the way of all flesh-第92节

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would　have　chopped　Ernest　or　any　one　else　into　little　pieces　of
mincemeat　to　gratify　the　slightest　wish　of　her　husband；　but　she
would　not　have　chopped　him　up　for　any　one　else；　and　so　long　as　he
did　not　cross　her　she　was　very　fond　of　him。　　By　nature　she　was　of　an
even　temper；　more　willing　to　be　pleased　than　ruffled；　very　ready　to
do　a　good…natured　action；　provided　it　did　not　cost　her　much
exertion；　nor　involve　expense　to　Theobald。　　Her　own　little　purse　did
not　matter；　any　one　might　have　as　much　of　that　as　he　or　she　could
get　after　she　had　reserved　what　was　absolutely　necessary　for　her
dress。　　I　could　not　hear　of　her　end　as　Ernest　described　it　to　me
without　feeling　very　compassionate　towards　her；　indeed　her　own　son
could　hardly　have　felt　more　so；　I　at　once；　therefore；　consented　to
go　down　to　the　funeral；　perhaps　I　was　also　influenced　by　a　desire　to
see　Charlotte　and　Joey；　in　whom　I　felt　interested　on　hearing　what　my
godson　had　told　me。

I　found　Theobald　looking　remarkably　well。　　Every　one　said　he　was
bearing　it　so　beautifully。　　He　did　indeed　once　or　twice　shake　his
head　and　say　that　his　wife　had　been　the　comfort　and　mainstay　of　his
life　for　over　thirty　years；　but　there　the　matter　ended。　　I　stayed
over　the　next　day　which　was　Sunday；　and　took　my　departure　on　the
following　morning　after　having　told　Theobald　all　that　his　son　wished
me　to　tell　him。　　Theobald　asked　me　to　help　him　with　Christina's
epitaph。

〃I　would　say；〃　said　he；　〃as　little　as　possible；　eulogies　of　the
departed　are　in　most　cases　both　unnecessary　and　untrue。　　Christina's
epitaph　shall　contain　nothing　which　shall　be　either　the　one　or　the
other。　　I　should　give　her　name；　the　dates　of　her　birth　and　death；
and　of　course　say　she　was　my　wife；　and　then　I　think　I　should　wind　up
with　a　simple　texther　favourite　one　for　example；　none　indeed　could
be　more　appropriate；　'Blessed　are　the　pure　in　heart　for　they　shall
see　God。'〃

I　said　I　thought　this　would　be　very　nice；　and　it　was　settled。　　So
Ernest　was　sent　to　give　the　order　to　Mr　Prosser；　the　stonemason　in
the　nearest　town；　who　said　it　came　from　〃the　Beetitudes。〃



CHAPTER　LXXXIV



On　our　way　to　town　Ernest　broached　his　plans　for　spending　the　next
year　or　two。　　I　wanted　him　to　try　and　get　more　into　society　again；
but　he　brushed　this　aside　at　once　as　the　very　last　thing　he　had　a
fancy　for。　　For　society　indeed　of　all　sorts；　except　of　course　that
of　a　few　intimate　friends；　he　had　an　unconquerable　aversion。　　〃I
always　did　hate　those　people；〃　he　said；　〃and　they　always　have　hated
and　always　will　hate　me。　　I　am　an　Ishmael　by　instinct　as　much　as　by
accident　of　circumstances；　but　if　I　keep　out　of　society　I　shall　be
less　vulnerable　than　Ishmaels　generally　are。　　The　moment　a　man　goes
into　society；　he　becomes　vulnerable　all　round。〃

I　was　very　sorry　to　hear　him　talk　in　this　way；　for　whatever　strength
a　man　may　have　he　should　surely　be　able　to　make　more　of　it　if　he　act
in　concert　than　alone。　　I　said　this。

〃I　don't　care；〃　he　answered；　〃whether　I　make　the　most　of　my　strength
or　not；　I　don't　know　whether　I　have　any　strength；　but　if　I　have　I
dare　say　it　will　find　some　way　of　exerting　itself。　　I　will　live　as　I
like　living；　not　as　other　people　would　like　me　to　live；　thanks　to　my
aunt　and　you　I　can　afford　the　luxury　of　a　quiet　unobtrusive　life　of
self…indulgence；〃　said　he　laughing；　〃and　I　mean　to　have　it。　　You
know　I　like　writing；〃　he　added　after　a　pause　of　some　minutes；　〃I
have　been　a　scribbler　for　years。　　If　I　am　to　come　to　the　fore　at　all
it　must　be　by　writing。〃

I　had　already　long　since　come　to　that　conclusion　myself。

〃Well；〃　he　continued；　〃there　are　a　lot　of　things　that　want　saying
which　no　one　dares　to　say；　a　lot　of　shams　which　want　attacking；　and
yet　no　one　attacks　them。　　It　seems　to　me　that　I　can　say　things　which
not　another　man　in　England　except　myself　will　venture　to　say；　and
yet　which　are　crying　to　be　said。〃

I　said：　　〃But　who　will　listen？　　If　you　say　things　which　nobody　else
would　dare　to　say　is　not　this　much　the　same　as　saying　what　everyone
except　yourself　knows　to　be　better　left　unsaid　just　now？〃

〃Perhaps；〃　said　he；　〃but　I　don't　know　it；　I　am　bursting　with　these
things；　and　it　is　my　fate　to　say　them。〃

I　knew　there　would　be　no　stopping　him；　so　I　gave　in　and　asked　what
question　he　felt　a　special　desire　to　burn　his　fingers　with　in　the
first　instance。

〃Marriage；〃　he　rejoined　promptly；　〃and　the　power　of　disposing　of　his
property　after　a　man　is　dead。　　The　question　of　Christianity　is
virtually　settled；　or　if　not　settled　there　is　no　lack　of　those
engaged　in　settling　it。　　The　question　of　the　day　now　is　marriage　and
the　family　system。〃

〃That；〃　said　I　drily；　〃is　a　hornet's　nest　indeed。〃

〃Yes；〃　said　he　no　less　drily；　〃but　hornet's　nests　are　exactly　what　I
happen　to　like。　　Before；　however；　I　begin　to　stir　up　this　particular
one　I　propose　to　travel　for　a　few　years；　with　the　especial　object　of
finding　out　what　nations　now　existing　are　the　best；　comeliest　and
most　lovable；　and　also　what　nations　have　been　so　in　times　past。　　I
want　to　find　out　how　these　people　live；　and　have　lived；　and　what
their　customs　are。

〃I　have　very　vague　notions　upon　the　subject　as　yet；　but　the　general
impression　I　have　formed　is　that；　putting　ourselves　on　one　side；　the
most　vigorous　and　amiable　of　known　nations　are　the　modern　Italians；
the　old　Greeks　and　Romans；　and　the　South　Sea　Islanders。　　I　believe
that　these　nice　peoples　have　not　as　a　general　rule　been　purists；　but
I　want　to　see　those　of　them　who　can　yet　be　seen；　they　are　the
practical　authorities　on　the　questionWhat　is　best　for　man？　and　I
should　like　to　see　them　and　find　out　what　they　do。　　Let　us　settle
the　fact　first　and　fight　about　the　moral　tendencies　afterwards。〃

〃In　fact；〃　said　I　laughingly；　〃you　mean　to　have　high　old　times。〃

〃Neither　higher　nor　lower；〃　was　the　answer；　〃than　those　people　whom
I　can　find　to　have　been　the　best　in　all　ages。　　But　let　us　change　the
subject。〃　　He　put　his　hand　into　his　pocket　and　brought　out　a　letter。
〃My　father；〃　he　said；　〃gave　me　this　letter　this　morning　with　the
seal　already　broken。〃　　He　passed　it　over　to　me；　and　I　found　it　to　be
the　one　which　Christina　had　written　before　the　birth　of　her　last
child；　and　which　I　have　given　in　an　earlier　chapter。

〃And　you　do　not　find　this　letter；〃　said　I；　〃affect　the　conclusion
which　you　have　just　told　me　you　have　come　to　concerning　your　present
plans？〃

He　smiled；　and　answered：　　〃No。　　But　if　you　do　what　you　have
sometimes　talked　about　and　turn　the　adventures　of　my　unworthy　self
into　a　novel；　mind　you　print　this　letter。〃

〃Why　so？〃　said　I；　feeling　as　though　such　a　letter　as　this　should
have　been　held　sacred　from　the　public　gaze。

〃Because　my　mother　would　have　wished　it　published；　if　she　had　known
you　were　writing　about　me　and　had　this　letter　in　your　possession；
she　would　above　all　things　have　desired　that　you　should　publish　it。
Therefore　publish　it　if　you　write　at　all。〃

This　is　why　I　have　done　so。

Within　a　month　Ernest　carried　his　intention　into　effect；　and　having
made　all　the　arrangements　necessary　for　his　children's　welfare　left
England　before　Christmas。

I　heard　from　him　now　and　again　and　learnt　that　he　was　visiting
almost　all　parts　of　the　world；　but　only　staying　in　those　places
where　he　found　the　inhabitants　unusually　good…looking　and　agreeable。
He　said　he　had　filled　an　immense　quantity　of　note…books；　and　I　have
no　doubt　he　had。　　At　last　in　the　spring　of　1867　he　returned；　his
luggage　stained　with　the　variation　of　each　hotel　advertisement
'twixt　here　and　Japan。　　He　looked　very　brown　and　strong；　and　so　well
favoured　that　it　almost　seemed　as　if　he　must　have　caught　some　good
looks　from　the　people　among　whom　he　had　been　living。　　He　came　back
to　his　old　rooms　in　the　Temple；　and　settled　down　as　easily　as　if　he
had　never　been　away　a　day。

One　of　the　first　things　we　did　was　to　go　and　see　the　children；　we
took　the　train　to　Gravesend；　and　walked　thence　for　a　few　miles　along
the　riverside　till　we　came　to　the　solitary　house　where　the　good
people　lived　with　whom　Ernest　had　placed　them。　　It　was　a　lovely
April　morning；　but　with　a　fresh　air　blowing　from　off　the　sea；　the
tide　was　high；　and　the　river　was　alive　with　shipping　coming　up　with
wind　and　tide。　　Sea…gulls　wheeled　around　us　overhead；　sea…weed　clung
everywhere　to　the　banks　which　the　advancing　tide　had　not　yet
covered；　everything　was　of　the　sea　sea…ey；　and　the　fine　bracing　air
which　blew　over　the　water　made　me　feel　more　hungry　than　I　had　done
for　many　a　day；　I　did　not　see　how　children　could　live　in　a　better
physical　atmosphere　than　this；　and　applauded　the　selection　which
Ernest　had　made　on　behalf　of　his　youngsters。

While　we　were　still　a　quarter　of　a　mile　off　we　heard　shouts　and
children's　laughter；　and　could　see　a　lot　of　boys　and　girls　romping
together　and　running　after　one　another。　　We　could　not　distinguish
our　own　two；　but　when　we　got　near　they　were　soon　made　out；　for　the
other　children　were　blue…eyed；　flaxen…pated　little　folks；　whereas
ours　were　dark　and　straight…haired。

We　had　written　to　say　that　we　were　coming；　but　had　desired　that
nothing　should　be　said　to　the　children；　so　these　paid　no　more
attention　to　us　than　they　would　have　do