the way of all flesh-第81节

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relieved　for　a　while　by　the　look　of　spring　that　pervaded　earth　and
sky；　but　it　soon　returned；　and　smiling　sadly　he　said　to　himself：
〃It　may　bring　hope　to　others；　but　for　me　there　can　be　no　hope
henceforth。〃

As　these　words　were　in　his　mind　he　joined　the　small　crowd　who　were
gathered　round　the　railings；　and　saw　that　they　were　looking　at　three
sheep　with　very　small　lambs　only　a　day　or　two　old；　which　had　been
penned　off　for　shelter　and　protection　from　the　others　that　ranged
the　park。

They　were　very　pretty；　and　Londoners　so　seldom　get　a　chance　of
seeing　lambs　that　it　was　no　wonder　every　one　stopped　to　look　at
them。　　Ernest　observed　that　no　one　seemed　fonder　of　them　than　a
great　lubberly　butcher　boy；　who　leaned　up　against　the　railings　with
a　tray　of　meat　upon　his　shoulder。　　He　was　looking　at　this　boy　and
smiling　at　the　grotesqueness　of　his　admiration；　when　he　became　aware
that　he　was　being　watched　intently　by　a　man　in　coachman's　livery；
who　had　also　stopped　to　admire　the　lambs；　and　was　leaning　against
the　opposite　side　of　the　enclosure。　　Ernest　knew　him　in　a　moment　as
John；　his　father's　old　coachman　at　Battersby；　and　went　up　to　him　at
once。

〃Why；　Master　Ernest；〃　said　he；　with　his　strong　northern　accent；　〃I
was　thinking　of　you　only　this　very　morning；〃　and　the　pair　shook
hands　heartily。　　John　was　in　an　excellent　place　at　the　West　End。　　He
had　done　very　well；　he　said；　ever　since　he　had　left　Battersby；
except　for　the　first　year　or　two；　and　that；　he　said；　with　a　screw　of
the　face；　had　well　nigh　broke　him。

Ernest　asked　how　this　was。

〃Why；　you　see；〃　said　John；　〃I　was　always　main　fond　of　that　lass
Ellen；　whom　you　remember　running　after；　Master　Ernest；　and　giving
your　watch　to。　　I　expect　you　haven't　forgotten　that　day；　have　you？〃
And　here　he　laughed。　　〃I　don't　know　as　I　be　the　father　of　the　child
she　carried　away　with　her　from　Battersby；　but　I　very　easily　may　have
been。　　Anyhow；　after　I　had　left　your　papa's　place　a　few　days　I　wrote
to　Ellen　to　an　address　we　had　agreed　upon；　and　told　her　I　would　do
what　I　ought　to　do；　and　so　I　did；　for　I　married　her　within　a　month
afterwards。　　Why；　Lord　love　the　man；　whatever　is　the　matter　with
him？〃for　as　he　had　spoken　the　last　few　words　of　his　story　Ernest
had　turned　white　as　a　sheet；　and　was　leaning　against　the　railings。

〃John；〃　said　my　hero；　gasping　for　breath；　〃are　you　sure　of　what　you
sayare　you　quite　sure　you　really　married　her？〃

〃Of　course　I　am；〃　said　John；　〃I　married　her　before　the　registrar　at
Letchbury　on　the　15th　of　August　1851。

〃Give　me　your　arm；〃　said　Ernest；　〃and　take　me　into　Piccadilly；　and
put　me　into　a　cab；　and　come　with　me　at　once；　if　you　can　spare　time；
to　Mr　Overton's　at　the　Temple。〃



CHAPTER　LXXVII



I　do　not　think　Ernest　himself　was　much　more　pleased　at　finding　that
he　had　never　been　married　than　I　was。　　To　him；　however；　the　shock　of
pleasure　was　positively　numbing　in　its　intensity。　　As　he　felt　his
burden　removed；　he　reeled　for　the　unaccustomed　lightness　of　his
movements；　his　position　was　so　shattered　that　his　identity　seemed　to
have　been　shattered　also；　he　was　as　one　waking　up　from　a　horrible
nightmare　to　find　himself　safe　and　sound　in　bed；　but　who　can　hardly
even　yet　believe　that　the　room　is　not　full　of　armed　men　who　are
about　to　spring　upon　him。

〃And　it　is　I；〃　he　said；　〃who　not　an　hour　ago　complained　that　I　was
without　hope。　　It　is　I；　who　for　weeks　have　been　railing　at　fortune；
and　saying　that　though　she　smiled　on　others　she　never　smiled　at　me。
Why；　never　was　anyone　half　so　fortunate　as　I　am。〃

〃Yes；〃　said　I；　〃you　have　been　inoculated　for　marriage；　and　have
recovered。〃

〃And　yet；〃　he　said；　〃I　was　very　fond　of　her　till　she　took　to
drinking。〃

〃Perhaps；　but　is　it　not　Tennyson　who　has　said：　　''Tis　better　to　have
loved　and　lost；　than　never　to　have　lost　at　all'？〃

〃You　are　an　inveterate　bachelor；〃　was　the　rejoinder。

Then　we　had　a　long　talk　with　John；　to　whom　I　gave　a　5　pound　note
upon　the　spot。　　He　said；　〃Ellen　had　used　to　drink　at　Battersby；　the
cook　had　taught　her；　he　had　known　it；　but　was　so　fond　of　her；　that
he　had　chanced　it　and　married　her　to　save　her　from　the　streets　and
in　the　hope　of　being　able　to　keep　her　straight。　　She　had　done　with
him　just　as　she　had　done　with　Ernestmade　him　an　excellent　wife　as
long　as　she　kept　sober；　but　a　very　bad　one　afterwards。〃

〃There　isn't；〃　said　John；　〃a　sweeter…tempered；　handier；　prettier
girl　than　she　was　in　all　England；　nor　one　as　knows　better　what　a　man
likes；　and　how　to　make　him　happy；　if　you　can　keep　her　from　drink；
but　you　can't　keep　her；　she's　that　artful　she'll　get　it　under　your
very　eyes；　without　you　knowing　it。　　If　she　can't　get　any　more　of
your　things　to　pawn　or　sell；　she'll　steal　her　neighbours'。　　That's
how　she　got　into　trouble　first　when　I　was　with　her。　　During　the　six
months　she　was　in　prison　I　should　have　felt　happy　if　I　had　not　known
she　would　come　out　again。　　And　then　she　did　come　out；　and　before　she
had　been　free　a　fortnight；　she　began　shop…lifting　and　going　on　the
loose　againand　all　to　get　money　to　drink　with。　　So　seeing　I　could
do　nothing　with　her　and　that　she　was　just　a…killing　of　me；　I　left
her；　and　came　up　to　London；　and　went　into　service　again；　and　I　did
not　know　what　had　become　of　her　till　you　and　Mr　Ernest　here　told　me。
I　hope　you'll　neither　of　you　say　you've　seen　me。〃

We　assured　him　we　would　keep　his　counsel；　and　then　he　left　us；　with
many　protestations　of　affection　towards　Ernest；　to　whom　he　had　been
always　much　attached。

We　talked　the　situation　over；　and　decided　first　to　get　the　children
away；　and　then　to　come　to　terms　with　Ellen　concerning　their　future
custody；　as　for　herself；　I　proposed　that　we　should　make　her　an
allowance　of；　say；　a　pound　a　week　to　be　paid　so　long　as　she　gave　no
trouble。　　Ernest　did　not　see　where　the　pound　a　week　was　to　come
from；　so　I　eased　his　mind　by　saying　I　would　pay　it　myself。　　Before
the　day　was　two　hours　older　we　had　got　the　children；　about　whom
Ellen　had　always　appeared　to　be　indifferent；　and　had　confided　them
to　the　care　of　my　laundress；　a　good　motherly　sort　of　woman；　who　took
to　them　and　to　whom　they　took　at　once。

Then　came　the　odious　task　of　getting　rid　of　their　unhappy　mother。
Ernest's　heart　smote　him　at　the　notion　of　the　shock　the　break…up
would　be　to　her。　　He　was　always　thinking　that　people　had　a　claim
upon　him　for　some　inestimable　service　they　had　rendered　him；　or　for
some　irreparable　mischief　done　to　them　by　himself；　the　case　however
was　so　clear；　that　Ernest's　scruples　did　not　offer　serious
resistance。

I　did　not　see　why　he　should　have　the　pain　of　another　interview　with
his　wife；　so　I　got　Mr　Ottery　to　manage　the　whole　business。　　It
turned　out　that　we　need　not　have　harrowed　ourselves　so　much　about
the　agony　of　mind　which　Ellen　would　suffer　on　becoming　an　outcast
again。　　Ernest　saw　Mrs　Richards；　the　neighbour　who　had　called　him
down　on　the　night　when　he　had　first　discovered　his　wife's
drunkenness；　and　got　from　her　some　details　of　Ellen's　opinions　upon
the　matter。　　She　did　not　seem　in　the　least　conscience…stricken；　she
said：　　〃Thank　goodness；　at　last！〃　　And　although　aware　that　her
marriage　was　not　a　valid　one；　evidently　regarded　this　as　a　mere
detail　which　it　would　not　be　worth　anybody's　while　to　go　into　more
particularly。　　As　regards　his　breaking　with　her；　she　said　it　was　a
good　job　both　for　him　and　for　her。

〃This　life；〃　she　continued；　〃don't　suit　me。　　Ernest　is　too　good　for
me；　he　wants　a　woman　as　shall　be　a　bit　better　than　me；　and　I　want　a
man　that　shall　be　a　bit　worse　than　him。　　We　should　have　got　on　all
very　well　if　we　had　not　lived　together　as　married　folks；　but　I've
been　used　to　have　a　little　place　of　my　own；　however　small；　for　a
many　years；　and　I　don't　want　Ernest；　or　any　other　man；　always
hanging　about　it。　　Besides　he　is　too　steady：　　his　being　in　prison
hasn't　done　him　a　bit　of　goodhe's　just　as　grave　as　those　as　have
never　been　in　prison　at　all；　and　he　never　swears　nor　curses；　come
what　may；　it　makes　me　afeared　of　him；　and　therefore　I　drink　the
worse。　　What　us　poor　girls　wants　is　not　to　be　jumped　up　all　of　a
sudden　and　made　honest　women　of；　this　is　too　much　for　us　and　throws
us　off　our　perch；　what　we　wants　is　a　regular　friend　or　two；　who'll
just　keep　us　from　starving；　and　force　us　to　be　good　for　a　bit
together　now　and　again。　　That's　about　as　much　as　we　can　stand。　　He
may　have　the　children；　he　can　do　better　for　them　than　I　can；　and　as
for　his　money；　he　may　give　it　or　keep　it　as　he　likes；　he's　never
done　me　any　harm；　and　I　shall　let　him　alone；　but　if　he　means　me　to
have　it；　I　suppose　I'd　better　have　it。〃And　have　it　she　did。

〃And　I；〃　thought　Ernest　to　himself　again　when　the　arrangement　was
concluded；　〃am　the　man　who　thought　himself　unlucky！〃

I　may　as　well　say　here　all　that　need　be　said　further　about　Ellen。
For　the　next　three　years　she　used　to　call　regularly　at　Mr　Ottery's
every　Monday　morning　for　her　pound。　　She　was　always　neatly　dressed；
and　looked　so　quiet　and　pretty　that　no　one　would　have　suspected　her
antecedents。　　At　first　she　wanted　sometimes　to　anticipate；　but　after
three　or　four　ineffectual　attemptson　each　of　which　occasions　she
told　a　most　pitiful　storyshe　gave　it　up　and　took　her　money
regu