the way of all flesh-第79节

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taking　more　than　a　very　little　beer；　and　never　touched　spirits。　　He
did　not　know　much　more　about　hysterics　than　he　did　about
drunkenness；　but　he　had　always　heard　that　women　who　were　about　to
become　mothers　were　liable　to　be　easily　upset　and　were　often　rather
flighty；　so　he　was　not　greatly　surprised；　and　thought　he　had　settled
the　matter　by　registering　the　discovery　that　being　about　to　become　a
father　has　its　troublesome　as　well　as　its　pleasant　side。

The　great　change　in　Ellen's　life　consequent　upon　her　meeting　Ernest
and　getting　married　had　for　a　time　actually　sobered　her　by　shaking
her　out　of　her　old　ways。　　Drunkenness　is　so　much　a　matter　of　habit；
and　habit　so　much　a　matter　of　surroundings；　that　if　you　completely
change　the　surroundings　you　will　sometimes　get　rid　of　the
drunkenness　altogether。　　Ellen　had　intended　remaining　always　sober
henceforward；　and　never　having　had　so　long　a　steady　fit　before；
believed　she　was　now　cured。　　So　she　perhaps　would　have　been　if　she
had　seen　none　of　her　old　acquaintances。　　When；　however；　her　new　life
was　beginning　to　lose　its　newness；　and　when　her　old　acquaintances
came　to　see　her；　her　present　surroundings　became　more　like　her　past；
and　on　this　she　herself　began　to　get　like　her　past　too。　　At　first
she　only　got　a　little　tipsy　and　struggled　against　a　relapse；　but　it
was　no　use；　she　soon　lost　the　heart　to　fight；　and　now　her　object　was
not　to　try　and　keep　sober；　but　to　get　gin　without　her　husband's
finding　it　out。

So　the　hysterics　continued；　and　she　managed　to　make　her　husband
still　think　that　they　were　due　to　her　being　about　to　become　a
mother。　　The　worse　her　attacks　were；　the　more　devoted　he　became　in
his　attention　to　her。　　At　last　he　insisted　that　a　doctor　should　see
her。　　The　doctor　of　course　took　in　the　situation　at　a　glance；　but
said　nothing　to　Ernest　except　in　such　a　guarded　way　that　he　did　not
understand　the　hints　that　were　thrown　out　to　him。　　He　was　much　too
downright　and　matter　of　fact　to　be　quick　at　taking　hints　of　this
sort。　　He　hoped　that　as　soon　as　his　wife's　confinement　was　over　she
would　regain　her　health　and　had　no　thought　save　how　to　spare　her　as
far　as　possible　till　that　happy　time　should　come。

In　the　mornings　she　was　generally　better；　as　long　that　is　to　say　as
Ernest　remained　at　home；　but　he　had　to　go　out　buying；　and　on　his
return　would　generally　find　that　she　had　had　another　attack　as　soon
as　he　had　left　the　house。　　At　times　she　would　laugh　and　cry　for　half
an　hour　together；　at　others　she　would　lie　in　a　semi…comatose　state
upon　the　bed；　and　when　he　came　back　he　would　find　that　the　shop　had
been　neglected　and　all　the　work　of　the　household　left　undone。　　Still
he　took　it　for　granted　that　this　was　all　part　of　the　usual　course
when　women　were　going　to　become　mothers；　and　when　Ellen's　share　of
the　work　settled　down　more　and　more　upon　his　own　shoulders　he　did　it
all　and　drudged　away　without　a　murmur。　　Nevertheless；　he　began　to
feel　in　a　vague　way　more　as　he　had　felt　in　Ashpit　Place；　at
Roughborough；　or　at　Battersby；　and　to　lose　the　buoyancy　of　spirits
which　had　made　another　man　of　him　during　the　first　six　months　of　his
married　life

It　was　not　only　that　he　had　to　do　so　much　household　work；　for　even
the　cooking；　cleaning　up　slops；　bed…making　and　fire…lighting　ere
long　devolved　upon　him；　but　his　business　no　longer　prospered。　　He
could　buy　as　hitherto；　but　Ellen　seemed　unable　to　sell　as　she　had
sold　at　first。　　The　fact　was　that　she　sold　as　well　as　ever；　but　kept
back　part　of　the　proceeds　in　order　to　buy　gin；　and　she　did　this　more
and　more　till　even　the　unsuspecting　Ernest　ought　to　have　seen　that
she　was　not　telling　the　truth。　　When　she　sold　betterthat　is　to　say
when　she　did　not　think　it　safe　to　keep　back　more　than　a　certain
amount；　she　got　money　out　of　him　on　the　plea　that　she　had　a　longing
for　this　or　that；　and　that　it　would　perhaps　irreparably　damage　the
baby　if　her　longing　was　denied　her。　　All　seemed　right；　reasonable；
and　unavoidable；　nevertheless　Ernest　saw　that　until　the　confinement
was　over　he　was　likely　to　have　a　hard　time　of　it。　　All　however　would
then　come　right　again。



CHAPTER　LXXV



In　the　month　of　September　1860　a　girl　was　born；　and　Ernest　was　proud
and　happy。　　The　birth　of　the　child；　and　a　rather　alarming　talk　which
the　doctor　had　given　to　Ellen　sobered　her　for　a　few　weeks；　and　it
really　seemed　as　though　his　hopes　were　about　to　be　fulfilled。　　The
expenses　of　his　wife's　confinement　were　heavy；　and　he　was　obliged　to
trench　upon　his　savings；　but　he　had　no　doubt　about　soon　recouping
this　now　that　Ellen　was　herself　again；　for　a　time　indeed　his
business　did　revive　a　little；　nevertheless　it　seemed　as　though　the
interruption　to　his　prosperity　had　in　some　way　broken　the　spell　of
good　luck　which　had　attended　him　in　the　outset；　he　was　still
sanguine；　however；　and　worked　night　and　day　with　a　will；　but　there
was　no　more　music；　or　reading；　or　writing　now。　　His　Sunday　outings
were　put　a　stop　to；　and　but　for　the　first　floor　being　let　to　myself；
he　would　have　lost　his　citadel　there　too；　but　he　seldom　used　it；　for
Ellen　had　to　wait　more　and　more　upon　the　baby；　and；　as　a
consequence；　Ernest　had　to　wait　more　and　more　upon　Ellen。

One　afternoon；　about　a　couple　of　months　after　the　baby　had　been
born；　and　just　as　my　unhappy　hero　was　beginning　to　feel　more　hopeful
and　therefore　better　able　to　bear　his　burdens；　he　returned　from　a
sale；　and　found　Ellen　in　the　same　hysterical　condition　that　he　had
found　her　in　in　the　spring。　　She　said　she　was　again　with　child；　and
Ernest　still　believed　her。

All　the　troubles　of　the　preceding　six　months　began　again　then　and
there；　and　grew　worse　and　worse　continually。　　Money　did　not　come　in
quickly；　for　Ellen　cheated　him　by　keeping　it　back；　and　dealing
improperly　with　the　goods　he　bought。　　When　it　did　come　in　she　got　it
out　of　him　as　before　on　pretexts　which　it　seemed　inhuman　to　inquire
into。　　It　was　always　the　same　story。　　By　and　by　a　new　feature　began
to　show　itself。　　Ernest　had　inherited　his　father's　punctuality　and
exactness　as　regards　money；　he　liked　to　know　the　worst　of　what　he
had　to　pay　at　once；　he　hated　having　expenses　sprung　upon　him　which
if　not　foreseen　might　and　ought　to　have　been　so；　but　now　bills　began
to　be　brought　to　him　for　things　ordered　by　Ellen　without　his
knowledge；　or　for　which　he　had　already　given　her　the　money。　　This
was　awful；　and　even　Ernest　turned。　　When　he　remonstrated　with　her
not　for　having　bought　the　things；　but　for　having　said　nothing　to　him
about　the　moneys　being　owingEllen　met　him　with　hysteria　and　there
was　a　scene。　　She　had　now　pretty　well　forgotten　the　hard　times　she
had　known　when　she　had　been　on　her　own　resources　and　reproached　him
downright　with　having　married　heron　that　moment　the　scales　fell
from　Ernest's　eyes　as　they　had　fallen　when　Towneley　had　said；　〃No；
no；　no。〃　　He　said　nothing；　but　he　woke　up　once　for　all　to　the　fact
that　he　had　made　a　mistake　in　marrying。　　A　touch　had　again　come
which　had　revealed　him　to　himself。

He　went　upstairs　to　the　disused　citadel；　flung　himself　into　the　arm…
chair；　and　covered　his　face　with　his　hands。

He　still　did　not　know　that　his　wife　drank；　but　he　could　no　longer
trust　her；　and　his　dream　of　happiness　was　over。　　He　had　been　saved
from　the　Churchso　as　by　fire；　but　still　savedbut　what　could　now
save　him　from　his　marriage？　　He　had　made　the　same　mistake　that　he
had　made　in　wedding　himself　to　the　Church；　but　with　a　hundred　times
worse　results。　　He　had　learnt　nothing　by　experience：　　he　was　an
Esauone　of　those　wretches　whose　hearts　the　Lord　had　hardened；　who；
having　ears；　heard　not；　having　eyes　saw　not；　and　who　should　find　no
place　for　repentance　though　they　sought　it　even　with　tears。

Yet　had　he　not　on　the　whole　tried　to　find　out　what　the　ways　of　God
were；　and　to　follow　them　in　singleness　of　heart？　　To　a　certain
extent；　yes；　but　he　had　not　been　thorough；　he　had　not　given　up　all
for　God。　　He　knew　that　very　well　he　had　done　little　as　compared　with
what　he　might　and　ought　to　have　done；　but　still　if　he　was　being
punished　for　this；　God　was　a　hard　taskmaster；　and　one；　too；　who　was
continually　pouncing　out　upon　his　unhappy　creatures　from　ambuscades。
In　marrying　Ellen　he　had　meant　to　avoid　a　life　of　sin；　and　to　take
the　course　he　believed　to　be　moral　and　right。　　With　his　antecedents
and　surroundings　it　was　the　most　natural　thing　in　the　world　for　him
to　have　done；　yet　in　what　a　frightful　position　had　not　his　morality
landed　him。　　Could　any　amount　of　immorality　have　placed　him　in　a
much　worse　one？　　What　was　morality　worth　if　it　was　not　that　which　on
the　whole　brought　a　man　peace　at　the　last；　and　could　anyone　have
reasonable　certainty　that　marriage　would　do　this？　　It　seemed　to　him
that　in　his　attempt　to　be　moral　he　had　been　following　a　devil　which
had　disguised　itself　as　an　angel　of　light。　　But　if　so；　what　ground
was　there　on　which　a　man　might　rest　the　sole　of　his　foot　and　tread
in　reasonable　safety？

He　was　still　too　young　to　reach　the　answer；　〃On　common　sense〃an
answer　which　he　would　have　felt　to　be　unworthy　of　anyone　who　had　an
ideal　standard。

However　this　might　be；　it　was　plain　that　he　had　now　done　for
himself。　　It　had　been　thus　with　him　all　his　life。