memoirs of carwin the biloquist-第9节
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Their existence depends upon this： their existence is known only to themselves。 This secrecy must be obtained by all the means which are possible。 When I have said thus much； I have informed you； in some degree； of their existence； but you are still ignorant of the purpose contemplated by this association； and of all the members； except myself。 So far no dangerous disclosure is yet made： but this degree of concealment is not sufficient。 Thus much is made known to you； because it is unavoidable。 The individuals which compose this fraternity are not immortal； and the vacancies occasioned by death must be supplied from among the living。 The candidate must be instructed and prepared； and they are always at liberty to recede。 Their reason must approve the obligations and duties of their station； or they are unfit for it。 If they recede； one duty is still incumbent upon them： they must observe an inviolable silence。 To this they are not held by any promise。 They must weigh consequences； and freely decide； but they must not fail to number among these consequences their own death。
Their death will not be prompted by vengeance。 The executioner will say； he that has once revealed the tale is likely to reveal it a second time； and； to prevent this； the betrayer must die。 Nor is this the only consequence： to prevent the further revelation； he； to whom the secret was imparted； must likewise perish。 He must not console himself with the belief that his trespass will be unknown。 The knowledge cannot； by human means； be withheld from this fraternity。 Rare； indeed； will it be that his purpose to disclose is not discovered before it can be effected； and the disclosure prevented by his death。
Be well aware of your condition。 What I now； or may hereafter mention； mention not again。 Admit not even a doubt as to the propriety of hiding it from all the world。 There are eyes who will discern this doubt amidst the closest folds of your heart； and your life will instantly be sacrificed。
At present be the subject dismissed。 Reflect deeply on the duty which you have already incurred。 Think upon your strength of mind； and be careful not to lay yourself under impracticable obligations。 It will always be in your power to recede。 Even after you are solemnly enrolled a member； you may consult the dictates of your own understanding； and relinquish your post； but while you live； the obligation to be silent will perpetually attend you。
We seek not the misery or death of any one； but we are swayed by an immutable calculation。 Death is to be abhorred； but the life of the betrayer is productive of more evil than his death： his death； therefore； we chuse； and our means are instantaneous and unerring。
I love you。 The first impulse of my love is to dissuade you from seeking to know more。 Your mind will be full of ideas； your hands will be perpetually busy to a purpose into which no human creature； beyond the verge of your brotherhood； must pry。 Believe me； who have made the experiment； that compared with this task； the task of inviolable secrecy； all others are easy。 To be dumb will not suffice； never to know any remission in your zeal or your watchfulness will not suffice。 If the sagacity of others detect your occupations； however strenuously you may labour for concealment； your doom is ratified； as well as that of the wretch whose evil destiny led him to pursue you。
Yet if your fidelity fail not； great will be your recompence。 For all your toils and self…devotion； ample will be the retribution。 Hitherto you have been wrapt in darkness and storm； then will you be exalted to a pure and unruffled element。 It is only for a time that temptation will environ you； and your path will be toilsome。 In a few years you will be permitted to withdraw to a land of sages； and the remainder of your life will glide away in the enjoyments of beneficence and wisdom。
Think deeply on what I have said。 Investigate your own motives and opinions； and prepare to submit them to the test of numerous hazards and experiments。
Here my friend passed to a new topic。 I was desirous of reverting to this subject； and obtaining further information concerning it； but he assiduously repelled all my attempts； and insisted on my bestowing deep and impartial attention on what had already been disclosed。 I was not slow to comply with his directions。 My mind refused to admit any other theme of contemplation than this。
As yet I had no glimpse of the nature of this fraternity。 I was permitted to form conjectures； and previous incidents bestowed but one form upon my thoughts。 In reviewing the sentiments and deportment of Ludloe； my belief continually acquired new strength。 I even recollected hints and ambiguous allusions in his discourse； which were easily solved； on the supposition of the existence of a new model of society； in some unsuspected corner of the world。
I did not fully perceive the necessity of secrecy； but this necessity perhaps would be rendered apparent； when I should come to know the connection that subsisted between Europe and this imaginary colony。 But what was to be done？ I was willing to abide by these conditions。 My understanding might not approve of all the ends proposed by this fraternity； and I had liberty to withdraw from it； or to refuse to ally myself with them。 That the obligation of secrecy should still remain； was unquestionably reasonable。
It appeared to be the plan of Ludloe rather to damp than to stimulate my zeal。 He discouraged all attempts to renew the subject in conversation。 He dwelt upon the arduousness of the office to which I aspired； the temptations to violate my duty with which I should be continually beset； the inevitable death with which the slightest breach of my engagements would be followed； and the long apprenticeship which it would be necessary for me to serve； before I should be fitted to enter into this conclave。
Sometimes my courage was depressed by these representations。 。 。 。 。 。 My zeal； however； was sure to revive； and at length Ludloe declared himself willing to assist me in the accomplishment of my wishes。 For this end； it was necessary； he said； that I should be informed of a second obligation； which every candidate must assume。 Before any one could be deemed qualified； he must be thoroughly known to his associates。 For this end； he must determine to disclose every fact in his history； and every secret of his heart。 I must begin with making these confessions with regard to my past life； to Ludloe； and must continue to communicate； at stated seasons； every new thought； and every new occurrence； to him。 This confidence was to be absolutely limitless： no exceptions were to be admitted； and no reserves to be practised； and the same penalty attended the infraction of this rule as of the former。 Means would be employed； by which the slightest deviation； in either case； would be detected； and the deathful consequence would follow with instant and inevitable expedition。 If secrecy were difficult to practise； sincerity； in that degree in which it was here demanded； was a task infinitely more arduous； and a period of new deliberation was necessary before I should decide。 I was at liberty to pause： nay； the longer was the period of deliberation which I took； the better； but； when I had once entered this path； it was not in my power to recede。 After having solemnly avowed my resolution to be thus sincere in my confession； any particle of reserve or duplicity would cost me my life。
This indeed was a subject to be deeply thought upon。 Hitherto I had been guilty of concealment with regard to my friend。 I had entered into no formal compact； but had been conscious to a kind of tacit obligation to hide no important transaction of my life from him。 This consciousness was the source of continual anxiety。 I had exerted； on numerous occasions； my bivocal faculty； but； in my intercourse with Ludloe； had suffered not the slightest intimation to escape me with regard to it。 This reserve was not easily explained。 It was； in a great degree； the product of habit； but I likewise considered that the efficacy of this instrument depended upon its existence being unknown。 To confide the secret to one； was to put an end to my privilege： how widely the knowledge would thenceforth be diffused； I had no power to foresee。
Each day multiplied the impediments to confidence。 Shame hindered me from acknowledging my past reserves。 Ludloe； from the nature of our intercourse； would certainly account my reserve； in this respect； unjustifiable； and to excite his indignation or contempt was an unpleasing undertaking。 Now； if I should resolve to persist in my new path； this reserve must be dismissed： I must make him master of a secret which was precious to me beyond all others； by acquainting him with past concealments； I must risk incurring his suspicion and his anger。 These reflections were productive of considerable embarrassment。
There was； indeed； an avenue by which to escape these difficulties； if it did not； at the same time； plunge me into greater。 My confessions might； in other respects； be unbounded； but my reserves； in this particular； might be continued。 Yet should I not expose mysel
