robert falconer-第61节
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Choke each pure inspiration of thy will?
I would be a wind;
Whose smallest atom is a viewless wing;
All busy with the pulsing life that throbs
To do thy bidding; yea; or the meanest thing
That has relation to a changeless truth
Could I but be instinct with theeeach thought
The lightning of a pure intelligence;
And every act as the loud thunder…clap
Of currents warring for a vacuum。
Lord; clothe me with thy truth as with a robe。
Purge me with sorrow。 I will bend my head;
And let the nations of thy waves pass over;
Bathing me in thy consecrated strength。
And let the many…voiced and silver winds
Pass through my frame with their clear influence。
O save meI am blind; lo! thwarting shapes
Wall up the void before; and thrusting out
Lean arms of unshaped expectation; beckon
Down to the night of all unholy thoughts。
I have seen
Unholy shapes lop off my shining thoughts;
Which I had thought nursed in thine emerald light;
And they have lent me leathern wings of fear;
Of baffled pride and harrowing distrust;
And Godhead with its crown of many stars;
Its pinnacles of flaming holiness;
And voice of leaves in the green summer…time;
Has seemed the shadowed image of a self。
Then my soul blackened; and I rose to find
And grasp my doom; and cleave the arching deeps
Of desolation。
O Lord; my soul is a forgotten well;
Clad round with its own rank luxuriance;
A fountain a kind sunbeam searches for;
Sinking the lustre of its arrowy finger
Through the long grass its own strange virtue5
Hath blinded up its crystal eye withal:
Make me a broad strong river coming down
With shouts from its high hills; whose rocky hearts
Throb forth the joy of their stability
In watery pulses from their inmost deeps;
And I shall be a vein upon thy world;
Circling perpetual from the parent deep。
O First and Last; O glorious all in all;
In vain my faltering human tongue would seek
To shape the vesture of the boundless thought;
Summing all causes in one burning word;
Give me the spirit's living tongue of fire;
Whose only voice is in an attitude
Of keenest tension; bent back on itself
With a strong upward force; even as thy bow
Of bended colour stands against the north;
And; in an attitude to spring to heaven;
Lays hold of the kindled hills。
Most mighty One;
Confirm and multiply my thoughts of good;
Help me to wall each sacred treasure round
With the firm battlements of special action。
Alas my holy; happy thoughts of thee
Make not perpetual nest within my soul;
But like strange birds of dazzling colours stoop
The trailing glories of their sunward speed;
For one glad moment filling my blasted boughs
With the sunshine of their wings。
Make me a forest
Of gladdest life; wherein perpetual spring
Lifts up her leafy tresses in the wind。
Lo! now I see
Thy trembling starlight sit among my pines;
And thy young moon slide down my arching boughs
With a soft sound of restless eloquence。
And I can feel a joy as when thy hosts
Of trampling winds; gathering in maddened bands;
Roar upward through the blue and flashing day
Round my still depths of uncleft solitude。
Hear me; O Lord;
When the black night draws down upon my soul;
And voices of temptation darken down
The misty wind; slamming thy starry doors;
With bitter jests。 'Thou fool!' they seem to say
'Thou hast no seed of goodness in thee; all
Thy nature hath been stung right through and through。
Thy sin hath blasted thee; and made thee old。
Thou hadst a will; but thou hast killed itdead
And with the fulsome garniture of life
Built out the loathsome corpse。 Thou art a child
Of night and death; even lower than a worm。
Gather the skirts up of thy shadowy self;
And with what resolution thou hast left;
Fall on the damned spikes of doom。'
O take me like a child;
If thou hast made me for thyself; my God;
And lead me up thy hills。 I shall not fear
So thou wilt make me pure; and beat back sin
With the terrors of thine eye。
Lord hast thou sent
Thy moons to mock us with perpetual hope?
Lighted within our breasts the love of love;
To make us ripen for despair; my God?
Oh; dost thou hold each individual soul
Strung clear upon thy flaming rods of purpose?
Or does thine inextinguishable will
Stand on the steeps of night with lifted hand;
Filling the yawning wells of monstrous space
With mixing thoughtdrinking up single life
As in a cup? and from the rending folds
Of glimmering purpose; the gloom do all thy navied stars
Slide through the gloom with mystic melody;
Like wishes on a brow? Oh; is my soul;
Hung like a dew…drop in thy grassy ways;
Drawn up again into the rack of change;
Even through the lustre which created it?
O mighty one; thou wilt not smite me through
With scorching wrath; because my spirit stands
Bewildered in thy circling mysteries。
Here came the passage Robert had heard him repeat; and then the
following paragraph:
Lord; thy strange mysteries come thickening down
Upon my head like snow…flakes; shutting out
The happy upper fields with chilly vapour。
Shall I content my soul with a weak sense
Of safety? or feed my ravenous hunger with
Sore…purged hopes; that are not hopes; but fears
Clad in white raiment?
I know not but some thin and vaporous fog;
Fed with the rank excesses of the soul;
Mocks the devouring hunger of my life
With satisfaction: lo! the noxious gas
Feeds the lank ribs of gaunt and ghastly death
With double emptiness; like a balloon;
Borne by its lightness o'er the shining lands;
A wonder and a laughter。
The creeds lie in the hollow of men's hearts
Like festering pools glassing their own corruption:
The slimy eyes stare up with dull approval;
And answer not when thy bright starry feet
Move on the watery floors。
O wilt thou hear me when I cry to thee?
I am a child lost in a mighty forest;
The air is thick with voices; and strange hands
Reach through the dusk and pluck me by the skirts。
There is a voice which sounds like words from home;
But; as I stumble on to reach it; seems
To leap from rock to rock。 Oh! if it is
Willing obliquity of sense; descend;
Heal all my wanderings; take me by the hand;
And lead me homeward through the shadows。
Let me not by my wilful acts of pride
Block up the windows of thy truth; and grow
A wasted; withered thing; that stumbles on
Down to the grave with folded hands of sloth
And leaden confidence。
There was more of it; as my type indicates。 Full of faults; I have
given so much to my reader; just as it stood upon Ericson's blotted
papers; the utterance of a true soul 'crying for the light。' But I
give also another of his poems; which Robert read at the same time;
revealing another of his moods when some one of the clouds of holy
doubt and questioning love which so often darkened his sky; did at
length
Turn forth her silver lining on the night:
SONG。
They are blind and they are dead:
We will wake them as we go;
There are words have not been said;
There are sounds they do not know。
We will pipe and we will sing
With the music and the spring;
Set their hearts a wondering。
They are tired of what is old:
We will give it voices new;
For the half hath not been told
Of the Beautiful and True。
Drowsy eyelids shut and sleeping!
Heavy eyes oppressed with weeping!
Flashes through the lashes leaping!
Ye that have a pleasant voice;
Hither come without delay;
Ye will never have a choice
Like to that ye have to…day:
Round the wide world we will go;
Singing through the frost and snow;
Till the daisies are in blow。
Ye that cannot pipe or sing;
Ye must also come with speed;
Ye must come and with you bring
Weighty words and weightier deed:
Helping hands and loving eyes;
These will make them truly wise
Then will be our Paradise。
As Robert read; the sweetness of the rhythm seized upon him; and;
almost unconsciously; he read the last stanza aloud。 Looking up
from the paper with a sigh of wonder and delightthere was the pale
face of Ericson gazing at him from the bed! He had risen on one
arm; looking like a dead man called to life against his will; who
found the world he had left already stranger to him than the one
into which he had but peeped。
'Yes;' he murmured; 'I could say that once。 It's all gone now。 Our
world is but our moods。'
He fell back on his pillow。 After a little; he murmured again:
'I might fool myself with faith again。 So it is better not。 I
would not be fooled。 To believe the false and be happy is the very
belly of misery。 To believe the true and be miserable; is to be
trueand miserable。 If there is no God; let me know it。 I will
not be fooled。 I will not believe in a God that do