robert falconer-第98节
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took them and took them awa'; and here am I; grannie; growin' oot o'
my sins in consequennce; and there are ye; grannie; growin' oot o'
yours in consequennce; an' haein' nearhan' dune wi' them a'thegither
er this time。'
'I wis that may be true; laddie。 But I carena hoo ye put it;'
returned his grandmother; bewildered no doubt with this outburst;
'sae be that ye put him first an' last an' i' the mids' o' a' thing;
an' say wi' a' yer hert; 〃His will be dune!〃'
'Wi' a' my hert; 〃His will be dune;〃 grannie;' responded Robert。
'Amen; amen。 And noo; laddie; duv ye think there's ony likliheid
that yer father 's still i' the body? I dream aboot him whiles sae
lifelike that I canna believe him deid。 But that's a' freits
(superstitions)。'
'Weel; grannie; I haena the least assurance。 But I hae the mair
houp。 Wad ye ken him gin ye saw him?'
'Ken him!' she cried; 'I wad ken him gin he had been no to say four;
but forty days i' the sepulchre! My ain Anerew! Hoo cud ye speir
sic a queston; laddie?'
'He maun be sair changed; grannie。 He maun be turnin' auld by this
time。'
'Auld! Sic like 's yersel; laddie。Hoots; hoots! ye're richt。 I
am forgettin'。 But nanetheless wad I ken him。'
'I wis I kent what he was like。 I saw him ancehardly twise; but
a' that I min' upo' wad stan' me in ill stead amo' the streets o'
Lonnon。'
'I doobt that;' returned Mrs。 Falconera form of expression rather
oddly indicating sympathetic and somewhat regretful agreement with
what has been said。 'But;' she went on; 'I can lat ye see a pictur'
o' 'im; though I doobt it winna shaw sae muckle to you as to me。 He
had it paintit to gie to yer mother upo' their weddin' day。 Och
hone! She did the like for him; but what cam o' that ane; I dinna
ken。'
Mrs。 Falconer went into the little closet to the old bureau; and
bringing out the miniature; gave it to Robert。 It was the portrait
of a young man in antiquated blue coat and white waistcoat; looking
innocent; and; it must be confessed; dull and uninteresting。 It had
been painted by a travelling artist; and probably his skill did not
reach to expression。 It brought to Robert's mind no faintest shadow
of recollection。 It did not correspond in the smallest degree to
what seemed his vague memory; perhaps half imagination; of the tall
worn man whom he had seen that Sunday。 He could not have a hope
that this would give him the slightest aid in finding him of whom it
had once been a shadowy resemblance at least。
'Is 't like him; grannie?' he asked。
As if to satisfy herself once more ere she replied; she took the
miniature; and gazed at it for some time。 Then with a deep hopeless
sigh; she answered;
'Ay; it's like him; but it's no himsel'。 Eh; the bonny broo; an'
the smilin' een o' him!smilin' upon a'body; an' upo' her maist o'
a'; till he took to the drink; and waur gin waur can be。 It was a'
siller an' companycompany 'at cudna be merry ohn drunken。 Verity
their lauchter was like the cracklin' o' thorns aneath a pot。 Het
watter and whusky was aye the cry efter their denner an' efter their
supper; till my puir Anerew tuik till the bare whusky i' the mornin'
to fill the ebb o' the toddy。 He wad never hae dune as he did but
for the whusky。 It jist drave oot a' gude and loot in a' ill。'
'Wull ye lat me tak this wi' me; grannie?' said Robert; for though
the portrait was useless for identification; it might serve a
further purpose。
'Ow; ay; tak it。 I dinna want it。 I can see him weel wantin' that。
But I hae nae houp left 'at ye'll ever fa' in wi' him。'
'God's aye doin' unlikly things; grannie;' said Robert; solemnly。
'He's dune a' 'at he can for him; I doobt; already。'
'Duv ye think 'at God cudna save a man gin he liket; than; grannie?'
'God can do a'thing。 There's nae doobt but by the gift o' his
speerit he cud save a'body。'
'An' ye think he's no mercifu' eneuch to do 't?'
'It winna do to meddle wi' fowk's free wull。 To gar fowk he gude
wad be nae gudeness。'
'But gin God could actually create the free wull; dinna ye think he
cud help it to gang richt; withoot ony garrin'? We ken sae little
aboot it; grannie! Hoo does his speerit help onybody? Does he gar
them 'at accep's the offer o' salvation?'
'Na; I canna think that。 But he shaws them the trowth in sic a way
that they jist canna bide themsel's; but maun turn to him for verra
peace an' rist。'
'Weel; that's something as I think。 An' until I'm sure that a man
has had the trowth shawn till him in sic a way 's that; I canna
alloo mysel' to think that hooever he may hae sinned; he has finally
rejeckit the trowth。 Gin I kent that a man had seen the trowth as I
hae seen 't whiles; and had deleeberately turned his back upo' 't
and said; 〃I'll nane o' 't;〃 than I doobt I wad be maist compelled
to alloo that there was nae mair salvation for him; but a certain
and fearfu' luikin' for o' judgment and fiery indignation。 But I
dinna believe that ever man did sae。 But even than; I dinna ken。'
'I did a' for him that I kent hoo to do;' said Mrs。 Falconer;
reflectingly。 'Nicht an' mornin' an' aften midday prayin' for an'
wi' him。'
'Maybe ye scunnert him at it; grannie。'
She gave a stifled cry of despair。
'Dinna say that; laddie; or ye'll drive me oot o' my min'。 God
forgie me; gin that be true。 I deserve hell mair nor my Anerew。'
'But; ye see; grannie; supposin' it war sae; that wadna be laid to
your accoont; seein' ye did the best ye kent。 Nor wad it be
forgotten to him。 It wad mak a hantle difference to his sin; it wad
be a great excuse for him。 An' jist think; gin it be fair for ae
human being to influence anither a' 'at they can; and that's nae
interferin' wi' their free wullit's impossible to measure what God
cud do wi' his speerit winnin' at them frae a' sides; and able to
put sic thouchts an' sic pictures into them as we canna think。 It
wad a' be true that he tellt them; and the trowth can never be a
meddlin' wi' the free wull。'
Mrs。 Falconer made no reply; but evidently went on thinking。
She was; though not a great reader; yet a good reader。 Any book
that was devout and thoughtful she read gladly。 Through some one or
other of this sort she must have been instructed concerning free
will; for I do not think such notions could have formed any portion
of the religious teaching she had heard。 Men in that part of
Scotland then believed that the free will of man was only exercised
in rejectingnever in accepting the truth; and that men were saved
by the gift of the Spirit; given to some and not to others;
according to the free will of God; in the exercise of which no
reason appreciable by men; or having anything to do with their
notions of love or justice; had any share。 In the recognition of
will and choice in the acceptance of the mercy of God; Mrs。 Falconer
was then in advance of her time。 And it is no wonder if her notions
did not all hang logically together。
'At ony rate; grannie;' resumed her grandson; 'I haena dune a' for
him 'at I can yet; and I'm no gaein' to believe onything that wad
mak me remiss in my endeavour。 Houp for mysel'; for my father; for
a'body; is what's savin' me; an' garrin' me work。 An' gin ye tell
me that I'm no workin' wi' God; that God's no the best an' the
greatest worker aboon a'; ye tak the verra hert oot o' my breist;
and I dinna believe in God nae mair; an' my han's drap doon by my
sides; an' my legs winna gang。 No;' said Robert; rising; 'God 'ill
gie me my father sometime; grannie; for what man can do wantin' a
father? Human bein' canna win at the hert o' things; canna ken a'
the oots an' ins; a' the sides o' love; excep' he has a father amo'
the lave to love; an' I hae had nane; grannie。 An' that God kens。'
She made him no answer。 She dared not say that he expected too much
from God。 Is it likely that Jesus will say so of any man or woman
when he looks for faith in the earth?
Robert went out to see some of his old friends; and when he returned
it was time for supper and worship。 These were the same as of old:
a plate of porridge; and a wooden bowl of milk for the former; a
chapter and a hymn; both read; and a prayer from grannie; and then
from Robert for the latter。 And so they went to bed。
But Robert could not sleep。 He rose and dressed himself; went up to
the empty garret; looked at the stars through the skylight; knelt
and prayed for his father and for all men to the Father of all; then
softly descended the stairs; and went out into the street。
CHAPTER VI。
SHARGAR'S MOTHER。
It was a warm still night in Julymoonless but not dark。 There is
no night there in the summeronly a long ethereal twilight。 He
walked through the sleeping town so full of memories; all quiet in
his mind nowquiet as the air that ever broods over the house where