robert falconer-第112节

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am　not　in　the　habit　of　talking　so　much　about　my　waysbut　that　is　of

no　consequence。　　I　think　I　am　right　in　doing　so　in　this　instance。'



'I　cannot　misunderstand　you；'　faltered　Lady　Georgina。



Falconer　was　silent。　　Without　looking　up　from　the　floor　on　which　her

eyes　had　rested　all　the　time　he　spoke；　Lady　Georgina　said　at　last；



'Then　what　is　my　next　duty？　　What　is　the　thing　that　lies　nearest　to

me？'



'That；　I　repeat；　belongs　to　your　every…day　history。　　No　one　can

answer　that　question　but　yourself。　　Your　next　duty　is　just　to

determine　what　your　next　duty　is。Is　there　nothing　you　neglect？　　Is

there　nothing　you　know　you　ought　not　to　do？You　would　know　your

duty；　if　you　thought　in　earnest　about　it；　and　were　not　ambitious　of

great　things。'



'Ah　then；'　responded　Lady　Georgina；　with　an　abandoning　sigh；　'I

suppose　it　is　something　very　commonplace；　which　will　make　life　more

dreary　than　ever。　　That　cannot　help　me。'



'It　will；　if　it　be　as　dreary　as　reading　the　newspapers　to　an　old

deaf　aunt。　　It　will　soon　lead　you　to　something　more。　　Your　duty　will

begin　to　comfort　you　at　once；　but　will　at　length　open　the　unknown

fountain　of　life　in　your　heart。'



Lady　Georgina　lifted　up　her　head　in　despair；　looked　at　Falconer

through　eyes　full　of　tears；　and　said　vehemently；



'Mr。　Falconer；　you　can　have　no　conception　how　wretched　a　life　like

mine　is。　　And　the　futility　of　everything　is　embittered　by　the

consciousness　that　it　is　from　no　superiority　to　such　things　that　I

do　not　care　for　them。'



'It　is　from　superiority　to　such　things　that　you　do　not　care　for

them。　　You　were　not　made　for　such　things。　　They　cannot　fill　your

heart。　　It　has　whole　regions　with　which　they　have　no　relation。'



'The　very　thought　of　music　makes　me　feel　ill。　　I　used　to　be

passionately　fond　of　it。'



'I　presume　you　got　so　far　in　it　that　you　asked；　〃Is　there　nothing

more？〃　　Concluding　there　was　nothing　more；　and　yet　needing　more；　you

turned　from　it　with　disappointment？'



'It　is　the　same；'　she　went　on　hurriedly；　'with　painting；　modelling；

readingwhatever　I　have　tried。　　I　am　sick　of　them　all。　　They　do

nothing　for　me。'



'How　can　you　enjoy　music；　Lady　Georgina；　if　you　are　not　in　harmony

with　the　heart　and　source　of　music？'



'How　do　you　mean？'



'Until　the　human　heart　knows　the　divine　heart；　it　must　sigh　and

complain　like　a　petulant　child；　who　flings　his　toys　from　him　because

his　mother　is　not　at　home。　　When　his　mother　comes　back　to　him　he

finds　his　toys　are　good　still。　　When　we　find　Him　in　our　own　hearts；

we　shall　find　him　in　everything；　and　music　will　be　deep　enough　then；

Lady　Georgina。　　It　is　this　that　the　Brahmin　and　the　Platonist　seek；

it　is　this　that　the　mystic　and　the　anchorite　sigh　for；　towards　this

the　teaching　of　the　greatest　of　men　would　lead　us：　Lord　Bacon

himself　says；　〃Nothing　can　fill；　much　less　extend　the　soul　of　man；

but　God；　and　the　contemplation　of　God。〃　It　is　Life　you　want。　　If　you

will　look　in　your　New　Testament；　and　find　out　all　that　our　Lord　says

about　Life；　you　will　find　the　only　cure　for　your　malady。　　I　know

what　such　talk　looks　like；　but　depend　upon　it；　what　I　am　talking

about　is　something　very　different　from　what　you　fancy　it。　　Anyhow　to

this　you　must　come；　one　day　or　other。'



'But　how　am　I　to　gain　this　indescribable　good；　which　so　many　seek；

and　so　few　find？'



'Those　are　not　my　words；'　said　Falconer　emphatically。　'I　should　have

said〃which　so　few　yet　seek；　but　so　many　shall　at　length　find。〃'



'Do　not　quarrel　with　my　foolish　words；　but　tell　me　how　I　am　to　find

it；　for　I　suppose　there　must　be　something　in　what　so　many　good

people　assert。'



'You　thought　I　could　give　you　help？'



'Yes。　That　is　why　I　came　to　you。'



'Just　so。　　I　cannot　give　you　help。　　Go　and　ask　it　of　one　who　can。'



'Speak　more　plainly。'



'Well　then：　if　there　be　a　God；　he　must　hear　you　if　you　call　to　him。

If　there　be　a　father；　he　will　listen　to　his　child。　　He　will　teach

you　everything。'



'But　I　don't　know　what　I　want。'



'He　does：　ask　him　to　tell　you　what　you　want。　　It　all　comes　back　to

the　old　story：　〃If　ye　then　being　evil；　know　how　to　give　good　gifts

to　your　children；　how　much　more　will　your　heavenly　Father　give　the

holy　Spirit　to　them　that　ask　him！〃　　But　I　wish　you　would　read　your

New　Testamentthe　Gospels　I　mean：　you　are　not　in　the　least　fit　to

understand　the　Epistles　yet。　　Read　the　story　of　our　Saviour　as　if

you　had　never　read　it　before。　　He　at　least　was　a　man　who　seemed　to

have　that　secret　of　life　after　the　knowledge　of　which　your　heart　is

longing。'



Lady　Georgina　rose。　　Her　eyes　were　again　full　of　tears。　　Falconer

too　was　moved。　　She　held　out　her　hand　to　him；　and　without　another

word　left　the　room。　　She　never　came　there　again。



Her　manner　towards　Falconer　was　thereafter　much　altered。　　People

said　she　was　in　love　with　him：　if　she　was；　it　did　her　no　harm。　　Her

whole　character　certainly　was　changed。　　She　sought　the　friendship　of

Miss　St。　John；　who　came　at　length　to　like　her　so　much；　that　she　took

her　with　her　in　some　of　her　walks　among　the　poor。　　By　degrees　she

began　to　do　something　herself　after　a　quiet　modest　fashion。　　But

within　a　few　years；　probably　while　so　engaged；　she　caught　a　fever

from　which　she　did　not　recover。　　It　was　not　till　after　her　death

that　Falconer　told　any　one　of　the　interview　he　had　had　with　her。

And　by　that　time　I　had　the　honour　of　being　very　intimate　with　him。

When　she　knew　that　she　was　dying；　she　sent　for　him。　　Mary　St。　John

was　with　her。　　She　left　them　together。　　When　he　came　out；　he　was

weeping。









CHAPTER　XI。



THE　SUICIDE。



Falconer　lived　on　and　laboured　on　in　London。　　Wherever　he　found　a

man　fitted　for　the　work；　he　placed　him　in　such　office　as　De　Fleuri

already　occupied。　　At　the　same　time　he　went　more　into　society；　and

gained　the　friendship　of　many　influential　people。　　Besides　the　use

he　made　of　this　to　carry　out　plans　for　individual　rescue；　it　enabled

him　to　bestir　himself　for　the　first　and　chief　good　which　he　believed

it　was　in　the　power　of　the　government　to　effect　for　the　class

amongst　which　he　laboured。　　As　I　have　shown；　he　did　not　believe　in

any　positive　good　being　effected　save　through　individual

contactthrough　faith；　in　a　wordfaith　in　the　human　helperwhich

might　become　a　stepping…stone　through　the　chaotic　misery　towards

faith　in　the　Lord　and　in　his　Father。　　All　that　association　could　do；

as　such；　was　only；　in　his　judgment；　to　remove　obstructions　from　the

way　of　individual　growth　and　educationto　put　better　conditions

within　reachfirst　of　all；　to　provide　that　the　people　should　be

able；　if　they　would；　to　live　decently。　　He　had　no　notion　of　domestic

inspection；　or　of　offering　prizes　for　cleanliness　and　order。　　He

knew　that　misery　and　wretchedness　are　the　right　and　best　condition

of　those　who　live　so　that　misery　and　wretchedness　are　the　natural

consequences　of　their　life。　　But　there　ought　always　to　be　the

possibility　of　emerging　from　these；　and　as　things　were；　over　the

whole　country；　for　many　who　would　if　they　could；　it　was　impossible

to　breathe　fresh　air；　to　be　clean；　to　live　like　human　beings。　　And

he　saw　this　difficulty　ever　on　the　increase；　through　the　rapacity　of

the　holders　of　small　house…property；　and　the　utter　wickedness　of

railway　companies；　who　pulled　down　every　house　that　stood　in　their

way；　and　did　nothing　to　provide　room　for　those　who　were　thus

ejectedmost　probably　from　a　wretched　place；　but　only；　to　be　driven

into　a　more　wretched　still。　　To　provide　suitable　dwellings　for　the

poor　he　considered　the　most　pressing　of　all　necessary　reforms。　　His

own　fortune　was　not　sufficient　for　doing　much　in　this　way；　but　he

set　about　doing　what　he　could　by　purchasing　houses　in　which　the　poor

lived；　and　putting　them　into　the　hands　of　persons　whom　he　could

trust；　and　who　were　immediately　responsible　to　him　for　their

proceedings：　they　had　to　make　them　fit　for　human　abodes；　and　let

them　to　those　who　desired　better　accommodation；　giving　the

preference　to　those　already　tenants；　so　long　as　they　paid　their

reasonable　rent；　which　he　considered　far　more　necessary　for　them　to

do　than　for　him　to　have　done。



One　day　he　met　by　appointment　the　owner　of　a　small　block；　of　which

he　contemplated　the　purchase。　　They　were　in　a　dreadfully　dilapidated

condition；　a　shame　that　belonged　more　to　the　owner　than　the

inhabitants。　　The　man　wanted　to　sell　the　houses；　or　at　least　was

willing　to　sell　them；　but　put　an　exorbitant　price　upon　them。

Falconer　expostulated。



'I　know　the　whole　of　the　rent　these　houses　could　bring　you　in；'　he

said；　'without　making　any　deduction　for　vacancies　and　defalcations：

what　you　ask　is　twice　as　much　as　they　would　fetch　if　the　full　rent

were　certain。'



The　poor　wretch　looked　up　at　him　with　the　leer　of　a　ghoul。　　He　was

dressed　like　a　broken…down　clergyman；　in　rusty　black；　with　a

neck…cloth　of　whitey…brown。



'I　admit　it；'　he　said　in　good　English；　and　a　r