robert falconer-第50节
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Shargar burst out crying。
'Len' me yer knife; than; Bob;' he sobbed; holding out his hand。
Robert burst into a roar of laughter; caught up the sovereign from
the floor; sped with it to the baker's; who refused to change it
because he had no knowledge of anything representing the sum of
twenty shillings except a pound…note; succeeded in getting silver
for it at the bank; and then ran to the soutar's。
After he left the parlour; the discussion of his fate was resumed
and finally settled between his grandmother and the school…master。
The former; in regard of the boy's determination to befriend the
shoemaker in the matter of music as well as of money; would now have
sent him at once to the grammar…school in Old Aberdeen; to prepare
for the competition in the month of November; but the latter
persuaded her that if the boy gave his whole attention to Latin till
the next summer; and then went to the grammar…school for three
months or so; he would have an excellent chance of success。 As to
the violin; the school…master said; wisely enough:
'He that will to Cupar maun to Cupar; and gin ye kep (intercept) him
upo' the shore…road; he'll tak to the hill…road; an' I s' warran' a
braw lad like Robert 'll get mony a ane in Ebberdeen 'll be ready
eneuch to gie him a lift wi' the fiddle; and maybe tak him into waur
company nor the puir bed…ridden soutar; an' wi' you an' me to hing
on to the tail o' 'im like; he canna gang ower the scar (cliff)
afore he learns wit。'
'Hm!' was the old lady's comprehensive response。
It was further arranged that Robert should be informed of their
conclusion; and so roused to effort in anticipation of the trial
upon which his course in life must depend。
Nothing could have been better for Robert than the prospect of a
college education。 But his first thought at the news was not of the
delights of learning nor of the honourable course that would ensue;
but of Eric Ericson; the poverty…stricken; friendless descendant of
yarls and sea…rovers。 He would see himthe only man that
understood him! Not until the passion of this thought had abated;
did he begin to perceive the other advantages before him。 But so
practical and thorough was he in all his proposals and means; that
ere half…an…hour was gone; he had begun to go over his Rudiments
again。 He now wrote a version; or translation from English into
Latin; five times a week; and read Caeser; Virgil; or Tacitus; every
day。 He gained permission from his grandmother to remove his bed to
his own garret; and there; from the bedstead at which he no longer
kneeled; he would often rise at four in the morning; even when the
snow lay a foot thick on the skylight; kindle his lamp by means of a
tinder…box and a splinter of wood dipped in sulphur; and sitting
down in the keen cold; turn half a page of Addison into something as
near Ciceronian Latin as he could effect。 This would take him from
an hour and a half to two hours; when he would tumble again into
bed; blue and stiff; and sleep till it was time to get up and go to
the morning school before breakfast。 His health was excellent; else
it could never have stood such treatment。
CHAPTER III。
'THE END CROWNS ALL'。
His sole relaxation almost lay in the visit he paid every evening to
the soutar and his wife。 Their home was a wretched place; but
notwithstanding the poverty in which they were now sunk; Robert soon
began to see a change; like the dawning of light; an alba; as the
Italians call the dawn; in the appearance of something white here
and there about the room。 Robert's visits had set the poor woman
trying to make the place look decent。 It soon became at least
clean; and there is a very real sense in which cleanliness is next
to godliness。 If the people who want to do good among the poor
would give up patronizing them; would cease from trying to convert
them before they have gained the smallest personal influence with
them; would visit them as those who have just as good a right to be
here as they have; it would be all the better for both; perhaps
chiefly for themselves。
For the first week or so; Alexander; unable either to work or play;
and deprived of his usual consolation of drink; was very testy and
unmanageable。 If Robert; who strove to do his best; in the hope of
alleviating the poor fellow's sufferingschiefly those of the
mindhappened to mistake the time or to draw a false note from the
violin; Sandy would swear as if he had been the Grand Turk and
Robert one of his slaves。 But Robert was too vexed with himself;
when he gave occasion to such an outburst; to mind the outburst
itself。 And invariably when such had taken place; the shoemaker
would ask forgiveness before he went。 Holding out his left hand;
from which nothing could efface the stains of rosin and lamp…black
and heel…ball; save the sweet cleansing of mother…earth; he would
say;
'Robert; ye'll jist pit the sweirin' doon wi' the lave (rest); an'
score 't oot a'thegither。 I'm an ill…tongued vratch; an' I'm
beginnin' to see 't。 But; man; ye're jist behavin' to me like God
himsel'; an' gin it warna for you; I wad jist lie here roarin' an'
greitin' an' damnin' frae mornin' to nicht。Ye will be in the
morn's nightwillna ye?' he would always end by asking with some
anxiety。
'Of coorse I will;' Robert would answer。
'Gude nicht; than; gude nicht。I'll try and get a sicht o' my sins
ance mair;' he added; one evening。 'Gin I could only be a wee bit
sorry for them; I reckon he wad forgie me。 Dinna ye think he wad;
Robert?'
'Nae doobt; nae doobt;' answered Robert hurriedly。 'They a' say 'at
gin a man repents the richt gait; he'll forgie him。'
He could not say more than 'They say;' for his own horizon was all
dark; and even in saying this much he felt like a hypocrite。 A
terrible waste; heaped thick with the potsherds of hope; lay outside
that door of prayer which he had; as he thought; nailed up for ever。
'An' what is the richt gait?' asked the soutar。
''Deed; that's mair nor I ken; Sandy;' answered Robert mournfully。
'Weel; gin ye dinna ken; what's to come o' me?' said Alexander
anxiously。
'Ye maun speir at himsel';' returned Robert; 'an' jist tell him 'at
ye dinna ken; but ye'll do onything 'at he likes。'
With these words he took his leave hurriedly; somewhat amazed to
find that he had given the soutar the strange advice to try just
what he had tried so unavailingly himself。 And stranger still; he
found himself; before he reached home; praying once more in his
heartboth for Dooble Sanny and for himself。 From that hour a
faint hope was within him that some day he might try again; though
he dared not yet encounter such effort and agony。
All this time he had never doubted that there was God; nor had he
ventured to say within himself that perhaps God was not good; he had
simply come to the conclusion that for him there was no approach to
the fountain of his being。
In the course of a fortnight or so; when his system had covered over
its craving after whisky; the irritability of the shoemaker almost
vanished。 It might have been feared that his conscience would then
likewise relax its activity; but it was not so: it grew yet more
tender。 He now began to give Robert some praise; and make
allowances for his faults; and Robert dared more in consequence; and
played with more spirit。 I do not say that his style could have
grown fine under such a master; but at least he learned the
difference between slovenliness and accuracy; and between accuracy
and expression; which last is all of original that the best mere
performer can claim。
One evening he was scraping away at Tullochgorum when Mr。 Maccleary
walked in。 Robert ceased。 The minister gave him one searching
glance; and sat down by the bedside。 Robert would have left the
room。
'Dinna gang; Robert;' said Sandy; and Robert remained。
The clergyman talked very faithfully as far as the shoemaker was
concerned; though whether he was equally faithful towards God might
be questioned。 He was one of those prudent men; who are afraid of
dealing out the truth freely lest it should fall on thorns or stony
places。 Hence of course the good ground came in for a scanty share
too。 Believing that a certain precise condition of mind was
necessary for its proper reception; he would endeavour to bring
about that condition first。 He did not know that the truth makes
its own nest in the ready heart; and that the heart may be ready for
it before the priest can perceive the fact; seeing that the
imposition of hands confers; now…a…days at least; neither love nor
common…sense。 He therefore dwelt upon the sins of the soutar;
magnifying them and making them hideous; in the idea that thus he
magnified the law; and made it honourable; while of the special
tenderness of God to the sinner he said not a word。