the dust-第58节

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she；　in　fact；　was　without　a　single　ground　for　serious　complaint。　　She　had　a　husband　who　was　generous　about　money；　and　left　her　as　absolutely　alone　as　if　he　were　mere　occasional　visitor　at　the　house。　　She　had　her　livingand　such　a　living！she　had　plenty　of　interesting　occupationshe　had　not　a　single　sordid　careand　perfect　health。

The　dreams；　too　　It　was　curious　about　those　dreams。　　She　would　now　have　found　it　an　intolerable　bore　to　sit　with　hands　idle　in　her　lap　and　eyes　upon　vacancy；　watching　the　dim；　luminous　shadows　flit　aimlessly　by。　　Yet　that　was　the　way　she　used　to　pass　hoursentire　days。　　She　used　to　fight　off　sleep　at　night　the　longer　to　enjoy　her　one　source　of　pure　happiness。　　There　was　no　doubt　about　it；　the　fire　of　romance　was　burning　low；　and　she　was　becoming　commonplace；　practical；　resigned。　Well；　why　not？　　Was　not　life　over　for　her？that　is；　the　life　a　girl's　fancy　longs　for。　　In　place　of　hope　of　romance；　there　was　an　uneasy　feeling　of　a　necessity　of　pleasing　this　husband　of　hersof　making　him　comfortable。　What　would　befall　her　if　she　neglected　trying　to　please　him　or　if　she；　for　all　her　trying；　failed？　　She　did　not　look　far　in　that　direction。　　Her　uneasiness　remained　indefiniteyet　definite　enough　to　keep　her　working　from　waking　until　bedtime。　　And　she　dropped　into　the　habit　of　watching　his　face　with　the　same　anxiety　with　which　a　farmer　watches　the　weather。　　When　he　happened　one　day　to　make　a　careless；　absent…minded　remark　in　disapproval　of　something　in　the　domestic　arrangements；　she　was　thrown　into　such　a　nervous　flutter　that　he　observed　it。

〃What　is　it？〃　he　asked。

〃Nothingnothing；〃　replied　she　in　the　hurried　tone　of　one　who　is　trying　hastily　to　cover　his　thoughts。

He　reflected；　understood；　burst　into　a　fit　of　hearty　laughter。　　〃So；　you　are　trying　to　make　a　bogey　of　me？〃

She　colored；　protested　faintly。

〃Don't　you　know　I'm　about　the　least　tyrannical；　least　exacting　person　in　the　world？〃

〃You've　been　very　patient　with　me；〃　said　she。

〃Nownow；〃　cried　he　in　a　tone　of　raillery；　〃you　might　as　well　drop　that。　　Don't　you　know　there's　no　reason　for　being　afraid　of　me？〃


〃Yes；　I　KNOW　it；〃　replied　she。　　〃But　I　FEEL　afraid；　just　the　same。　　I　can't　help　it。〃

It　was　impossible　for　him　to　appreciate　the　effect　of　his　personality　upon　othershow；　without　his　trying　or　even　wishing；　it　made　them　dread　a　purely　imaginary　displeasure　and　its　absurdly　imaginary　consequences。　But　this　confession　of　hers　was　not　the　first　time　he　had　heard　of　the　effect　of　potential　and　latent　danger　he　had　upon　those　associated　with　him。　　And；　as　it　was　most　useful；　he　was　not　sorry　that　he　had　it。　　He　made　no　further　attempt　to　convince　her　that　he　was　harmless。　He　knew　that　he　was　harmless　where　she　was　concerned。　Was　it　not　just　as　well　that　she　should　not　know　it；　when　vaguely　dreading　him　was　producing　excellent　results？　　As　with　a　Christian　the　fear　of　the　Lord　was　the　beginning　of　wisdom；　so　with　a　wife　the　fear　of　her　husband　was　the　beginning　of　wisdom。　　In　striving　to　please　him；　to　fit　herself　for　the　position　of　wife；　she　was　using　up　the　time　she　would　otherwise　have　spent　in　making　herself　miserable　with　self…pitythat　supreme　curse　of　the　idle　both　male　and　female；　that　most　prolific　of　the　breeders　of　unhappy　wives。　　Yes；　wives　were　unhappy　not　because　their　husbands　neglected　them；　for　busy　people　have　no　time　to　note　whether　they　are　neglected　or　not；　but　because　they　gave　their　own　worthless；　negligent；　incapable　selves　too　much　attention。

One　evening；　she；　wearing　the　look　of　the　timid　but　resolute　intruder；　came　into　his　room　while　he　was　dressing　for　dinner　and　hung　about　with　an　air　no　man　of　his　experience　could　fail　to　understand。

〃Something　wrong　about　the　house？〃　said　he　finally。　　〃Need　more　money？〃

〃Nonothing；〃　she　replied；　with　a　slight　flush。　He　saw　that　she　was　mustering　all　her　courage　for　some　grand　effort。　　He　waited；　only　mildly　curious；　as　his　mind　was　busy　with　some　new　business　he　and　Tetlow　had　undertaken。　　Presently　she　stood　squarely　before　him；　her　hands　behind　her　back　and　her　face　up…　turned。　　〃Won't　you　kiss　me？〃　she　said。

〃Sure！〃　said　he。　　And　he　kissed　her　on　the　cheek　and　resumed　operations　with　his　military　brushes。

〃I　didn't　mean　thatthat　kind　of　a　kiss；〃　said　she　dejectedly。

He　paused　with　a　quick　characteristic　turn　of　the　head；　looked　keenly　at　her；　resumed　his　brushing。　　A　quizzical　smile　played　over　his　face。　　〃Oh；　I　see；〃　said　he。　　〃You've　been　thinking　about　duty。　　And　you've　decided　to　do　yours。　。　。　。　　Eh？〃

〃I　think　　It　seems　to　me　　I　don't　think〃　she　stammered；　then　said　desperately；　〃I've　not　been　acting　right　by　you。　　I　want　toto　do　better。〃

〃That's　good；〃　said　he　briskly；　with　a　nod　of　approvaland　never　a　glance　in　her　direction。　　〃You　think　you'll　let　me　have　a　kiss　now　and　theneh？　　All　right；　my　dear。〃

〃Oh；　you　WON'T　understand　me！〃　she　cried；　ready　to　weep　with　vexation。

〃You　mean　I　won't　misunderstand　you；〃　replied　he　amiably；　as　he　set　about　fixing　his　tie。　　〃You've　been　mulling　things　over　in　your　mind。　　You've　decided　I'm　secretly　pining　for　you。　　You've　resolved　to　be　good　and　kind　and　dutifulgenerousto　feed　old　dog　Tray　a　few　crumbs　now　and　then。　。　。　。　　That's　nice　and　sweet　of　you〃　　He　paused　until　the　crisis　in　tying　was　passed〃very　nice　and　sweet　of　youbut　There's　nothing　in　it。　　All　I　ask　of　you　for　myself　is　to　see　that　I'm　comfortablethat　Mrs。　Lowell　and　the　servants　treat　me　right。　　If　I　don't　like　anything；　I'll　speak　outnever　fear。〃

〃ButFredI　want　to　be　your　wifeI　really　do；〃　she　pleaded。

He　turned　on　her；　and　his　eyes　seemed　to　pierce　into　the　chamber　of　her　thoughts。　　〃Drop　it；　my　dear；〃　he　said　quietly。　　〃Neither　of　us　is　in　love　with　the　other。　　So　there's　not　the　slightest　reason　for　pretending。　If　I　ever　want　to　be　free　of　you；　I'll　tell　you　so。　If　you　ever　want　to　get　rid　of　me；　all　you　have　to　do　is　to　askand　it'll　be　arranged。　　Meanwhile；　let's　enjoy　ourselves。〃

His　good　humor；　obviously　unfeigned；　would　have　completely　discouraged　a　more　experienced　woman；　though　as　vain　as　Dorothy　and　with　as　much　ground　as　he　had　given　her　for　self…confidence　where　he　was　concerned。　　But　Dorothy　was　depressed　rather　than　profoundly　discouraged。　　A　few　moments　and　she　found　courage　to　plead：　　〃But　you　used　to　care　for　me。　　Don't　I　attract　you　any　more？〃

〃You　say　that　quite　pathetically；〃　said　he；　in　good…　humored　amusement。　　〃I'm　willing　to　do　anything　within　reason　for　your　happiness。　　But　reallyjust　to　please　your　vanity　I　can't　make　myself　over　again　into　the　fool　I　used　to　be　about　you。　　You'd　hate　it　yourself。　　Why；　then；　this　pathetic　air？〃

〃I　feel　so　uselessand　as　if　I　were　shirking；〃　she　persisted。　　〃And　if　you　did　care　for　me；　it　wouldn't　offend　me　now　as　it　used　to。　　I've　grown　much　wiser　more　sensible。　　I　understand　thingsand　I　look　at　them　differently。　　AndI　always　did　LIKE　you。〃

〃Even　when　you　despised　me？〃　mocked　he。　　It　irritated　him　a　little　vividly　to　recall　what　a　consummate　fool　he　had　made　of　himself　for　her；　even　though　he　had　every　reason　to　be　content　with　the　event　of　his　folly。

〃A　girl　always　thinks　she　despises　a　man　when　she　can　do　as　she　pleases　with　him；〃　replied　she。　　〃As　Mr。　Tetlow　said；　I　was　a　fool。〃

〃_I_　was　the　fool；〃　said　he。　　〃Where　did　that　man　of　mine　lay　the　handkerchief？〃

〃I；　too；〃　cried　she；　eagerly。　　〃You　were　foolish　to　bother　about　a　little　silly　like　me。　　But；　oh；　what　a　FOOL　I　was　not　to　realize〃

〃You're　not　trying　to　tell　me　you're　in　love　with　me？〃　said　he　sharply。

〃Oh；　nono；　indeed；〃　she　protested　in　haste；　alarmed　by　his　overwhelming　manner。　　〃I'm　not　trying　to　deceive　you　in　any　way。〃

〃Never　do；〃　said　he。　　〃It's　the　one　thing　I　can't　stand。〃

〃But　I　thoughtit　seemed　to　me〃　she　persisted；　〃that　perhaps　if　we　tried　toto　care　for　each　other；　we'd　maybe　get　toto　caringmore　or　less。　　Don't　you　think　so？〃

〃Perhaps；〃　was　his　careless　reply。　　He　added；　〃But　I；　for　one；　am　well　content　with　things　as　they　are。　　I　confess　I　don't　look　back　with　any　satisfaction　on　those　months　when　I　was　making　an　ass　of　myself　about　you。　　I　was　ruining　my　career。　　Now　I'm　happy；　and　everything　is　going　fine　in　my　business。　　No　experiments；　if　you　please。〃　　He　shook　his　head；　looking　at　her　with　smiling　raillery。　　〃It　might　turn　out　that　I'd　care　for　you　in　the　same　crazy　way　again；　and　that　you　didn't　like　it。　　Again　you　might　get　excited　about　me　and　I'd　remain　calm　about　you。　　That　would　give　me　a　handsome　revenge；　but　I'm　not　looking　for　revenge。〃

He　finished　his　toilet；　she　standing　quiet　and　thoughtful　in　an　attitude　of　unconscious　grace。

〃No；　my　dear；〃　resumed　he；　as　he　prepared　to　descend　for　dinner；　〃let's　have　a　peaceful；　cheerful　mar…　ried　life；　with　no　crazy　excitements。　　Let's　hang　on　to　what　we've　got；　and　take　no　unnecessary　risks。〃　　He　patted　her　on　the　shoulder。　　〃Isn't　that　sensible？〃

She　looked　at　him　with　serious；　appealing　eyes。　〃You　are　SURE　you　aren't　unhappy？〃

It　was　amusing　to　himthough　he　concealed　it　to　see　how　tenaciously　her　feminine　egotism　held　to　the　idea　that　she　was　the　important　person。　　And；　when　women　of　experience　thus　deluded　themselves；　it　was　not　at　all　strange　that　this　girl　should　be　unable　to　grasp　the　essential　truth