the way of all flesh-第70节

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him；　or　how　perhaps　she　might　even　fall　ill　and　die；　and　how　the
blame　would　rest　with　him。　　At　these　times　his　resolution　was　near
breaking；　but　when　he　found　I　applauded　his　design；　the　voice
within；　which　bade　him　see　his　father's　and　mother's　faces　no　more；
grew　louder　and　more　persistent。　　If　he　could　not　cut　himself　adrift
from　those　who　he　knew　would　hamper　him；　when　so　small　an　effort　was
wanted；　his　dream　of　a　destiny　was　idle；　what　was　the　prospect　of　a
hundred　pounds　from　his　father　in　comparison　with　jeopardy　to　this？
He　still　felt　deeply　the　pain　his　disgrace　had　inflicted　upon　his
father　and　mother；　but　he　was　getting　stronger；　and　reflected　that
as　he　had　run　his　chance　with　them　for　parents；　so　they　must　run
theirs　with　him　for　a　son。

He　had　nearly　settled　down　to　this　conclusion　when　he　received　a
letter　from　his　father　which　made　his　decision　final。　　If　the　prison
rules　had　been　interpreted　strictly；　he　would　not　have　been　allowed
to　have　this　letter　for　another　three　months；　as　he　had　already
heard　from　me；　but　the　governor　took　a　lenient　view；　and　considered
the　letter　from　me　to　be　a　business　communication　hardly　coming
under　the　category　of　a　letter　from　friends。　　Theobald's　letter
therefore　was　given　to　his　son。　　It　ran　as　follows：…


〃My　dear　Ernest；　My　object　in　writing　is　not　to　upbraid　you　with　the
disgrace　and　shame　you　have　inflicted　upon　your　mother　and　myself；
to　say　nothing　of　your　brother　Joey；　and　your　sister。　　Suffer　of
course　we　must；　but　we　know　to　whom　to　look　in　our　affliction；　and
are　filled　with　anxiety　rather　on　your　behalf　than　our　own。　　Your
mother　is　wonderful。　　She　is　pretty　well　in　health；　and　desires　me
to　send　you　her　love。

〃Have　you　considered　your　prospects　on　leaving　prison？　　I　understand
from　Mr　Overton　that　you　have　lost　the　legacy　which　your　grandfather
left　you；　together　with　all　the　interest　that　accrued　during　your
minority；　in　the　course　of　speculation　upon　the　Stock　Exchange！　　If
you　have　indeed　been　guilty　of　such　appalling　folly　it　is　difficult
to　see　what　you　can　turn　your　hand　to；　and　I　suppose　you　will　try　to
find　a　clerkship　in　an　office。　　Your　salary　will　doubtless　be　low　at
first；　but　you　have　made　your　bed　and　must　not　complain　if　you　have
to　lie　upon　it。　　If　you　take　pains　to　please　your　employers　they
will　not　be　backward　in　promoting　you。

〃When　I　first　heard　from　Mr　Overton　of　the　unspeakable　calamity
which　had　befallen　your　mother　and　myself；　I　had　resolved　not　to　see
you　again。　　I　am　unwilling；　however；　to　have　recourse　to　a　measure
which　would　deprive　you　of　your　last　connecting　link　with
respectable　people。　　Your　mother　and　I　will　see　you　as　soon　as　you
come　out　of　prison；　not　at　Battersbywe　do　not　wish　you　to　come
down　here　at　presentbut　somewhere　else；　probably　in　London。　　You
need　not　shrink　from　seeing　us；　we　shall　not　reproach　you。　　We　will
then　decide　about　your　future。

〃At　present　our　impression　is　that　you　will　find　a　fairer　start
probably　in　Australia　or　New　Zealand　than　here；　and　I　am　prepared　to
find　you　75　pounds　or　even　if　necessary　so　far　as　100　pounds　to　pay
your　passage　money。　　Once　in　the　colony　you　must　be　dependent　upon
your　own　exertions。

〃May　Heaven　prosper　them　and　you；　and　restore　you　to　us　years　hence
a　respected　member　of　society。Your　affectionate　father；　T。
PONTIFEX。〃


Then　there　was　a　postscript　in　Christina's　writing。


〃My　darling；　darling　boy；　pray　with　me　daily　and　hourly　that　we　may
yet　again　become　a　happy；　united；　God…fearing　family　as　we　were
before　this　horrible　pain　fell　upon　us。Your　sorrowing　but　ever
loving　mother；　〃C。　P。〃


This　letter　did　not　produce　the　effect　on　Ernest　that　it　would　have
done　before　his　imprisonment　began。　　His　father　and　mother　thought
they　could　take　him　up　as　they　had　left　him　off。　　They　forgot　the
rapidity　with　which　development　follows　misfortune；　if　the　sufferer
is　young　and　of　a　sound　temperament。　　Ernest　made　no　reply　to　his
father's　letter；　but　his　desire　for　a　total　break　developed　into
something　like　a　passion。　　〃There　are　orphanages；〃　he　exclaimed　to
himself；　〃for　children　who　have　lost　their　parentsoh！　why；　why；
why；　are　there　no　harbours　of　refuge　for　grown　men　who　have　not　yet
lost　them？〃　　And　he　brooded　over　the　bliss　of　Melchisedek　who　had
been　born　an　orphan；　without　father；　without　mother；　and　without
descent。



CHAPTER　LXVIII



When　I　think　over　all　that　Ernest　told　me　about　his　prison
meditations；　and　the　conclusions　he　was　drawn　to；　it　occurs　to　me
that　in　reality　he　was　wanting　to　do　the　very　last　thing　which　it
would　have　entered　into　his　head　to　think　of　wanting。　　I　mean　that
he　was　trying　to　give　up　father　and　mother　for　Christ's　sake。　　He
would　have　said　he　was　giving　them　up　because　he　thought　they
hindered　him　in　the　pursuit　of　his　truest　and　most　lasting
happiness。　　Granted；　but　what　is　this　if　it　is　not　Christ？　　What　is
Christ　if　He　is　not　this？　　He　who　takes　the　highest　and　most　self…
respecting　view　of　his　own　welfare　which　it　is　in　his　power　to
conceive；　and　adheres　to　it　in　spite　of　conventionality；　is　a
Christian　whether　he　knows　it　and　calls　himself　one；　or　whether　he
does　not。　　A　rose　is　not　the　less　a　rose　because　it　does　not　know
its　own　name。

What　if　circumstances　had　made　his　duty　more　easy　for　him　than　it
would　be　to　most　men？　　That　was　his　luck；　as　much　as　it　is　other
people's　luck　to　have　other　duties　made　easy　for　them　by　accident　of
birth。　　Surely　if　people　are　born　rich　or　handsome　they　have　a　right
to　their　good　fortune。　　Some　I　know；　will　say　that　one　man　has　no
right　to　be　born　with　a　better　constitution　than　another；　others
again　will　say　that　luck　is　the　only　righteous　object　of　human
veneration。　　Both；　I　daresay；　can　make　out　a　very　good　case；　but
whichever　may　be　right　surely　Ernest　had　as　much　right　to　the　good
luck　of　finding　a　duty　made　easier　as　he　had　had　to　the　bad　fortune
of　falling　into　the　scrape　which　had　got　him　into　prison。　　A　man　is
not　to　be　sneered　at　for　having　a　trump　card　in　his　hand；　he　is　only
to　be　sneered　at　if　he　plays　his　trump　card　badly。

Indeed；　I　question　whether　it　is　ever　much　harder　for　anyone　to　give
up　father　and　mother　for　Christ's　sake　than　it　was　for　Ernest。　　The
relations　between　the　parties　will　have　almost　always　been　severely
strained　before　it　comes　to　this。　　I　doubt　whether　anyone　was　ever
yet　required　to　give　up　those　to　whom　he　was　tenderly　attached　for　a
mere　matter　of　conscience：　　he　will　have　ceased　to　be　tenderly
attached　to　them　long　before　he　is　called　upon　to　break　with　them；
for　differences　of　opinion　concerning　any　matter　of　vital　importance
spring　from　differences　of　constitution；　and　these　will　already　have
led　to　so　much　other　disagreement　that　the　〃giving　up〃　when　it
comes；　is　like　giving　up　an　aching　but　very　loose　and　hollow　tooth。
It　is　the　loss　of　those　whom　we　are　not　required　to　give　up　for
Christ's　sake　which　is　really　painful　to　us。　　Then　there　is　a　wrench
in　earnest。　　Happily；　no　matter　how　light　the　task　that　is　demanded
from　us；　it　is　enough　if　we　do　it；　we　reap　our　reward；　much　as
though　it　were　a　Herculean　labour。

But　to　return；　the　conclusion　Ernest　came　to　was　that　he　would　be　a
tailor。　　He　talked　the　matter　over　with　the　chaplain；　who　told　him
there　was　no　reason　why　he　should　not　be　able　to　earn　his　six　or
seven　shillings　a　day　by　the　time　he　came　out　of　prison；　if　he　chose
to　learn　the　trade　during　the　remainder　of　his　termnot　quite　three
months；　the　doctor　said　he　was　strong　enough　for　this；　and　that　it
was　about　the　only　thing　he　was　as　yet　fit　for；　so　he　left　the
infirmary　sooner　than　he　would　otherwise　have　done　and　entered　the
tailor's　shop；　overjoyed　at　the　thoughts　of　seeing　his　way　again；
and　confident　of　rising　some　day　if　he　could　only　get　a　firm
foothold　to　start　from。

Everyone　whom　he　had　to　do　with　saw　that　he　did　not　belong　to　what
are　called　the　criminal　classes；　and　finding　him　eager　to　learn　and
to　save　trouble　always　treated　him　kindly　and　almost　respectfully。
He　did　not　find　the　work　irksome：　　it　was　far　more　pleasant　than
making　Latin　and　Greek　verses　at　Roughborough；　he　felt　that　he　would
rather　be　here　in　prison　than　at　Roughborough　againyes；　or　even　at
Cambridge　itself。　　The　only　trouble　he　was　ever　in　danger　of　getting
into　was　through　exchanging　words　or　looks　with　the　more　decent…
looking　of　his　fellow…prisoners。　　This　was　forbidden；　but　he　never
missed　a　chance　of　breaking　the　rules　in　this　respect。

Any　man　of　his　ability　who　was　at　the　same　time　anxious　to　learn
would　of　course　make　rapid　progress；　and　before　he　left　prison　the
warder　said　he　was　as　good　a　tailor　with　his　three　months'
apprenticeship　as　many　a　man　was　with　twelve。　　Ernest　had　never
before　been　so　much　praised　by　any　of　his　teachers。　　Each　day　as　he
grew　stronger　in　health　and　more　accustomed　to　his　surroundings　he
saw　some　fresh　advantage　in　his　position；　an　advantage　which　he　had
not　aimed　at；　but　which　had　come　almost　in　spite　of　himself；　and　he
marvelled　at　his　own　good　fortune；　which　had　ordered　things　so
greatly　better　for　him　than　he　could　have　ordered　them　for　himself。

His　having　lived　six　months