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第61节

robert falconer-第61节

小说: robert falconer 字数: 每页4000字

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Choke each pure inspiration of thy will?



     I would be a wind;

Whose smallest atom is a viewless wing;

All busy with the pulsing life that throbs

To do thy bidding; yea; or the meanest thing

That has relation to a changeless truth

Could I but be instinct with theeeach thought

The lightning of a pure intelligence;

And every act as the loud thunder…clap

Of currents warring for a vacuum。



  Lord; clothe me with thy truth as with a robe。

Purge me with sorrow。  I will bend my head;

And let the nations of thy waves pass over;

Bathing me in thy consecrated strength。

And let the many…voiced and silver winds

Pass through my frame with their clear influence。

O save meI am blind; lo! thwarting shapes

Wall up the void before; and thrusting out

Lean arms of unshaped expectation; beckon

Down to the night of all unholy thoughts。



     I have seen

Unholy shapes lop off my shining thoughts;

Which I had thought nursed in thine emerald light;

And they have lent me leathern wings of fear;

Of baffled pride and harrowing distrust;

And Godhead with its crown of many stars;

Its pinnacles of flaming holiness;

And voice of leaves in the green summer…time;

Has seemed the shadowed image of a self。

Then my soul blackened; and I rose to find

And grasp my doom; and cleave the arching deeps

Of desolation。



  O Lord; my soul is a forgotten well;

Clad round with its own rank luxuriance;

A fountain a kind sunbeam searches for;

Sinking the lustre of its arrowy finger

Through the long grass its own strange virtue5

Hath blinded up its crystal eye withal:

Make me a broad strong river coming down

With shouts from its high hills; whose rocky hearts

Throb forth the joy of their stability

In watery pulses from their inmost deeps;

And I shall be a vein upon thy world;

Circling perpetual from the parent deep。

  O First and Last; O glorious all in all;

In vain my faltering human tongue would seek

To shape the vesture of the boundless thought;

Summing all causes in one burning word;

Give me the spirit's living tongue of fire;

Whose only voice is in an attitude

Of keenest tension; bent back on itself

With a strong upward force; even as thy bow

Of bended colour stands against the north;

And; in an attitude to spring to heaven;

Lays hold of the kindled hills。



     Most mighty One;

Confirm and multiply my thoughts of good;

Help me to wall each sacred treasure round

With the firm battlements of special action。

Alas my holy; happy thoughts of thee

Make not perpetual nest within my soul;

But like strange birds of dazzling colours stoop

The trailing glories of their sunward speed;

For one glad moment filling my blasted boughs

With the sunshine of their wings。



     Make me a forest

Of gladdest life; wherein perpetual spring

Lifts up her leafy tresses in the wind。



     Lo! now I see

Thy trembling starlight sit among my pines;

And thy young moon slide down my arching boughs

With a soft sound of restless eloquence。

And I can feel a joy as when thy hosts

Of trampling winds; gathering in maddened bands;

Roar upward through the blue and flashing day

Round my still depths of uncleft solitude。



     Hear me; O Lord;

When the black night draws down upon my soul;

And voices of temptation darken down

The misty wind; slamming thy starry doors;

With bitter jests。 'Thou fool!' they seem to say

'Thou hast no seed of goodness in thee; all

Thy nature hath been stung right through and through。

Thy sin hath blasted thee; and made thee old。

Thou hadst a will; but thou hast killed itdead

And with the fulsome garniture of life

Built out the loathsome corpse。  Thou art a child

Of night and death; even lower than a worm。

Gather the skirts up of thy shadowy self;

And with what resolution thou hast left;

Fall on the damned spikes of doom。'



     O take me like a child;

If thou hast made me for thyself; my God;

And lead me up thy hills。  I shall not fear

So thou wilt make me pure; and beat back sin

With the terrors of thine eye。



     Lord hast thou sent

Thy moons to mock us with perpetual hope?

Lighted within our breasts the love of love;

To make us ripen for despair; my God?



  Oh; dost thou hold each individual soul

Strung clear upon thy flaming rods of purpose?

Or does thine inextinguishable will

Stand on the steeps of night with lifted hand;

Filling the yawning wells of monstrous space

With mixing thoughtdrinking up single life

As in a cup? and from the rending folds

Of glimmering purpose; the gloom do all thy navied stars

Slide through the gloom with mystic melody;

Like wishes on a brow?  Oh; is my soul;

Hung like a dew…drop in thy grassy ways;

Drawn up again into the rack of change;

Even through the lustre which created it?

O mighty one; thou wilt not smite me through

With scorching wrath; because my spirit stands

Bewildered in thy circling mysteries。



Here came the passage Robert had heard him repeat; and then the

following paragraph:



Lord; thy strange mysteries come thickening down

Upon my head like snow…flakes; shutting out

The happy upper fields with chilly vapour。

Shall I content my soul with a weak sense

Of safety? or feed my ravenous hunger with

Sore…purged hopes; that are not hopes; but fears

Clad in white raiment?

I know not but some thin and vaporous fog;

Fed with the rank excesses of the soul;

Mocks the devouring hunger of my life

With satisfaction: lo! the noxious gas

Feeds the lank ribs of gaunt and ghastly death

With double emptiness; like a balloon;

Borne by its lightness o'er the shining lands;

A wonder and a laughter。

  The creeds lie in the hollow of men's hearts

Like festering pools glassing their own corruption:

The slimy eyes stare up with dull approval;

And answer not when thy bright starry feet

Move on the watery floors。



  O wilt thou hear me when I cry to thee?

I am a child lost in a mighty forest;

The air is thick with voices; and strange hands

Reach through the dusk and pluck me by the skirts。

There is a voice which sounds like words from home;

But; as I stumble on to reach it; seems

To leap from rock to rock。  Oh! if it is

Willing obliquity of sense; descend;

Heal all my wanderings; take me by the hand;

And lead me homeward through the shadows。

  Let me not by my wilful acts of pride

Block up the windows of thy truth; and grow

A wasted; withered thing; that stumbles on

Down to the grave with folded hands of sloth

And leaden confidence。



There was more of it; as my type indicates。  Full of faults; I have

given so much to my reader; just as it stood upon Ericson's blotted

papers; the utterance of a true soul 'crying for the light。'  But I

give also another of his poems; which Robert read at the same time;

revealing another of his moods when some one of the clouds of holy

doubt and questioning love which so often darkened his sky; did at

length



     Turn forth her silver lining on the night:



SONG。



They are blind and they are dead:

  We will wake them as we go;

There are words have not been said;

  There are sounds they do not know。

    We will pipe and we will sing

    With the music and the spring;

    Set their hearts a wondering。



They are tired of what is old:

  We will give it voices new;

For the half hath not been told

  Of the Beautiful and True。

    Drowsy eyelids shut and sleeping!

    Heavy eyes oppressed with weeping!

    Flashes through the lashes leaping!



Ye that have a pleasant voice;

  Hither come without delay;

Ye will never have a choice

  Like to that ye have to…day:

    Round the wide world we will go;

    Singing through the frost and snow;

    Till the daisies are in blow。



Ye that cannot pipe or sing;

  Ye must also come with speed;

Ye must come and with you bring

  Weighty words and weightier deed:

    Helping hands and loving eyes;

    These will make them truly wise

    Then will be our Paradise。



As Robert read; the sweetness of the rhythm seized upon him; and;

almost unconsciously; he read the last stanza aloud。  Looking up

from the paper with a sigh of wonder and delightthere was the pale

face of Ericson gazing at him from the bed!  He had risen on one

arm; looking like a dead man called to life against his will; who

found the world he had left already stranger to him than the one

into which he had but peeped。



'Yes;' he murmured; 'I could say that once。  It's all gone now。  Our

world is but our moods。'



He fell back on his pillow。  After a little; he murmured again:



'I might fool myself with faith again。  So it is better not。  I

would not be fooled。  To believe the false and be happy is the very

belly of misery。  To believe the true and be miserable; is to be

trueand miserable。  If there is no God; let me know it。  I will

not be fooled。  I will not believe in a God that do

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