the dust-第35节

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ey　were。　　〃It's　hard　to　say　which　is　the　more　dreadfulthe　ugly；　misshapen　human　race　without　clothes　or　in　the　clothes　it　insists　on　wearing。　　And　the　talk　at　that　tea！　Does　no　one　ever　say　a　pleasant　thing　about　anyone？　　Doesn't　anyone　ever　do　a　pleasant　thing　that　can　be　spoken　about？　　I　read　this　morning　Tolstoy's　advice　about　resolving　to　think　all　day　only　nice　thoughts　and　sticking　to　it。　　That　sounded　good　to　me；　and　I　decided　to　try　it。〃　　Ursula　laughed　and　squirmed　about　in　her　tight…fitting　dress　that　made　an　enchanting　display　of　her　figure。　　〃What　is　one　to　do？　_I_　can't　be　a　fraud；　for　one。　　And　if　I　had　stuck　to　my　resolution　I'd　have　spent　the　day　in　lying。　　What's　the　matter；　Fred？〃　　Now　that　her　attention　was　attracted　she　observed　more　closely。　　〃What　HAVE　you　been　doing？　　You　lookfrightful！〃

〃I've　broken　with　her；〃　replied　he。

〃With　Jo？〃　she　cried。　　〃Why；　Fred；　you　can't　you　can'twith　the　wedding　only　five　days　away！〃

〃Not　with　Jo。〃

Ursula　breathed　noisy　relief。　　She　said　cheerfully：　〃Ohwith　the　other。　　Well；　I'm　glad　it's　over。〃

〃Over？〃　said　he　sardonically。　　〃Over？　　It's　only　begun。〃

〃But　you'll　stick　it　out；　Fred。　　You've　made　a　fool　of　yourself　long　enough。　　What　was　the　girl　playing　for？　　Marriage？〃

He　nodded。　　〃I　guess　so。〃　　He　laughed　curtly。　〃And　she　almost　won。〃

Ursula　smiled　with　fine　mockery。　　〃Almost；　but　not　quite。　　I　know　you　men。　　Women　do　that　sort　of　fool　thing。　　But　menneverat　least　not　the　ambitious；　snobbish　New　York　men。〃

〃She　almost　won；〃　he　repeated。　　〃At　least；　I　almost　did　it。　　If　I　had　stayed　a　minute　longer　I'd　have　done　it。〃

〃You　like　to　think　you　would；〃　mocked　Ursula。　〃But　if　you　had　tried　to　say　the　words　your　lungs　would　have　collapsed；　your　vocal　chords　snapped　and　your　tongue　shriveled。〃

〃I　am　not　so　damn　sure　I　shan't　do　it　yet；〃　he　burst　out　fiercely。

〃But　I　am；〃　said　Ursula；　calm；　brisk；　practical。　〃What's　she　going　to　do？〃

〃Going　to　work。〃

Ursula　laughed　joyously。　　〃What　a　joke！　　A　woman　go　to　work　when　she　needn't！〃

〃She　is　going　to　work。〃

〃To　work　another　man。〃

〃She　meant　it。〃

〃How　easily　women　fool　men！even　the　wise　men　like　you。〃

〃She　meant　it。〃

〃She　still　hopes　to　marry　youor　she　has　heard　of　your　marriage〃

Norman　lifted　his　head。　　Into　his　face　came　the　cynical；　suspicious　expression。

〃And　has　fastened　on　some　other　man。　　Or　perhaps　she's　found　some　good　provider　who's　willing　to　marry　her。〃

Norman　sprang　up；　his　eyes　blazing；　his　mouth　working　cruelly。　　〃By　God！〃　he　cried。　　〃If　I　thought　that！〃

His　sister　was　alarmed。　　Such　a　manin　such　a　deliriummight　commit　any　absurdity。　　He　flung　himself　down　in　despair。　　〃Urse；　why　can't　I　get　rid　of　this　thing？　　It's　ruining　me。　　It's　killing　me！〃

〃Your　good　sense　tells　you　if　you　had　her　you'd　be　over　it〃　　She　snapped　her　fingers〃like　that。〃

〃YesyesI　know　it！　　But〃　　He　groaned　〃she　has　broken　with　me。〃

Ursula　went　to　him　and　kissed　him　and　took　his　head　in　her　arms。　　〃What　a　BOY…boy　it　is！〃　she　said　tenderly。　　〃Oh；　it　must　be　dreadful　to　have　always　had　whatever　one　wanted　and　then　to　find　something　one　can't　have。　　We　women　are　used　to　itand　the　usual　sort　of　man。　　But　not　your　sort；　Freddyand　I'm　so　sorry　for　you。〃

〃I　want　her；　UrseI　want　her；〃　he　groaned；　and　he　was　almost　sobbing。　　〃My　God；　I　CAN'T　get　on　without　her。〃

〃Now；　Freddy　dear；　listen　to　me。　　You　know　she's　'way；　'way　beneath　youthat　she　isn't　at　all　what　you've　got　in　the　habit　of　picturing　herthat　it's　all　delusion　and　nonsense〃

〃I　want　her；〃　he　repeated。　　〃I　want　her。〃

〃You'd　be　ashamed　if　you　had　her　as　a　wife　wouldn't　you？〃

He　was　silent。

〃She　isn't　a　LADY。〃

〃I　don't　know；〃　replied　he。

〃She　hasn't　any　sense。　　A　low　sort　of　cunning；　yes。　　But　not　brainsnot　enough　to　hold　you。〃

〃I　don't　know；〃　replied　he。　　〃She's　got　enough　for　a　woman。　　AndI　WANT　her。〃

〃She　isn't　to　be　compared　with　Josephine。〃

〃But　I　don't　want　Josephine。　　I　want　HER。〃

〃But　which　do　you　want　to　MARRY？to　bring　forward　as　your　wife？to　spend　your　life　with？〃

〃I　know。　　I'm　a　mad　fool。　　But；　Urse；　I　can't　help　it。〃　　He　stood　up　suddenly。　　〃I've　used　every　weapon　I've　got。　　Even　prideand　it　skulked　away。　　My　sense　of　humorand　it　weakened。　　My　willand　it　snapped。〃

〃Is　she　so　wonderful？〃

〃She　is　soelusive。　　I　can't　understand　herI　can't　touch　her。　　I　can't　find　her。　　She　keeps　me　going　like　a　man　chasing　an　echo。〃

〃Like　a　man　chasing　an　echo；〃　repeated　Ursula　reflectively。　　〃I　understand。　　It　is　maddening。　　She　must　be　cleverin　her　way。〃

〃Or　very　simple。　　God　knows　which；　I　don'tand　sometimes　I　think　she　doesn't；　either。〃　　He　made　a　gesture　of　dismissal。　　〃Well；　it's　finished。　　I　must　pull　myself　togetheror　try　to。〃

〃You　will；〃　said　his　sister　confidently。　　〃A　fortnight　from　now　you'll　be　laughing　at　yourself。〃

〃I　am　now。　　I　have　been　all　along。　　Butit　does　no　good。〃

She　had　to　go　and　dress。　　But　she　could　not　leave　until　she　had　tried　to　make　him　comfortable。　　He　was　drinking　brandy　and　soda　and　staring　at　his　feet　which　were　stretched　straight　out　toward　the　fire。　　〃Where's　your　sense　of　humor？〃　she　demanded。　　〃Throw　yourself　on　your　sense　of　humor。　　It's　a　friend　that　sticks　when　all　others　fail。〃

〃It's　my　only　hope；〃　he　said　with　a　grim　smile。　　〃I　can　see　myself。　　No　wonder　she　despises　me。〃

〃Despises　you？〃　scoffed　Ursula。　　〃A　WOMAN　des…　pise　YOU！　　She's　crazy　about　you；　I'll　bet　anything　you　like。　　Before　you're　through　with　this　you'll　find　out　I'm　right。　　And　thenyou'll　have　no　use　for　her。〃

〃She　despises　me。〃

〃Wellwhat　of　it？　　Really；　Fred；　it　irritates　me　to　see　you　absolutely　unlike　yourself。　　Why；　you're　as　broken…spirited　as　a　henpecked　old　husband。〃

〃Just　that；〃　he　admitted；　rising　and　looking　drearily　about。　　〃I　don't　know　what　the　devil　to　do　next。　Everything　seems　to　have　stopped。〃

〃Going　to　see　Josephine　this　evening？〃

〃I　suppose　so；〃　was　his　indifferent　reply。

〃You'll　have　to　dress　after　dinner。　　There's　no　time　now。〃

〃Dress？〃　he　inquired　vaguely。　　〃Why　dress？　Why　do　anything？〃

She　thought　he　would　not　go　to　Josephine　but　would　hide　in　his　club　and　drink。　　But　she　was　mistaken。　Toward　nine　o'clock　he；　in　evening　dress；　with　the　expression　of　a　horse　in　a　treadmill；　rang　the　bell　of　Josephine's　house　and　passed　in　at　the　big　bronze　doors。　The　butler　must　have　particularly　admired　the　way　he　tossed　aside　his　coat　and　hat。　　As　soon　as　he　was　in　the　presence　of　his　fiancee　he　saw　that　she　was　again　in　the　throes　of　some　violent　agitation。

She　began　at　once：　　〃I've　just　had　the　most　frightful　scene　with　father；〃　she　said。　　〃He's　been　hearing　a　lot　of　stuff　about　you　down　town　and　it　set　him　wild。〃

〃Do　you　mind　if　I　smoke　a　cigar？〃　said　he；　looking　at　her　unseeingly　with　haggard；　cold　eyes。　　〃And　may　I　have　some　whisky？〃

She　rang。　　〃I　hope　the　servants　didn't　hear　him；〃　she　said。　　Then；　as　a　step　sounded　outside　she　put　on　an　air　of　gayety；　as　if　she　were　still　laughing　at　some　jest　he　had　made。　　In　the　doorway　appeared　her　father　one　of　those　big　men　who　win　half　the　battle　in　advance　on　personal　appearance　of　unconquerable　might。　Burroughs　was　noted　for　his　generosity　and　for　his　violent　temper。　　As　a　rule　men　of　the　largeness　necessary　to　handling　large　affairs　are　free　from　petty　vindictiveness。　They　are　too　busy　for　hatred。　　They　do　not　forgive；　they　are　most　careful　not　to　forget；　they　simply　stand　ready　at　any　moment　to　do　whatever　it　is　to　their　interest　to　do；　regardless　of　friendships　or　animosities。　　Burroughs　was　an　exception　in　that　he　got　his　highest　pleasure　out　of　pursuing　his　enemies。　He　enjoyed　this　so　keenly　that　several　timesso　it　was　saidhe　had　sacrificed　real　money　to　satisfy　a　revenge。　But　these　rumors　may　have　wronged　him。　　It　is　hardly　probable　that　a　man　who　would　let　a　weakness　carry　him　to　that　pitch　of　folly　could　have　escaped　destruction。　For　of　all　the　follies　revenge　is　the　most　dangerous　as　well　as　the　most　fatuous。

Burroughs　had　a　big　face。　　Had　he　looked　less　powerful　the　bigness　of　his　features；　the　spread　of　cheek　and　jowl；　would　have　been　grotesque。　　As　it　was；　the　face　was　impressive；　especially　when　one　recalled　how　many；　many　millions　he　owned　and　how　many　more　he　controlled。　　The　control　was　better　than　the　ownership。　The　millions　he　owned　made　him　a　cowardhe　was　afraid　he　might　lose　them。　　The　millions　he　controlled；　and　of　course　used　for　his　own　enrichment；　made　him　brave；　for　if　they　were　lost　in　the　daring　ventures　in　which　he　freely　staked　them；　why；　the　loss　was　not　his；　and　he　could　shift　the　blame。　　Usually　Norman　treated　him　with　great　respect；　for　his　business　gave　the　firm　nearly　half　its　total　income；　and　it　was　his　daughter　and　his　wealth；　prestige　and　power；　that　Norman　was　marrying。　But　this　evening　he　looked　at　the　great　man　with　a　superciliousness　that　was　peculiarly　disrespectful　from　so　young　a　man　to　one　well　advanced　toward　old　age。　　Norman　had　been　feeling　relaxed；　languid；　exhausted。　　The　signs　of　battle　in　that　powerful　face　nerved　him；　keyed　him　up　at　once。　　He　waited　with　a　joyful　impatience　while　the　servant　was　bringing　cigars　and　whisky。　　The　enormous　quantities　of　liquor　he　had　drunk　in　the　last　few　days　had　not　been　without　effect。　Alcohol；　the