the way of all flesh-第12节

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wrought　up　his　courage　to　the　point　of　actually　proposing　but　for
the　fact　of　the　engagement　being　necessarily　a　long　one；　during
which　a　dozen　things　might　turn　up　to　break　it　off。　　However　much　he
may　have　disapproved　of　long　engagements　for　other　people；　I　doubt
whether　he　had　any　particular　objection　to　them　in　his　own　case。　　A
pair　of　lovers　are　like　sunset　and　sunrise：　　there　are　such　things
every　day　but　we　very　seldom　see　them。　　Theobald　posed　as　the　most
ardent　lover　imaginable；　but；　to　use　the　vulgarism　for　the　moment　in
fashion；　it　was　all　〃side。〃　　Christina　was　in　love；　as　indeed　she
had　been　twenty　times　already。　　But　then　Christina　was
impressionable　and　could　not　even　hear　the　name　〃Missolonghi〃
mentioned　without　bursting　into　tears。　　When　Theobald　accidentally
left　his　sermon　case　behind　him　one　Sunday；　she　slept　with　it　in　her
bosom　and　was　forlorn　when　she　had　as　it　were　to　disgorge　it　on　the
following　Sunday；　but　I　do　not　think　Theobald　ever　took　so　much　as
an　old　toothbrush　of　Christina's　to　bed　with　him。　　Why；　I　knew　a
young　man　once　who　got　hold　of　his　mistress's　skates　and　slept　with
them　for　a　fortnight　and　cried　when　he　had　to　give　them　up。



CHAPTER　XII



Theobald's　engagement　was　all　very　well　as　far　as　it　went；　but　there
was　an　old　gentleman　with　a　bald　head　and　rosy　cheeks　in　a　counting…
house　in　Paternoster　Row　who　must　sooner　or　later　be　told　of　what
his　son　had　in　view；　and　Theobald's　heart　fluttered　when　he　asked
himself　what　view　this　old　gentleman　was　likely　to　take　of　the
situation。　　The　murder；　however；　had　to　come　out；　and　Theobald　and
his　intended；　perhaps　imprudently；　resolved　on　making　a　clean　breast
of　it　at　once。　　He　wrote　what　he　and　Christina；　who　helped　him　to
draft　the　letter；　thought　to　be　everything　that　was　filial；　and
expressed　himself　as　anxious　to　be　married　with　the　least　possible
delay。　　He　could　not　help　saying　this；　as　Christina　was　at　his
shoulder；　and　he　knew　it　was　safe；　for　his　father　might　be　trusted
not　to　help　him。　　He　wound　up　by　asking　his　father　to　use　any
influence　that　might　be　at　his　command　to　help　him　to　get　a　living；
inasmuch　as　it　might　be　years　before　a　college　living　fell　vacant；
and　he　saw　no　other　chance　of　being　able　to　marry；　for　neither　he
nor　his　intended　had　any　money　except　Theobald's　fellowship；　which
would；　of　course；　lapse　on　his　taking　a　wife。

Any　step　of　Theobald's　was　sure　to　be　objectionable　in　his　father's
eyes；　but　that　at　three…and…twenty　he　should　want　to　marry　a
penniless　girl　who　was　four　years　older　than　himself；　afforded　a
golden　opportunity　which　the　old　gentlemanfor　so　I　may　now　call
him；　as　he　was　at　least　sixtyembraced　with　characteristic
eagerness。

〃The　ineffable　folly；〃　he　wrote；　on　receiving　his　son's　letter；　〃of
your　fancied　passion　for　Miss　Allaby　fills　me　with　the　gravest
apprehensions。　　Making　every　allowance　for　a　lover's　blindness；　I
still　have　no　doubt　that　the　lady　herself　is　a　well…conducted　and
amiable　young　person；　who　would　not　disgrace　our　family；　but　were
she　ten　times　more　desirable　as　a　daughter…in…law　than　I　can　allow
myself　to　hope；　your　joint　poverty　is　an　insuperable　objection　to
your　marriage。　　I　have　four　other　children　besides　yourself；　and　my
expenses　do　not　permit　me　to　save　money。　　This　year　they　have　been
especially　heavy；　indeed　I　have　had　to　purchase　two　not
inconsiderable　pieces　of　land　which　happened　to　come　into　the　market
and　were　necessary　to　complete　a　property　which　I　have　long　wanted
to　round　off　in　this　way。　　I　gave　you　an　education　regardless　of
expense；　which　has　put　you　in　possession　of　a　comfortable　income；　at
an　age　when　many　young　men　are　dependent。　　I　have　thus　started　you
fairly　in　life；　and　may　claim　that　you　should　cease　to　be　a　drag
upon　me　further。　　Long　engagements　are　proverbially　unsatisfactory；
and　in　the　present　case　the　prospect　seems　interminable。　　What
interest；　pray；　do　you　suppose　I　have　that　I　could　get　a　living　for
you？　　Can　I　go　up　and　down　the　country　begging　people　to　provide　for
my　son　because　he　has　taken　it　into　his　head　to　want　to　get　married
without　sufficient　means？

〃I　do　not　wish　to　write　unkindly；　nothing　can　be　farther　from　my
real　feelings　towards　you；　but　there　is　often　more　kindness　in　plain
speaking　than　in　any　amount　of　soft　words　which　can　end　in　no
substantial　performance。　　Of　course；　I　bear　in　mind　that　you　are　of
age；　and　can　therefore　please　yourself；　but　if　you　choose　to　claim
the　strict　letter　of　the　law；　and　act　without　consideration　for　your
father's　feelings；　you　must　not　be　surprised　if　you　one　day　find
that　I　have　claimed　a　like　liberty　for　myself。Believe　me；　your
affectionate　father；　　G。　PONTIFEX。〃


I　found　this　letter　along　with　those　already　given　and　a　few　more
which　I　need　not　give；　but　throughout　which　the　same　tone　prevails；
and　in　all　of　which　there　is　the　more　or　less　obvious　shake　of　the
will　near　the　end　of　the　letter。　　Remembering　Theobald's　general
dumbness　concerning　his　father　for　the　many　years　I　knew　him　after
his　father's　death；　there　was　an　eloquence　in　the　preservation　of
the　letters　and　in　their　endorsement　〃Letters　from　my　father；〃　which
seemed　to　have　with　it　some　faint　odour　of　health　and　nature。

Theobald　did　not　show　his　father's　letter　to　Christina；　nor；　indeed；
I　believe　to　anyone。　　He　was　by　nature　secretive；　and　had　been
repressed　too　much　and　too　early　to　be　capable　of　railing　or　blowing
off　steam　where　his　father　was　concerned。　　His　sense　of　wrong　was
still　inarticulate；　felt　as　a　dull　dead　weight　ever　present　day　by
day；　and　if　he　woke　at　night…time　still　continually　present；　but　he
hardly　knew　what　it　was。　　I　was　about　the　closest　friend　he　had；　and
I　saw　but　little　of　him；　for　I　could　not　get　on　with　him　for　long
together。　　He　said　I　had　no　reverence；　whereas　I　thought　that　I　had
plenty　of　reverence　for　what　deserved　to　be　revered；　but　that　the
gods　which　he　deemed　golden　were　in　reality　made　of　baser　metal。　　He
never；　as　I　have　said；　complained　of　his　father　to　me；　and　his　only
other　friends　were；　like　himself；　staid　and　prim；　of　evangelical
tendencies；　and　deeply　imbued　with　a　sense　of　the　sinfulness　of　any
act　of　insubordination　to　parentsgood　young　men；　in　factand　one
cannot　blow　off　steam　to　a　good　young　man。

When　Christina　was　informed　by　her　lover　of　his　father's　opposition；
and　of　the　time　which　must　probably　elapse　before　they　could　be
married；　she　offeredwith　how　much　sincerity　I　know　notto　set　him
free　from　his　engagement；　but　Theobald　declined　to　be　released〃not
at　least；〃　as　he　said；　〃at　present。〃　　Christina　and　Mrs　Allaby　knew
they　could　manage　him；　and　on　this　not　very　satisfactory　footing　the
engagement　was　continued。

His　engagement　and　his　refusal　to　be　released　at　once　raised
Theobald　in　his　own　good　opinion。　　Dull　as　he　was；　he　had　no　small
share　of　quiet　self…approbation。　　He　admired　himself　for　his
University　distinction；　for　the　purity　of　his　life　（I　said　of　him
once　that　if　he　had　only　a　better　temper　he　would　be　as　innocent　as
a　new…laid　egg）　and　for　his　unimpeachable　integrity　in　money
matters。　　He　did　not　despair　of　advancement　in　the　Church　when　he
had　once　got　a　living；　and　of　course　it　was　within　the　bounds　of
possibility　that　he　might　one　day　become　a　Bishop；　and　Christina
said　she　felt　convinced　that　this　would　ultimately　be　the　case。

As　was　natural　for　the　daughter　and　intended　wife　of　a　clergyman；
Christina's　thoughts　ran　much　upon　religion；　and　she　was　resolved
that　even　though　an　exalted　position　in　this　world　were　denied　to
her　and　Theobald；　their　virtues　should　be　fully　appreciated　in　the
next。　　Her　religious　opinions　coincided　absolutely　with　Theobald's
own；　and　many　a　conversation　did　she　have　with　him　about　the　glory
of　God；　and　the　completeness　with　which　they　would　devote　themselves
to　it；　as　soon　as　Theobald　had　got　his　living　and　they　were　married。
So　certain　was　she　of　the　great　results　which　would　then　ensue　that
she　wondered　at　times　at　the　blindness　shown　by　Providence　towards
its　own　truest　interests　in　not　killing　off　the　rectors　who　stood
between　Theobald　and　his　living　a　little　faster。

In　those　days　people　believed　with　a　simple　downrightness　which　I　do
not　observe　among　educated　men　and　women　now。　　It　had　never　so　much
as　crossed　Theobald's　mind　to　doubt　the　literal　accuracy　of　any
syllable　in　the　Bible。　　He　had　never　seen　any　book　in　which　this　was
disputed；　nor　met　with　anyone　who　doubted　it。　　True；　there　was　just
a　little　scare　about　geology；　but　there　was　nothing　in　it。　　If　it
was　said　that　God　made　the　world　in　six　days；　why　He　did　make　it　in
six　days；　neither　in　more　nor　less；　if　it　was　said　that　He　put　Adam
to　sleep；　took　out　one　of　his　ribs　and　made　a　woman　of　it；　why　it
was　so　as　a　matter　of　course。　　He；　Adam；　went　to　sleep　as　it　might
be　himself；　Theobald　Pontifex；　in　a　garden；　as　it　might　be　the
garden　at　Crampsford　Rectory　during　the　summer　months　when　it　was　so
pretty；　only　that　it　was　larger；　and　had　some　tame　wild　animals　in
it。　　Then　God　came　up　to　him；　as　it　might　be　Mr　Allaby　or　his
father；　dexterously　took　out　one　of　his　ribs　without　waking　him；　and
miraculously　healed　the　wo