honorine-第13节

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〃　'This　is　not　becoming　in　a　woman；'　said　I。

〃　'Pooh！　Am　I　a　woman？　I　am　a　boy　gifted　with　a　soft　soul；　that　is
all；　a　boy　whom　no　woman　can　torture'

〃　'Your　life　is　the　negation　of　your　whole　being；'　I　replied。　'What？
You；　on　whom　God　has　lavished　His　choicest　treasures　of　love　and
beauty；　do　you　never　wish'

〃　'For　what？'　said　she；　somewhat　disturbed　by　a　speech　which；　for　the
first　time；　gave　the　lie　to　the　part　I　had　assumed。

〃　'For　a　pretty　little　child；　with　curling　hair；　running；　playing
among　the　flowers；　like　a　flower　itself　of　life　and　love；　and　calling
you　mother！'

〃I　waited　for　an　answer。　A　too　prolonged　silence　led　me　to　perceive
the　terrible　effect　of　my　words；　though　the　darkness　at　first
concealed　it。　Leaning　on　her　sofa；　the　Countess　had　not　indeed
fainted；　but　frozen　under　a　nervous　attack　of　which　the　first　chill；
as　gentle　as　everything　that　was　part　of　her；　felt；　as　she　afterwards
said；　like　the　influence　of　a　most　insidious　poison。　I　called　Madame
Gobain；　who　came　and　led　away　her　mistress；　laid　her　on　her　bed；
unlaced　her；　undressed　her；　and　restored　her；　not　to　life；　it　is　true；
but　to　the　consciousness　of　some　dreadful　suffering。　I　meanwhile
walked　up　and　down　the　path　behind　the　house；　weeping；　and　doubting　my
success。　I　only　wished　to　give　up　this　part　of　the　bird…catcher　which
I　had　so　rashly　assumed。　Madame　Gobain；　who　came　down　and　found　me
with　my　face　wet　with　tears；　hastily　went　up　again　to　say　to　the
Countess：

〃　'What　has　happened；　madame？　Monsieur　Maurice　is　crying　like　a
child。'

〃Roused　to　action　by　the　evil　interpretation　that　might　be　put　on　our
mutual　behavior；　she　summoned　superhuman　strength　to　put　on　a　wrapper
and　come　down　to　me。

〃　'You　are　not　the　cause　of　this　attack；'　said　she。　'I　am　subject　to
these　spasms；　a　sort　of　cramp　of　the　heart'

〃　'And　will　you　not　tell　me　of　your　troubles？'　said　I；　in　a　voice
which　cannot　be　affected；　as　I　wiped　away　my　tears。　'Have　you　not　just
now　told　me　that　you　have　been　a　mother；　and　have　been　so　unhappy　as
to　lose　your　child？'

〃　'Marie！'　she　called　as　she　rang　the　bell。　Gobain　came　in。

〃　'Bring　lights　and　some　tea；'　said　she；　with　the　calm　decision　of　a
Mylady　clothed　in　the　armor　of　pride　by　the　dreadful　English　training
which　you　know　too　well。

〃When　the　housekeeper　had　lighted　the　tapers　and　closed　the　shutters；
the　Countess　showed　me　a　mute　countenance；　her　indomitable　pride　and
gravity；　worthy　of　a　savage；　had　already　reasserted　their　mastery。　She
said：

〃　'Do　you　know　why　I　like　Lord　Byron　so　much？　It　is　because　he
suffered　as　animals　do。　Of　what　use　are　complaints　when　they　are　not
an　elegy　like　Manfred's；　nor　bitter　mockery　like　Don　Juan's；　nor　a
reverie　like　Childe　Harold's？　Nothing　shall　be　known　of　me。　My　heart
is　a　poem　that　I　lay　before　God。'

〃　'If　I　chose'　said　I。

〃　'If？'　she　repeated。

〃　'I　have　no　interest　in　anything；'　I　replied；　'so　I　cannot　be
inquisitive；　but；　if　I　chose；　I　could　know　all　your　secrets　by
to…morrow。'

〃　'I　defy　you！'　she　exclaimed；　with　ill…disguised　uneasiness。

〃　'Seriously？'

〃　'Certainly；'　said　she；　tossing　her　head。　'If　such　a　crime　is
possible；　I　ought　to　know　it。'

〃　'In　the　first　place；　madame；'　I　went　on；　pointing　to　her　hands；
'those　pretty　fingers；　which　are　enough　to　show　that　you　are　not　a
mere　girlwere　they　made　for　toil？　Then　you　call　yourself　Madame
Gobain；　you；　who；　in　my　presence　the　other　day　on　receiving　a　letter；
said　to　Marie：　〃Here；　this　is　for　you？〃　Marie　is　the　real　Madame
Gobain；　so　you　conceal　your　name　behind　that　of　your　housekeeper。
Fear　nothing；　madame；　from　me。　You　have　in　me　the　most　devoted　friend
you　will　ever　have：　Friend；　do　you　understand　me？　I　give　this　word　its
sacred　and　pathetic　meaning；　so　profaned　in　France；　where　we　apply　it
to　our　enemies。　And　your　friend；　who　will　defend　you　against
everything；　only　wishes　that　you　should　be　as　happy　as　such　a　woman
ought　to　be。　Who　can　tell　whether　the　pain　I　have　involuntarily　caused
you　was　not　a　voluntary　act？'

〃　'Yes；'　replied　she　with　threatening　audacity；　'I　insist　on　it。　Be
curious；　and　tell　me　all　that　you　can　find　out　about　me；　but；'　and　she
held　up　her　finger；　'you　must　also　tell　me　by　what　means　you　obtain
your　information。　The　preservation　of　the　small　happiness　I　enjoy　here
depends　on　the　steps　you　take。'

〃　'That　means　that　you　will　fly'

〃　'On　wings！'　she　cried；　'to　the　New　World'

〃　'Where　you　will　be　at　the　mercy　of　the　brutal　passions　you　will
inspire；'　said　I；　interrupting　her。　'Is　it　not　the　very　essence　of
genius　and　beauty　to　shine；　to　attract　men's　gaze；　to　excite　desires
and　evil　thoughts？　Paris　is　a　desert　with　Bedouins；　Paris　is　the　only
place　in　the　world　where　those　who　must　work　for　their　livelihood　can
hide　their　life。　What　have　you　to　complain　of？　Who　am　I？　An　additional
servantM。　Gobain；　that　is　all。　If　you　have　to　fight　a　duel；　you　may
need　a　second。'

〃　'Never　mind；　find　out　who　I　am。　I　have　already　said　that　I　insist。
Now；　I　beg　that　you　will；'　she　went　on；　with　the　grace　which　you
ladies　have　at　command；〃　said　the　Consul；　looking　at　the　ladies。

〃　'Well；　then；　to…morrow；　at　the　same　hour；　I　will　tell　you　what　I　may
have　discovered；'　replied　I。　'But　do　not　therefore　hate　me！　Will　you
behave　like　other　women？'

〃　'What　do　other　women　do？'

〃　'They　lay　upon　us　immense　sacrifices；　and　when　we　have　made　them；
they　reproach　us　for　it　some　time　later　as　if　it　were　an　injury。'

〃　'They　are　right　if　the　thing　required　appears　to　be　a　sacrifice！'
replied　she　pointedly。

〃　'Instead　of　sacrifices；　say　efforts　and'

〃　'It　would　be　an　impertinence；'　said　she。

〃　'Forgive　me；'　said　I。　'I　forget　that　woman　and　the　Pope　are
infallible。'

〃　'Good　heavens！'　said　she　after　a　long　pause；　'only　two　words　would
be　enough　to　destroy　the　peace　so　dearly　bought；　and　which　I　enjoy
like　a　fraud'

〃She　rose　and　paid　no　further　heed　to　me。

〃　'Where　can　I　go？'　she　said。　'What　is　to　become　of　me？Must　I　leave
this　quiet　retreat；　that　I　had　arranged　with　such　care　to　end　my　days
in？'

〃　'To　end　your　days！'　exclaimed　I　with　visible　alarm。　'Has　it　never
struck　you　that　a　time　would　come　when　you　could　no　longer　work；　when
competition　will　lower　the　price　of　flowers　and　articles　of
fashion？'

〃　'I　have　already　saved　a　thousand　crowns；'　she　said。

〃　'Heavens！　what　privations　such　a　sum　must　represent！'　I　exclaimed。

〃　'Leave　me；'　said　she；　'till　to…morrow。　This　evening　I　am　not　myself；
I　must　be　alone。　Must　I　not　save　my　strength　in　case　of　disaster？　For；
if　you　should　learn　anything；　others　besides　you　would　be　informed；
and　thenGood…night；'　she　added　shortly；　dismissing　me　with　an
imperious　gesture。

〃　'The　battle　is　to…morrow；　then；'　I　replied　with　a　smile；　to　keep　up
the　appearance　of　indifference　I　had　given　to　the　scene。　But　as　I　went
down　the　avenue　I　repeated　the　words：

〃　'The　battle　is　to…morrow。'

〃Octave's　anxiety　was　equal　to　Honorine's。　The　Count　and　I　remained
together　till　two　in　the　morning；　walking　to　and　fro　by　the　trenches
of　the　Bastille；　like　two　generals　who；　on　the　eve　of　a　battle；
calculate　all　the　chances；　examine　the　ground；　and　perceive　that　the
victory　must　depend　on　an　opportunity　to　be　seized　half…way　through
the　fight。　These　two　divided　beings　would　each　lie　awake；　one　in　the
hope；　the　other　in　agonizing　dread　of　reunion。　The　real　dramas　of　life
are　not　in　circumstances；　but　in　feelings；　they　are　played　in　the
heart；　or；　if　you　please；　in　that　vast　realm　which　we　ought　to　call
the　Spiritual　World。　Octave　and　Honorine　moved　and　lived　altogether　in
the　world　of　lofty　spirits。

〃I　was　punctual。　At　ten　next　evening　I　was；　for　the　first　time；　shown
into　a　charming　bedroom　furnished　with　white　and　bluethe　nest　of
this　wounded　dove。　The　Countess　looked　at　me；　and　was　about　to　speak；
but　was　stricken　dumb　by　my　respectful　demeanor。

〃　'Madame　la　Comtesse；'　said　I　with　a　grave　smile。

〃The　poor　woman；　who　had　risen；　dropped　back　into　her　chair　and
remained　there；　sunk　in　an　attitude　of　grief；　which　I　should　have
liked　to　see　perpetuated　by　a　great　painter。

〃　'You　are；'　I　went　on；　'the　wife　of　the　noblest　and　most　highly
respected　of　men；　of　a　man　who　is　acknowledged　to　be　great；　but　who　is
far　greater　in　his　conduct　to　you　than　he　is　in　the　eyes　of　the　world。
You　and　he　are　two　lofty　natures。Where　do　you　suppose　yourself　to　be
living？'　I　asked　her。

〃　'In　my　own　house；'　she　replied；　opening　her　eyes　with　a　wide　stare
of　astonishment。

〃　'In　Count　Octave's；'　I　replied。　'You　have　been　tricked。　M。
Lenormand；　the　usher　of　the　Court；　is　not　the　real　owner；　he　is　only　a
screen　for　your　husband。　The　delightful　seclusion　you　enjoy　is　the
Count's　work；　the　money　you　earn　is　paid　by　him；　and　his　protection
extends　to　the　most　trivial　details　of　your　existence。　Your　husband
has　saved　you　in　the　eyes　of　the　world；　he　has　assigned　plausible
reasons　for　your　disappearance；　he　professes　to　hope　that　you　were　not
lost　in　the　wreck　of　the　/Cecile/；　the　ship　in　which　you　sailed　for
Havana　to　secure　the　fortune　to　be　left　to　you　by　an　old　aunt；　who
might　have　forgotten　you；　you　embarked；　escorted　by　two　ladies　of　her
fami