the dust-第44节
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〃You ought to see them after a few years。〃
〃I'm only twenty…one；〃 laughed she。 〃I've got lots of time before I'm old。 。 。 。 You haven'tmarried？〃
〃No；〃 said he。
〃I thought I'd have heard； if you had。〃 She laughed queerlyagain shook out her hair； and it shimmered round her face and over her head and out from her shoulders like flames。 〃You've got a kind of aMr。 Tetlow way of talking。 It doesn't remind me of you as you were in Jersey City。〃
She said nothing； she suggested nothing that had the least impropriety in it； or faintest hint of impropriety。 It was nothing positive； nothing aggressive； but a certain vague negative something that gave him the impression of innocence still innocent but looking or trying to look tolerantly where it should not。 And he felt dizzy and sick； stricken with shame and remorse and jealous fear。 Yesshe was sliding slowly； gently； unconsciously down to the depth in which he had been lying； sick and shudderingno； to deeper depthsto the depths where there is no light； no trace of a return path。 And he had started her down。 He had done it when he； in his pride and selfishness； had ignored what the success of his project would mean for her。 But he knew now； in bitterness and shame and degradation he had learned。 〃I was infamous！〃 he said to himself。
She began to talk in a low； embarrassed voice：
〃Sometimes I think of getting married。 There's a young mana young lawyerhe makes twenty…five a week； but it'll be years and years before he has a good living。 A man doesn't get on fast in New York unless he has pull。〃
Norman； roused from his remorse； blazed inside。 〃You are in love with him？〃
She laughed； and he could not tell whether it was to tease him or to evade。
〃You'd not care about him long；〃 said Norman； 〃unless there were more money coming in than he'd be likely to get soon。 Love without money doesn't go at least； not in New York。〃
〃Do you suppose I don't know that？〃 said she with the irritation of one faced by a hateful fact。 〃StillI don't see what to do。〃
Norman； biting his lip and fuming and observing her with jealous eyes； said in the best voice he could command； 〃How long have you been in love with him？〃
〃Did I say I was in love？〃 mocked she。
〃You didn't say you weren't。 Who is he？〃
〃If you'll stay on about half an hour or so； you'll see him。 Noyou can't。 I've got to get dressed before I let him up。 He has very strict ideaswhere I'm concerned。〃
〃Then why did you let ME come up？〃 Norman said； with a penetrating glance。
She lowered her gaze and a faint flush stole into her cheeks。 Was it confession of the purpose he suspected？ Or； was it merely embarrassment？
〃I heard of a case once；〃 continued Norman； his gaze significantly direct； 〃the case of a girl who was in love with a poor young fellow。 She wanted money luxury。 Also； she wanted the poor young fellow。〃
The color flamed into the girl's face； then left it pale。 Her white fingers fluttered with nervous grace into her masses of hair and back to her lap again； to rest there in timid quiet。
〃She knew another man；〃 pursued Norman； 〃one who was able to give her what she wanted in the way of comfort。 So； she decided to make an arrangement with the man； and keep it hidden from her loverand in that way get along pleasantly until her lover was in better circumstances 。〃
Her gaze was upon her hands； listless in her lap。 He felt that he had spoken her unspoken； probably unformed thoughts。 Yes； unformed。 Men and women； especially women； habitually pursued these unacknowledged andeven unformed purposes； in their conflicts of the desire to get what they wanted and their desire to appear well to themselves。
〃What would you think of an arrangement like that？〃 asked he； determined to draw her secret heart into the open where he could see； where she could see。
She lifted frank； guileless eyes to his。 〃I suppose the girl was trying to do the best she could。〃
〃What do you think of a girl who'd do that？〃
〃I don't judge anybodyany more。 I've found out that this world isn't at all as I thoughtas I was taught。〃
〃Would YOU do it？〃
She smiled faintly。 〃No；〃 she replied uncertainly。 Then she restored his wavering belief in her essential honesty and truthfulness by adding： 〃That is to say； I don't think I would。〃
She busied herself with her hair； feeling it to see whether it was not yet dry； spreading it out。 He looked at her unseeingly。 At last she said： 〃You must go。 I've got to get dressed。〃
〃YesI must be going；〃 said he absently； rising and reaching for his hat on the center table。
She stood up； put out her hand。 〃I'm glad you came。〃
〃Thank you；〃 said he； still in the same abstraction。 He shook hands with her； moved hesitatingly toward the door。 With his hand on the knob he turned and glanced keenly at her。 He surprised in her face a look of mystery of seriousness； of sadnesswas there anxiety in it； also？ And then he saw a certain elusive reminder of her fatherand it brought to him with curious force the memory of how she had been brought up； of what must be hers by inheritance and by trainingshe； the daughter of a great and simple and noble man
〃You'll come again？〃 she said； and there was the note in her voice that made his nerves grow tense and vibrate。
But he seemed not to have heard her question。 Still at the unopened door； he folded his arms upon his chest and said； speaking rapidly yet with the deliberation of one who has thought out his words in advance：
〃I don't know what kind of girl you are。 I never have known。 I've never wanted to know。 If you told me you werewhat is called good； I'd doubt it。 If you told me you weren't； I'd want to kill you and myself。 They say there's a fatal woman for every man and a fatal man for every woman。 I always laughed at the ideauntil you。 I don't know what to make of myself。〃
She suddenly laid her finger on her lips。 It irritated him； to discover that； as he talked； speaking the things that came from the very depths of his soul； she had been giving him only part of her attention； had been listening for a step on the stairs。 He was hearing the ascending step now。 He frowned。 〃Can't you send him away？〃 he asked。
〃I must；〃 said she in a low tone。 〃It wouldn't do for him to know you were here。 He has strict ideas and is terribly jealous。〃
A few seconds of silence； then a knock on the other side of the door。
〃Who's there？〃 she called。
〃I'm a little early；〃 came in an agreeable； young man's voice。 〃Aren't you ready？〃
〃Not nearly；〃 replied she； in a laughing； innocent voice。 〃You'll have to go away for half an hour。〃
〃I'll wait out here on the steps。〃
Her eyes were sparkling。 A delicate color had mounted to her skin。 Norman； watching her jealously； clinched his strong jaws。 She said： 〃Noyou must go clear away。 I don't want to feel that I'm being hurried。 Don't come back until a quarter past four。〃
〃All right。 I'm crazy to see you。〃 This in the voice of a lover。 She smiled radiantly at Norman； as if she thought he would share in her happiness at these evidences of her being well loved。 The unseen young man said： 〃Exactly a quarter past。 What time does your clock say it is now？〃
〃A quarter to；〃 replied she。
〃That's what my watch says。 So there'll be no mistake。 For half an hourgood…by！〃
〃Half an hour！〃 she called。
She and Norman stood in silence until the footsteps died away。 Then she said crossly to Norman： 〃You ought to have gone before。 I don't like to do these things。〃
〃You do them well；〃 said he； with a savage gleam。
She was prompt and sure with his punishment。 She said； simply and sweetly： 〃I'd do anything to keep HIS good opinion of me。〃
Norman felt and looked cowed。 〃You don't know how it makes me suffer to see you fond of another man；〃 he cried。
She seemed not in the least interested； went to the mirror of the bureau and began to inspect her hair with a view to doing it up。 〃You can go in five minutes；〃 said she。 〃By that time he'll be well out of the way。 Anyhow； if he saw you leaving the house he'd not know but what you had been to see some one else。 He knows you by reputation but not by sight。〃
Norman went to her； took her by the shoulders gently but strongly。 〃Look at me；〃 he said。
She looked at him with an expression； or perhaps absence of expression； that was simple listening。
〃If you meant awhile ago some such thing as I hintedI will have nothing to do with it。 You must marry meor it's nothing at all。〃
Her gaze did not wander； but before his wondering eyes she seemed to fade； fade toward colorlessness insig… nificance。 The light died from her eyes； the flush of health from her white skin； the freshness from her lips； the sparkle and vitality from her hair。 A slow； gradual transformation； which he watched with a frightened tightening at the heart。
She said slowly： 〃YouwantmetoMARRY you？〃
〃I've always wanted it； though I didn't realize；〃 replied he。 〃How else could I be sure of you？ Besides〃 He flushed； added hurriedly； almost in an undertone 〃I owe it to you。〃
She seated herself deliberately。
After he had waited in vain for her to speak； he went on： 〃If you married me； I know you'd pl
