robert falconer-第126节

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'A　perpendicular　rock；　going　right　down　into　the　blue　waters；'　I

answered。



'Look　at　it：　what　is　the　outline　of　it　like？　　Whose　face　is　it？'



'Shakspere's；　by　all　that　is　grand！'　　I　cried。



'So　it　is；'　said　Andrew。



'Right。　　Now　I'll　tell　you　what　I　would　do。　　If　I　were　very　rich；

and　there　were　no　poor　people　in　the　country；　I　would　give　a

commission　to　some　great　sculptor　to　attack　that　rock　and　work　out

its　suggestion。　　Then；　it　I　had　any　money　left；　we　should　find　one

for　Bacon；　and　one　for　Chaucer；　and　one　for　Milton；　and；　as　we　are

about　it；　we　may　fancy　as　many　more　as　we　like；　so　that　from　the

bounding　rocks　of　our　island；　the　memorial　faces　of　our　great

brothers　should　look　abroad　over　the　seas　into　the　infinite　sky

beyond。'



'Well；　now；'　said　the　elder；　'I　think　it　is　grander　as　it　is。'



'You　are　quite　right；　father；'　said　Robert。　'And　so　with　many　of　our

fancies　for　perfecting　God's　mighty　sketches；　which　he　only　can

finish。'



Again　we　seated　ourselves　and　looked　out　over　the　waves。



'I　have　never　yet　heard；'　I　said；　'how　you　managed　with　that　poor

girl　that　wanted　to　drown　herselfon　Westminster　Bridge；　I

meanthat　night；　you　remember。'



'Miss　St。　John　has　got　her　in　her　own　house　at　present。　　She　has

given　her　those　two　children　we　picked　up　at　the　door　of　the

public…house　to　take　care　of。　　Poor　little　darlings！　they　are

bringing　back　the　life　in　her　heart　already。　　There　is　actually　a

little　colour　in　her　cheekthe　dawn；　I　trust；　of　the　eternal　life。

That　is　Miss　St。　John's　way。　　As　often　as　she　gets　hold　of　a　poor

hopeless　woman；　she　gives　her　a　motherless　child。　　It　is　wonderful

what　the　childless　woman　and　motherless　child　do　for　each　other。'



'I　was　much　amused　the　other　day　with　the　lecture　one　of　the　police

magistrates　gave　a　poor　creature　who　was　brought　before　him　for

attempting　to　drown　herself。　　He　did　give　her　a　sovereign　out　of　the

poor　box；　though。'



'Well；　that　might　just　tide　her　over　the　shoal　of　self…destruction；'

said　Falconer。　'But　I　cannot　help　doubting　whether　any　one　has　a

right　to　prevent　a　suicide　from　carrying　out　his　purpose；　who　is　not

prepared　to　do　a　good　deal　more　for　him　than　that。　　What　would　you

think　of　the　man　who　snatched　the　loaf　from　a　hungry　thief；　threw　it

back　into　the　baker's　cart；　and　walked　away　to　his　club…dinner？

Harsh　words　of　rebuke；　and　the　threat　of　severe　punishment　upon　a

second　attemptwhat　are　they　to　the　wretch　weary　of　life？　　To　some

of　them　the　kindest　punishment　would　be　to　hang　them　for　it。　　It　is

something　else　than　punishment　that　they　need。　　If　the　comfortable

alderman　had　but　〃a　feeling　of　their　afflictions；〃　felt　in　himself

for　a　moment　how　miserable　he　must　be；　what　a　waste　of　despair　must

be　in　his　heart；　before　he　would　do　it　himself；　before　the　awful

river　would　appear　to　him　a　refuge　from　the　upper　air；　he　would

change　his　tone。　　I　fear　he　regards　suicide　chiefly　as　a　burglarious

entrance　into　the　premises　of　the　respectable　firm　of　Vension；　Port；

&　Co。'



'But　you　mustn't　be　too　hard　upon　him；　Falconer；　for　if　his　God　is

his　belly；　how　can　he　regard　suicide　as　other　than　the　most　awful

sacrilege？'



'Of　course　not。　　His　well…fed　divinity　gives　him　one　great

commandment：　〃Thou　shalt　love　thyself　with　all　thy　heart。　　The　great

breach　is　to　hurt　thyselfworst　of　all　to　send　thyself　away　from

the　land　of　luncheons　and　dinners；　to　the　country　of　thought　and

vision。〃　　But；　alas！　he　does　not　reflect　on　the　fact　that　the　god

Belial　does　not　feed　all　his　votaries；　that　he　has　his　elect；　that

the　altar　of　his　inner…temple　too　often　smokes　with　no　sacrifice　of

which　his　poor　meagre　priests　may　partake。　　They　must　uphold　the

Divinity　which　has　been　good　to　them；　and　not　suffer　his　worship　to

fall　into　disrepute。'



'Really；　Robert；'　said　his　father；　'I　am　afraid　to　think　what　you

will　come　to。　　You　will　end　in　denying　there　is　a　God　at　all。　　You

don't　believe　in　hell；　and　now　you　justify　suicide。　　ReallyI　must

sayto　say　the　least　of　itI　have　not　been　accustomed　to　hear　such

things。'



The　poor　old　man　looked　feebly　righteous　at　his　wicked　son。　　I

verily　believe　he　was　concerned　for　his　eternal　fate。　　Falconer　gave

a　pleased　glance　at　me；　and　for　a　moment　said　nothing。　　Then　he

began；　with　a　kind　of　logical　composure：



'In　the　first　place；　father；　I　do　not　believe　in　such　a　God　as　some

people　say　they　believe　in。　　Their　God　is　but　an　idol　of　the

heathen；　modified　with　a　few　Christian　qualities。　　For　hell；　I　don't

believe　there　is　any　escape　from　it　but　by　leaving　hellish　things

behind。　　For　suicide；　I　do　not　believe　it　is　wicked　because　it　hurts

yourself；　but　I　do　believe　it　is　very　wicked。　　I　only　want　to　put　it

on　its　own　right　footing。'



'And　pray　what　do　you　consider　its　right　footing？'



'My　dear　father；　I　recognize　no　duty　as　owing　to　a　man's　self。

There　is　and　can　be　no　such　thing。　　I　am　and　can　be　under　no

obligation　to　myself。　　The　whole　thing　is　a　fiction；　and　of　evil

invention。　　It　comes　from　the　upper　circles　of　the　hell　of

selfishness。　　Or；　perhaps；　it　may　with　some　be　merely　a　form　of

metaphysical　mistake；　but　an　untruth　it　is。　　Then　for　the　duty　we　do

owe　to　other　people：　how　can　we　expect　the　men　or　women　who　have

found　life　to　end；　as　it　seems　to　them；　in　a　dunghill　of　miseryhow

can　we　expect　such　to　understand　any　obligation　to　live　for　the　sake

of　the　general　others；　to　no　individual　of　whom；　possibly；　do　they

bear　an　endurable　relation？　　What　remains？The　grandest；　noblest

duty　from　which　all　other　duty　springs：　the　duty　to　the　possible

God。　Mind；　I　say　possible　God；　for　I　judge　it　the　first　of　my　duties

towards　my　neighbour　to　regard　his　duty　from　his　position；　not　from

mine。'



'But；'　said　I；　'how　would　you　bring　that　duty　to　bear　on　the　mind　of

a　suicide？'



'I　think　some　of　the　tempted　could　understand　it；　though　I　fear　not

one　of　those　could　who　judge　them　hardly；　and　talk　sententiously　of

the　wrong　done　to　a　society　which　has　done　next　to　nothing　for　her；

by　the　poor；　starved；　refused；　husband…tortured　wretch　perhaps；　who

hurries　at　last　to　the　might　of　the　filthy　flowing　river　which；　the

one　thread　of　hope　in　the　web　of　despair；　crawls　through　the　city　of

death。　　What　should　I　say　to　him？　　I　should　say：　〃God　liveth：　thou

art　not　thine　own　but　his。　　Bear　thy　hunger；　thy　horror　in　his　name。

I　in　his　name　will　help　thee　out　of　them；　as　I　may。　　To　go　before

he　calleth　thee；　is　to　say　'Thou　forgettest；'　unto　him　who　numbereth

the　hairs　of　thy　head。　　Stand　out　in　the　cold　and　the　sleet　and　the

hail　of　this　world；　O　son　of　man；　till　thy　Father　open　the　door　and

call　thee。　　Yea；　even　if　thou　knowest　him　not；　stand　and　wait；　lest

there　should　be；　after　all；　such　a　loving　and　tender　one；　who；　for

the　sake　of　a　good　with　which　thou　wilt　be　all…content；　and　without

which　thou　never　couldst　be　content；　permits　thee　there　to

standfor　a　timelong　to　his　sympathizing　as　well　as　to　thy

suffering　heart。〃'



Here　Falconer　paused；　and　when　he　spoke　again　it　was　from　the

ordinary　level　of　conversation。　　Indeed　I　fancied　that　he　was　a

little　uncomfortable　at　the　excitement　into　which　his　feelings　had

borne　him。



'Not　many　of　them　could　understand　this；　I　dare　say：　but　I　think

most　of　them　could　feel　it　without　understanding　it。　　Certainly　the

〃belly　with　good　capon　lined〃　will　neither　understand　nor　feel　it。

Suicide　is　a　sin　against　God；　I　repeat；　not　a　crime　over　which

human　laws　have　any　hold。　　In　regard　to　such；　man　has　a　duty

alonethat；　namely；　of　making　it　possible　for　every　man　to　live。

And　where　the　dread　of　death　is　not　sufficient　to　deter；　what　can

the　threat　of　punishment　do？　　Or　what　great　thing　is　gained　if　it

should　succeed？　　What　agonies　a　man　must　have　gone　through　in　whom

neither　the　horror　of　falling　into　such　a　river；　nor　of　the　knife　in

the　flesh　instinct　with　life；　can　extinguish　the　vague　longing　to

wrap　up　his　weariness　in　an　endless　sleep！'



'But；'　I　remarked；　'you　would；　I　fear；　encourage　the　trade　in

suicide。　　Your　kindness　would　be　terribly　abused。　　What　would　you　do

with　the　pretended　suicides？'



'Whip　them；　for　trifling　with　and　trading　upon　the　feelings　of　their

kind。'



'Then　you　would　drive　them　to　suicide　in　earnest。'



'Then　they　might　be　worth　something；　which　they　were　not　before。'



'We　are　a　great　deal　too　humane　for　that　now…a…days；　I　fear。　　We

don't　like　hurting　people。'



'No。　We　are　infested　with　a　philanthropy　which　is　the　offspring　of

our　mammon…worship。　　But　surely　our　tender　mercies　are　cruel。　　We

don't　like　to　hang　people；　however　unfit　they　may　be　to　live　amongst

their　fellows。　　A　weakling　pity　will　petition　for　the　life　of　the

worst　murdererbut　for　what？　　To　keep　him　alive　in　a　confinement　as

like　their　notion　of　hell　as　they　dare　to　make　itnamely；　a　place

whence　all　the　sweet　visitings　of　the　grace　of　God　are　withdr