the way of all flesh-第54节

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then　taking　rather　a　mean　advantage　of　the　Apostle　to　stand　on　his
not　having　actually　forbidden　it？　　On　the　other　hand；　it　was
possible　that　God　knew　Paul　would　have　forbidden　smoking；　and　had
purposely　arranged　the　discovery　of　tobacco　for　a　period　at　which
Paul　should　be　no　longer　living。　　This　might　seem　rather　hard　on
Paul；　considering　all　he　had　done　for　Christianity；　but　it　would　be
made　up　to　him　in　other　ways。

These　reflections　satisfied　Ernest　that　on　the　whole　he　had　better
smoke；　so　he　sneaked　to　his　portmanteau　and　brought　out　his　pipes
and　tobacco　again。　　There　should　be　moderation　he　felt　in　all
things；　even　in　virtue；　so　for　that　night　he　smoked　immoderately。
It　was　a　pity；　however；　that　he　had　bragged　to　Dawson　about　giving
up　smoking。　　The　pipes　had　better　be　kept　in　a　cupboard　for　a　week
or　two；　till　in　other　and　easier　respects　Ernest　should　have　proved
his　steadfastness。　　Then　they　might　steal　out　again　little　by
littleand　so　they　did。

Ernest　now　wrote　home　a　letter　couched　in　a　vein　different　from　his
ordinary　ones。　　His　letters　were　usually　all　common　form　and
padding；　for　as　I　have　already　explained；　if　he　wrote　about　anything
that　really　interested　him；　his　mother　always　wanted　to　know　more
and　more　about　itevery　fresh　answer　being　as　the　lopping　off　of　a
hydra's　head　and　giving　birth　to　half　a　dozen　or　more　new　questions…
…but　in　the　end　it　came　invariably　to　the　same　result；　namely；　that
he　ought　to　have　done　something　else；　or　ought　not　to　go　on　doing　as
he　proposed。　　Now；　however；　there　was　a　new　departure；　and　for　the
thousandth　time　he　concluded　that　he　was　about　to　take　a　course　of
which　his　father　and　mother　would　approve；　and　in　which　they　would
be　interested；　so　that　at　last　he　and　they　might　get　on　more
sympathetically　than　heretofore。　　He　therefore　wrote　a　gushing
impulsive　letter；　which　afforded　much　amusement　to　myself　as　I　read
it；　but　which　is　too　long　for　reproduction。　　One　passage　ran：　　〃I　am
now　going　towards　Christ；　the　greater　number　of　my　college　friends
are；　I　fear；　going　away　from　Him；　we　must　pray　for　them　that　they
may　find　the　peace　that　is　in　Christ　even　as　I　have　myself　found
it。〃　　Ernest　covered　his　face　with　his　hands　for　shame　as　he　read
this　extract　from　the　bundle　of　letters　he　had　put　into　my　hands
they　had　been　returned　to　him　by　his　father　on　his　mother's　death；
his　mother　having　carefully　preserved　them。

〃Shall　I　cut　it　out？〃　said　I；　〃I　will　if　you　like。〃

〃Certainly　not；〃　he　answered；　〃and　if　good…natured　friends　have　kept
more　records　of　my　follies；　pick　out　any　plums　that　may　amuse　the
reader；　and　let　him　have　his　laugh　over　them。〃　　But　fancy　what
effect　a　letter　like　thisso　unled　up　tomust　have　produced　at
Battersby！　　Even　Christina　refrained　from　ecstasy　over　her　son's
having　discovered　the　power　of　Christ's　word；　while　Theobald　was
frightened　out　of　his　wits。　　It　was　well　his　son　was　not　going　to
have　any　doubts　or　difficulties；　and　that　he　would　be　ordained
without　making　a　fuss　over　it；　but　he　smelt　mischief　in　this　sudden
conversion　of　one　who　had　never　yet　shown　any　inclination　towards
religion。　　He　hated　people　who　did　not　know　where　to　stop。　　Ernest
was　always　so　outre　and　strange；　there　was　never　any　knowing　what　he
would　do　next；　except　that　it　would　be　something　unusual　and　silly。
If　he　was　to　get　the　bit　between　his　teeth　after　he　had　got　ordained
and　bought　his　living；　he　would　play　more　pranks　than　ever　he；
Theobald；　had　done。　　The　fact；　doubtless；　of　his　being　ordained　and
having　bought　a　living　would　go　a　long　way　to　steady　him；　and　if　he
married；　his　wife　must　see　to　the　rest；　this　was　his　only　chance
and；　to　do　justice　to　his　sagacity；　Theobald　in　his　heart　did　not
think　very　highly　of　it。

When　Ernest　came　down　to　Battersby　in　June；　he　imprudently　tried　to
open　up　a　more　unreserved　communication　with　his　father　than　was　his
wont。　　The　first　of　Ernest's　snipe…like　flights　on　being　flushed　by
Mr　Hawke's　sermon　was　in　the　direction　of　ultra…evangelicalism。
Theobald　himself　had　been　much　more　Low　than　High　Church。　　This　was
the　normal　development　of　the　country　clergyman　during　the　first
years　of　his　clerical　life；　between；　we　will　say；　the　years　1825　to
1850；　but　he　was　not　prepared　for　the　almost　contempt　with　which
Ernest　now　regarded　the　doctrines　of　baptismal　regeneration　and
priestly　absolution　（Hoity　toity；　indeed；　what　business　had　he　with
such　questions？）；　nor　for　his　desire　to　find　some　means　of
reconciling　Methodism　and　the　Church。　　Theobald　hated　the　Church　of
Rome；　but　he　hated　dissenters　too；　for　he　found　them　as　a　general
rule　troublesome　people　to　deal　with；　he　always　found　people　who　did
not　agree　with　him　troublesome　to　deal　with：　　besides；　they　set　up
for　knowing　as　much　as　he　did；　nevertheless　if　he　had　been　let　alone
he　would　have　leaned　towards　them　rather　than　towards　the　High
Church　party。　　The　neighbouring　clergy；　however；　would　not　let　him
alone。　　One　by　one　they　had　come　under　the　influence；　directly　or
indirectly；　of　the　Oxford　movement　which　had　begun　twenty　years
earlier。　　It　was　surprising　how　many　practices　he　now　tolerated
which　in　his　youth　he　would　have　considered　Popish；　he　knew　very
well　therefore　which　way　things　were　going　in　Church　matters；　and
saw　that　as　usual　Ernest　was　setting　himself　the　other　way。　　The
opportunity　for　telling　his　son　that　he　was　a　fool　was　too
favourable　not　to　be　embraced；　and　Theobald　was　not　slow　to　embrace
it。　　Ernest　was　annoyed　and　surprised；　for　had　not　his　father　and
mother　been　wanting　him　to　be　more　religious　all　his　life？　　Now　that
he　had　become　so　they　were　still　not　satisfied。　　He　said　to　himself
that　a　prophet　was　not　without　honour　save　in　his　own　country；　but
he　had　been　latelyor　rather　until　latelygetting　into　an　odious
habit　of　turning　proverbs　upside　down；　and　it　occurred　to　him　that　a
country　is　sometimes　not　without　honour　save　for　its　own　prophet。
Then　he　laughed；　and　for　the　rest　of　the　day　felt　more　as　he　used　to
feel　before　he　had　heard　Mr　Hawke's　sermon。

He　returned　to　Cambridge　for　the　Long　Vacation　of　1858none　too
soon；　for　he　had　to　go　in　for　the　Voluntary　Theological　Examination；
which　bishops　were　now　beginning　to　insist　upon。　　He　imagined　all
the　time　he　was　reading　that　he　was　storing　himself　with　the
knowledge　that　would　best　fit　him　for　the　work　he　had　taken　in　hand。
In　truth；　he　was　cramming　for　a　pass。　　In　due　time　he　did　pass
creditably；　and　was　ordained　Deacon　with　half…a…dozen　others　of　his
friends　in　the　autumn　of　1858。　　He　was　then　just　twenty…three　years
old。



CHAPTER　LI



Ernest　had　been　ordained　to　a　curacy　in　one　of　the　central　parts　of
London。　　He　hardly　knew　anything　of　London　yet；　but　his　instincts
drew　him　thither。　　The　day　after　he　was　ordained　he　entered　upon　his
dutiesfeeling　much　as　his　father　had　done　when　he　found　himself
boxed　up　in　the　carriage　with　Christina　on　the　morning　of　his
marriage。　　Before　the　first　three　days　were　over；　he　became　aware
that　the　light　of　the　happiness　which　he　had　known　during　his　four
years　at　Cambridge　had　been　extinguished；　and　he　was　appalled　by　the
irrevocable　nature　of　the　step　which　he　now　felt　that　he　had　taken
much　too　hurriedly。

The　most　charitable　excuse　that　I　can　make　for　the　vagaries　which　it
will　now　be　my　duty　to　chronicle　is　that　the　shock　of　change
consequent　upon　his　becoming　suddenly　religious；　being　ordained　and
leaving　Cambridge；　had　been　too　much　for　my　hero；　and　had　for　the
time　thrown　him　off　an　equilibrium　which　was　yet　little　supported　by
experience；　and　therefore　as　a　matter　of　course　unstable。

Everyone　has　a　mass　of　bad　work　in　him　which　he　will　have　to　work
off　and　get　rid　of　before　he　can　do　betterand　indeed；　the　more
lasting　a　man's　ultimate　good　work　is；　the　more　sure　he　is　to　pass
through　a　time；　and　perhaps　a　very　long　one；　in　which　there　seems
very　little　hope　for　him　at　all。　　We　must　all　sow　our　spiritual　wild
oats。　　The　fault　I　feel　personally　disposed　to　find　with　my　godson
is　not　that　he　had　wild　oats　to　sow；　but　that　they　were　such　an
exceedingly　tame　and　uninteresting　crop。　　The　sense　of　humour　and
tendency　to　think　for　himself；　of　which　till　a　few　months　previously
he　had　been　showing　fair　promise；　were　nipped　as　though　by　a　late
frost；　while　his　earlier　habit　of　taking　on　trust　everything　that
was　told　him　by　those　in　authority；　and　following　everything　out　to
the　bitter　end；　no　matter　how　preposterous；　returned　with　redoubled
strength。　　I　suppose　this　was　what　might　have　been　expected　from
anyone　placed　as　Ernest　now　was；　especially　when　his　antecedents　are
remembered；　but　it　surprised　and　disappointed　some　of　his　cooler…
headed　Cambridge　friends　who　had　begun　to　think　well　of　his　ability。
To　himself　it　seemed　that　religion　was　incompatible　with　half
measures；　or　even　with　compromise。　　Circumstances　had　led　to　his
being　ordained；　for　the　moment　he　was　sorry　they　had；　but　he　had
done　it　and　must　go　through　with　it。　　He　therefore　set　himself　to
find　out　what　was　expected　of　him；　and　to　act　accordingly。

His　rector　was　a　moderate　High　Churchman　of　no　very　pronounced
viewsan　elderly　man　who　had　had　too　many　cu