the way of all flesh-第78节

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the　first　time　or　two；　but　after　that；　it　became　rather　pleasant
than　not；　and　when　he　began　to　see　that　he　was　going　ahead；　he　cared
very　little　what　people　might　say　about　his　antecedents。　　The　ordeal
is　a　painful　one；　but　if　a　man's　moral　and　intellectual　constitution
are　naturally　sound；　there　is　nothing　which　will　give　him　so　much
strength　of　character　as　having　been　well　cut。

It　was　easy　for　him　to　keep　his　expenditure　down；　for　his　tastes
were　not　luxurious。　　He　liked　theatres；　outings　into　the　country　on
a　Sunday；　and　tobacco；　but　he　did　not　care　for　much　else；　except
writing　and　music。　　As　for　the　usual　run　of　concerts；　he　hated　them。
He　worshipped　Handel；　he　liked　Offenbach；　and　the　airs　that　went
about　the　streets；　but　he　cared　for　nothing　between　these　two
extremes。　　Music；　therefore；　cost　him　little。　　As　for　theatres；　I
got　him　and　Ellen　as　many　orders　as　they　liked；　so　these　cost　them
nothing。　　The　Sunday　outings　were　a　small　item；　for　a　shilling　or
two　he　could　get　a　return　ticket　to　some　place　far　enough　out　of
town　to　give　him　a　good　walk　and　a　thorough　change　for　the　day。
Ellen　went　with　him　the　first　few　times；　but　she　said　she　found　it
too　much　for　her；　there　were　a　few　of　her　old　friends　whom　she
should　sometimes　like　to　see；　and　they　and　he；　she　said；　would　not
hit　it　off　perhaps　too　well；　so　it　would　be　better　for　him　to　go
alone。　　This　seemed　so　sensible；　and　suited　Ernest　so　exactly　that
he　readily　fell　into　it；　nor　did　he　suspect　dangers　which　were
apparent　enough　to　me　when　I　heard　how　she　had　treated　the　matter。
I　kept　silence；　however；　and　for　a　time　all　continued　to　go　well。
As　I　have　said；　one　of　his　chief　pleasures　was　in　writing。　　If　a　man
carries　with　him　a　little　sketch　book　and　is　continually　jotting
down　sketches；　he　has　the　artistic　instinct；　a　hundred　things　may
hinder　his　due　development；　but　the　instinct　is　there。　　The　literary
instinct　may　be　known　by　a　man's　keeping　a　small　note…book　in　his
waistcoat　pocket；　into　which　he　jots　down　anything　that　strikes　him；
or　any　good　thing　that　he　hears　said；　or　a　reference　to　any　passage
which　he　thinks　will　come　in　useful　to　him。　　Ernest　had　such　a　note…
book　always　with　him。　　Even　when　he　was　at　Cambridge　he　had　begun
the　practice　without　anyone's　having　suggested　it　to　him。　　These
notes　he　copied　out　from　time　to　time　into　a　book；　which　as　they
accumulated；　he　was　driven　into　indexing　approximately；　as　he　went
along。　　When　I　found　out　this；　I　knew　that　he　had　the　literary
instinct；　and　when　I　saw　his　notes　I　began　to　hope　great　things　of
him。

For　a　long　time　I　was　disappointed。　　He　was　kept　back　by　the　nature
of　the　subjects　he　chosewhich　were　generally　metaphysical。　　In
vain　I　tried　to　get　him　away　from　these　to　matters　which　had　a
greater　interest　for　the　general　public。　　When　I　begged　him　to　try
his　hand　at　some　pretty；　graceful；　little　story　which　should　be　full
of　whatever　people　knew　and　liked　best；　he　would　immediately　set　to
work　upon　a　treatise　to　show　the　grounds　on　which　all　belief　rested。

〃You　are　stirring　mud；〃　said　I；　〃or　poking　at　a　sleeping　dog。　　You
are　trying　to　make　people　resume　consciousness　about　things；　which；
with　sensible　men；　have　already　passed　into　the　unconscious　stage。
The　men　whom　you　would　disturb　are　in　front　of　you；　and　not；　as　you
fancy；　behind　you；　it　is　you　who　are　the　lagger；　not　they。〃

He　could　not　see　it。　　He　said　he　was　engaged　on　an　essay　upon　the
famous　quod　semper；　quod　ubique；　quod　ab　omnibus　of　St　Vincent　de
Lerins。　　This　was　the　more　provoking　because　he　showed　himself　able
to　do　better　things　if　he　had　liked。

I　was　then　at　work　upon　my　burlesque　〃The　Impatient　Griselda；〃　and
was　sometimes　at　my　wits'　end　for　a　piece　of　business　or　a
situation；　he　gave　me　many　suggestions；　all　of　which　were　marked　by
excellent　good　sense。　　Nevertheless　I　could　not　prevail　with　him　to
put　philosophy　on　one　side；　and　was　obliged　to　leave　him　to　himself。

For　a　long　time；　as　I　have　said；　his　choice　of　subjects　continued　to
be　such　as　I　could　not　approve。　　He　was　continually　studying
scientific　and　metaphysical　writers；　in　the　hope　of　either　finding
or　making　for　himself　a　philosopher's　stone　in　the　shape　of　a　system
which　should　go　on　all　fours　under　all　circumstances；　instead　of
being　liable　to　be　upset　at　every　touch　and　turn；　as　every　system
yet　promulgated　has　turned　out　to　be。

He　kept　to　the　pursuit　of　this　will…o'…the…wisp　so　long　that　I　gave
up　hope；　and　set　him　down　as　another　fly　that　had　been　caught；　as　it
were；　by　a　piece　of　paper　daubed　over　with　some　sticky　stuff　that
had　not　even　the　merit　of　being　sweet；　but　to　my　surprise　he　at　last
declared　that　he　was　satisfied；　and　had　found　what　he　wanted。

I　supposed　that　he　had　only　hit　upon　some　new　〃Lo；　here！〃　when　to　my
relief；　he　told　me　that　he　had　concluded　that　no　system　which　should
go　perfectly　upon　all　fours　was　possible；　inasmuch　as　no　one　could
get　behind　Bishop　Berkeley；　and　therefore　no　absolutely
incontrovertible　first　premise　could　ever　be　laid。　　Having　found
this　he　was　just　as　well　pleased　as　if　he　had　found　the　most　perfect
system　imaginable。　　All　he　wanted　he　said；　was　to　know　which　way　it
was　to　bethat　is　to　say　whether　a　system　was　possible　or　not；　and
if　possible　then　what　the　system　was　to　be。　　Having　found　out　that
no　system　based　on　absolute　certainty　was　possible　he　was　contented。

I　had　only　a　very　vague　idea　who　Bishop　Berkeley　was；　but　was
thankful　to　him　for　having　defended　us　from　an　incontrovertible
first　premise。　　I　am　afraid　I　said　a　few　words　implying　that　after　a
great　deal　of　trouble　he　had　arrived　at　the　conclusion　which
sensible　people　reach　without　bothering　their　brains　so　much。

He　said：　　〃Yes；　but　I　was　not　born　sensible。　　A　child　of　ordinary
powers　learns　to　walk　at　a　year　or　two　old　without　knowing　much
about　it；　failing　ordinary　powers　he　had　better　learn　laboriously
than　never　learn　at　all。　　I　am　sorry　I　was　not　stronger；　but　to　do
as　I　did　was　my　only　chance。〃

He　looked　so　meek　that　I　was　vexed　with　myself　for　having　said　what
I　had；　more　especially　when　I　remembered　his　bringing…up；　which　had
doubtless　done　much　to　impair　his　power　of　taking　a　common…sense
view　of　things。　　He　continued　…

〃I　see　it　all　now。　　The　people　like　Towneley　are　the　only　ones　who
know　anything　that　is　worth　knowing；　and　like　that　of　course　I　can
never　be。　　But　to　make　Towneleys　possible　there　must　be　hewers　of
wood　and　drawers　of　watermen　in　fact　through　whom　conscious
knowledge　must　pass　before　it　can　reach　those　who　can　apply　it
gracefully　and　instinctively　as　the　Towneleys　can。　　I　am　a　hewer　of
wood；　but　if　I　accept　the　position　frankly　and　do　not　set　up　to　be　a
Towneley；　it　does　not　matter。〃

He　still；　therefore；　stuck　to　science　instead　of　turning　to
literature　proper　as　I　hoped　he　would　have　done；　but　he　confined
himself　henceforth　to　enquiries　on　specific　subjects　concerning
which　an　increase　of　our　knowledgeas　he　saidwas　possible。
Having　in　fact；　after　infinite　vexation　of　spirit；　arrived　at　a
conclusion　which　cut　at　the　roots　of　all　knowledge；　he　settled
contentedly　down　to　the　pursuit　of　knowledge；　and　has　pursued　it
ever　since　in　spite　of　occasional　excursions　into　the　regions　of
literature　proper。

But　this　is　anticipating；　and　may　perhaps　also　convey　a　wrong
impression；　for　from　the　outset　he　did　occasionally　turn　his
attention　to　work　which　must　be　more　properly　called　literary　than
either　scientific　or　metaphysical。



CHAPTER　LXXIV



About　six　months　after　he　had　set　up　his　shop　his　prosperity　had
reached　its　climax。　　It　seemed　even　then　as　though　he　were　likely　to
go　ahead　no　less　fast　than　heretofore；　and　I　doubt　not　that　he　would
have　done　so；　if　success　or　non…success　had　depended　upon　himself
alone。　　Unfortunately　he　was　not　the　only　person　to　be　reckoned
with。

One　morning　he　had　gone　out　to　attend　some　sales；　leaving　his　wife
perfectly　well；　as　usual　in　good　spirits；　and　looking　very　pretty。
When　he　came　back　he　found　her　sitting　on　a　chair　in　the　back
parlour；　with　her　hair　over　her　face；　sobbing　and　crying　as　though
her　heart　would　break。　　She　said　she　had　been　frightened　in　the
morning　by　a　man　who　had　pretended　to　be　a　customer；　and　had
threatened　her　unless　she　gave　him　some　things；　and　she　had　had　to
give　them　to　him　in　order　to　save　herself　from　violence；　she　had
been　in　hysterics　ever　since　the　man　had　gone。　　This　was　her　story；
but　her　speech　was　so　incoherent　that　it　was　not　easy　to　make　out
what　she　said。　　Ernest　knew　she　was　with　child；　and　thinking　this
might　have　something　to　do　with　the　matter；　would　have　sent　for　a
doctor　if　Ellen　had　not　begged　him　not　to　do　so。

Anyone　who　had　had　experience　of　drunken　people　would　have　seen　at　a
glance　what　the　matter　was；　but　my　hero　knew　nothing　about　them
nothing；　that　is　to　say；　about　the　drunkenness　of　the　habitual
drunkard；　which　shows　itself　very　differently　from　that　of　one　who
gets　drunk　only　once　in　a　way。　　The　idea　that　his　wife　could　drink
had　never　even　crossed　his　mind；　indeed　she　always　made　a　fuss　about
taking　more　than　a　very　little　beer；　and　never　touched　spirits。　　He
did　not　know　much　m