the way of all flesh-第46节

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should　be　spent　upon　menus　plaisirs　。　。　。

〃Call　that　not　much　indeed；〃　laughed　Ernest；　as　I　read　him　what　I
have　just　written。　　〃Why　it　is　the　whole　duty　of　a　father；　but　it　is
the　mystery…making　which　is　the　worst　evil。　　If　people　would　dare　to
speak　to　one　another　unreservedly；　there　would　be　a　good　deal　less
sorrow　in　the　world　a　hundred　years　hence。〃

To　return；　however；　to　Roughborough。　　On　the　day　of　his　leaving；
when　he　was　sent　for　into　the　library　to　be　shaken　hands　with；　he
was　surprised　to　feel　that；　though　assuredly　glad　to　leave；　he　did
not　do　so　with　any　especial　grudge　against　the　Doctor　rankling　in
his　breast。　　He　had　come　to　the　end　of　it　all；　and　was　still　alive；
nor；　take　it　all　round；　more　seriously　amiss　than　other　people。　　Dr
Skinner　received　him　graciously；　and　was　even　frolicsome　after　his
own　heavy　fashion。　　Young　people　are　almost　always　placable；　and
Ernest　felt　as　he　went　away　that　another　such　interview　would　not
only　have　wiped　off　all　old　scores；　but　have　brought　him　round　into
the　ranks　of　the　Doctor's　admirers　and　supportersamong　whom　it　is
only　fair　to　say　that　the　greater　number　of　the　more　promising　boys
were　found。

Just　before　saying　good…bye　the　Doctor　actually　took　down　a　volume
from　those　shelves　which　had　seemed　so　awful　six　years　previously；
and　gave　it　to　him　after　having　written　his　name　in　it；　and　the
words　＇Greek　text＇；　which　I　believe　means　〃with　all　kind　wishes　from
the　donor。〃　　The　book　was　one　written　in　Latin　by　a　German
Schomann：　　〃De　comitiis　Atheniensibus〃not　exactly　light　and
cheerful　reading；　but　Ernest　felt　it　was　high　time　he　got　to
understand　the　Athenian　constitution　and　manner　of　voting；　he　had
got　them　up　a　great　many　times　already；　but　had　forgotten　them　as
fast　as　he　had　learned　them；　now；　however；　that　the　Doctor　had　given
him　this　book；　he　would　master　the　subject　once　for　all。　　How
strange　it　was！　　He　wanted　to　remember　these　things　very　badly；　he
knew　he　did；　but　he　could　never　retain　them；　in　spite　of　himself
they　no　sooner　fell　upon　his　mind　than　they　fell　off　it　again；　he
had　such　a　dreadful　memory；　whereas；　if　anyone　played　him　a　piece　of
music　and　told　him　where　it　came　from；　he　never　forgot　that；　though
he　made　no　effort　to　retain　it；　and　was　not　even　conscious　of　trying
to　remember　it　at　all。　　His　mind　must　be　badly　formed　and　he　was　no
good。

Having　still　a　short　time　to　spare；　he　got　the　keys　of　St　Michael's
church　and　went　to　have　a　farewell　practice　upon　the　organ；　which　he
could　now　play　fairly　well。　　He　walked　up　and　down　the　aisle　for　a
while　in　a　meditative　mood；　and　then；　settling　down　to　the　organ；
played　〃They　loathed　to　drink　of　the　river〃　about　six　times　over；
after　which　he　felt　more　composed　and　happier；　then；　tearing　himself
away　from　the　instrument　he　loved　so　well；　he　hurried　to　the
station。

As　the　train　drew　out　he　looked　down　from　a　high　embankment　on　to
the　little　house　his　aunt　had　taken；　and　where　it　might　be　said　she
had　died　through　her　desire　to　do　him　a　kindness。　　There　were　the
two　well…known　bow　windows；　out　of　which　he　had　often　stepped　to　run
across　the　lawn　into　the　workshop。　　He　reproached　himself　with　the
little　gratitude　he　had　shown　towards　this　kind　ladythe　only　one
of　his　relations　whom　he　had　ever　felt　as　though　he　could　have　taken
into　his　confidence。　　Dearly　as　he　loved　her　memory；　he　was　glad　she
had　not　known　the　scrapes　he　had　got　into　since　she　died；　perhaps
she　might　not　have　forgiven　themand　how　awful　that　would　have
been！　　But　then；　if　she　had　lived；　perhaps　many　of　his　ills　would
have　been　spared　him。　　As　he　mused　thus　he　grew　sad　again。　　Where；
where；　he　asked　himself；　was　it　all　to　end？　　Was　it　to　be　always
sin；　shame　and　sorrow　in　the　future；　as　it　had　been　in　the　past；　and
the　ever…watchful　eye　and　protecting　hand　of　his　father　laying
burdens　on　him　greater　than　he　could　bearor　was　he；　too；　some　day
or　another　to　come　to　feel　that　he　was　fairly　well　and　happy？

There　was　a　gray　mist　across　the　sun；　so　that　the　eye　could　bear　its
light；　and　Ernest；　while　musing　as　above；　was　looking　right　into　the
middle　of　the　sun　himself；　as　into　the　face　of　one　whom　he　knew　and
was　fond　of。　　At　first　his　face　was　grave；　but　kindly；　as　of　a　tired
man　who　feels　that　a　long　task　is　over；　but　in　a　few　seconds　the
more　humorous　side　of　his　misfortunes　presented　itself　to　him；　and
he　smiled　half　reproachfully；　half　merrily；　as　thinking　how　little
all　that　had　happened　to　him　really　mattered；　and　how　small　were　his
hardships　as　compared　with　those　of　most　people。　　Still　looking　into
the　eye　of　the　sun　and　smiling　dreamily；　he　thought　how　he　had
helped　to　burn　his　father　in　effigy；　and　his　look　grew　merrier；　till
at　last　he　broke　out　into　a　laugh。　　Exactly　at　this　moment　the　light
veil　of　cloud　parted　from　the　sun；　and　he　was　brought　to　terra　firma
by　the　breaking　forth　of　the　sunshine。　　On　this　he　became　aware　that
he　was　being　watched　attentively　by　a　fellow…traveller　opposite　to
him；　an　elderly　gentleman　with　a　large　head　and　iron…grey　hair。

〃My　young　friend；〃　said　he；　good…naturedly；　〃you　really　must　not
carry　on　conversations　with　people　in　the　sun；　while　you　are　in　a
public　railway　carriage。〃

The　old　gentleman　said　not　another　word；　but　unfolded　his　Times　and
began　to　read　it。　　As　for　Ernest；　he　blushed　crimson。　　The　pair　did
not　speak　during　the　rest　of　the　time　they　were　in　the　carriage；　but
they　eyed　each　other　from　time　to　time；　so　that　the　face　of　each　was
impressed　on　the　recollection　of　the　other。



CHAPTER　XLV



Some　people　say　that　their　school　days　were　the　happiest　of　their
lives。　　They　may　be　right；　but　I　always　look　with　suspicion　upon
those　whom　I　hear　saying　this。　　It　is　hard　enough　to　know　whether
one　is　happy　or　unhappy　now；　and　still　harder　to　compare　the
relative　happiness　or　unhappiness　of　different　times　of　one's　life；
the　utmost　that　can　be　said　is　that　we　are　fairly　happy　so　long　as
we　are　not　distinctly　aware　of　being　miserable。　　As　I　was　talking
with　Ernest　one　day　not　so　long　since　about　this；　he　said　he　was　so
happy　now　that　he　was　sure　he　had　never　been　happier；　and　did　not
wish　to　be　so；　but　that　Cambridge　was　the　first　place　where　he　had
ever　been　consciously　and　continuously　happy。

How　can　any　boy　fail　to　feel　an　ecstasy　of　pleasure　on　first　finding
himself　in　rooms　which　he　knows　for　the　next　few　years　are　to　be　his
castle？　　Here　he　will　not　be　compelled　to　turn　out　of　the　most
comfortable　place　as　soon　as　he　has　ensconced　himself　in　it　because
papa　or　mamma　happens　to　come　into　the　room；　and　he　should　give　it
up　to　them。　　The　most　cosy　chair　here　is　for　himself；　there　is　no
one　even　to　share　the　room　with　him；　or　to　interfere　with　his　doing
as　he　likes　in　itsmoking　included。　　Why；　if　such　a　room　looked　out
both　back　and　front　on　to　a　blank　dead　wall　it　would　still　be　a
paradise；　how　much　more　then　when　the　view　is　of　some　quiet　grassy
court　or　cloister　or　garden；　as　from　the　windows　of　the　greater
number　of　rooms　at　Oxford　and　Cambridge。

Theobald；　as　an　old　fellow　and　tutor　of　Emmanuelat　which　college
he　had　entered　Ernestwas　able　to　obtain　from　the　present　tutor　a
certain　preference　in　the　choice　of　rooms；　Ernest's；　therefore；　were
very　pleasant　ones；　looking　out　upon　the　grassy　court　that　is
bounded　by　the　Fellows'　gardens。

Theobald　accompanied　him　to　Cambridge；　and　was　at　his　best　while
doing　so。　　He　liked　the　jaunt；　and　even　he　was　not　without　a　certain
feeling　of　pride　in　having　a　full…blown　son　at　the　University。　　Some
of　the　reflected　rays　of　this　splendour　were　allowed　to　fall　upon
Ernest　himself。　　Theobald　said　he　was　〃willing　to　hope〃this　was
one　of　his　tagsthat　his　son　would　turn　over　a　new　leaf　now　that　he
had　left　school；　and　for　his　own　part　he　was　〃only　too　ready〃this
was　another　tagto　let　bygones　be　bygones。

Ernest；　not　yet　having　his　name　on　the　books；　was　able　to　dine　with
his　father　at　the　Fellows'　table　of　one　of　the　other　colleges　on　the
invitation　of　an　old　friend　of　Theobald's；　he　there　made
acquaintance　with　sundry　of　the　good　things　of　this　life；　the　very
names　of　which　were　new　to　him；　and　felt　as　he　ate　them　that　he　was
now　indeed　receiving　a　liberal　education。　　When　at　length　the　time
came　for　him　to　go　to　Emmanuel；　where　he　was　to　sleep　in　his　new
rooms；　his　father　came　with　him　to　the　gates　and　saw　him　safe　into
college；　a　few　minutes　more　and　he　found　himself　alone　in　a　room　for
which　he　had　a　latch…key。

From　this　time　he　dated　many　days　which；　if　not　quite　unclouded；
were　upon　the　whole　very　happy　ones。　　I　need　not　however　describe
them；　as　the　life　of　a　quiet　steady…going　undergraduate　has　been
told　in　a　score　of　novels　better　than　I　can　tell　it。　　Some　of
Ernest's　schoolfellows　came　up　to　Cambridge　at　the　same　time　as
himself；　and　with　these　he　continued　on　friendly　terms　during　the
whole　of　his　college　career。　　Other　schoolfellows　were　only　a　year
or　two　his　seniors；　these　called　on　him；　and　he　thus　made　a
sufficiently　favourable　entree　into　college　life。　　A
straightforwardness　of　character　that　was　stamped　upon　his　face；　a
love　of　humour；　and　a　temper　which　was　more　easily　appeased　than
ruf