〃amusing himself〃 by learning book…law in his

garret and by picking up lawyer…talk and the rest of it through

loitering about the law…courts and listening。  But it is only

surmise; there is no EVIDENCE that he ever did either of those

things。  They are merely a couple of chunks of plaster of Paris。



There is a legend that he got his bread and butter by

holding horses in front of the London theaters; mornings and

afternoons。  Maybe he did。  If he did; it seriously shortened his

law…study hours and his recreation…time in the courts。  In those

very days he was writing great plays; and needed all the time he

could get。  The horse…holding legend ought to be strangled; it

too formidably increases the historian's difficulty in accounting

for the young Sh

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