an unsocial socialist-第20节

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a　sort　of　set…off　again'　what　I　was　paid　short　of　the　other　men。
I　couldn't　afford　to　have　it　repaired；　though　I　did　what　I　could
to　patch　and　prop　it。　And　now　most　like　I　shall　be　blamed　for
letting　it　be　blew　down；　and　shall　have　to　live　in　half　a　room　in
the　town　and　pay　two　or　three　shillin's　a　week；　besides　walkin'
three　miles　to　and　from　my　work　every　day。　A　gentleman　like　Sir
John　don't　hardly　know　what　the　value　of　a　penny　is　to　us
laborin'　folk；　nor　how　cruel　hard　his　estate　rules　and　the　like
comes　on　us。〃

〃Sir　John's　health！〃　said　Smilash；　touching　the　mug　as　before。
The　man　drank　a　mouthful　humbly；　and　Smilash　continued；　〃Here's
to　the　glorious　landed　gentry　of　old　England：　bless　'em！〃

〃Master　Smilash　is　only　jokin'；〃　said　the　man　apologetically。
〃It's　his　way。〃

〃You　should　not　bring　a　family　into　the　world　if　you　are　so
poor；〃　said　Miss　Wilson　severely。　〃Can　you　not　see　that　you
impoverish　yourself　by　doing　soto　put　the　matter　on　no　higher
grounds。〃

〃Reverend　Mr。　Malthus's　health！〃　remarked　Smilash；　repeating　his
pantomime。　

〃Some　say　it's　the　children；　and　some　say　it's　the　drink；　Miss；〃
said　the　man　submissively。　〃But　from　what　I　see；　family　or　no
family；　drunk　or　sober；　the　poor　gets　poorer　and　the　rich　richer
every　day。〃

〃Ain't　it　disgustin'　to　hear　a　man　so　ignorant　of　the　improvement
in　the　condition　of　his　class？〃　said　Smilash；　appealing　to　Miss
Wilson。

〃If　you　intend　to　take　this　man　home　with　you；〃　she　said；　turning
sharply　on　him；　〃you　had　better　do　it　at　once。〃

〃I　take　it　kind　on　your　part　that　you　ask　me　to　do　anythink；
after　your　up　and　telling　Mr。　Wickens　that　I　am　the　last　person
in　Lyvern　you　would　trust　with　a　job。〃

〃So　you　arethe　very　last。　Why　don't　you　drink　your　beer？〃

〃Not　in　scorn　of　your　brewing；　lady；　but　because；　bein'　a　common
man；　water　is　good　enough　for　me。〃

〃I　wish　you　good…night；　Miss；〃　said　the　man；　〃and　thank　you
kindly　for　Bess　and　the　children。〃

〃Good…night；〃　she　replied；　stepping　aside　to　avoid　any　salutation
from　Smilash。　But　he　went　up　to　her　and　said　in　a　low　voice；　and
with　the　Trefusis　manner　and　accent：

〃Good…night；　Miss　Wilson。　If　you　should　ever　be　in　want　of　the
services　of　a　dog；　a　man；　or　a　domestic　engineer；　remind　Smilash
of　Bess　and　the　children；　and　he　will　act　for　you　in　any　of　those
capacities。〃

They　opened　the　door　cautiously；　and　found　that　the　wind；
conquered　by　the　rain；　had　abated。　Miss　Wilson's　candle；　though
it　flickered　in　the　draught；　was　not　extinguished　this　time；　and
she　was　presently　left　with　the　housekeeper；　bolting　and　chaining
the　door；　and　listening　to　the　crunching　of　feet　on　the　gravel
outside　dying　away　through　the　steady　pattering　of　the　rain。



CHAPTER　VII

Agatha　was　at　this　time　in　her　seventeenth　year。　She　had　a　lively
perception　of　the　foibles　of　others；　and　no　reverence　for　her
seniors；　whom　she　thought　dull；　cautious；　and　ridiculously
amenable　by　commonplaces。　But　she　was　subject　to　the　illusion
which　disables　youth　in　spite　of　its　superiority　to　age。　She
thought　herself　an　exception。　Crediting　Mr。　Jansenius　and　the
general　mob　of　mankind　with　nothing　but　a　grovelling
consciousness　of　some　few　material　facts；　she　felt　in　herself　an
exquisite　sense　and　all…embracing　conception　of　nature；　shared
only　by　her　favorite　poets　and　heroes　of　romance　and　history。
Hence　she　was　in　the　common　youthful　case　of　being　a　much　better
judge　of　other　people's　affairs　than　of　her　own。　At　the
fellow…student　who　adored　some　Henry　or　Augustus；　not　from　the
drivelling　sentimentality　which　the　world　calls　love；　but　because
this　particular　Henry　or　Augustus　was　a　phoenix　to　whom　the　laws
that　govern　the　relations　of　ordinary　lads　and　lasses　did　not
apply；　Agatha　laughed　in　her　sleeve。　The　more　she　saw　of　this
weakness　in　her　fellows；　the　more　satisfied　she　was　that；　being
forewarned；　she　was　also　forearmed　against　an　attack　of　it　on
herself；　much　as　if　a　doctor　were　to　conclude　that　he　could　not
catch　smallpox　because　he　had　seen　many　cases　of　it；　or　as　if　a
master　mariner；　knowing　that　many　ships　are　wrecked　in　the
British　channel；　should　venture　there　without　a　pilot；　thinking
that　he　knew　its　perils　too　well　to　run　any　risk　of　them。　Yet；　as
the　doctor　might　hold　such　an　opinion　if　he　believed　himself　to
be　constituted　differently　from　ordinary　men；　or　the　shipmaster
adopt　such　a　course　under　the　impression　that　his　vessel　was　a
star；　Agatha　found　false　security　in　the　subjective　difference
between　her　fellows　seen　from　without　and　herself　known　from
within。　When；　for　instance；　she　fell　in　love　with　Mr。　Jefferson
Smilash　（a　step　upon　which　she　resolved　the　day　after　the　storm）；
her　imagination　invested　the　pleasing　emotion　with　a　sacredness
which；　to　her；　set　it　far　apart　and　distinct　from　the　frivolous
fancies　of　which　Henry　and　Augustus　had　been　the　subject；　and　she
the　confidant。

〃I　can　look　at　him　quite　coolly　and　dispassionately；〃　she　said　to
herself。　〃Though　his　face　has　a　strange　influence　that　must；　I
know；　correspond　to　some　unexplained　power　within　me；　yet　it　is
not　a　perfect　face。　I　have　seen　many　men　who　are；　strictly
speaking；　far　handsomer。　If　the　light　that　never　was　on　sea　or
land　is　in　his　eyes；　yet　they　are　not　pretty　eyesnot　half　so
clear　as　mine。　Though　he　wears　his　common　clothes　with　a　nameless
grace　that　betrays　his　true　breeding　at　every　step；　yet　he　is　not
tall；　dark；　and　melancholy；　as　my　ideal　hero　would　be　if　I　were
as　great　a　fool　as　girls　of　my　age　usually　are。　If　I　am　in　love；
I　have　sense　enough　not　to　let　my　love　blind　my　judgment。〃　

She　did　not　tell　anyone　of　her　new　interest　in　life。　Strongest　in
that　student　community；　she　had　used　her　power　with　good…nature
enough　to　win　the　popularity　of　a　school　leader；　and　occasionally
with　unscrupulousness　enough　to　secure　the　privileges　of　a　school
bully。　Popularity　and　privilege；　however；　only　satisfied　her　when
she　was　in　the　mood　for　them。　Girls；　like　men；　want　to　be　petted；
pitied；　and　made　much　of；　when　they　are　diffident；　in　low
spirits；　or　in　unrequited　love。　These　are　services　which　the　weak
cannot　render　to　the　strong　and　which　the　strong　will　not　render
to　the　weak；　except　when　there　is　also　a　difference　of　sex。
Agatha　knew　by　experience　that　though　a　weak　woman　cannot
understand　why　her　stronger　sister　should　wish　to　lean　upon　her；
she　may　triumph　in　the　fact　without　understanding　it；　and　give
chaff　instead　of　consolation。　Agatha　wanted　to　be　understood　and
not　to　be　chaffed。　Finding　herself　unable　to　satisfy　both　these
conditions；　she　resolved　to　do　without　sympathy　and　to　hold　her
tongue。　She　had　often　had　to　do　so　before；　and　she　was　helped　on
this　occasion　by　a　sense　of　the　ridiculous　appearance　her　passion
might　wear　in　the　vulgar　eye。　Her　secret　kept　itself；　as　she　was
supposed　in　the　college　to　be　insensible　to　the　softer　emotions。
Love　wrought　no　external　change　upon　her。　It　made　her　believe
that　she　had　left　her　girlhood　behind　her　and　was　now　a　woman
with　a　newly…developed　heart　capacity　at　which　she　would
childishly　have　scoffed　a　little　while　before。　She　felt　ashamed
of　the　bee　on　the　window　pane；　although　it　somehow　buzzed　as
frequently　as　before　in　spite　of　her。　Her　calendar；　formerly　a
monotonous　cycle　of　class　times；　meal　times；　play　times；　and　bed
time；　was　now　irregularly　divided　by　walks　past　the　chalet　and
accidental　glimpses　of　its　tenant。

Early　in　December　came　a　black　frost；　and　navigation　on　the　canal
was　suspended。　Wickens's　boy　was　sent　to　the　college　with　news
that　Wickens's　pond　would　bear；　and　that　the　young　ladies　should
be　welcome　at　any　time。　The　pond　was　only　four　feet　deep；　and　as
Miss　Wilson　set　much　store　by　the　physical　education　of　her
pupils；　leave　was　given　for　skating。　Agatha；　who　was　expert　on
the　ice；　immediately　proposed　that　a　select　party　should　go　out
before　breakfast　next　morning。　Actions　not　in　themselves　virtuous
often　appear　so　when　performed　at　hours　that　compel　early　rising；
and　some　of　the　candidates　for　the　Cambridge　Local；　who　would　not
have　sacrificed　the　afternoon　to　amusement；　at　once　fell　in　with
her　suggestion。　But　for　them　it　might　never　have　been　carried
out；　for　when　they　summoned　Agatha；　at　half…past　six　next
morning；　to　leave　her　warm　bed　and　brave　the　biting　air；　she
would　have　refused　without　hesitation　had　she　not　been　shamed
into　compliance　by　these　laborious　ones　who　stood　by　her　bedside；
blue…nosed　and　hungry；　but　ready　for　the　ice。　When　she　had
dressed　herself　with　much　shuddering　and　chattering；　they　allayed
their　internal　discomfort　by　a　slender　meal　of　biscuits；　got
their　skates；　and　went　out　across　the　rimy　meadows；　past　patient
cows　breathing　clouds　of　steam；　to　Wickens's　pond。　Here；　to　their
surprise；　was　Smilash；　on　electro…plated　acme　skates；　practicing
complicated　figures　with　intense　diligence。　It　soon　appeared　that
his　skill　came　short　of　his　ambition；　for；　after　several　narrow
escapes　and　some　frantic　staggering；　his　calves；　elbows；　and
occiput　smote　the　ice　almost　simultaneously。　On　rising　ruefully
to　a　sitting　posture　he　became　aware　that　eight　young　ladies　were
watching　his　proceedings　with　interest。

〃Th