the red badge of courage(红色英勇勋章)-第4节
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been the fast…flying messen… ger of a mistake。 There was much scoffing
at the latter by those who had yesterday been firm adherents of his views；
and there was even a lit… tle sneering by men who had never believed the
rumor。 The tall one fought with a man from Chatfield Corners and beat
him severely。
The youth felt； however； that his problem was in no wise lifted from
him。 There was； on the contrary； an irritating prolongation。 The tale
had created in him a great concern for himself。 Now； with the newborn
question in his mind； he was compelled to sink back into his old place as
part of a blue demonstration。
For days he made ceaseless calculations； but they were all wondrously
unsatisfactory。 He found that he could establish nothing。 He final… ly
concluded that the only way to prove himself was to go into the blaze； and
then figuratively to
18 watch his legs to discover their merits and faults。 He reluctantly
admitted that he could not sit still and with a mental slate and pencil derive
an answer。 To gain it； he must have blaze； blood； and danger； even as a
chemist requires this； that； and the other。 So he fretted for an
opportunity。
Meanwhile he continually tried to measure himself by his comrades。
The tall soldier； for one； gave him some assurance。 This man's se… rene
unconcern dealt him a measure of con… fidence； for he had known him
since childhood； and from his intimate knowledge he did not see how he
could be capable of anything that was beyond him； the youth。 Still； he
thought that his comrade might be mistaken about himself。 Or； on the
other hand； he might be a man here… tofore doomed to peace and obscurity；
but； in reality； made to shine in war。
The youth would have liked to have discov… ered another who
suspected himself。 A sympa… thetic comparison of mental notes would
have been a joy to him。
He occasionally tried to fathom a comrade with seductive sentences。
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The Red Badge of Courage
He looked about to find men in the proper mood。 All attempts failed to
bring forth any statement which looked in any way like a confession to
those doubts which he privately acknowledged in himself。 He was afraid
to make an open declaration of his concern； because he dreaded to place
some unscrupulous confidant upon the high plane of the unconfessed from
which elevation he could be derided。
In regard to his companions his mind wa… vered between two opinions；
according to his mood。 Sometimes he inclined to believing them all
heroes。 In fact； he usually admitted in secret the superior development of
the higher qualities in others。 He could conceive of men going very
insignificantly about the world bearing a load of courage unseen； and
although he had known many of his comrades through boyhood； he be…
gan to fear that his judgment of them had been blind。 Then； in other
moments； he flouted these theories； and assured himself that his fellows
were all privately wondering and quaking。
His emotions made him feel strange in the presence of men who talked
excitedly of a pro… spective battle as of a drama they were about to witness；
with nothing but eagerness and curiosity apparent in their faces。 It was
often that he sus… pected them to be liars。
He did not pass such thoughts without severe condemnation of himself。
He dinned reproaches at times。 He was convicted by himself of many
shameful crimes against the gods of traditions。
In his great anxiety his heart was continually clamoring at what he
considered the intolerable slowness of the generals。 They seemed
content to perch tranquilly on the river bank； and leave him bowed down
by the weight of a great prob… lem。 He wanted it settled forthwith。 He
could not long bear such a load； he said。 Sometimes his anger at the
commanders reached an acute stage； and he grumbled about the camp like
a veteran。
One morning； however； he found himself in the ranks of his prepared
regiment。 The men were whispering speculations and recounting the old
rumors。 In the gloom before the break of the day their uniforms glowed
a deep purple hue。 From across the river the red eyes were still peering。
In the eastern sky there was a yel… low patch like a rug laid for the feet of
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The Red Badge of Courage
the com… ing sun； and against it； black and patternlike； loomed the gigantic
figure of the colonel on a gigantic horse。
From off in the darkness came the trampling of feet。 The youth could
occasionally see dark shadows that moved like monsters。 The regi… ment
stood at rest for what seemed a long time。 The youth grew impatient。 It
was unendurable the way these affairs were managed。 He won… dered
how long they were to be kept waiting。
As he looked all about him and pondered upon the mystic gloom； he
began to believe that at any moment the ominous distance might be aflare；
and the rolling crashes of an engagement come to his ears。 Staring once
at the red eyes across the river； he conceived them to be grow… ing larger；
as the orbs of a row of dragons ad… vancing。 He turned toward the
colonel and saw him lift his gigantic arm and calmly stroke his mustache。
At last he heard from along the road at the foot of the hill the clatter of
a horse's galloping hoofs。 It must be the coming of orders。 He bent
forward； scarce breathing。 The exciting clickety…click； as it grew louder
and louder； seemed to be beating upon his soul。 Presently a horseman
with jangling equipment drew rein be… fore the colonel of the regiment。
The two held a short； sharp…worded conversation。 The men in the
foremost ranks craned their necks。
As the horseman wheeled his animal and gal… loped away he turned to
shout over his shoulder； 〃Don't forget that box of cigars！〃 The colonel
mumbled in reply。 The youth wondered what a box of cigars had to do
with war。
A moment later the regiment went swinging off into the darkness。 It
was now like one of those moving monsters wending with many feet。 The
air was heavy； and cold with dew。 A mass of wet grass； marched upon；
rustled like silk。
There was an occasional flash and glimmer of steel from the backs of
all these huge crawl… ing reptiles。 From the road came creakings and
grumblings as some surly guns were dragged away。
The men stumbled along still muttering specu… lations。 There was a
subdued debate。 Once a man fell down； and as he reached for his rifle a
comrade； unseeing； trod upon his hand。 He of the injured fingers swore
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The Red Badge of Courage
bitterly and aloud。 A low； tittering laugh went among his fellows。
Presently they passed into a roadway and marched forward with easy
strides。 A dark regiment moved before them； and from behind also came
the tinkle of equipments on the bodies of marching men。
The rushing yellow of the developing day went on behind their backs。
When the sunrays at last struck full and mellowingly upon the earth； the
youth saw that the landscape was streaked with two long； thin； black
columns which disappeared on the brow of a hill in front and rearward
vanished in a wood。 They were like two serpents crawling from the
cavern of the night。
The river was not in view。 The tall soldier burst into praises of what
he thought to be his powers of perception。
Some of the tall one's companions cried with emphasis that they； too；
had evolved the same thing； and they congratulated themselves upon it。
But there were others who said that the tall one's plan was not the true one
at all。 They per… sist
