the way of all flesh-第69节

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


generally　found　that　his　loss　of　reputation　is　due　to　breaches　of
parvenu　conventions　only；　and　not　to　violations　of　those　older；
better　established　canons　whose　authority　is　unquestionable。　　In
this　case　a　man　may　grow　a　new　reputation　as　easily　as　a　lobster
grows　a　new　claw；　or；　if　he　have　health　and　money；　may　thrive　in
great　peace　of　mind　without　any　reputation　at　all。　　The　only　chance
for　a　man　who　has　lost　his　money　is　that　he　shall　still　be　young
enough　to　stand　uprooting　and　transplanting　without　more　than
temporary　derangement；　and　this　I　believed　my　godson　still　to　be。

By　the　prison　rules　he　might　receive　and　send　a　letter　after　he　had
been　in　gaol　three　months；　and　might　also　receive　one　visit　from　a
friend。　　When　he　received　my　letter；　he　at　once　asked　me　to　come　and
see　him；　which　of　course　I　did。　　I　found　him　very　much　changed；　and
still　so　feeble；　that　the　exertion　of　coming　from　the　infirmary　to
the　cell　in　which　I　was　allowed　to　see　him；　and　the　agitation　of
seeing　me　were　too　much　for　him。　　At　first　he　quite　broke　down；　and
I　was　so　pained　at　the　state　in　which　I　found　him；　that　I　was　on　the
point　of　breaking　my　instructions　then　and　there。　　I　contented
myself；　however；　for　the　time；　with　assuring　him　that　I　would　help
him　as　soon　as　he　came　out　of　prison；　and　that；　when　he　had　made　up
his　mind　what　he　would　do；　he　was　to　come　to　me　for　what　money　might
be　necessary；　if　he　could　not　get　it　from　his　father。　　To　make　it
easier　for　him　I　told　him　that　his　aunt；　on　her　deathbed；　had
desired　me　to　do　something　of　this　sort　should　an　emergency　arise；
so　that　he　would　only　be　taking　what　his　aunt　had　left　him。

〃Then；〃　said　he；　〃I　will　not　take　the　100　pounds　from　my　father；　and
I　will　never　see　him　or　my　mother　again。〃

I　said：　　〃Take　the　100　pounds；　Ernest；　and　as　much　more　as　you　can
get；　and　then　do　not　see　them　again　if　you　do　not　like。〃

This　Ernest　would　not　do。　　If　he　took　money　from　them；　he　could　not
cut　them；　and　he　wanted　to　cut　them。　　I　thought　my　godson　would　get
on　a　great　deal　better　if　he　would　only　have　the　firmness　to　do　as
he　proposed；　as　regards　breaking　completely　with　his　father　and
mother；　and　said　so。　　〃Then　don't　you　like　them？〃　said　he；　with　a
look　of　surprise。

〃Like　them！〃　said　I；　〃I　think　they're　horrid。〃

〃Oh；　that's　the　kindest　thing　of　all　you　have　done　for　me；〃　he
exclaimed；　〃I　thought　allall　middle…aged　people　liked　my　father
and　mother。〃

He　had　been　about　to　call　me　old；　but　I　was　only　fifty…seven；　and
was　not　going　to　have　this；　so　I　made　a　face　when　I　saw　him
hesitating；　which　drove　him　into　〃middle…aged。〃

〃If　you　like　it；〃　said　I；　〃I　will　say　all　your　family　are　horrid
except　yourself　and　your　aunt　Alethea。　　The　greater　part　of　every
family　is　always　odious；　if　there　are　one　or　two　good　ones　in　a　very
large　family；　it　is　as　much　as　can　be　expected。〃

〃Thank　you；〃　he　replied；　gratefully；　〃I　think　I　can　now　stand　almost
anything。　　I　will　come　and　see　you　as　soon　as　I　come　out　of　gaol。
Goodbye。〃　　For　the　warder　had　told　us　that　the　time　allowed　for　our
interview　was　at　an　end。



CHAPTER　LXVII



As　soon　as　Ernest　found　that　he　had　no　money　to　look　to　upon　leaving
prison　he　saw　that　his　dreams　about　emigrating　and　farming　must　come
to　an　end；　for　he　knew　that　he　was　incapable　of　working　at　the
plough　or　with　the　axe　for　long　together　himself。　　And　now　it　seemed
he　should　have　no　money　to　pay　any　one　else　for　doing　so。　　It　was
this　that　resolved　him　to　part　once　and　for　all　with　his　parents。
If　he　had　been　going　abroad　he　could　have　kept　up　relations　with
them；　for　they　would　have　been　too　far　off　to　interfere　with　him。

He　knew　his　father　and　mother　would　object　to　being　cut；　they　would
wish　to　appear　kind　and　forgiving；　they　would　also　dislike　having　no
further　power　to　plague　him；　but　he　knew　also　very　well　that　so　long
as　he　and　they　ran　in　harness　together　they　would　be　always　pulling
one　way　and　he　another。　　He　wanted　to　drop　the　gentleman　and　go　down
into　the　ranks；　beginning　on　the　lowest　rung　of　the　ladder；　where　no
one　would　know　of　his　disgrace　or　mind　it　if　he　did　know；　his　father
and　mother　on　the　other　hand　would　wish　him　to　clutch　on　to　the　fag…
end　of　gentility　at　a　starvation　salary　and　with　no　prospect　of
advancement。　　Ernest　had　seen　enough　in　Ashpit　Place　to　know　that　a
tailor；　if　he　did　not　drink　and　attended　to　his　business；　could　earn
more　money　than　a　clerk　or　a　curate；　while　much　less　expense　by　way
of　show　was　required　of　him。　　The　tailor　also　had　more　liberty；　and
a　better　chance　of　rising。　　Ernest　resolved　at　once；　as　he　had
fallen　so　far；　to　fall　still　lowerpromptly；　gracefully　and　with
the　idea　of　rising　again；　rather　than　cling　to　the　skirts　of　a
respectability　which　would　permit　him　to　exist　on　sufferance　only；
and　make　him　pay　an　utterly　extortionate　price　for　an　article　which
he　could　do　better　without。

He　arrived　at　this　result　more　quickly　than　he　might　otherwise　have
done　through　remembering　something　he　had　once　heard　his　aunt　say
about　〃kissing　the　soil。〃　　This　had　impressed　him　and　stuck　by　him
perhaps　by　reason　of　its　brevity；　when　later　on　he　came　to　know　the
story　of　Hercules　and　Antaeus；　he　found　it　one　of　the　very　few
ancient　fables　which　had　a　hold　over　himhis　chiefest　debt　to
classical　literature。　　His　aunt　had　wanted　him　to　learn
carpentering；　as　a　means　of　kissing　the　soil　should　his　Hercules
ever　throw　him。　　It　was　too　late　for　this　nowor　he　thought　it　was…
…but　the　mode　of　carrying　out　his　aunt's　idea　was　a　detail；　there
were　a　hundred　ways　of　kissing　the　soil　besides　becoming　a
carpenter。

He　had　told　me　this　during　our　interview；　and　I　had　encouraged　him
to　the　utmost　of　my　power。　　He　showed　so　much　more　good　sense　than　I
had　given　him　credit　for　that　I　became　comparatively　easy　about　him；
and　determined　to　let　him　play　his　own　game；　being　always；　however；
ready　to　hand　in　case　things　went　too　far　wrong。　　It　was　not　simply
because　he　disliked　his　father　and　mother　that　he　wanted　to　have　no
more　to　do　with　them；　if　it　had　been　only　this　he　would　have　put　up
with　them；　but　a　warning　voice　within　told　him　distinctly　enough
that　if　he　was　clean　cut　away　from　them　he　might　still　have　a　chance
of　success；　whereas　if　they　had　anything　whatever　to　do　with　him；　or
even　knew　where　he　was；　they　would　hamper　him　and　in　the　end　ruin
him。　　Absolute　independence　he　believed　to　be　his　only　chance　of
very　life　itself。

Over　and　above　thisif　this　were　not　enoughErnest　had　a　faith　in
his　own　destiny　such　as　most　young　men；　I　suppose；　feel；　but　the
grounds　of　which　were　not　apparent　to　any　one　but　himself。　　Rightly
or　wrongly；　in　a　quiet　way　he　believed　he　possessed　a　strength
which；　if　he　were　only　free　to　use　it　in　his　own　way；　might　do　great
things　some　day。　　He　did　not　know　when；　nor　where；　nor　how　his
opportunity　was　to　come；　but　he　never　doubted　that　it　would　come　in
spite　of　all　that　had　happened；　and　above　all　else　he　cherished　the
hope　that　he　might　know　how　to　seize　it　if　it　came；　for　whatever　it
was　it　would　be　something　that　no　one　else　could　do　so　well　as　he
could。　　People　said　there　were　no　dragons　and　giants　for　adventurous
men　to　fight　with　nowadays；　it　was　beginning　to　dawn　upon　him　that
there　were　just　as　many　now　as　at　any　past　time。

Monstrous　as　such　a　faith　may　seem　in　one　who　was　qualifying　himself
for　a　high　mission　by　a　term　of　imprisonment；　he　could　no　more　help
it　than　he　could　help　breathing；　it　was　innate　in　him；　and　it　was
even　more　with　a　view　to　this　than　for　other　reasons　that　he　wished
to　sever　the　connection　between　himself　and　his　parents；　for　he　knew
that　if　ever　the　day　came　in　which　it　should　appear　that　before　him
too　there　was　a　race　set　in　which　it　might　be　an　honour　to　have　run
among　the　foremost；　his　father　and　mother　would　be　the　first　to　let
him　and　hinder　him　in　running　it。　　They　had　been　the　first　to　say
that　he　ought　to　run　such　a　race；　they　would　also　be　the　first　to
trip　him　up　if　he　took　them　at　their　word；　and　then　afterwards
upbraid　him　for　not　having　won。　　Achievement　of　any　kind　would　be
impossible　for　him　unless　he　was　free　from　those　who　would　be　for
ever　dragging　him　back　into　the　conventional。　　The　conventional　had
been　tried　already　and　had　been　found　wanting。

He　had　an　opportunity　now；　if　he　chose　to　take　it；　of　escaping　once
for　all　from　those　who　at　once　tormented　him　and　would　hold　him
earthward　should　a　chance　of　soaring　open　before　him。　　He　should
never　have　had　it　but　for　his　imprisonment；　but　for　this　the　force
of　habit　and　routine　would　have　been　too　strong　for　him；　he　should
hardly　have　had　it　if　he　had　not　lost　all　his　money；　the　gap　would
not　have　been　so　wide　but　that　he　might　have　been　inclined　to　throw
a　plank　across　it。　　He　rejoiced　now；　therefore；　over　his　loss　of
money　as　well　as　over　his　imprisonment；　which　had　made　it　more　easy
for　him　to　follow　his　truest　and　most　lasting　interests。

At　times　he　wavered；　when　he　thought　of　how　his　mother；　who　in　her
way；　as　he　thought；　had　loved　him；　would　weep　and　think　sadly　over
him；　or　how　perhaps　she　might　even　fall　ill　and　die；　and　how　the
blame　would　rest　with　him。　　At　the