robert falconer-第93节
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sayin' 't； for it's God's trowthlat me tell you； 'at gin ye gang
on that gait ye'll be sidin' wi' the Pharisee； an' no wi' oor Lord。
Ye may lippen to yer wife； ay； an' to Jessie hersel'； that kens
better nor eyther o' ye； no to mak little o' virginity。 Faith！ they
think mair o' 't than ye do； I'm thinkin'； efter a'； only it's no a
thing to say muckle aboot。 An' it's no to stan' for a'thing； efter
a'。'
Silence followed。 John sat down again； and buried his face in his
hands。 At length he murmured from between them；
'The lassie's weel？'
'Ay；' answered Robert； and silence followed again。
'What wad ye hae me do？' asked John； lifting his head a little。
'I wad hae ye sen' a kin' word till her。 The lassie's hert's jist
longin' efter ye。 That's a'。 And that's no ower muckle。'
''Deed no；' assented the mother。
John said nothing。 But when his visitor rose he bade him a warm
good…night。
When Robert returned to Aberdeen he was the bearer of such a message
as made poor Jessie glad at heart。 This was his first experience of
the sort。
When he left the cottage； he did not return to the house； but
threaded the little forest of pines； climbing the hill till he came
out on its bare crown； where nothing grew but heather and
blaeberries。 There he threw himself down； and gazed into the
heavens。 The sun was below the horizon； all the dazzle was gone out
of the gold； and the roses were fast fading； the downy blue of the
sky was trembling into stars over his head； the brown dusk was
gathering in the air； and a wind full of gentleness and peace came
to him from the west。 He let his thoughts go where they would； and
they went up into the abyss over his head。
'Lord； come to me；' he cried in his heart； 'for I cannot go to thee。
If I were to go up and up through that awful space for ages and
ages； I should never find thee。 Yet there thou art。 The tenderness
of thy infinitude looks upon me from those heavens。 Thou art in
them and in me。 Because thou thinkest； I think。 I am thineall
thine。 I abandon myself to thee。 Fill me with thyself。 When I am
full of thee； my griefs themselves will grow golden in thy sunlight。
Thou holdest them and their cause； and wilt find some nobler
atonement between them than vile forgetfulness and the death of
love。 Lord； let me help those that are wretched because they do not
know thee。 Let me tell them that thou； the Life； must needs suffer
for and with them； that they may be partakers of thy ineffable
peace。 My life is hid in thine： take me in thy hand as Gideon bore
the pitcher to the battle。 Let me be broken if need be； that thy
light may shine upon the lies which men tell them in thy name； and
which eat away their hearts。'
Having persuaded Shargar to remain with Mrs。 Falconer for a few
days； and thus remove the feeling of offence she still cherished
because of his 'munelicht flittin'；' he returned to Dr。 Anderson；
who now unfolded his plans for him。 These were； that he should
attend the medical classes common to the two universities； and at
the same time accompany him in his visits to the poor。 He did not
at all mean； he said； to determine Robert's life as that of a
medical man； but from what he had learned of his feelings； he was
confident that a knowledge of medicine would be invaluable to him。
I think the good doctor must have foreseen the kind of life which
Falconer would at length choose to lead； and with true and admirable
wisdom； sought to prepare him for it。 However this may be； Robert
entertained the proposal gladly； went into the scheme with his whole
heart； and began to widen that knowledge of and sympathy with the
poor which were the foundation of all his influence over them。
For a time； therefore； he gave a diligent and careful attendance
upon lectures； read sufficiently； took his rounds with Dr。 Anderson；
and performed such duties as he delegated to his greater strength。
Had the healing art been far less of an enjoyment to him than it
was； he could yet hardly have failed of great progress therein； but
seeing that it accorded with his best feelings； profoundest
theories； and loftiest hopes； and that he received it as a work
given him to do； it is not surprising that a certain faculty of
cure； almost partaking of the instinctive； should have been rapidly
developed in him； to the wonder and delight of his friend and
master。
In this labour he again spent about four years； during which time he
gathered much knowledge of human nature； learning especially to
judge it from no stand…point of his own； but in every individual
case to take a new position whence the nature and history of the man
should appear in true relation to the yet uncompleted result。 He
who cannot feel the humanity of his neighbour because he is
different from himself in education； habits； opinions； morals；
circumstances； objects； is unfit； if not unworthy； to aid him。
Within this period Shargar had gone out to India； where he had
distinguished himself particularly on a certain harassing march。
Towards the close of the four years he had leave of absence； and
was on his way home。 About the same time Robert； in consequence of
a fever brought on by over…fatigue； was in much need of a holiday；
and Dr。 Anderson proposed that he should meet Moray at Southampton。
Shargar had no expectation of seeing him； and his delight； not
greater on that account； broke out more wildly。 No thinnest film
had grown over his heart； though in all else he was considerably
changed。 The army had done everything that was wanted for his
outward show of man。 The drawling walk had vanished； and a firm
step and soldierly stride had taken its place； his bearing was free；
yet dignified； his high descent came out in the ease of his carriage
and manners： there could be no doubt that at last Shargar was a
gentleman。 His hair had changed to a kind of red chestnut。 His
complexion was much darkened with the Indian sun。 His eyes； too；
were darker； and no longer rolled slowly from one object to another；
but indicated by their quick glances a mind ready to observe and as
ready to resolve。 His whole appearance was more than
prepossessingit was even striking。
Robert was greatly delighted with the improvement in him； and far
more when he found that his mind's growth had at least kept pace
with his body's change。 It would be more correct to say that it had
preceded and occasioned it； for however much the army may be able to
do in that way； it had certainly； in Moray's case； only seconded the
law of inward growth working outward show。
The young men went up to London together； and great was the pleasure
they had in each other's society； after so long a separation in
which their hearts had remained unchanged while their natures had
grown both worthy and capable of more honour and affection。 They
had both much to tell； for Robert was naturally open save in regard
to his grief； and Shargar was proud of being able to communicate
with Robert from a nearer level； in virtue of now knowing many
things that Robert could not know。 They went together to a hotel in
St。 Paul's Churchyard。
CHAPTER III。
A MERE GLIMPSE。
At the close of a fortnight； Falconer thought it time to return to
his duties in Aberdeen。 The day before the steamer sailed； they
found themselves； about six o'clock； in Gracechurch Street。 It was
a fine summer evening。 The street was less crowded than earlier in
the afternoon； although there was a continuous stream of waggons；
omnibuses； and cabs both ways。 As they stood on the curbstone； a
little way north of Lombard Street； waiting to cross
'You see； Shargar；' said Robert； 'Nature will have her way。 Not all
the hurry and confusion and roar can keep the shadows out。 Look：
wherever a space is for a moment vacant； there falls a shadow； as
grotesque； as strange； as full of unutterable things as any shadow
on a field of grass and daisies。'
'I remember feeling the same kind of thing in India；' returned
Shargar； 'where nothing looked as if it belonged to the world I was
born in； but my own shadow。 In such a street as this； however； all
the shadows look as if they belonged to another world； and had no
business here。'
'I quite feel that；' returned Falconer。 'They come like angels from
the lovely west and the pure air； to show that London cannot hurt
them； for it too is within the Kingdom of Godto teach the lovers
of nature； like the old orthodox Jew； St。 Peter； that they must not
call anything common or unclean。'
Shargar made no reply； and Robert glanced round at him。 He was
staring with wide eyes into； not at the crowd of vehicles that
filled the street。 His face was pale； and strangely like the
Shargar of old days。
'What's the matter with you？' Robert asked in some bewilderment。
Receiving no answer； he followed Shargar's gaze； and
