the dust-第34节

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〃Hasn't　she　cried　yet；　Pat？〃

〃Not　yet。　　We're　waiting　for　it；　sir。　　We're　afraid　her　mind　will　give　way。　　At　least；　Molly　is。　　I　don't　think　so。　　She's　a　queer　young　ladyas　queer　as　she　looksthough　at　first　you'd　never　think　it。　　She's　always　looking　different。　　I　never　seen　so　many　persons　in　one。〃

〃Can't　Molly　MAKE　her　cry？by　talking　about　him？〃

〃She's　tried；　sir。　　It　wasn't　no　use。　　Why；　Miss　Dorothy　talks　about　him　just　as　if　he　was　still　here。〃　Pat　wiped　the　sweat　from　his　forehead。　　〃I've　been　in　many　a　house　of　mourning；　but　never　through　such　a　strain　as　this。　　Somehow　I　feel　as　if　I'd　never　before　been　round　where　there　was　anyone　that'd　lost　somebody　they　REALLY　cared　about。　　Weeping　and　moaning　don't　amount　to　much　beside　what　she's　doing。〃

Norman　stayed　round　for　an　hour　or　more；　then　rushed　away　distracted。　　He　drank　like　a　madman　drank　himself　into　a　daze；　and　so　got　a　few　hours　of　a　kind　of　sleep。　　He　was　looking　haggard　and　wild　now；　and　everyone　avoided　him；　though　in　fact　there　was　not　the　least　danger　of　an　outburst　of　temper。　　His　sisterJosephinethe　officeseveral　clients　telephoned　for　him。　　To　all　he　sent　the　same　refusalthat　he　was　too　ill　to　see　anyone。　　Not　until　the　third　day　after　the　funeral　did　Dorothy　telephone　for　him。

He　took　an　ice…cold　bath；　got　himself　together　as　well　as　he　could；　and　reached　the　house　in　Jersey　City　about　half　past　three　in　the　afternoon。　　She　came　gliding　into　the　room　like　a　ghost；　trailing　a　black　negligee　that　made　the　whiteness　of　her　skin　startling。　　Her　eye…　lids　were　heavy　and　dark；　but　unreddened。　　She　gazed　at　him　with　calm；　clear　melancholy；　and　his　heart　throbbed　and　ached　for　her。　　She　seated　herself；　clasped　her　hands　loosely　in　her　lap；　and　said：

〃I've　sent　for　you　so　that　I　could　settle　things　up。〃

〃Your　father's　affairs？　　Can't　I　do　it　better？〃

〃He　had　arranged　everything。　　There　are　only　the　papershis　notesand　he　wrote　out　the　addresses　of　the　men　they　were　to　be　sent　to。　　No；　I　mean　settle　things　up　with　you。〃

〃You　mustn't　bother　about　that；〃　said　he。　〃Besides；　there's　nothing　to　settle。〃

〃I　shan't　pretend　I'm　going　to　try　to　pay　you　back；〃　she　went　on；　as　if　he　had　not　spoken。　　〃I　never　could　do　it。　　But　you　will　get　part　at　least　by　selling　this　furniture　and　the　things　at　the　laboratory。〃

〃Dorothyplease；〃　he　implored。　　〃Don't　you　understand　you're　to　stay　on　here；　just　the　same？　　What　sort　of　man　do　you　think　I　am？　　I　did　this　for　you；　and　you　know　it。〃

〃But　I　did　it　for　my　father；〃　replied　she；　〃and　he's　gone。〃　　She　was　resting　her　melancholy　gaze　upon　him。　　〃I　couldn't　take　anything　from　you。　　You　didn't　think　I　was　that　kind？〃

He　was　silent。

〃I　cared　nothing　about　the　scandalwhat　people　saidso　long　as　I　was　doing　it　for　him。　。　。　。　　I'd　have　done　ANYTHING　for　him。　　Sometimes　I　thought　you　were　going　to　compel　me　to　do　things　I'd　have　hated　to　do。　I　hope　I　wronged　you；　but　I　feared　you　meant　that。〃　She　sat　thinking　several　minutes；　sighed　wearily。　　〃It's　all　over　now。　　It　doesn't　matter。　　I　needn't　bother　about　it　any　more。〃

〃Dorothy；　let's　not　talk　of　these　things　now；〃　said　Norman。　　〃There's　no　hurry。　　I　want　you　to　wait　until　you　are　calm　and　have　thought　everything　over。　　Then　I'm　sure　you'll　see　that　you　ought　to　stay　on。〃

〃How　could　I？〃　she　asked　wonderingly。

〃Why　not？　　Am　I　demanding　anything　of　you？　You　know　I'm　notand　that　I　never　shall。〃

〃But　there's　no　reason　on　earth　why　YOU　should　support　ME。　　I　can　work。　　Why　shouldn't　I？　　And　if　I　didn't；　if　I　stayed　on　here；　what　sort　of　woman　would　I　be？〃

He　was　unable　to　find　an　answer。　　He　was　trying　not　to　see　a　look　in　her　faceor　was　it　in　her　soul；　revealed　through　her　eyes？a　look　that　made　him　think　for　the　first　time　of　a　resemblance　between　her　and　her　father。

〃You　see　yourself　I've　got　to　go。　　Any　money　I　could　earn　wouldn't　more　than　pay　for　a　room　and　board　somewhere。〃

〃You　can　let　me　advance　you　money　while　you〃　He　hesitated；　had　an　idea　which　he　welcomed　eagerly　〃while　you　study　for　the　stage。　　Yes；　that's　the　sensible　thing。　　You　can　learn　to　act。　　Then　you　will　be　able　to　make　a　decent　living。〃

She　slowly　shook　her　head。　　〃I've　no　talent　for　it　and　no　liking。　　No；　Mr。　Norman；　I　must　go　back　to　workand　right　away。〃

〃But　at　least　wait　until　you've　looked　into　the　stage　business；〃　he　urged。　　〃You　may　find　that　you　like　it　and　that　you　have　talent　for　it。〃

〃I　can't　take　any　more　from　you；〃　she　said。

〃You　think　I　am　not　to　be　trusted。　　I'm　not　going　to　say　now　how　I　feel　toward　you。　　But　I　can　honestly　say　one　thing。　　Now　that　you　are　all　alone　and　unprotected；　you　needn't　have　the　least　fear　of　me。〃

She　smiled　faintly。　　〃I　see　you　don't　believe　me。　Well；　it　doesn't　matter。　　I've　seen　Mr。　Tetlow　and　he　has　given　me　a　place　at　twelve　a　week　in　his　office。〃

Norman　sank　back　in　his　chair。　　〃He　is　in　for　himself　now？〃

〃No。　　He's　head　clerk　for　Pitchley　&　Culver。〃

〃Culver！〃　exclaimed　Norman。　　〃I　don't　want　you　to　go　into　Culver's　office。　　He's　a　scoundrel。〃

Again　Dorothy　smiled　faintly。　　Norman　colored。　〃I　know　he　stands　wellas　well　as　I　do。　　But　I　can't　trust　you　with　him。　　That　sounds　ridiculous　butit's　true。〃

〃I　think　I　can　trust　myself；〃　she　said　quietly。　　Her　grave　regard　fixed　his。　　〃Don't　you？〃　she　asked。

His　eyes　lowered。　　〃Yes；〃　he　replied。　　〃Butwhy　shouldn't　you　come　back　with　us？　　I'll　see　that　you　get　a　much　better　position　than　Culver's　giving　you。〃

Over　her　face　crept　one　of　those　mysterious　transformations　that　made　her　so　bafflingly　fascinating　to　him。　　Behind　that　worldly…wise；　satirical　mask　was　she　mocking　at　him？　　All　she　said　was：　　〃I　couldn't　work　there。　　I've　settled　it　with　Mr。　Tetlow。　　I　go　to　work　to…morrow。〃

〃To…morrow！〃　he　cried；　starting　up。

〃And　I've　found　a　place　to　live。　　Pat　and　Molly；　will　take　care　of　things　for　you　here。〃

〃Dorothy！　　You　don't　MEAN　this？　　You're　not　going　to　break　off？〃

〃I　shan't　see　you　againexcept　as　we　may　meet　by　accident。〃

〃Do　you　realize　what　you're　saying　means　to　me？〃　he　cried。　　〃Don't　you　know　how　I　love　you？〃　　He　advanced　toward　her。　　She　stood　and　waited　passively；　looking　at　him。　　〃Dorothymy　lovedo　you　want　to　kill　me？〃

〃When　are　you　to　be　married？〃　she　asked　quietly。

〃You　are　playing　with　me！〃　he　cried。　　〃You　are　tormenting　me。　　What　have　I　ever　done　that　you　should　treat　me　this　way？〃　　He　caught　her　unresisting　hands　and　kissed　them。　　〃Dearmy　deardon't　you　care　for　me　at　all？〃

〃No；〃　she　said　placidly。　　〃I've　always　told　you　so。〃

He　seized　her　in　his　arms；　kissed　her　with　a　frenzy　that　was　savage；　ferocious。　　〃You　will　drive　me　mad。　You　HAVE　driven　me　mad！〃　he　muttered。　　And　he　added；　unconscious　that　he　was　speaking　his　thoughts；　so　distracted　was　he：　　〃You　MUST　love　meyou　MUST！　　No　woman　has　ever　resisted　me。　　You　cannot。〃

She　drew　herself　away　from　him；　stood　before　him　like　snow；　like　ice。　　〃One　thing　I　have　never　told　you。　I'll　tell　you　now；〃　she　said　deliberately。　　〃I　despise　you。〃

He　fell　back　a　step　and　the　chill　of　her　coldness　seemed　to　be　freezing　the　blood　in　his　veins。

〃I've　always　despised　you；〃　she　went　on；　and　he　shivered　before　that　contemptuous　wordit　seemed　only　the　more　contemptuous　for　her　calmness。　　〃Sometimes　I've　despised　you　thoroughlyagain　only　a　littlebut　always　that　feeling。〃

For　a　moment　he　thought　she　had　at　last　stung　his　pride　into　the　semblance　of　haughtiness。　　He　was　able　to　look　at　her　with　mocking　eyes　and　to　say；　〃I　congratulate　you　on　your　cleverness　in　concealing　your　feelings。〃

〃It　wasn't　my　cleverness；〃　she　said　wearily。　　〃It　was　your　blindness。　　I　never　deceived　you。〃

〃No；　you　never　have；〃　he　replied　sincerely。　〃Perhaps　I　deserve　to　be　despised。　　Again；　perhaps　if　you　knew　the　worldthe　one　I　live　inbetter；　you'd　think　less　harshly　of　me。〃

〃I　don't　think　harshly　of　you。　　How　could　I　after　all　you　did　for　my　father？〃

〃Dorothy；　if　you'll　stay　here　and　study　for　the　stageor　anything　you　chooseI　promise　you　I'll　never　speak　of　my　feeling　for　youor　show　it　in　any　wayunless　you　yourself　give　me　leave。〃

She　smiled　with　childlike　pathos。　　〃You　ought　not　to　tempt　me。　　Do　you　want　me　to　keep　on　despising　you？　　Can't　you　ever　be　fair　with　me？〃

The　sad；　frank　gentleness　of　the　appeal　swung　his　unhinged　mind　to　the　other　extremefrom　the　savagery　of　passion　to　a　frenzy　of　remorse。　　〃Fair　to　YOU？　No；〃　he　cried；　〃because　I　love　you。　　Oh；　I'm　ashamed　bitterly　ashamed。　　I'm　capable　of　any　baseness　to　get　you。　　You're　right。　　You　can't　trust　me。　　In　going　you're　saving　me　from　myself。〃　　He　hesitated；　stared　wildly；　appalled　at　the　words　that　were　fighting　for　utterancethe　words　about　marriageabout　marrying　her！　　He　said　hoarsely：　　〃I　am　madmad！　　I　don't　know　what　I'm　saying。　　Good…by　　For　God's　sake；　don't　think　the　worst　of　me；　Dorothy。　　Good…by。　　I　WILL　be　a　man　againI　will！〃

And　he　wrung　her　hand　and；　talking　incoherently；　he　rushed　from　the　room　and　from　the　house。



XII


HE　went　straight　home　and　sought　his　sister。　　She　had　that　moment　come　in　from　tea　after　a　matinee。　She　talked　about　the　playhow　badly　it　was　acted　and　about　the　women　she　had　seen　at　teahow　badly　dressed　they　were。　　〃It's　hard　to　say　which　is　the　more　dreadfulthe　ugly；　misshapen　human