the dust-第40节

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　the　last　spark　of　hope　he　got　ready　to　pull　himself　together　and　show　the　world　that　it　was　indulging　too　soon　in　its　hypocritical　headshakings　over　his　ruin。

〃I　am　going　to　open　an　office　of　my　own　at　once；〃　he　said　to　his　sister。

She　did　not　wish　to　discourage　him；　but　she　could　not　altogether　keep　her　thoughts　from　her　face。　　She　had；　in　a　general　way；　a　clear　idea　of　the　complete　system　of　tollgates；　duly　equipped　with　strong　barriers；　which　the　mighty　few　have　established　across　practically　all　the　highroads　to　material　success。　　Also；　she　felt　in　her　brother's　manner　and　tone　a　certain　profound　discouragement；　a　lack　of　the　unconquerable　spirit　which　had　carried　him　so　far　so　speedily。　　It　is　not　a　baseless　notion　that　the　man　who　has　never　been　beaten　is　often　destroyed　by　his　first　reverse。　　Ursula　feared　the　spell　of　success　had　been　broken　for　him。

〃You　mean；〃　she　suggested；　with　apparent　carelessness；　〃that　you　will　give　up　your　forty　thousand　a　year？〃

He　made　a　disdainful　gesture。　　〃I　can　make　more　than　that；〃　said　he。　　〃It's　a　second　rate　lawyer　who　can't　in　this　day。〃

〃Of　course　you　can；〃　replied　she　tactfully。　　〃But　why　not　take　a　rest　first？　　Then　there's　old　Burroughs　on　the　war　path。　　Wouldn't　it　be　wise　to　wait　till　he　calms　down？〃

〃If　Burroughs　or　any　other　man　is　necessary　to　me；〃　rejoined　Fred；　〃the　sooner　I　find　it　out　the　better。　I　ought　to　know　just　where　II　myselfstand。〃

〃No　one　is　necessary　to　you　but　yourself；〃　said　Ursula；　proudly　and　sincerely。　　〃But；　Fred　　Are　you　yourself　just　now？〃

〃No；　I'm　not；〃　admitted　he。　　〃But　the　way　to　become　so　again　isn't　by　waiting　but　by　working。〃　　An　expression　of　sheer　wretchedness　came　into　his　listless；　heavy　eyes。　　〃Urse；　I've　got　to　conquer　my　weakness　now；　or　go　under。〃

She　was　eager　to　hold　on　to　the　secure　forty　thousand　a　yearfor　his　sake　no　less　than　for　her　own。　She　argued　with　him　with　all　the　adroitness　of　a　mind　as　good　in　its　way　as　his　own。　　But　she　could　not　shake　his　resolution。　　And　she　in　prudence；　desisted　when　he　said　bitterly：　　〃I　see　you've　lost　confidence　in　me。　Well；　I　don't　blame　you。　。　。　。　　So　have　I。〃　　Then　after　a　moment；　violently　rather　than　strongly：　　〃But　I've　got　to　get　it　back。　　If　I　don't　I'm　only　putting　off　the　smasha　complete　smash。〃

〃I　don't　see　quite　how　it's　to　be　arranged；〃　said　she；　red　and　hesitating。　　For；　she　feared　he　would　think　her　altogether　selfish　in　her　anxiety。　　He　certainly　would　have　been　justified　in　so　thinking；　he　knew　how　rarely　generosity　survived　in　the　woman　who　leads　the　soft　and　idle　life。

〃How　long　can　we　keep　on　as　we're　living　now　if　there's　nothing；　or　little；　coming　in？〃

〃I　don't　know；〃　confessed　she。　　She　was　as　poor　at　finance　as　he；　and　had　certainly　not　been　improved　by　his　habit　of　giving　her　whatever　she　happened　to　think　was　necessary。　　〃I　can't　say。　　Perhaps　a　few　months　I　don't　know　　Not　long；　I'm　afraid。〃

〃Six　months？〃

〃Oh；　no。　　You　seethe　fact　isI've　been　rather　careless　about　the　bills。　　You're　so　generous；　Fred　and　one　is　so　busy　in　New　York。　　I　guess　we　owe　a　good　dealhere　and　there　and　yonder。　　Andthe　last　few　days　some　of　the　tradespeople　have　been　pressing　for　payment。〃

〃You　see！〃　exclaimed　he。　　〃The　report　is　going　round　that　I'm　ruined　and　done　for。　　I've　simply　got　to　make　good。　　If　you　can't　keep　up　a　front；　shut　up　the　house　and　go　abroad。　　You　can　stay　till　I've　got　my　foot　back　on　its　neck。〃

She　believed　in　him；　at　bottom。　　She　could　not　conceive　how　appearances　and　her　forebodings　could　be　true。　　Such　strength　as　his　could　not　be　overwhelmed　thus　suddenly。　　And　by　so　slight　a　thing！by　an　unsatisfied　passion　for　a　woman；　and　an　insignificant　woman；　at　that。　　For；　like　all　women；　like　all　the　world　for　that　matter；　she　measured　a　passion　by　the　woman　who　was　the　object　of　it；　instead　of　by　the　man　who　fabricated　it。　　〃YesI'll　go　abroad；〃　said　she；　hopefully。

〃Quietly　arrange　for　a　long　stay；〃　he　advised。　　〃I　HOPE　it　won't　be　long。　　But　I　never　plan　on　hope。〃

Thus；　with　his　sister　and　Fitzhugh　out　of　the　way　and　the　heaviest　of　his　burdens　of　expense　greatly　lightened；　he　set　about　rehabitating　himself。　　He　took　an　office；　waited　for　clients。　　And　clients　cameexcellent　clients。　　Came　and　precipitately　left　him。

There　were　two　reasons　for　it。　　The　firstthe　one　most　often　heardwas　the　story　going　round　that　he　had　been；　and　probably　still　was；　out　of　his　mind。　　No　deadlier　or　crueler　weapon　can　be　used　against　a　man　than　that　same　charge　as　to　his　sanity。　　It　has　been　known　to　destroy；　or　seriously　maim；　brilliant　and　able　men　with　no　trace　of　any　of　the　untrustworthy　kinds　of　insanity。　　Where　the　man's　own　conduct　gives　color　to　the　report；　the　attack　is　usually　mortal。　　And　Norman　had　acted　the　crazy　man。　　The　second　reason　was　the　hostility　of　Burroughs；　reinforced　by　all　the　hatreds　and　jealousies　Norman's　not　too　respectful　way　of　dealing　with　his　fellow　men　had　been　creating　through　fifteen　years。

The　worst　moment　in　the　life　of　a　man　who　has　always　proudly　regarded　himself　as　above　any　need　whatever　from　his　fellow　men　is　when　he　discovers　all　in　a　flash；　that　the　timid　animal　he　spurned　as　it　fawned　has　him　upon　his　back；　has　its　teeth　and　claws　at　his　helpless　throat。

For　four　months　he　stood　out　against　the　isolation；　the　suspicion　as　to　his　sanity；　the　patronizing　pity　of　men　who　but　a　little　while　before　had　felt　honored　when　he　spoke　to　them。　　For　four　months　he　gave　battle　to　unseen　and　silent　foes　compassing　him　on　every　side。　He　had　no　spirit　for　the　fight；　his　love　of　Dorothy　Hallowell　and　his　complete　rout　there　had　taken　the　spirit　out　of　himand　with　it　had　gone　that　confidence　in　himself　and　in　his　luck　which　had　won　him　so　many　critical　battles。　　Then　　He　had　been　keeping　up　a　large　suite　of　offices；　a　staff　of　clerks　and　stenographers　and　all　the　paraphernalia　of　the　great　and　successful　lawyer。　　He　had　been　spreading　out　the　little　business　he　got　in　a　not　unsuccessful　effort　to　make　it　appear　big　and　growing。　　He　now　gave　up　these　offices　and　the　costly　pride；　pomp　and　circumstanceleft　with　several　thousand　dollars　owing。　　He　took　two　small　rooms　in　a　building　tenanted　by　beginners　and　cheap　shysters。　He　continued　to　live　at　his　club；　where　even　the　servants　were　subtly　insolent　to　him；　he　could　see　the　time　approaching　when　he　might　have　to　let　himself　be　dropped　for　failing　to　pay　dues　and　bills。

He　stared　at　his　ruin　in　stupid　and　dazed　amazement。　Usually；　to　hear　or　to　read　about　such　a　catastrophe　as　this　is　to　get　a　vague；　rather　impressive　notion　of　something　picturesque　and　romantic。　　Ruined；　like　all　the　big　fateful　words；　has　a　dignified　sound。　But　the　historians　and　novelists　and　poets　and　other　keepers　of　human　records　have　a　pleasant；　but　not　very　honest　way；　of　omitting　practically　all　the　essentials　from　their　records　and　substituting　glittering　imaginings　that　delight　the　readerand　wofully　mislead　him　as　to　the　truth　about　life。　　What　wonder　that　we　learn　slowlyand　improve　slowly。　　How　wofully　we　have　been；　and　are；　misled　by　all　upon　whom　we　have　relied　as　teachers。

Already　one　of　these　charming　tales　of　majestic　downfall　was　in　process　of　manufacture；　with　Frederick　Norman　as　the　central　figure。　　It　was　only　awaiting　his　suicide　or　some　other　mode　of　complete　submergence　for　its　final　glose　of　glamor。　　In　this　manufacture；　the　truth；　as　usual；　had　been　almost　omitted；　such　truth　as　was　retained　for　this　artistic　version　of　a　human　happening　was　so　perverted　that　it　was　falser　than　the　simon　pure　fictions　with　which　it　was　interwoven。　　Just　as　the　literal　truth　about　his　success　was　far　from　being　altogether　to　his　credit；　so　the　literal　truth　as　to　his　fall　gave　him　little　of　the　vesture　of　the　hero；　and　that　little　ill　fitting；　to　cover　his　naked　humanness。　　Let　him　who　has　risen　to　material　success　altogether　by　methods　approved　by　the　idealists；　let　him　who　has　fallen　from　on　high　with　graceful　majesty；　without　hysterical　clutchings　and　desperate　attempts　at　self…　salvation　in　disregard　of　the　safety　of　otherslet　either　of　these　superhuman　beings　come　forward　with　the　first　stone　for　Norman。

Those　at　some　distance　from　the　falling　man　could　afford　to　be　romantic　and　piteous　over　his　fate。　　Those　in　his　dangerous　neighborhood　were　too　busy　getting　out　of　the　way。　　〃Man　fallingstand　from　under！〃　was　the　cryhow　familiar　it　is！and　acquaintances　and　friends　fled　in　mad　skedaddle。　　He　would　surely　be　asking　favorswould　be　trying　to　borrow　money。　　It　is　no　peculiarity　of　rats　to　desert　a　sinking　ship；　it　is　simply　an　inevitable　precaution　in　a　social　system　modeled　as　yet　upon　nature's　cruel　law　of　the　survival　of　the　fittest。　　A　falling　man　is　first　of　all　a　warning　to　all　other　men　high　enough　up　to　be　able　to　falla　warning　to　them　to　take　care　lest　they　fall　also　where　footing　is　so　insecure　and　precipices　and　steeps　beset　every　path。

Norman；　falling；　falling；　gazed　round　him　and　up　and　down；　in　dazed　wonder。　　He　had　seen　many　others　fall。　　He　had　seen　just　where　and　just　why　they　missed　their　footing。　　And　he　had　been　confident　that　with　him　no　such　misstep　was　possible。　　He　could　not　believe；　a　little　while；　and　luck　would　turn；　and　up　he　would　go　againhigher　than　before