the dust-第23节

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


uation　in　which　he　now　found　himself。　　But　never　before　had　the　circumstances　been　so　difficult。　　Josephine　in　no　way　resembled　any　woman　with　whom　he　had　been　involved；　she　was　the　first　he　had　taken　seriously。　　Nor　did　the　other　woman　resemble　the　central　figure　in　any　of　his　affairs。　　He　did　not　know　what　she　was　like；　how　to　classify　her；　but　he　did　know　that　she　was　unlike　any　woman　he　had　ever　known　and　that　his　feeling　for　her　was　different　appallingly　differentfrom　any　emotion　any　other　woman　had　inspired　in　him。　　Soa　walk　alone　with　Josephine　a　first　talk　with　her　after　his　secret　treachery　was　no　light　matter。　　〃Deeper　and　deeper；〃　he　said　to　himself。　　〃Where　is　this　going　to　end？〃

She　began　by　sympathizing　with　him　for　having　so　much　to　do〃and　father　says　you　can　get　through　more　work　than　any　man　he　ever　knew；　not　excluding　himself。〃　　She　was　full　of　tenderness　and　compliment；　of　a　kind　of　love　that　made　him　feel　as　the　dirt　beneath　his　feet。　　She　respected　him　so　highly；　she　believed　in　him　so　entirely。　　The　thought　of　her　discovering　the　truth；　or　any　part　of　it；　gave　him　a　sensation　of　nausea。　He　was　watching　her　out　of　the　corner　of　his　eye。　　Never　had　he　seen　her　more　statelily　beautiful。　　If　he　should　lose　her！〃　　I'm　madMAD！〃　he　said　to　himself。　　

〃Josephine　is　as　high　above　her　as　heaven　above　earth。　What　is　there　to　her；　anyhow？　　Not　brainsnor　taste　nor　such　miraculous　beauty。　　Why　do　I　make　an　ass　of　myself　about　her？　　I　ought　to　go　to　my　doctor。〃

〃I　don't　believe　you're　listening　to　what　I'm　saying；〃　laughed　Josephine。

〃My　head's　in　a　terrible　state；〃　replied　he。　　〃I　can't　think　of　anything。〃

〃Don't　try　to　talk　or　to　listen；　dearest；〃　said　she　in　the　sweet　and　soothing　tone　that　is　neither　sweet　nor　soothing　to　a　man　in　a　certain　species　of　unresponsive　mood。　　〃This　air　will　do　you　good。　　It　doesn't　annoy　you　for　me　to　talk　to　you；　does　it？〃

The　question　was　one　of　those　which　confidently　expects；　even　demands；　a　sincere　and　strenuous　negative　for　answer。　　It　fretted　him；　this　matter…of…course　assumption　of　hers　that　she　could　not　but　be　altogether　pleasing；　not　to　say　enchanting　to　him。　　Her　position；　her　wealth；　the　attentions　she　had　received；　the　flatteries　　In　her　circumstances　could　it　be　in　human　nature　not　to　think　extremely　well　of　oneself？　　And　he　admitted　that　she　had　the　right　so　to　think。　　Still　For　the　first　time　she　scraped　upon　his　nerves。　　His　reply；　〃Annoy　me？　　The　contrary；〃　was　distinctly　crisp。　　To　an　experienced　ear　there　would　have　sounded　the　faint　warning　under…note　of　sullenness。

But　she；　believing　in　his　love　and　in　herself；　saw　nothing；　suspected　nothing。　　〃We　know　each　other　so　thoroughly；〃　she　went　on；　〃that　we　don't　need　to　make　any　effort。　　How　congenial　we　are！　　I　always　understand　you。　　I　feel　such　a　sense　of　the　perfect　freedom　and　perfect　frankness　between　us。　　Don't　you？〃

〃You　have　wonderful　intuitions；〃　said　he。

It　was　the　time　to　alarm　him　by　coldness；　by　capr…　ciousness。　　But　how　could　she　know　it？　　And　she　was　in　lovereally　in　lovenot　with　herself；　not　with　love；　but　with　him。　　Thus；　she　made　the　mistake　of　all　true　lovers　in　those　difficult　moments。　　She　let　him　see　how　absolutely　she　was　his。　　Nor　did　the　spectacle　of　her　sincerity；　of　her　belief　in　his　sincerity　put　him　in　any　better　humor　with　himself。

The　walk　was　a　mere　matter　of　a　dozen　blocks。　　He　thought　it　would　never　end。　　〃You　are　sure　you　aren't　ill？〃　she　said；　when　they　were　at　her　doora　superb　bronze　door　it　was；　opening　into　a　house　of　the　splendor　that　for　the　acclimated　New　Yorker　quite　conceals　and　more　than　compensates　absence　of　individual　taste。　〃You　don't　look　ill。　　But　you　act　queerly。〃

〃I'm　often　this　way　when　they　drive　me　too　hard　down　town。〃

She　looked　at　him　with　fond　admiration；　he　might　have　been　better　pleased　had　there　not　been　in　the　look　a　suggestion　of　the　possessive。　　〃How　they　do　need　you！　　Father　says　　But　I　mustn't　make　you　any　vainer　than　you　are。〃

He　usually　loved　compliment；　could　take　it　in　its　rawest　form　with　fine　human　gusto。　　Now；　he　did　not　care　enough　about　that　〃father　says〃　to　rise　to　her　obvious　bait。　　〃I'm　horribly　tired；〃　he　said。　　〃Shall　I　see　you　to…morrow？　　No；　I　guess　notnot　for　several　days。　　You　understand？〃

〃Perfectly；〃　replied　she。　　〃I'll　miss　you　dreadfully；　but　my　father　has　trained　me　well。　　I　know　I　mustn't　be　selfishand　tempt　you　to　neglect　things。〃

〃Thank　you；〃　said　he。　　〃I　must　be　off。〃

〃You'll　come　injust　a　moment？〃　　Her　eyes　sparkled。　　〃The　butler　will　have　sense　enough　to　go　straight　awayand　the　small　reception　room　will　be　quite　empty　as　usual。〃

He　could　not　escape。　　A　few　seconds　and　he　was　alone　with　her　in　the　little　roomhow　often　had　he　theybeen　glad　of　its　quiet　and　seclusion　on　such　occasions！　　She　laid　her　hand　upon　his　shoulders；　gazed　at　him　proudly。　　〃It　was　here；〃　said　she；　〃that　you　first　kissed　me。　　Do　you　remember？〃

To　take　her　gaze　from　his　face　and　to　avoid　seeing　her　look　of　loving　trust；　he　put　his　arms　round　her。　〃I　don't　deserve　you；〃　he　saidone　of　those　empty　pretenses　of　confession　that　yet　give　the　human　soul　a　sense　of　truthfulness。

〃You'd　not　say　that　if　you　knew　how　happy　you　make　me；〃　murmured　she。

The　welcome　sound　of　a　step　in　the　hall　give　him　his　release。　　When　he　was　in　the　street；　he　wiped　his　hot　face　with　his　handkerchief。　　〃And　I　thought　I　had　no　moral　sense　left！〃　he　reflectednot　the　first　man；　in　this　climax　day　of　the　triumph　of　selfish　philosophies；　to　be　astonished　by　the　discovery　that　the　dead　hands　of　heredity　and　tradition　have　a　power　that　can　successfully　defy　reason。

He　started　to　walk　back　home；　on　impulse　took　a　passing　taxi　and　went　to　his　club。　　It　was　the　Federal。　They　said　of　it　that　no　man　who　amounted　to　anything　in　New　York　could　be　elected　a　member；　because　any　man　on　his　way　up　could　not　but　offend　one　or　more　of　the　important　persons　in　control。　　Most　of　its　members　were　nominated　at　birth　or　in　childhood　and　elected　as　soon　as　they　were　twenty…one。　　Norman　was　elected　after　he　became　a　man　of　consequence。　　He　regarded　it　as　one　of　the　signal　triumphs　of　his　career；　and　beyond　question　it　was　proof　of　his　power；　of　the　eagerness　of　important　men；　despite　their　jealousy；　to　please　him　and　to　be　in　a　position　to　get　the　benefit　of　his　brains　should　need　arise。　　Norman's　whole　career；　like　every　career　great　and　small；　in　the　arena　of　action；　was　a　derision　of　the　ancient　moralities；　a　demonstration　of　the　value　of　fear　as　an　aid　to　success。　　Even　his　friendsand　he　had　as　many　as　he　cared　to　havehad　been　drawn　to　him　by　the　desire　to　placate　him；　to　stand　well　where　there　was　danger　in　standing　ill。

Until　dinner　time　he　stood　at　the　club　bar；　drinking　one　cocktail　after　another　with　that　supreme　indifference　to　consequences　to　health　which　made　his　fellow　men　gape　and　wonderand　cost　an　occasional　imitator　health；　and　perhaps　life。　　Nor　did　the　powerful　liquor　have　the　least　effect　upon　him；　apparently。　　Possibly　he　was　in　a　better　humor；　but　not　noticeably　so。　He　dined　at　the　club　and　spent　the　evening　at　bridge；　winning　several　hundred　dollars。　　He　enjoyed　the　consideration　he　received　at　that　club；　for　his　fellow　members　being　men　of　both　social　and　financial　consequence；　their　conspicuous　respect　for　him　was　a　concentrated　essence　of　general　adulation。　　He　lingered　on；　eating　a　great　supper　with　real　appetite。　　He　went　home　in　high　good　humor　with　himself。　　He　felt　that　he　was　a　conqueror　born；　that　such　things　of　his　desire　as　did　not　come　could　be　forced　to　come。　　He　no　longer　regarded　his　passion　for　the　nebulous　girl　of　many　personalities　as　a　descent　from　dignity。　　Was　he　not　king？　Did　not　his　favor　give　her　whatever　rank　he　pleased？　Might　not　a　king　pick　and　choose；　according　to　his　fancy？　　Let　the　smaller　fry　grow　nervous　about　these　matters　of　caste。　　They　did　well　to　take　care　lest　they　should　fall。　　But　not　he！　　He　had　won　thus　far　by　haughtiness；　never　by　cringing。　　His　mortal　day　would　be　that　in　which　he　should　abandon　his　natural　tactics　for　the　modes　of　lesser　men。　　True；　only　a　strong　head　could　remain　steady　in　these　giddy　altitudes　of　self…　confidence。　　But　was　not　his　head　strong？

And　without　hesitation　he　called　up　the　vision　that　made　him　delirious…and　detained　it　and　reveled　in　it　until　sleep　came。



VIII


THE　longer　he　thought　of　it　the　stronger　grew　his　doubt　that　the　little　Hallowell　girl　could　be　so　indifferent　to　him　as　she　seemed。　　Not　that　she　was　a　fraud　that　is；　a　conscious　fraudeven　so　much　of　a　fraud　as　the　sincerest　of　the　other　women　he　had　known。　　Simply　that　she　was　carrying　out　a　scheme　of　coquetry。　　Could　it　be　in　human　nature；　even　in　the　nature　of　the　most　indiscriminating　of　the　specimens　of　young　feminine　ignorance　and　folly；　not　to　be　flattered　by　the　favor　of　such　a　man　as　he？　Common　sense　answered　that　it　could　not　bebut　neglected　to　point　out　to　him　that　almost　any　vagary　might　be　expected　of　human　nature；　when　it　could　produce　such　a　deviation　from　the　recognized　types　as　a　man　of　his　position　agitated　about　such　an　unsought　obscurity　as　Miss　Hallowell。　　He　continued　to　debate　the　state　of　her　mind　as　if　it　were　an　affair　of　mightiest　momentwhich；　indeed；　it　was　to　him。