the way of all flesh-第80节

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However　this　might　be；　it　was　plain　that　he　had　now　done　for
himself。　　It　had　been　thus　with　him　all　his　life。　　If　there　had　come
at　any　time　a　gleam　of　sunshine　and　hope；　it　was　to　be　obscured
immediatelywhy；　prison　was　happier　than　this！　　There；　at　any　rate；
he　had　had　no　money　anxieties；　and　these　were　beginning　to　weigh
upon　him　now　with　all　their　horrors。　　He　was　happier　even　now　than
he　had　been　at　Battersby　or　at　Roughborough；　and　he　would　not　now　go
back；　even　if　he　could；　to　his　Cambridge　life；　but　for　all　that　the
outlook　was　so　gloomy；　in　fact　so　hopeless；　that　he　felt　as　if　he
could　have　only　too　gladly　gone　to　sleep　and　died　in　his　arm…chair
once　for　all。

As　he　was　musing　thus　and　looking　upon　the　wreck　of　his　hopesfor
he　saw　well　enough　that　as　long　as　he　was　linked　to　Ellen　he　should
never　rise　as　he　had　dreamed　of　doinghe　heard　a　noise　below；　and
presently　a　neighbour　ran　upstairs　and　entered　his　room　hurriedly　…

〃Good　gracious；　Mr　Pontifex；〃　she　exclaimed；　〃for　goodness'　sake
come　down　quickly　and　help。　　O　Mrs　Pontifex　is　took　with　the
horrorsand　she's　orkard。〃

The　unhappy　man　came　down　as　he　was　bid　and　found　his　wife　mad　with
delirium　tremens。

He　knew　all　now。　　The　neighbours　thought　he　must　have　known　that　his
wife　drank　all　along；　but　Ellen　had　been　so　artful；　and　he　so
simple；　that；　as　I　have　said；　he　had　had　no　suspicion。　　〃Why；〃　said
the　woman　who　had　summoned　him；　〃she'll　drink　anything　she　can　stand
up　and　pay　her　money　for。〃　　Ernest　could　hardly　believe　his　ears；
but　when　the　doctor　had　seen　his　wife　and　she　had　become　more　quiet；
he　went　over　to　the　public　house　hard　by　and　made　enquiries；　the
result　of　which　rendered　further　doubt　impossible。　　The　publican
took　the　opportunity　to　present　my　hero　with　a　bill　of　several
pounds　for　bottles　of　spirits　supplied　to　his　wife；　and　what　with
his　wife's　confinement　and　the　way　business　had　fallen　off；　he　had
not　the　money　to　pay　with；　for　the　sum　exceeded　the　remnant　of　his
savings。

He　came　to　menot　for　money；　but　to　tell　me　his　miserable　story。　　I
had　seen　for　some　time　that　there　was　something　wrong；　and　had
suspected　pretty　shrewdly　what　the　matter　was；　but　of　course　I　said
nothing。　　Ernest　and　I　had　been　growing　apart　for　some　time。　　I　was
vexed　at　his　having　married；　and　he　knew　I　was　vexed；　though　I　did
my　best　to　hide　it。

A　man's　friendships　are；　like　his　will；　invalidated　by　marriagebut
they　are　also　no　less　invalidated　by　the　marriage　of　his　friends。
The　rift　in　friendship　which　invariably　makes　its　appearance　on　the
marriage　of　either　of　the　parties　to　it　was　fast　widening；　as　it　no
less　invariably　does；　into　the　great　gulf　which　is　fixed　between　the
married　and　the　unmarried；　and　I　was　beginning　to　leave　my　protege
to　a　fate　with　which　I　had　neither　right　nor　power　to　meddle。　　In
fact　I　had　begun　to　feel　him　rather　a　burden；　I　did　not　so　much　mind
this　when　I　could　be　of　use；　but　I　grudged　it　when　I　could　be　of
none。　　He　had　made　his　bed　and　he　must　lie　upon　it。　　Ernest　had　felt
all　this　and　had　seldom　come　near　me　till　now；　one　evening　late　in
1860；　he　called　on　me；　and　with　a　very　woebegone　face　told　me　his
troubles。

As　soon　as　I　found　that　he　no　longer　liked　his　wife　I　forgave　him　at
once；　and　was　as　much　interested　in　him　as　ever。　　There　is　nothing
an　old　bachelor　likes　better　than　to　find　a　young　married　man　who
wishes　he　had　not　got　marriedespecially　when　the　case　is　such　an
extreme　one　that　he　need　not　pretend　to　hope　that　matters　will　come
all　right　again；　or　encourage　his　young　friend　to　make　the　best　of
it。

I　was　myself　in　favour　of　a　separation；　and　said　I　would　make　Ellen
an　allowance　myselfof　course　intending　that　it　should　come　out　of
Ernest's　money；　but　he　would　not　hear　of　this。　　He　had　married
Ellen；　he　said；　and　he　must　try　to　reform　her。　　He　hated　it；　but　he
must　try；　and　finding　him　as　usual　very　obstinate　I　was　obliged　to
acquiesce；　though　with　little　confidence　as　to　the　result。　　I　was
vexed　at　seeing　him　waste　himself　upon　such　a　barren　task；　and　again
began　to　feel　him　burdensome。　　I　am　afraid　I　showed　this；　for　he
again　avoided　me　for　some　time；　and；　indeed；　for　many　months　I
hardly　saw　him　at　all。

Ellen　remained　very　ill　for　some　days；　and　then　gradually　recovered。
Ernest　hardly　left　her　till　she　was　out　of　danger。　　When　she　had
recovered　he　got　the　doctor　to　tell　her　that　if　she　had　such　another
attack　she　would　certainly　die；　this　so　frightened　her　that　she　took
the　pledge。

Then　he　became　more　hopeful　again。　　When　she　was　sober　she　was　just
what　she　was　during　the　first　days　of　her　married　life；　and　so　quick
was　he　to　forget　pain；　that　after　a　few　days　he　was　as　fond　of　her
as　ever。　　But　Ellen　could　not　forgive　him　for　knowing　what　he　did。
She　knew　that　he　was　on　the　watch　to　shield　her　from　temptation；　and
though　he　did　his　best　to　make　her　think　that　he　had　no　further
uneasiness　about　her；　she　found　the　burden　of　her　union　with
respectability　grow　more　and　more　heavy　upon　her；　and　looked　back
more　and　more　longingly　upon　the　lawless　freedom　of　the　life　she　had
led　before　she　met　her　husband。

I　will　dwell　no　longer　on　this　part　of　my　story。　　During　the　spring
months　of　1861　she　kept　straightshe　had　had　her　fling　of
dissipation；　and　this；　together　with　the　impression　made　upon　her　by
her　having　taken　the　pledge；　tamed　her　for　a　while。　　The　shop　went
fairly　well；　and　enabled　Ernest　to　make　the　two　ends　meet。　　In　the
spring　and　summer　of　1861　he　even　put　by　a　little　money　again。　　In
the　autumn　his　wife　was　confined　of　a　boya　very　fine　one；　so
everyone　said。　　She　soon　recovered；　and　Ernest　was　beginning　to
breathe　freely　and　be　almost　sanguine　when；　without　a　word　of
warning；　the　storm　broke　again。　　He　returned　one　afternoon　about　two
years　after　his　marriage；　and　found　his　wife　lying　upon　the　floor
insensible。

From　this　time　he　became　hopeless；　and　began　to　go　visibly　down
hill。　　He　had　been　knocked　about　too　much；　and　the　luck　had　gone　too
long　against　him。　　The　wear　and　tear　of　the　last　three　years　had
told　on　him；　and　though　not　actually　ill　he　was　over…worked；　below
par；　and　unfit　for　any　further　burden。

He　struggled　for　a　while　to　prevent　himself　from　finding　this　out；
but　facts　were　too　strong　for　him。　　Again　he　called　on　me　and　told
me　what　had　happened。　　I　was　glad　the　crisis　had　come；　I　was　sorry
for　Ellen；　but　a　complete　separation　from　her　was　the　only　chance
for　her　husband。　　Even　after　this　last　outbreak　he　was　unwilling　to
consent　to　this；　and　talked　nonsense　about　dying　at　his　post；　till　I
got　tired　of　him。　　Each　time　I　saw　him　the　old　gloom　had　settled
more　and　more　deeply　upon　his　face；　and　I　had　about　made　up　my　mind
to　put　an　end　to　the　situation　by　a　coup　de　main；　such　as　bribing
Ellen　to　run　away　with　somebody　else；　or　something　of　that　kind；
when　matters　settled　themselves　as　usual　in　a　way　which　I　had　not
anticipated。



CHAPTER　LXXVI



The　winter　had　been　a　trying　one。　　Ernest　had　only　paid　his　way　by
selling　his　piano。　　With　this　he　seemed　to　cut　away　the　last　link
that　connected　him　with　his　earlier　life；　and　to　sink　once　for　all
into　the　small　shop…keeper。　　It　seemed　to　him　that　however　low　he
might　sink　his　pain　could　not　last　much　longer；　for　he　should　simply
die　if　it　did。

He　hated　Ellen　now；　and　the　pair　lived　in　open　want　of　harmony　with
each　other。　　If　it　had　not　been　for　his　children；　he　would　have　left
her　and　gone　to　America；　but　he　could　not　leave　the　children　with
Ellen；　and　as　for　taking　them　with　him　he　did　not　know　how　to　do　it；
nor　what　to　do　with　them　when　he　had　got　them　to　America。　　If　he　had
not　lost　energy　he　would　probably　in　the　end　have　taken　the　children
and　gone　off；　but　his　nerve　was　shaken；　so　day　after　day　went　by　and
nothing　was　done。

He　had　only　got　a　few　shillings　in　the　world　now；　except　the　value
of　his　stock；　which　was　very　little；　he　could　get　perhaps　3　pounds
or　4　pounds　by　selling　his　music　and　what　few　pictures　and　pieces　of
furniture　still　belonged　to　him。　　He　thought　of　trying　to　live　by
his　pen；　but　his　writing　had　dropped　off　long　ago；　he　no　longer　had
an　idea　in　his　head。　　Look　which　way　he　would　he　saw　no　hope；　the
end；　if　it　had　not　actually　come；　was　within　easy　distance　and　he
was　almost　face　to　face　with　actual　want。　　When　he　saw　people　going
about　poorly　clad；　or　even　without　shoes　and　stockings；　he　wondered
whether　within　a　few　months'　time　he　too　should　not　have　to　go　about
in　this　way。　　The　remorseless；　resistless　hand　of　fate　had　caught
him　in　its　grip　and　was　dragging　him　down；　down；　down。　　Still　he
staggered　on；　going　his　daily　rounds；　buying　second…hand　clothes；
and　spending　his　evenings　in　cleaning　and　mending　them。

One　morning；　as　he　was　returning　from　a　house　at　the　West　End　where
he　had　bought　some　clothes　from　one　of　the　servants；　he　was　struck
by　a　small　crowd　which　had　gathered　round　a　space　that　had　been
railed　off　on　the　grass　near　one　of　the　paths　in　the　Green　Park。

It　was　a　lovely　soft　spring　morning　at　the　end　of　March；　and
unusually　balmy　for　the　time　of　year；　even　Ernest's　melancholy　was
relieved　for　a　while　by　the　look　of　spring　that　pervaded　earth　a