honorine-第14节

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


might　have　forgotten　you；　you　embarked；　escorted　by　two　ladies　of　her
family　and　an　old　man…servant。　The　Count　says　that　he　has　sent　agents
to　various　spots；　and　received　letters　which　give　him　great　hopes。　He
takes　as　many　precautions　to　hide　you　from　all　eyes　as　you　take
yourself。　In　short；　he　obeys　you　。　。　。'

〃　'That　is　enough；'　she　said。　'I　want　to　know　but　one　thing　more。　From
whom　have　you　obtained　all　these　details？'

〃　'Well；　madame；　my　uncle　got　a　place　for　a　penniless　youth　as
secretary　to　the　Commissary　of　police　in　this　part　of　Paris。　That
young　man　told　me　everything。　If　you　leave　this　house　this　evening；
however　stealthily；　your　husband　will　know　where　you　are　gone；　and　his
care　will　follow　you　everywhere。How　could　a　woman　so　clever　as　you
are　believe　that　shopkeepers　buy　flowers　and　caps　as　dear　as　they　sell
them？　Ask　a　thousand　crowns　for　a　bouquet；　and　you　will　get　it。　No
mother's　tenderness　was　ever　more　ingenious　than　your　husband's！　I
have　learned　from　the　porter　of　this　house　that　the　Count　often　comes
behind　the　fence　when　all　are　asleep；　to　see　the　glimmer　of　your
nightlight！　Your　large　cashmere　shawl　cost　six　thousand　francsyour
old…clothes…seller　brings　you；　as　second　hand；　things　fresh　from　the
best　makers。　In　short；　you　are　living　here　like　Venus　in　the　toils　of
Vulcan；　but　you　are　alone　in　your　prison　by　the　devices　of　a　sublime
magnanimity；　sublime　for　seven　years　past；　and　at　every　hour。'

〃The　Countess　was　trembling　as　a　trapped　swallow　trembles　while；　as
you　hold　it　in　your　hand；　it　strains　its　neck　to　look　about　it　with
wild　eyes。　She　shook　with　a　nervous　spasm；　studying　me　with　a　defiant
look。　Her　dry　eyes　glittered　with　a　light　that　was　almost　hot：　still；
she　was　a　woman！　The　moment　came　when　her　tears　forced　their　way；　and
she　weptnot　because　she　was　touched；　but　because　she　was　helpless；
they　were　tears　of　desperation。　She　had　believed　herself　independent
and　free；　marriage　weighed　on　her　as　the　prison　cell　does　on　the
captive。

〃　'I　will　go！'　she　cried　through　her　tears。　'He　forces　me　to　it；　I
will　go　where　no　one　certainly　will　come　after　me。'

〃　'What；'　I　said；　'you　would　kill　yourself？Madame；　you　must　have
some　very　powerful　reasons　for　not　wishing　to　return　to　Comte　Octave。'

〃　'Certainly　I　have！'

〃　'Well；　then；　tell　them　to　me；　tell　them　to　my　uncle。　In　us　you　will
find　two　devoted　advisers。　Though　in　the　confessional　my　uncle　is　a
priest；　he　never　is　one　in　a　drawing…room。　We　will　hear　you；　we　will
try　to　find　a　solution　of　the　problems　you　may　lay　before　us；　and　if
you　are　the　dupe　or　the　victim　of　some　misapprehension；　perhaps　we　can
clear　the　matter　up。　Your　soul；　I　believe；　is　pure；　but　if　you　have
done　wrong；　your　fault　is　fully　expiated。　。　。　。　At　any　rate；　remember
that　in　me　you　have　a　most　sincere　friend。　If　you　should　wish　to　evade
the　Count's　tyranny；　I　will　find　you　the　means；　he　shall　never　find
you。'

〃　'Oh！　there　is　always　a　convent！'　said　she。

〃　'Yes。　But　the　Count；　as　Minister　of　State；　can　procure　your
rejection　by　every　convent　in　the　world。　Even　though　he　is　powerful；　I
will　save　you　from　him；　butonly　when　you　have　demonstrated　to　me
that　you　cannot　and　ought　not　to　return　to　him。　Oh！　do　not　fear　that
you　would　escape　his　power　only　to　fall　into　mine；'　I　added；　noticing
a　glance　of　horrible　suspicion；　full　of　exaggerated　dignity。　'You
shall　have　peace；　solitude；　and　independence；　in　short；　you　shall　be
as　free　and　as　little　annoyed　as　if　you　were　an　ugly；　cross　old　maid。
I　myself　would　never　be　able　to　see　you　without　your　consent。'

〃　'And　how？　By　what　means？'

〃　'That　is　my　secret。　I　am　not　deceiving　you；　of　that　you　may　be　sure。
Prove　to　me　that　this　is　the　only　life　you　can　lead；　that　it　is
preferable　to　that　of　the　Comtesse　Octave；　rich；　admired；　in　one　of
the　finest　houses　in　Paris；　beloved　by　her　husband；　a　happy
mother　。　。　。　and　I　will　decide　in　your　favor。'

〃　'But；'　said　she；　'will　there　never　be　a　man　who　understands　me？'

〃　'No。　And　that　is　why　I　appeal　to　religion　to　decide　between　us。　The
Cure　of　the　White　Friars　is　a　saint；　seventy…five　years　of　age。　My
uncle　is　not　a　Grand　Inquisitor；　he　is　Saint　John；　but　for　you　he　will
be　Fenelonthe　Fenelon　who　said　to　the　Duc　de　Bourgogne：　'Eat　a　calf
on　a　Friday　by　all　means；　monseigneur。　But　be　a　Christian。'

〃　'Nay；　nay；　monsieur；　the　convent　is　my　last　hope　and　my　only　refuge。
There　is　none　but　God　who　can　understand　me。　No　man；　not　Saint
Augustine　himself；　the　tenderest　of　the　Fathers　of　the　Church；　could
enter　into　the　scruples　of　my　conscience；　which　are　to　me　as　the
circles　of　Dante's　hell；　whence　there　is　no　escape。　Another　than　my
husband；　a　different　man；　however　unworthy　of　the　offering；　has　had
all　my　love。　No；　he　has　not　had　it；　for　he　did　not　take　it；　I　gave　it
him　as　a　mother　gives　her　child　a　wonderful　toy；　which　it　breaks。　For
me　there　never　could　be　two　loves。　In　some　natures　love　can　never　be
on　trial；　it　is；　or　it　is　not。　When　it　comes；　when　it　rises　up；　it　is
complete。Well；　that　life　of　eighteen　months　was　to　me　a　life　of
eighteen　years；　I　threw　into　it　all　the　faculties　of　my　being；　which
were　not　impoverished　by　their　effusiveness；　they　were　exhausted　by
that　delusive　intimacy　in　which　I　alone　was　genuine。　For　me　the　cup　of
happiness　is　not　drained；　nor　empty；　and　nothing　can　refill　it；　for　it
is　broken。　I　am　out　of　the　fray；　I　have　no　weapons　left。　Having　thus
utterly　abandoned　myself；　what　am　I？the　leavings　of　a　feast。　I　had
but　one　name　bestowed　on　me；　Honorine；　as　I　had　but　one　heart。　My
husband　had　the　young　girl；　a　worthless　lover　had　the　womanthere　is
nothing　left！Then　let　myself　be　loved！　that　is　the　great　idea　you
mean　to　utter　to　me。　Oh！　but　I　still　am　something；　and　I　rebel　at　the
idea　of　being　a　prostitute！　Yes；　by　the　light　of　the　conflagration　I
saw　clearly；　and　I　tell　youwell；　I　could　imagine　surrendering　to
another　man's　love；　but　to　Octave's？No；　never。'

〃　'Ah！　you　love　him；'　I　said。

〃　'I　esteem　him；　respect　him；　venerate　him；　he　never　has　done　me　the
smallest　hurt；　he　is　kind；　he　is　tender；　but　I　can　never　more　love
him。　However；'　she　went　on；　'let　us　talk　no　more　of　this。　Discussion
makes　everything　small。　I　will　express　my　notions　on　this　subject　in
writing　to　you；　for　at　this　moment　they　are　suffocating　me；　I　am
feverish；　my　feet　are　standing　in　the　ashes　of　my　Paraclete。　All　that
I　see；　these　things　which　I　believed　I　had　earned　by　my　labor；　now
remind　me　of　everything　I　wish　to　forget。　Ah！　I　must　fly　from　hence　as
I　fled　from　my　home。'

〃　'Where　will　you　go？'　I　asked。　'Can　a　woman　exist　unprotected？　At
thirty；　in　all　the　glory　of　your　beauty；　rich　in　powers　of　which　you
have　no　suspicion；　full　of　tenderness　to　be　bestowed；　are　you　prepared
to　live　in　the　wilderness　where　I　could　hide　you？Be　quite　easy。　The
Count；　who　for　nine　years　has　never　allowed　himself　to　be　seen　here；
will　never　go　there　without　your　permission。　You　have　his　sublime
devotion　of　nine　years　as　a　guarantee　for　your　tranquillity。　You　may
therefore　discuss　the　future　in　perfect　confidence　with　my　uncle　and
me。　My　uncle　has　as　much　influence　as　a　Minister　of　State。　So　compose
yourself；　do　not　exaggerate　your　misfortune。　A　priest　whose　hair　has
grown　white　in　the　exercise　of　his　functions　is　not　a　boy；　you　will　be
understood　by　him　to　whom　every　passion　has　been　confided　for　nearly
fifty　years　now；　and　who　weighs　in　his　hands　the　ponderous　heart　of
kings　and　princes。　If　he　is　stern　under　his　stole；　in　the　presence　of
your　flowers　he　will　be　as　tender　as　they　are；　and　as　indulgent　as　his
Divine　Master。'

〃I　left　the　Countess　at　midnight；　she　was　apparently　calm；　but
depressed；　and　had　some　secret　purpose　which　no　perspicacity　could
guess。　I　found　the　Count　a　few　paces　off；　in　the　Rue　Saint…Maur。　Drawn
by　an　irresistible　attraction；　he　had　quitted　the　spot　on　the
Boulevards　where　we　had　agreed　to　meet。

〃　'What　a　night　my　poor　child　will　go　through！'　he　exclaimed；　when　I
had　finished　my　account　of　the　scene　that　had　just　taken　place。
'Supposing　I　were　to　go　to　her！'　he　added；　'supposing　she　were　to　see
me　suddenly？'

〃　'At　this　moment　she　is　capable　of　throwing　herself　out　of　the
window；'　I　replied。　'The　Countess　is　one　of　those　Lucretias　who　could
not　survive　any　violence；　even　if　it　were　done　by　a　man　into　whose
arms　she　could　throw　herself。'

〃　'You　are　young；'　he　answered；　'you　do　not　know　that　in　a　soul　tossed
by　such　dreadful　alternatives　the　will　is　like　waters　of　a　lake　lashed
by　a　tempest；　the　wind　changes　every　instant；　and　the　waves　are　driven
now　to　one　shore；　now　to　the　other。　During　this　night　the　chances　are
quite　as　great　that　on　seeing　me　Honorine　might　rush　into　my　arms　as
that　she　would　throw　herself　out　of　the　window。'

〃　'And　you　would　accept　the　equal　chances；'　said　I。

〃　'Well；　come；'　said　he；　'I　have　at　home；　to　enable　me　to　wait　till
to…morrow；　a　dose　of　opium　which　Desplein　prepared　for　me　to　send　me
to　sleep　without　any　risk！'

〃Next　day　at　noon　Gobain　brought　me　a　letter；　telling　me　that　the
Countess　had　gone　to　bed　at　six；　worn　out　with　fatigue；　and　that；
having　taken　a　soothing　draught　prepared　by　the　chemist；　she　ha