the way of all flesh-第41节

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get　out　of　again。　　Here　she　could　get　at　him　better　to　pull　him
about；　if　this　should　seem　desirable；　or　if　she　thought　fit　to　cry
she　could　bury　her　head　in　the　sofa　cushion　and　abandon　herself　to
an　agony　of　grief　which　seldom　failed　of　its　effect。　　None　of　her
favourite　manoeuvres　were　so　easily　adopted　in　her　usual　seat；　the
arm…chair　on　the　right　hand　side　of　the　fire…place；　and　so　well　did
her　son　know　from　his　mother's　tone　that　this　was　going　to　be　a　sofa
conversation　that　he　took　his　place　like　a　lamb　as　soon　as　she　began
to　speak　and　before　she　could　reach　the　sofa　herself。

〃My　dearest　boy；〃　began　his　mother；　taking　hold　of　his　hand　and
placing　it　within　her　own；　〃promise　me　never　to　be　afraid　either　of
your　dear　papa　or　of　me；　promise　me　this；　my　dear；　as　you　love　me；
promise　it　to　me；〃　and　she　kissed　him　again　and　again　and　stroked
his　hair。　　But　with　her　other　hand　she　still　kept　hold　of　his；　she
had　got　him　and　she　meant　to　keep　him。

The　lad　hung　down　his　head　and　promised。　　What　else　could　he　do？

〃You　know　there　is　no　one；　dear；　dear　Ernest；　who　loves　you　so　much
as　your　papa　and　I　do；　no　one　who　watches　so　carefully　over　your
interests　or　who　is　so　anxious　to　enter　into　all　your　little　joys
and　troubles　as　we　are；　but　my　dearest　boy；　it　grieves　me　to　think
sometimes　that　you　have　not　that　perfect　love　for　and　confidence　in
us　which　you　ought　to　have。　　You　know；　my　darling；　that　it　would　be
as　much　our　pleasure　as　our　duty　to　watch　over　the　development　of
your　moral　and　spiritual　nature；　but　alas！　you　will　not　let　us　see
your　moral　and　spiritual　nature。　　At　times　we　are　almost　inclined　to
doubt　whether　you　have　a　moral　and　spiritual　nature　at　all。　　Of　your
inner　life；　my　dear；　we　know　nothing　beyond　such　scraps　as　we　can
glean　in　spite　of　you；　from　little　things　which　escape　you　almost
before　you　know　that　you　have　said　them。〃

The　boy　winced　at　this。　　It　made　him　feel　hot　and　uncomfortable　all
over。　　He　knew　well　how　careful　he　ought　to　be；　and　yet；　do　what　he
could；　from　time　to　time　his　forgetfulness　of　the　part　betrayed　him
into　unreserve。　　His　mother　saw　that　he　winced；　and　enjoyed　the
scratch　she　had　given　him。　　Had　she　felt　less　confident　of　victory
she　had　better　have　foregone　the　pleasure　of　touching　as　it　were　the
eyes　at　the　end　of　the　snail's　horns　in　order　to　enjoy　seeing　the
snail　draw　them　in　againbut　she　knew　that　when　she　had　got　him
well　down　into　the　sofa；　and　held　his　hand；　she　had　the　enemy　almost
absolutely　at　her　mercy；　and　could　do　pretty　much　what　she　liked。

〃Papa　does　not　feel；〃　she　continued；　〃that　you　love　him　with　that
fulness　and　unreserve　which　would　prompt　you　to　have　no　concealment
from　him；　and　to　tell　him　everything　freely　and　fearlessly　as　your
most　loving　earthly　friend　next　only　to　your　Heavenly　Father。
Perfect　love；　as　we　know；　casteth　out　fear：　　your　father　loves　you
perfectly；　my　darling；　but　he　does　not　feel　as　though　you　loved　him
perfectly　in　return。　　If　you　fear　him　it　is　because　you　do　not　love
him　as　he　deserves；　and　I　know　it　sometimes　cuts　him　to　the　very
heart　to　think　that　he　has　earned　from　you　a　deeper　and　more　willing
sympathy　than　you　display　towards　him。　　Oh；　Ernest；　Ernest；　do　not
grieve　one　who　is　so　good　and　noble…hearted　by　conduct　which　I　can
call　by　no　other　name　than　ingratitude。〃

Ernest　could　never　stand　being　spoken　to　in　this　way　by　his　mother：
for　he　still　believed　that　she　loved　him；　and　that　he　was　fond　of
her　and　had　a　friend　in　herup　to　a　certain　point。　　But　his　mother
was　beginning　to　come　to　the　end　of　her　tether；　she　had　played　the
domestic　confidence　trick　upon　him　times　without　number　already。
Over　and　over　again　had　she　wheedled　from　him　all　she　wanted　to
know；　and　afterwards　got　him　into　the　most　horrible　scrape　by
telling　the　whole　to　Theobald。　　Ernest　had　remonstrated　more　than
once　upon　these　occasions；　and　had　pointed　out　to　his　mother　how
disastrous　to　him　his　confidences　had　been；　but　Christina　had　always
joined　issue　with　him　and　showed　him　in　the　clearest　possible　manner
that　in　each　case　she　had　been　right；　and　that　he　could　not
reasonably　complain。　　Generally　it　was　her　conscience　that　forbade
her　to　be　silent；　and　against　this　there　was　no　appeal；　for　we　are
all　bound　to　follow　the　dictates　of　our　conscience。　　Ernest　used　to
have　to　recite　a　hymn　about　conscience。　　It　was　to　the　effect　that
if　you　did　not　pay　attention　to　its　voice　it　would　soon　leave　off
speaking。　　〃My　mamma's　conscience　has　not　left　off　speaking；〃　said
Ernest　to　one　of　his　chums　at　Roughborough；　〃it's　always　jabbering。〃

When　a　boy　has　once　spoken　so　disrespectfully　as　this　about　his
mother's　conscience　it　is　practically　all　over　between　him　and　her。
Ernest　through　sheer　force　of　habit；　of　the　sofa；　and　of　the　return
of　the　associated　ideas；　was　still　so　moved　by　the　siren's　voice　as
to　yearn　to　sail　towards　her；　and　fling　himself　into　her　arms；　but
it　would　not　do；　there　were　other　associated　ideas　that　returned
also；　and　the　mangled　bones　of　too　many　murdered　confessions　were
lying　whitening　round　the　skirts　of　his　mother's　dress；　to　allow　him
by　any　possibility　to　trust　her　further。　　So　he　hung　his　head　and
looked　sheepish；　but　kept　his　own　counsel。

〃I　see；　my　dearest；〃　continued　his　mother；　〃either　that　I　am
mistaken；　and　that　there　is　nothing　on　your　mind；　or　that　you　will
not　unburden　yourself　to　me：　　but　oh；　Ernest；　tell　me　at　least　this
much；　is　there　nothing　that　you　repent　of；　nothing　which　makes　you
unhappy　in　connection　with　that　miserable　girl　Ellen？〃

Ernest's　heart　failed　him。　　〃I　am　a　dead　boy　now；〃　he　said　to
himself。　　He　had　not　the　faintest　conception　what　his　mother　was
driving　at；　and　thought　she　suspected　about　the　watch；　but　he　held
his　ground。

I　do　not　believe　he　was　much　more　of　a　coward　than　his　neighbours；
only　he　did　not　know　that　all　sensible　people　are　cowards　when　they
are　off　their　beat；　or　when　they　think　they　are　going　to　be　roughly
handled。　　I　believe；　that　if　the　truth　were　known；　it　would　be　found
that　even　the　valiant　St　Michael　himself　tried　hard　to　shirk　his
famous　combat　with　the　dragon；　he　pretended　not　to　see　all　sorts　of
misconduct　on　the　dragon's　part；　shut　his　eyes　to　the　eating　up　of　I
do　not　know　how　many　hundreds　of　men；　women　and　children　whom　he　had
promised　to　protect；　allowed　himself　to　be　publicly　insulted　a　dozen
times　over　without　resenting　it；　and　in　the　end　when　even　an　angel
could　stand　it　no　longer　he　shilly…shallied　and　temporised　an
unconscionable　time　before　he　would　fix　the　day　and　hour　for　the
encounter。　　As　for　the　actual　combat　it　was　much　such　another　wurra…
wurra　as　Mrs　Allaby　had　had　with　the　young　man　who　had　in　the　end
married　her　eldest　daughter；　till　after　a　time　behold；　there　was　the
dragon　lying　dead；　while　he　was　himself　alive　and　not　very　seriously
hurt　after　all。

〃I　do　not　know　what　you　mean；　mamma；〃　exclaimed　Ernest　anxiously　and
more　or　less　hurriedly。　　His　mother　construed　his　manner　into
indignation　at　being　suspected；　and　being　rather　frightened　herself
she　turned　tail　and　scuttled　off　as　fast　as　her　tongue　could　carry
her。

〃Oh！〃　she　said；　〃I　see　by　your　tone　that　you　are　innocent！　　Oh！　oh！
how　I　thank　my　heavenly　Father　for　this；　may　He　for　His　dear　Son's
sake　keep　you　always　pure。　　Your　father；　my　dear〃（here　she　spoke
hurriedly　but　gave　him　a　searching　look）　〃was　as　pure　as　a　spotless
angel　when　he　came　to　me。　　Like　him；　always　be　self…denying；　truly
truthful　both　in　word　and　deed；　never　forgetful　whose　son　and
grandson　you　are；　nor　of　the　name　we　gave　you；　of　the　sacred　stream
in　whose　waters　your　sins　were　washed　out　of　you　through　the　blood
and　blessing　of　Christ；〃　etc。

But　Ernest　cut　thisI　will　not　say　shortbut　a　great　deal　shorter
than　it　would　have　been　if　Christina　had　had　her　say　out；　by
extricating　himself　from　his　mamma's　embrace　and　showing　a　clean
pair　of　heels。　　As　he　got　near　the　purlieus　of　the　kitchen　（where　he
was　more　at　ease）　he　heard　his　father　calling　for　his　mother；　and
again　his　guilty　conscience　rose　against　him。　　〃He　has　found　all　out
now；〃　it　cried；　〃and　he　is　going　to　tell　mammathis　time　I　am　done
for。〃　　But　there　was　nothing　in　it；　his　father　only　wanted　the　key
of　the　cellaret。　　Then　Ernest　slunk　off　into　a　coppice　or　spinney
behind　the　Rectory　paddock；　and　consoled　himself　with　a　pipe　of
tobacco。　　Here　in　the　wood　with　the　summer　sun　streaming　through　the
trees　and　a　book　and　his　pipe　the　boy　forgot　his　cares　and　had　an
interval　of　that　rest　without　which　I　verily　believe　his　life　would
have　been　insupportable。

Of　course；　Ernest　was　made　to　look　for　his　lost　property；　and　a
reward　was　offered　for　it；　but　it　seemed　he　had　wandered　a　good　deal
off　the　path；　thinking　to　find　a　lark's　nest；　more　than　once；　and
looking　for　a　watch　and　purse　on　Battersby　piewipes　was　very　like
looking　for　a　needle　in　a　bundle　of　hay：　　besides　it　might　have　been
found　and　taken　by　some　tramp；　or　by　a　magpie　of　which　there　were
many　in　the　neighbourhood；　so　that　after　a　week　or　ten　days　the
search　was　discontinued；　and　the　unpleasant　fact　had　to　be　faced
that　Ernest　must　have　another　watch；　another　knife；　and　a　sma