the way of all flesh-µÚ37½Ú
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morning¡¡I¡¡followed¡¡her¡¡to¡¡the¡¡grave£»¡¡and¡¡in¡¡due¡¡course¡¡set¡¡up¡¡a
plain¡¡upright¡¡slab¡¡to¡¡her¡¡memory¡¡as¡¡like¡¡as¡¡might¡¡be¡¡to¡¡those¡¡over
the¡¡graves¡¡of¡¡her¡¡grandmother¡¡and¡¡grandfather¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡gave¡¡the¡¡dates¡¡and
places¡¡of¡¡her¡¡birth¡¡and¡¡death£»¡¡but¡¡added¡¡nothing¡¡except¡¡that¡¡this
stone¡¡was¡¡set¡¡up¡¡by¡¡one¡¡who¡¡had¡¡known¡¡and¡¡loved¡¡her¡£¡¡¡¡Knowing¡¡how
fond¡¡she¡¡had¡¡been¡¡of¡¡music¡¡I¡¡had¡¡been¡¡half¡¡inclined¡¡at¡¡one¡¡time¡¡to
inscribe¡¡a¡¡few¡¡bars¡¡of¡¡music£»¡¡if¡¡I¡¡could¡¡find¡¡any¡¡which¡¡seemed
suitable¡¡to¡¡her¡¡character£»¡¡but¡¡I¡¡knew¡¡how¡¡much¡¡she¡¡would¡¡have
disliked¡¡anything¡¡singular¡¡in¡¡connection¡¡with¡¡her¡¡tombstone¡¡and¡¡did
not¡¡do¡¡it¡£
Before£»¡¡however£»¡¡I¡¡had¡¡come¡¡to¡¡this¡¡conclusion£»¡¡I¡¡had¡¡thought¡¡that
Ernest¡¡might¡¡be¡¡able¡¡to¡¡help¡¡me¡¡to¡¡the¡¡right¡¡thing£»¡¡and¡¡had¡¡written
to¡¡him¡¡upon¡¡the¡¡subject¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡following¡¡is¡¡the¡¡answer¡¡I¡¡received¡¡¡
¡¨Dear¡¡Godpapa£»I¡¡send¡¡you¡¡the¡¡best¡¡bit¡¡I¡¡can¡¡think¡¡of£»¡¡it¡¡is¡¡the
subject¡¡of¡¡the¡¡last¡¡of¡¡Handel's¡¡six¡¡grand¡¡fugues¡¡and¡¡goes¡¡thus£º¡
£§Music¡¡score£§
It¡¡would¡¡do¡¡better¡¡for¡¡a¡¡man£»¡¡especially¡¡for¡¡an¡¡old¡¡man¡¡who¡¡was¡¡very
sorry¡¡for¡¡things£»¡¡than¡¡for¡¡a¡¡woman£»¡¡but¡¡I¡¡cannot¡¡think¡¡of¡¡anything
better£»¡¡if¡¡you¡¡do¡¡not¡¡like¡¡it¡¡for¡¡Aunt¡¡Alethea¡¡I¡¡shall¡¡keep¡¡it¡¡for
myself¡£Your¡¡affectionate¡¡Godson£»¡¡¡¡ERNEST¡¡PONTIFEX¡£¡¨
Was¡¡this¡¡the¡¡little¡¡lad¡¡who¡¡could¡¡get¡¡sweeties¡¡for¡¡two¡pence¡¡but¡¡not
for¡¡two¡pence¡halfpenny£¿¡¡¡¡Dear£»¡¡dear¡¡me£»¡¡I¡¡thought¡¡to¡¡myself£»¡¡how
these¡¡babes¡¡and¡¡sucklings¡¡do¡¡give¡¡us¡¡the¡¡go¡by¡¡surely¡£¡¡¡¡Choosing¡¡his
own¡¡epitaph¡¡at¡¡fifteen¡¡as¡¡for¡¡a¡¡man¡¡who¡¡¡¨had¡¡been¡¡very¡¡sorry¡¡for
things£»¡¨¡¡and¡¡such¡¡a¡¡strain¡¡as¡¡thatwhy¡¡it¡¡might¡¡have¡¡done¡¡for
Leonardo¡¡da¡¡Vinci¡¡himself¡£¡¡¡¡Then¡¡I¡¡set¡¡the¡¡boy¡¡down¡¡as¡¡a¡¡conceited
young¡¡jackanapes£»¡¡which¡¡no¡¡doubt¡¡he¡¡was£»but¡¡so¡¡are¡¡a¡¡great¡¡many
other¡¡young¡¡people¡¡of¡¡Ernest's¡¡age¡£
CHAPTER¡¡XXXVII
If¡¡Theobald¡¡and¡¡Christina¡¡had¡¡not¡¡been¡¡too¡¡well¡¡pleased¡¡when¡¡Miss
Pontifex¡¡first¡¡took¡¡Ernest¡¡in¡¡hand£»¡¡they¡¡were¡¡still¡¡less¡¡so¡¡when¡¡the
connection¡¡between¡¡the¡¡two¡¡was¡¡interrupted¡¡so¡¡prematurely¡£¡¡¡¡They
said¡¡they¡¡had¡¡made¡¡sure¡¡from¡¡what¡¡their¡¡sister¡¡had¡¡said¡¡that¡¡she¡¡was
going¡¡to¡¡make¡¡Ernest¡¡her¡¡heir¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡do¡¡not¡¡think¡¡she¡¡had¡¡given¡¡them¡¡so
much¡¡as¡¡a¡¡hint¡¡to¡¡this¡¡effect¡£¡¡¡¡Theobald¡¡indeed¡¡gave¡¡Ernest¡¡to
understand¡¡that¡¡she¡¡had¡¡done¡¡so¡¡in¡¡a¡¡letter¡¡which¡¡will¡¡be¡¡given
shortly£»¡¡but¡¡if¡¡Theobald¡¡wanted¡¡to¡¡make¡¡himself¡¡disagreeable£»¡¡a
trifle¡¡light¡¡as¡¡air¡¡would¡¡forthwith¡¡assume¡¡in¡¡his¡¡imagination
whatever¡¡form¡¡was¡¡most¡¡convenient¡¡to¡¡him¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡do¡¡not¡¡think¡¡they¡¡had
even¡¡made¡¡up¡¡their¡¡minds¡¡what¡¡Alethea¡¡was¡¡to¡¡do¡¡with¡¡her¡¡money
before¡¡they¡¡knew¡¡of¡¡her¡¡being¡¡at¡¡the¡¡point¡¡of¡¡death£»¡¡and¡¡as¡¡I¡¡have
said¡¡already£»¡¡if¡¡they¡¡had¡¡thought¡¡it¡¡likely¡¡that¡¡Ernest¡¡would¡¡be
made¡¡heir¡¡over¡¡their¡¡own¡¡heads¡¡without¡¡their¡¡having¡¡at¡¡any¡¡rate¡¡a
life¡¡interest¡¡in¡¡the¡¡bequest£»¡¡they¡¡would¡¡have¡¡soon¡¡thrown¡¡obstacles
in¡¡the¡¡way¡¡of¡¡further¡¡intimacy¡¡between¡¡aunt¡¡and¡¡nephew¡£
This£»¡¡however£»¡¡did¡¡not¡¡bar¡¡their¡¡right¡¡to¡¡feeling¡¡aggrieved¡¡now¡¡that
neither¡¡they¡¡nor¡¡Ernest¡¡had¡¡taken¡¡anything¡¡at¡¡all£»¡¡and¡¡they¡¡could
profess¡¡disappointment¡¡on¡¡their¡¡boy's¡¡behalf¡¡which¡¡they¡¡would¡¡have
been¡¡too¡¡proud¡¡to¡¡admit¡¡upon¡¡their¡¡own¡£¡¡¡¡In¡¡fact£»¡¡it¡¡was¡¡only
amiable¡¡of¡¡them¡¡to¡¡be¡¡disappointed¡¡under¡¡these¡¡circumstances¡£
Christina¡¡said¡¡that¡¡the¡¡will¡¡was¡¡simply¡¡fraudulent£»¡¡and¡¡was
convinced¡¡that¡¡it¡¡could¡¡be¡¡upset¡¡if¡¡she¡¡and¡¡Theobald¡¡went¡¡the¡¡right
way¡¡to¡¡work¡£¡¡¡¡Theobald£»¡¡she¡¡said£»¡¡should¡¡go¡¡before¡¡the¡¡Lord
Chancellor£»¡¡not¡¡in¡¡full¡¡court¡¡but¡¡in¡¡chambers£»¡¡where¡¡he¡¡could
explain¡¡the¡¡whole¡¡matter£»¡¡or£»¡¡perhaps¡¡it¡¡would¡¡be¡¡even¡¡better¡¡if¡¡she
were¡¡to¡¡go¡¡herselfand¡¡I¡¡dare¡¡not¡¡trust¡¡myself¡¡to¡¡describe¡¡the
reverie¡¡to¡¡which¡¡this¡¡last¡¡idea¡¡gave¡¡rise¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡believe¡¡in¡¡the¡¡end
Theobald¡¡died£»¡¡and¡¡the¡¡Lord¡¡Chancellor¡¡£¨who¡¡had¡¡become¡¡a¡¡widower¡¡a
few¡¡weeks¡¡earlier£©¡¡made¡¡her¡¡an¡¡offer£»¡¡which£»¡¡however£»¡¡she¡¡firmly¡¡but
not¡¡ungratefully¡¡declined£»¡¡she¡¡should¡¡ever£»¡¡she¡¡said£»¡¡continue¡¡to
think¡¡of¡¡him¡¡as¡¡a¡¡friendat¡¡this¡¡point¡¡the¡¡cook¡¡came¡¡in£»¡¡saying¡¡the
butcher¡¡had¡¡called£»¡¡and¡¡what¡¡would¡¡she¡¡please¡¡to¡¡order¡£
I¡¡think¡¡Theobald¡¡must¡¡have¡¡had¡¡an¡¡idea¡¡that¡¡there¡¡was¡¡something
behind¡¡the¡¡bequest¡¡to¡¡me£»¡¡but¡¡he¡¡said¡¡nothing¡¡about¡¡it¡¡to¡¡Christina¡£
He¡¡was¡¡angry¡¡and¡¡felt¡¡wronged£»¡¡because¡¡he¡¡could¡¡not¡¡get¡¡at¡¡Alethea
to¡¡give¡¡her¡¡a¡¡piece¡¡of¡¡his¡¡mind¡¡any¡¡more¡¡than¡¡he¡¡had¡¡been¡¡able¡¡to
get¡¡at¡¡his¡¡father¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨It¡¡is¡¡so¡¡mean¡¡of¡¡people£»¡¨¡¡he¡¡exclaimed¡¡to
himself£»¡¡¡¨to¡¡inflict¡¡an¡¡injury¡¡of¡¡this¡¡sort£»¡¡and¡¡then¡¡shirk¡¡facing
those¡¡whom¡¡they¡¡have¡¡injured£»¡¡let¡¡us¡¡hope¡¡that£»¡¡at¡¡any¡¡rate£»¡¡they
and¡¡I¡¡may¡¡meet¡¡in¡¡Heaven¡£¡¨¡¡¡¡But¡¡of¡¡this¡¡he¡¡was¡¡doubtful£»¡¡for¡¡when
people¡¡had¡¡done¡¡so¡¡great¡¡a¡¡wrong¡¡as¡¡this£»¡¡it¡¡was¡¡hardly¡¡to¡¡be
supposed¡¡that¡¡they¡¡would¡¡go¡¡to¡¡Heaven¡¡at¡¡alland¡¡as¡¡for¡¡his¡¡meeting
them¡¡in¡¡another¡¡place£»¡¡the¡¡idea¡¡never¡¡so¡¡much¡¡as¡¡entered¡¡his¡¡mind¡£
One¡¡so¡¡angry¡¡and£»¡¡of¡¡late£»¡¡so¡¡little¡¡used¡¡to¡¡contradiction¡¡might¡¡be
trusted£»¡¡however£»¡¡to¡¡avenge¡¡himself¡¡upon¡¡someone£»¡¡and¡¡Theobald¡¡had
long¡¡since¡¡developed¡¡the¡¡organ£»¡¡by¡¡means¡¡of¡¡which¡¡he¡¡might¡¡vent
spleen¡¡with¡¡least¡¡risk¡¡and¡¡greatest¡¡satisfaction¡¡to¡¡himself¡£¡¡¡¡This
organ£»¡¡it¡¡may¡¡be¡¡guessed£»¡¡was¡¡nothing¡¡else¡¡than¡¡Ernest£»¡¡to¡¡Ernest
therefore¡¡he¡¡proceeded¡¡to¡¡unburden¡¡himself£»¡¡not¡¡personally£»¡¡but¡¡by
letter¡£
¡¨You¡¡ought¡¡to¡¡know£»¡¨¡¡he¡¡wrote£»¡¡¡¨that¡¡your¡¡Aunt¡¡Alethea¡¡had¡¡given
your¡¡mother¡¡and¡¡me¡¡to¡¡understand¡¡that¡¡it¡¡was¡¡her¡¡wish¡¡to¡¡make¡¡you
her¡¡heirin¡¡the¡¡event£»¡¡of¡¡course£»¡¡of¡¡your¡¡conducting¡¡yourself¡¡in
such¡¡a¡¡manner¡¡as¡¡to¡¡give¡¡her¡¡confidence¡¡in¡¡you£»¡¡as¡¡a¡¡matter¡¡of¡¡fact£»
however£»¡¡she¡¡has¡¡left¡¡you¡¡nothing£»¡¡and¡¡the¡¡whole¡¡of¡¡her¡¡property¡¡has
gone¡¡to¡¡your¡¡godfather£»¡¡Mr¡¡Overton¡£¡¡¡¡Your¡¡mother¡¡and¡¡I¡¡are¡¡willing
to¡¡hope¡¡that¡¡if¡¡she¡¡had¡¡lived¡¡longer¡¡you¡¡would¡¡yet¡¡have¡¡succeeded¡¡in
winning¡¡her¡¡good¡¡opinion£»¡¡but¡¡it¡¡is¡¡too¡¡late¡¡to¡¡think¡¡of¡¡this¡¡now¡£
¡¨The¡¡carpentering¡¡and¡¡organ¡building¡¡must¡¡at¡¡once¡¡be¡¡discontinued¡£
I¡¡never¡¡believed¡¡in¡¡the¡¡project£»¡¡and¡¡have¡¡seen¡¡no¡¡reason¡¡to¡¡alter¡¡my
original¡¡opinion¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡am¡¡not¡¡sorry¡¡for¡¡your¡¡own¡¡sake£»¡¡that¡¡it¡¡is¡¡to
be¡¡at¡¡an¡¡end£»¡¡nor£»¡¡I¡¡am¡¡sure£»¡¡will¡¡you¡¡regret¡¡it¡¡yourself¡¡in¡¡after
years¡£
¡¨A¡¡few¡¡words¡¡more¡¡as¡¡regards¡¡your¡¡own¡¡prospects¡£¡¡¡¡You¡¡have£»¡¡as¡¡I
believe¡¡you¡¡know£»¡¡a¡¡small¡¡inheritance£»¡¡which¡¡is¡¡yours¡¡legally¡¡under
your¡¡grandfather's¡¡will¡£¡¡¡¡This¡¡bequest¡¡was¡¡made¡¡inadvertently£»¡¡and£»
I¡¡believe£»¡¡entirely¡¡through¡¡a¡¡misunderstanding¡¡on¡¡the¡¡lawyer's¡¡part¡£
The¡¡bequest¡¡was¡¡probably¡¡intended¡¡not¡¡to¡¡take¡¡effect¡¡till¡¡after¡¡the
death¡¡of¡¡your¡¡mother¡¡and¡¡myself£»¡¡nevertheless£»¡¡as¡¡the¡¡will¡¡is
actually¡¡worded£»¡¡it¡¡will¡¡now¡¡be¡¡at¡¡your¡¡command¡¡if¡¡you¡¡live¡¡to¡¡be
twenty¡one¡¡years¡¡old¡£¡¡¡¡From¡¡this£»¡¡however£»¡¡large¡¡deductions¡¡must¡¡be
made¡£¡¡¡¡There¡¡will¡¡be¡¡legacy¡¡duty£»¡¡and¡¡I¡¡do¡¡not¡¡know¡¡whether¡¡I¡¡am¡¡not
entitled¡¡to¡¡deduct¡¡the¡¡expenses¡¡of¡¡your¡¡education¡¡and¡¡maintenance
from¡¡birth¡¡to¡¡your¡¡coming¡¡of¡¡age£»¡¡I¡¡shall¡¡not¡¡in¡¡all¡¡likelihood
insist¡¡on¡¡this¡¡right¡¡to¡¡the¡¡full£»¡¡if¡¡you¡¡conduct¡¡yourself¡¡properly£»
but¡¡a¡¡considerable¡¡sum¡¡should¡¡certainly¡¡be¡¡deducted£»¡¡there¡¡will
therefore¡¡remain¡¡very¡¡littlesay¡¡1000¡¡pounds¡¡or¡¡2000¡¡pounds¡¡at¡¡the
outside£»¡¡as¡¡what¡¡will¡¡be¡¡actually¡¡yoursbut¡¡the¡¡strictest¡¡account
shall¡¡be¡¡rendered¡¡you¡¡in¡¡due¡¡time¡£
¡¨This£»¡¡let¡¡me¡¡warn¡¡you¡¡most¡¡seriously£»¡¡is¡¡all¡¡that¡¡you¡¡must¡¡expect
from¡¡me¡¡£¨even¡¡Ernest¡¡saw¡¡that¡¡it¡¡was¡¡not¡¡from¡¡Theobald¡¡at¡¡all£©¡¡at
any¡¡rate¡¡till¡¡after¡¡my¡¡death£»¡¡which¡¡for¡¡aught¡¡any¡¡of¡¡us¡¡know¡¡may¡¡be
yet¡¡many¡¡years¡¡distant¡£¡¡¡¡It¡¡is¡¡not¡¡a¡¡large¡¡sum£»¡¡but¡¡it¡¡is¡¡sufficient
if¡¡supplemented¡¡by¡¡steadiness¡¡and¡¡earnestness¡¡of¡¡purpose¡£¡¡¡¡Your
mother¡¡and¡¡I¡¡gave¡¡you¡¡the¡¡name¡¡Ernest£»¡¡hoping¡¡that¡¡it¡¡would¡¡remind
you¡¡continually¡¡of¡¨¡¡but¡¡I¡¡really¡¡cannot¡¡copy¡¡more¡¡of¡¡this
effusion¡£¡¡¡¡It¡¡was¡¡all¡¡the¡¡same¡¡old¡¡will¡shaking¡¡game¡¡and¡¡came
practically¡¡to¡¡this£»¡¡that¡¡Ernest¡¡was¡¡no¡¡good£»¡¡and¡¡that¡¡if¡¡he¡¡went¡¡on
as¡¡he¡¡was¡¡going¡¡on¡¡now£»¡¡he¡¡would¡¡probably¡¡have¡¡to¡¡go¡¡about¡¡the
streets¡¡begging¡¡without¡¡any¡¡shoes¡¡or¡¡stockings¡¡soon¡¡after¡¡he¡¡had
left¡¡school£»¡¡or¡¡at¡¡any¡¡rate£»¡¡college£»¡¡and¡¡that¡¡he£»¡¡Theobald£»¡¡and
Christina¡¡were¡¡almost¡¡too¡¡good¡¡for¡¡this¡¡world¡¡altogether¡£
After¡¡he¡¡had¡¡written¡¡this¡¡Theobald¡¡felt¡¡quite¡¡good¡natured£»¡¡and¡¡sent
to¡¡the¡¡Mrs¡¡Thompson¡¡of¡¡the¡¡moment¡¡even¡¡more¡¡soup¡¡and¡¡wine¡¡than¡¡her
usual¡¡not¡¡illiberal¡¡allowance¡£
Ernest¡¡was¡¡deeply£»¡¡passionately¡¡upset¡¡by¡¡his¡¡father's¡¡letter£»¡¡to
think¡¡that¡¡even¡¡his¡¡dear¡¡aunt£»¡¡the¡¡one¡¡person¡¡of¡¡his¡¡relations¡¡whom
he¡¡really¡¡loved£»¡¡should¡¡have¡¡turned¡¡against¡¡him¡¡and¡¡thought¡¡badly¡¡of
him¡¡after¡¡all¡£¡¡¡¡This¡¡was¡¡the¡¡unkindest¡¡cut¡¡of¡¡all¡£¡¡¡¡In¡¡the¡¡hurry¡¡of
her¡¡illness¡¡Miss¡¡Pontifex£»¡¡while¡¡thinking¡¡only¡¡of¡¡his¡¡welfare£»¡¡had
omitted¡¡to¡¡make¡¡such¡¡small¡¡present¡¡mention¡¡of¡¡him¡¡as¡¡would¡¡have¡¡made
his¡¡father's¡¡innuendoes¡¡stingless£»¡¡and¡¡her¡¡illness¡¡being¡¡infectious£»
she¡¡had¡¡not¡¡seen¡¡him¡¡after¡¡its¡¡nature¡¡was¡¡known¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡myself¡¡did¡¡not
know¡¡of¡¡Theobald's¡¡letter£»¡¡nor¡¡think¡¡enough¡¡about¡¡my¡¡godson¡¡to¡¡guess
what¡¡might¡¡easily¡¡be¡¡his¡¡state¡£¡¡¡¡It¡¡was¡¡not¡¡till¡¡many¡¡years
afterwards¡¡that¡¡I¡¡found¡¡Theobald's¡¡letter¡¡in¡¡the¡¡pocket¡¡of¡¡an¡¡old
portfolio¡¡which¡¡Ernest¡¡had¡¡used¡¡at¡¡school£»¡¡and¡¡in¡¡which¡¡other¡¡old
letters¡¡and¡¡school¡¡documents¡¡were¡¡collected¡¡which¡¡I¡¡have¡¡used¡¡in
this¡¡book¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡had¡¡forgotten¡¡that¡¡he¡¡had¡¡it£»¡¡but¡¡told¡¡me¡¡when¡¡he¡¡saw
it¡¡that¡¡he¡¡remembered¡¡it¡¡as¡¡the¡¡first¡¡thing¡¡that¡¡made¡¡him¡¡begin¡¡to
rise¡¡against¡¡his¡¡father¡¡in¡¡a¡¡rebellion¡¡which¡¡he¡¡recognised¡¡as
righteous£»¡¡though¡¡he¡¡dared¡¡not¡¡openly¡¡avow¡¡it¡£¡¡¡¡Not¡¡the¡¡least
serious¡¡thing¡¡was¡¡that¡¡it¡¡would£»¡¡he¡¡feared£»¡¡be¡¡his¡¡duty¡¡to¡¡give¡¡up
the¡¡legacy¡¡his¡¡grandfather¡¡had¡¡left¡¡him£»¡¡for¡¡if¡¡it¡¡was¡¡his¡¡only
through¡¡a¡¡mistake£»¡¡how¡¡could¡¡