robert falconer-第76节

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


had　she　not　had　her　history　already；　and　been　ten　years　his　senior；

she　might　have　found　no　little　attraction　in　the　noble　bearing　and

handsome　face　of　young　Falconer。　　The　rest　of　his　features　had　now

grown　into　complete　harmony　of　relation　with　his　whilom　premature

and　therefore　portentous　nose；　his　eyes　glowed　and　gleamed　with

humanity；　and　his　whole　countenance　bore　self…evident　witness　of

being　a　true　face　and　no　mask；　a　revelation　of　his　individual　being；

and　not　a　mere　inheritance　from　a　fine　breed　of　fathers　and　mothers。

As　it　was；　she　could　admire　and　love　him　without　danger　of　falling

in　love　with　him；　but　not　without　fear　lest　he　should　not　assume　the

correlative　position。　　She　saw　no　way　of　prevention；　however；

without　running　a　risk　of　worse。　　She　shrunk　altogether　from　putting

on　anything；　she　abhorred　tact；　and　pretence　was　impracticable　with

Mary　St。　John。　She　resolved　that　if　she　saw　any　definite　ground　for

uneasiness　she　would　return　to　England；　and　leave　any　impression　she

might　have　made　to　wear　out　in　her　absence　and　silence。　　Things　did

not　seem　to　render　this　necessary　yet。



Meantime　the　violin　of　the　dead　shoemaker　blended　its　wails　with　the

rich　harmonies　of　Mary　St。　John's　piano；　and　the　soul　of　Robert　went

forth　upon　the　level　of　the　sound　and　hovered　about　the　beauty　of

his　friend。　　Oftener　than　she　approved　was　she　drawn　by　Robert's

eagerness　into　these　consorts。



But　the　heart　of　the　king　is　in　the　hands　of　the　Lord。



While　Robert　thus　once　more　for　a　season　stood　behind　the　cherub

with　the　flaming　sword；　Ericson　was　teaching　two　stiff…necked　youths

in　a　dreary　house　in　the　midst　of　one　of　the　moors　of　Caithness。

One　day　he　had　a　slight　attack　of　blood…spitting；　and　welcomed　it

as　a　sign　from　what　heaven　there　might　be　beyond　the　grave。



He　had　not　received　the　consolation　of　Miss　St。　John　without；

although　unconsciously；　leaving　something　in　her　mind　in　return。　　No

human　being　has　ever　been　allowed　to　occupy　the　position　of　a　pure

benefactor。　　The　receiver　has　his　turn；　and　becomes　the　giver。　　From

her　talk　with　Ericson；　and　even　more　from　the　influence　of　his　sad

holy　doubt；　a　fresh　touch　of　the　actinism　of　the　solar　truth　fell

upon　the　living　seed　in　her　heart；　and　her　life　burst　forth　afresh；

began　to　bud　in　new　questions　that　needed　answers；　and　new　prayers

that　sought　them。



But　she　never　dreamed　that　Robert　was　capable　of　sympathy　with　such

thoughts　and　feelings：　he　was　but　a　boy。　　Nor　in　power　of　dealing

with　truth　was　he　at　all　on　the　same　level　with　her；　for　however

poor　he　might　have　considered　her　theories；　she　had　led　a　life

hitherto；　had　passed　through　sorrow　without　bitterness；　had　done　her

duty　without　pride；　had　hoped　without　conceit　of　favour；　had；　as　she

believed；　heard　the　voice　of　God　saying；　'This　is　the　way。'　　Hence

she　was　not　afraid　when　the　mists　of　prejudice　began　to　rise　from

around　her　path；　and　reveal　a　country　very　different　from　what　she

had　fancied　it。　　She　was　soon　able　to　perceive　that　it　was　far　more

lovely　and　full　of　righteousness　and　peace　than　she　had　supposed。

But　this　anticipates；　only　I　shall　have　less　occasion　to　speak　of

Miss　St。　John　by　the　time　she　has　come　into　this　purer　air　of　the

uphill　road。



Robert　was　happier　than　he　ever　could　have　expected　to　be　in　his

grandmother's　house。　　She　treated　him　like　an　honoured　guest；　let

him　do　as　he　would；　and　go　where　he　pleased。　　Betty　kept　the

gable…room　in　the　best　of　order　for　him；　and；　pattern　of　housemaids；

dusted　his　table　without　disturbing　his　papers。　　For　he　began　to

have　papers；　nor　were　they　occupied　only　with　the　mathematics　to

which　he　was　now　giving　his　chief　attention；　preparing；　with　the

occasional　help　of　Mr。　Innes；　for　his　second　session。



He　had　fits　of　wandering；　though；　visited　all　the　old　places；　spent

a　week　or　two　more　than　once　at　Bodyfauld；　rode　Mr。　Lammie's

half…broke　filly；　revelled　in　the　glories　of　the　summer　once　more；

went　out　to　tea　occasionally；　or　supped　with　the　school…master；　and；

except　going　to　church　on　Sunday；　which　was　a　weariness　to　every

inch　of　flesh　upon　his　bones；　enjoyed　everything。









CHAPTER　XVIII。



A　GRAVE　OPENED。



One　thing　that　troubled　Robert　on　this　his　return　home；　was　the

discovery　that　the　surroundings　of　his　childhood　had　deserted　him。

There　they　were；　as　of　yore；　but　they　seemed　to　have　nothing　to　say

to　himno　remembrance　of　him。　　It　was　not　that　everything　looked

small　and　narrow；　it　was　not　that　the　streets　he　saw　from　his　new

quarters；　the　gable…room；　were　awfully　still　after　the　roar　of

Aberdeen；　and　a　passing　cart　seemed　to　shudder　at　the　loneliness　of

the　noise　itself　made；　it　was　that　everything　seemed　to　be　conscious

only　of　the　past　and　care　nothing　for　him　now。　　The　very　chairs　with

their　inlaid　backs　had　an　embalmed　look；　and　stood　as　in　a　dream。

He　could　pass　even　the　walled…up　door　without　emotion；　for　all　the

feeling　that　had　been　gathered　about　the　knob　that　admitted　him　to

Mary　St。　John；　had　transferred　itself　to　the　brass　bell…pull　at　her

street…door。



But　one　day；　after　standing　for　a　while　at　the　window；　looking　down

on　the　street　where　he　had　first　seen　the　beloved　form　of　Ericson；　a

certain　old　mood　began　to　revive　in　him。　　He　had　been　working　at

quadratic　equations　all　the　morning；　he　had　been　foiled　in　the

attempt　to　find　the　true　algebraic　statement　of　a　very　tough

question　involving　various　ratios；　and；　vexed　with　himself；　he　had

risen　to　look　out；　as　the　only　available　zeitvertreib。　　It　was　one

of　those　rainy　days　of　spring　which　it　needs　a　hopeful　mood　to

distinguish　from　autumnal　onesdull；　depressing；　persistent：　there

might　be　sunshine　in　Mercury　or　Venusbut　on　the　earth　could　be

none；　from　his　right　hand　round　by　India　and　America　to　his　left；

and　certainly　there　was　none　betweena　mood　to　which　all　sensitive

people　are　liable　who　have　not　yet　learned　by　faith　in　the

everlasting　to　rule　their　own　spirits。　　Naturally　enough　his

thoughts　turned　to　the　place　where　he　had　suffered　mosthis　old

room　in　the　garret。　　Hitherto　he　had　shrunk　from　visiting　it；　but

now　he　turned　away　from　the　window；　went　up　the　steep　stairs；　with

their　one　sharp　corkscrew　curve；　pushed　the　door；　which　clung

unwillingly　to　the　floor；　and　entered。　　It　was　a　nothing　of　a

placewith　a　window　that　looked　only　to　heaven。　　There　was　the

empty　bedstead　against　the　wall；　where　he　had　so　often　kneeled；

sending　forth　vain　prayers　to　a　deaf　heaven！　　Had　they　indeed　been

vain　prayers；　and　to　a　deaf　heaven？　or　had　they　been　prayers　which　a

hearing　God　must　answer　not　according　to　the　haste　of　the　praying

child；　but　according　to　the　calm　course　of　his　own　infinite　law　of

love？



Here；　somehow　or　other；　the　things　about　him　did　not　seem　so　much

absorbed　in　the　past；　notwithstanding　those　untroubled　rows　of

papers　bundled　in　red　tape。　　True；　they　looked　almost　awful　in　their

lack　of　interest　and　their　non…humanity；　for　there　is　scarcely

anything　that　absolutely　loses　interest　save　the　records　of　money；

but　his　mother's　workbox　lay　behind　them。　　And；　strange　to　say；　the

side　of　that　bed　drew　him　to　kneel　down：　he　did　not　yet　believe　that

prayer　was　in　vain。　　If　God　had　not　answered　him　before；　that　gave

no　certainty　that　he　would　not　answer　him　now。　　It　was；　he　found；

still　as　rational　as　it　had　ever　been　to　hope　that　God　would　answer

the　man　that　cried　to　him。　　This　came；　I　think；　from　the　fact　that

God　had　been　answering　him　all　the　time；　although　he　had　not

recognized　his　gifts　as　answers。　　Had　he　not　given　him　Ericson；　his

intercourse　with　whom　and　his　familiarity　with　whose　doubts　had　done

anything　but　quench　his　thirst　after　the　higher　life？　　For

Ericson's；　like　his　own；　were　true　and　good　and　reverent　doubts；　not

merely　consistent　with　but　in　a　great　measure　springing　from

devoutness　and　aspiration。　　Surely　such　doubts　are　far　more　precious

in　the　sight　of　God　than　many　beliefs？



He　kneeled　and　sent　forth　one　cry　after　the　Father；　arose；　and

turned　towards　the　shelves；　removed　some　of　the　bundles　of　letters；

and　drew　out　his　mother's　little　box。



There　lay　the　miniature；　still　and　open…eyed　as　he　had　left　it。

There　too　lay　the　bit　of　paper；　brown　and　dry；　with　the　hymn　and

the　few　words　of　sorrow　written　thereon。　　He　looked　at　the　portrait；

but　did　not　open　the　folded　paper。　　Then　first　he　thought　whether

there　might　not　be　something　more　in　the　box：　what　he　had　taken　for

the　bottom　seemed　to　be　a　tray。　　He　lifted　it　by　two　little　ears　of

ribbon；　and　there；　underneath；　lay　a　letter　addressed　to　his　father；

in　the　same　old…fashioned　handwriting　as　the　hymn。　　It　was　sealed

with　brown　wax；　full　of　spangles；　impressed　with　a　bush　of

somethinghe　could　not　tell　whether　rushes　or　reeds　or　flags。　　Of

course　he　dared　not　open　it。　　His　holy　mother's　words　to　his　erring

father　must　be　sacred　even　from　the　eyes　of　their　son