the diary of a nobody-第14节

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　friends　should　kiss　and　make　it　up。　　Those　who　happily　have　not　fallen　out；　can　kiss　all　the　same。〃

I　saw　the　tears　in　the　eyes　of　both　Carrie　and　her　mother；　and　must　say　I　felt　very　flattered　by　the　compliment。　　That　dear　old　Reverend　John　Panzy　Smith；　who　married　us；　made　a　most　cheerful　and　amusing　speech；　and　said　he　should　act　on　my　suggestion　respecting　the　kissing。　　He　then　walked　round　the　table　and　kissed　all　the　ladies；　including　Carrie。　　Of　course　one　did　not　object　to　this；　but　I　was　more　than　staggered　when　a　young　fellow　named　Moss；　who　was　a　stranger　to　me；　and　who　had　scarcely　spoken　a　word　through　dinner；　jumped　up　suddenly　with　a　sprig　of　misletoe；　and　exclaimed：　〃Hulloh！　　I　don't　see　why　I　shouldn't　be　on　in　this　scene。〃　　Before　one　could　realise　what　he　was　about　to　do；　he　kissed　Carrie　and　the　rest　of　the　ladies。

Fortunately　the　matter　was　treated　as　a　joke；　and　we　all　laughed；　but　it　was　a　dangerous　experiment；　and　I　felt　very　uneasy　for　a　moment　as　to　the　result。　　I　subsequently　referred　to　the　matter　to　Carrie；　but　she　said：　　〃Oh；　he's　not　much　more　than　a　boy。〃　　I　said　that　he　had　a　very　large　moustache　for　a　boy。　　Carrie　replied：　　〃I　didn't　say　he　was　not　a　nice　boy。〃

December　26。　…　I　did　not　sleep　very　well　last　night；　I　never　do　in　a　strange　bed。　　I　feel　a　little　indigestion；　which　one　must　expect　at　this　time　of　the　year。　　Carrie　and　I　returned　to　Town　in　the　evening。　　Lupin　came　in　late。　　He　said　he　enjoyed　his　Christmas；　and　added：　　〃I　feel　as　fit　as　a　Lowther　Arcade　fiddle；　and　only　require　a　little　more　'oof'　to　feel　as　fit　as　a　500　pounds　Stradivarius。〃　　I　have　long　since　given　up　trying　to　understand　Lupin's　slang；　or　asking　him　to　explain　it。

December　27。　…　I　told　Lupin　I　was　expecting　Gowing　and　Cummings　to　drop　in　to…morrow　evening　for　a　quiet　game。　　I　was　in　hope　the　boy　would　volunteer　to　stay　in；　and　help　to　amuse　them。　　Instead　of　which；　he　said：　　〃Oh；　you　had　better　put　them　off；　as　I　have　asked　Daisy　and　Frank　Mutlar　to　come。〃　　I　said　I　could　not　think　of　doing　such　a　thing。　　Lupin　said：　　〃Then　I　will　send　a　wire；　and　put　off　Daisy。〃　　I　suggested　that　a　post…card　or　letter　would　reach　her　quite　soon　enough；　and　would　not　be　so　extravagant。

Carrie；　who　had　listened　to　the　above　conversation　with　apparent　annoyance；　directed　a　well…aimed　shaft　at　Lupin。　　She　said：　〃Lupin；　why　do　you　object　to　Daisy　meeting　your　father's　friends？　Is　it　because　they　are　not　good　enough　for　her；　or　（which　is　equally　possible）　SHE　is　not　good　enough　for　them？〃　　Lupin　was　dumbfounded；　and　could　make　no　reply。　　When　he　left　the　room；　I　gave　Carrie　a　kiss　of　approval。

December　28　…　Lupin；　on　coming　down　to　breakfast；　said　to　his　mother：　　〃I　have　not　put　off　Daisy　and　Frank；　and　should　like　them　to　join　Gowing　and　Cummings　this　evening。〃　　I　felt　very　pleased　with　the　boy　for　this。　　Carrie　said；　in　reply：　　〃I　am　glad　you　let　me　know　in　time；　as　I　can　turn　over　the　cold　leg　of　mutton；　dress　it　with　a　little　parsley；　and　no　one　will　know　it　has　been　cut。〃　She　further　said　she　would　make　a　few　custards；　and　stew　some　pippins；　so　that　they　would　be　cold　by　the　evening。

Finding　Lupin　in　good　spirits；　I　asked　him　quietly　if　he　really　had　any　personal　objection　to　either　Gowing　or　Cummings。　　He　replied：　〃Not　in　the　least。　　I　think　Cummings　looks　rather　an　ass；　but　that　is　partly　due　to　his　patronising　'the　three…and…six…one…price　hat　company；'　and　wearing　a　reach…me…down　frock…coat。　　As　for　that　perpetual　brown　velveteen　jacket　of　Gowing's　…　why；　he　resembles　an　itinerant　photographer。〃

I　said　it　was　not　the　coat　that　made　the　gentleman；　whereupon　Lupin；　with　a　laugh；　replied：　　〃No；　and　it　wasn't　much　of　a　gentleman　who　made　their　coats。〃

We　were　rather　jolly　at　supper；　and　Daisy　made　herself　very　agreeable；　especially　in　the　earlier　part　of　the　evening；　when　she　sang。　　At　supper；　however；　she　said：　　〃Can　you　make　tee…to…tums　with　bread？〃　and　she　commenced　rolling　up　pieces　of　bread；　and　twisting　them　round　on　the　table。　　I　felt　this　to　be　bad　manners；　but　of　course　said　nothing。　　Presently　Daisy　and　Lupin；　to　my　disgust；　began　throwing　bread…pills　at　each　other。　　Frank　followed　suit；　and　so　did　Cummings　and　Gowing；　to　my　astonishment。　　They　then　commenced　throwing　hard　pieces　of　crust；　one　piece　catching　me　on　the　forehead；　and　making　me　blink。　　I　said：　　〃Steady；　please；　steady！〃　　Frank　jumped　up　and　said：　　〃Tum；　tum；　then　the　band　played。〃

I　did　not　know　what　this　meant；　but　they　all　roared；　and　continued　the　bread…battle。　　Gowing　suddenly　seized　all　the　parsley　off　the　cold　mutton；　and　threw　it　full　in　my　face。　　I　looked　daggers　at　Gowing；　who　replied：　　〃I　say；　it's　no　good　trying　to　look　indignant；　with　your　hair　full　of　parsley。〃　　I　rose　from　the　table；　and　insisted　that　a　stop　should　be　put　to　this　foolery　at　once。　Frank　Mutlar　shouted：　　〃Time；　gentlemen；　please！　time！〃　and　turned　out　the　gas；　leaving　us　in　absolute　darkness。

I　was　feeling　my　way　out　of　the　room；　when　I　suddenly　received　a　hard　intentional　punch　at　the　back　of　my　head。　　I　said　loudly：　〃Who　did　that？〃　　There　was　no　answer；　so　I　repeated　the　question；　with　the　same　result。　　I　struck　a　match；　and　lighted　the　gas。　　They　were　all　talking　and　laughing；　so　I　kept　my　own　counsel；　but；　after　they　had　gone；　I　said　to　Carrie；　〃The　person　who　sent　me　that　insulting　post…card　at　Christmas　was　here　to…night。〃

December　29。　…　I　had　a　most　vivid　dream　last　night。　　I　woke　up；　and　on　falling　asleep；　dreamed　the　same　dream　over　again　precisely。　　I　dreamt　I　heard　Frank　Mutlar　telling　his　sister　that　he　had　not　only　sent　me　the　insulting　Christmas　card；　but　admitted　that　he　was　the　one　who　punched　my　head　last　night　in　the　dark。　　As　fate　would　have　it；　Lupin；　at　breakfast；　was　reading　extracts　from　a　letter　he　had　just　received　from　Frank。

I　asked　him　to　pass　the　envelope；　that　I　might　compare　the　writing。　He　did　so；　and　I　examined　it　by　the　side　of　the　envelope　containing　the　Christmas　card。　　I　detected　a　similarity　in　the　writing；　in　spite　of　the　attempted　disguise。　　I　passed　them　on　to　Carrie；　who　began　to　laugh。　　I　asked　her　what　she　was　laughing　at；　and　she　said　the　card　was　never　directed　to　me　at　all。　　It　was　〃L。　Pooter；〃　not　〃C。　Pooter。〃　　Lupin　asked　to　look　at　the　direction　and　the　card；　and　exclaimed；　with　a　laugh：　　〃Oh　yes；　Guv。；　it's　meant　for　me。〃

I　said：　　〃Are　you　in　the　habit　of　receiving　insulting　Christmas　cards？〃　　He　replied：　　〃Oh　yes；　and　of　SENDING　them；　too。〃

In　the　evening　Gowing　called；　and　said　he　enjoyed　himself　very　much　last　night。　　I　took　the　opportunity　to　confide　in　him；　as　an　old　friend；　about　the　vicious　punch　last　night。　　He　burst　out　laughing；　and　said：　　〃Oh；　it　was　YOUR　HEAD；　was　it？　　I　know　I　accidentally　hit　something；　but　I　thought　it　was　a　brick　wall。〃　　I　told　him　I　felt　hurt；　in　both　senses　of　the　expression。

December　30；　Sunday。　…　Lupin　spent　the　whole　day　with　the　Mutlars。　He　seemed　rather　cheerful　in　the　evening；　so　I　said：　　〃I'm　glad　to　see　you　so　happy；　Lupin。〃　　He　answered：　　〃Well；　Daisy　is　a　splendid　girl；　but　I　was　obliged　to　take　her　old　fool　of　a　father　down　a　peg。　　What　with　his　meanness　over　his　cigars；　his　stinginess　over　his　drinks；　his　farthing　economy　in　turning　down　the　gas　if　you　only　quit　the　room　for　a　second；　writing　to　one　on　half…sheets　of　note…paper；　sticking　the　remnant　of　the　last　cake　of　soap　on　to　the　new　cake；　putting　two　bricks　on　each　side　of　the　fireplace；　and　his　general　'outside…halfpenny…'bus…ness；'　I　was　compelled　to　let　him　have　a　bit　of　my　mind。〃　　I　said：　　〃Lupin；　you　are　not　much　more　than　a　boy；　I　hope　you　won't　repent　it。〃

December　31。　…　The　last　day　of　the　Old　Year。　　I　received　an　extraordinary　letter　from　Mr。　Mutlar；　senior。　　He　writes：　　〃Dear　Sir；　…　For　a　long　time　past　I　have　had　considerable　difficulty　deciding　the　important　question；　'Who　is　the　master　of　my　own　house？　　Myself；　or　YOUR　SON　Lupin？'　　Believe　me；　I　have　no　prejudice　one　way　or　the　other；　but　I　have　been　most　reluctantly　compelled　to　give　judgment　to　the　effect　that　I　am　the　master　of　it。　　Under　the　circumstances；　it　has　become　my　duty　to　forbid　your　son　to　enter　my　house　again。　　I　am　sorry；　because　it　deprives　me　of　the　society　of　one　of　the　most　modest；　unassuming；　and　gentlemanly　persons　I　have　ever　had　the　honour　of　being　acquainted　with。〃

I　did　not　desire　the　last　day　to　wind　up　disagreeably；　so　I　said　nothing　to　either　Carrie　or　Lupin　about　the　letter。

A　most　terrible　fog　came　on；　and　Lupin　would　go　out　in　it；　but　promised　to　be　back　to　drink　out　the　Old　Year　…　a　custom　we　have　always　observed。　　At　a　quarter　to　twelve　Lupin　had　not　returned；　and　the　fog　was　fearful。　　As　time　was　drawing　close；　I　got　out　the　spirits。　　Carrie　and　I　deciding　on　whisky；　I　opened　a　fresh　bottle；　but　Carrie　said　it　smelt　like　brandy。　　As　I　knew　it　to　be　whisky；　I　said　there　was　nothing　to　discuss。　　Carrie；　evidently　vexed　that　Lupin　had　not　come　in；　did　discuss　it　all　the　same；　and　wanted　me　to　have　a　small　wager　with　her　to　decide　by　the　smell。　　I　said　I　could　decide　it　by　the　taste　in　a　moment。　　A　silly　and　unnecessary　argument　followed；　the　result　of　which　was　we　suddenly　saw　it　was　a　quarter…past　twelve；　and；　for　the　first　time　in　our　married　life；　we　missed　welcoming　in　the　New　Year。