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第98节

robert falconer-第98节

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took them and took them awa'; and here am I; grannie; growin' oot o'

my sins in consequennce; and there are ye; grannie; growin' oot o'

yours in consequennce; an' haein' nearhan' dune wi' them a'thegither

er this time。'



'I wis that may be true; laddie。  But I carena hoo ye put it;'

returned his grandmother; bewildered no doubt with this outburst;

'sae be that ye put him first an' last an' i' the mids' o' a' thing;

an' say wi' a' yer hert; 〃His will be dune!〃'



'Wi' a' my hert; 〃His will be dune;〃 grannie;' responded Robert。



'Amen; amen。  And noo; laddie; duv ye think there's ony likliheid

that yer father 's still i' the body?  I dream aboot him whiles sae

lifelike that I canna believe him deid。  But that's a' freits

(superstitions)。'



'Weel; grannie; I haena the least assurance。  But I hae the mair

houp。  Wad ye ken him gin ye saw him?'



'Ken him!' she cried; 'I wad ken him gin he had been no to say four;

but forty days i' the sepulchre!  My ain Anerew!  Hoo cud ye speir

sic a queston; laddie?'



'He maun be sair changed; grannie。  He maun be turnin' auld by this

time。'



'Auld!  Sic like 's yersel; laddie。Hoots; hoots! ye're richt。  I

am forgettin'。  But nanetheless wad I ken him。'



'I wis I kent what he was like。  I saw him ancehardly twise; but

a' that I min' upo' wad stan' me in ill stead amo' the streets o'

Lonnon。'



'I doobt that;' returned Mrs。 Falconera form of expression rather

oddly indicating sympathetic and somewhat regretful agreement with

what has been said。 'But;' she went on; 'I can lat ye see a pictur'

o' 'im; though I doobt it winna shaw sae muckle to you as to me。  He

had it paintit to gie to yer mother upo' their weddin' day。  Och

hone!  She did the like for him; but what cam o' that ane; I dinna

ken。'



Mrs。 Falconer went into the little closet to the old bureau; and

bringing out the miniature; gave it to Robert。  It was the portrait

of a young man in antiquated blue coat and white waistcoat; looking

innocent; and; it must be confessed; dull and uninteresting。  It had

been painted by a travelling artist; and probably his skill did not

reach to expression。  It brought to Robert's mind no faintest shadow

of recollection。  It did not correspond in the smallest degree to

what seemed his vague memory; perhaps half imagination; of the tall

worn man whom he had seen that Sunday。  He could not have a hope

that this would give him the slightest aid in finding him of whom it

had once been a shadowy resemblance at least。



'Is 't like him; grannie?' he asked。



As if to satisfy herself once more ere she replied; she took the

miniature; and gazed at it for some time。  Then with a deep hopeless

sigh; she answered;



'Ay; it's like him; but it's no himsel'。  Eh; the bonny broo; an'

the smilin' een o' him!smilin' upon a'body; an' upo' her maist o'

a'; till he took to the drink; and waur gin waur can be。  It was a'

siller an' companycompany 'at cudna be merry ohn drunken。  Verity

their lauchter was like the cracklin' o' thorns aneath a pot。  Het

watter and whusky was aye the cry efter their denner an' efter their

supper; till my puir Anerew tuik till the bare whusky i' the mornin'

to fill the ebb o' the toddy。  He wad never hae dune as he did but

for the whusky。  It jist drave oot a' gude and loot in a' ill。'



'Wull ye lat me tak this wi' me; grannie?' said Robert; for though

the portrait was useless for identification; it might serve a

further purpose。



'Ow; ay; tak it。  I dinna want it。  I can see him weel wantin' that。

But I hae nae houp left 'at ye'll ever fa' in wi' him。'



'God's aye doin' unlikly things; grannie;' said Robert; solemnly。



'He's dune a' 'at he can for him; I doobt; already。'



'Duv ye think 'at God cudna save a man gin he liket; than; grannie?'



'God can do a'thing。  There's nae doobt but by the gift o' his

speerit he cud save a'body。'



'An' ye think he's no mercifu' eneuch to do 't?'



'It winna do to meddle wi' fowk's free wull。  To gar fowk he gude

wad be nae gudeness。'



'But gin God could actually create the free wull; dinna ye think he

cud help it to gang richt; withoot ony garrin'?  We ken sae little

aboot it; grannie!  Hoo does his speerit help onybody?  Does he gar

them 'at accep's the offer o' salvation?'



'Na; I canna think that。  But he shaws them the trowth in sic a way

that they jist canna bide themsel's; but maun turn to him for verra

peace an' rist。'



'Weel; that's something as I think。  An' until I'm sure that a man

has had the trowth shawn till him in sic a way 's that; I canna

alloo mysel' to think that hooever he may hae sinned; he has finally

rejeckit the trowth。  Gin I kent that a man had seen the trowth as I

hae seen 't whiles; and had deleeberately turned his back upo' 't

and said; 〃I'll nane o' 't;〃 than I doobt I wad be maist compelled

to alloo that there was nae mair salvation for him; but a certain

and fearfu' luikin' for o' judgment and fiery indignation。  But I

dinna believe that ever man did sae。  But even than; I dinna ken。'



'I did a' for him that I kent hoo to do;' said Mrs。 Falconer;

reflectingly。 'Nicht an' mornin' an' aften midday prayin' for an'

wi' him。'



'Maybe ye scunnert him at it; grannie。'



She gave a stifled cry of despair。



'Dinna say that; laddie; or ye'll drive me oot o' my min'。  God

forgie me; gin that be true。  I deserve hell mair nor my Anerew。'



'But; ye see; grannie; supposin' it war sae; that wadna be laid to

your accoont; seein' ye did the best ye kent。  Nor wad it be

forgotten to him。  It wad mak a hantle difference to his sin; it wad

be a great excuse for him。  An' jist think; gin it be fair for ae

human being to influence anither a' 'at they can; and that's nae

interferin' wi' their free wullit's impossible to measure what God

cud do wi' his speerit winnin' at them frae a' sides; and able to

put sic thouchts an' sic pictures into them as we canna think。  It

wad a' be true that he tellt them; and the trowth can never be a

meddlin' wi' the free wull。'



Mrs。 Falconer made no reply; but evidently went on thinking。



She was; though not a great reader; yet a good reader。  Any book

that was devout and thoughtful she read gladly。  Through some one or

other of this sort she must have been instructed concerning free

will; for I do not think such notions could have formed any portion

of the religious teaching she had heard。  Men in that part of

Scotland then believed that the free will of man was only exercised

in rejectingnever in accepting the truth; and that men were saved

by the gift of the Spirit; given to some and not to others;

according to the free will of God; in the exercise of which no

reason appreciable by men; or having anything to do with their

notions of love or justice; had any share。  In the recognition of

will and choice in the acceptance of the mercy of God; Mrs。 Falconer

was then in advance of her time。  And it is no wonder if her notions

did not all hang logically together。



'At ony rate; grannie;' resumed her grandson; 'I haena dune a' for

him 'at I can yet; and I'm no gaein' to believe onything that wad

mak me remiss in my endeavour。  Houp for mysel'; for my father; for

a'body; is what's savin' me; an' garrin' me work。  An' gin ye tell

me that I'm no workin' wi' God; that God's no the best an' the

greatest worker aboon a'; ye tak the verra hert oot o' my breist;

and I dinna believe in God nae mair; an' my han's drap doon by my

sides; an' my legs winna gang。  No;' said Robert; rising; 'God 'ill

gie me my father sometime; grannie; for what man can do wantin' a

father?  Human bein' canna win at the hert o' things; canna ken a'

the oots an' ins; a' the sides o' love; excep' he has a father amo'

the lave to love; an' I hae had nane; grannie。  An' that God kens。'



She made him no answer。  She dared not say that he expected too much

from God。 Is it likely that Jesus will say so of any man or woman

when he looks for faith in the earth?



Robert went out to see some of his old friends; and when he returned

it was time for supper and worship。  These were the same as of old:

a plate of porridge; and a wooden bowl of milk for the former; a

chapter and a hymn; both read; and a prayer from grannie; and then

from Robert for the latter。  And so they went to bed。



But Robert could not sleep。  He rose and dressed himself; went up to

the empty garret; looked at the stars through the skylight; knelt

and prayed for his father and for all men to the Father of all; then

softly descended the stairs; and went out into the street。









CHAPTER VI。



SHARGAR'S MOTHER。



It was a warm still night in Julymoonless but not dark。  There is

no night there in the summeronly a long ethereal twilight。  He

walked through the sleeping town so full of memories; all quiet in

his mind nowquiet as the air that ever broods over the house where


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