memoirs of carwin the biloquist-第6节

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gather　nothing　but　that　his　state　was　opulent　and　independent；　and　that　he　had　two　sisters　whose　situation　resembled　his　own。

Though；　in　conversation；　he　appeared　to　be　governed　by　the　utmost　candour；　no　light　was　let　in　upon　the　former　transactions　of　his　life。　　The　purpose　of　his　visit　to　America　I　could　merely　guess　to　be　the　gratification　of　curiosity。

My　future　pursuits　must　be　supposed　chiefly　to　occupy　my　attention。　　On　this　head　I　was　destitute　of　all　stedfast　views。　Without　profession　or　habits　of　industry　or　sources　of　permanent　revenue；　the　world　appeared　to　me　an　ocean　on　which　my　bark　was　set　afloat；　without　compass　or　sail。　　The　world　into　which　I　was　about　to　enter；　was　untried　and　unknown；　and　though　I　could　consent　to　profit　by　the　guidance　I　was　unwilling　to　rely　on　the　support　of　others。

This　topic　being　nearest　my　heart；　I　frequently　introduced　into　conversation　with　my　friend；　but　on　this　subject　he　always　allowed　himself　to　be　led　by　me；　while　on　all　others；　he　was　zealous　to　point　the　way。　　To　every　scheme　that　I　proposed　he　was　sure　to　cause　objections。　　All　the　liberal　professions　were　censured　as　perverting　the　understanding；　by　giving　scope　to　the　sordid　motive　of　gain；　or　embuing　the　mind　with　erroneous　principles。　　Skill　was　slowly　obtained；　and　success；　though　integrity　and　independence　must　be　given　for　it；　dubious　and　instable。　　The　mechanical　trades　were　equally　obnoxious；　they　were　vitious　by　contributing　to　the　spurious　gratifications　of　the　rich　and　multiplying　the　objects　of　luxury；　they　were　destruction　to　the　intellect　and　vigor　of　the　artizan；　they　enervated　his　frame　and　brutalized　his　mind。

When　I　pointed　out　to　him　the　necessity　of　some　species　of　labour；　he　tacitly　admitted　that　necessity；　but　refused　to　direct　me　in　the　choice　of　a　pursuit；　which　though　not　free　from　defect　should　yet　have　the　fewest　inconveniences。　　He　dwelt　on　the　fewness　of　our　actual　wants；　the　temptations　which　attend　the　possession　of　wealth；　the　benefits　of　seclusion　and　privacy；　and　the　duty　of　unfettering　our　minds　from　the　prejudices　which　govern　the　world。

His　discourse　tended　merely　to　unsettle　my　views　and　increase　my　perplexity。　　This　effect　was　so　uniform　that　I　at　length　desisted　from　all　allusions　to　this　theme　and　endeavoured　to　divert　my　own　reflections　from　it。　　When　our　voyage　should　be　finished；　and　I　should　actually　tread　this　new　stage；　I　believed　that　I　should　be　better　qualified　to　judge　of　the　measures　to　be　taken　by　me。

At　length　we　reached　Belfast。　　From　thence　we　immediately　repaired　to　Dublin。　　I　was　admitted　as　a　member　of　his　family。　When　I　expressed　my　uncertainty　as　to　the　place　to　which　it　would　be　proper　for　me　to　repair；　he　gave　me　a　blunt　but　cordial　invitation　to　his　house。　　My　circumstances　allowed　me　no　option　and　I　readily　complied。　　My　attention　was　for　a　time　engrossed　by　a　diversified　succession　of　new　objects。　　Their　novelty　however　disappearing；　left　me　at　liberty　to　turn　my　eyes　upon　myself　and　my　companion；　and　here　my　reflections　were　supplied　with　abundant　food。

His　house　was　spacious　and　commodious；　and　furnished　with　profusion　and　elegance。　　A　suit　of　apartments　was　assigned　to　me；　in　which　I　was　permitted　to　reign　uncontroled　and　access　was　permitted　to　a　well　furnished　library。　　My　food　was　furnished　in　my　own　room；　prepared　in　the　manner　which　I　had　previously　directed。　Occasionally　Ludloe　would　request　my　company　to　breakfast；　when　an　hour　was　usually　consumed　in　earnest　or　sprightly　conversation。　　At　all　other　times　he　was　invisible；　and　his　apartments；　being　wholly　separate　from　mine；　I　had　no　opportunity　of　discovering　in　what　way　his　hours　were　employed。

He　defended　this　mode　of　living　as　being　most　compatible　with　liberty。　　He　delighted　to　expatiate　on　the　evils　of　cohabitation。　Men；　subjected　to　the　same　regimen；　compelled　to　eat　and　sleep　and　associate　at　certain　hours；　were　strangers　to　all　rational　independence　and　liberty。　　Society　would　never　be　exempt　from　servitude　and　misery；　till　those　artificial　ties　which　held　human　beings　together　under　the　same　roof　were　dissolved。　　He　endeavoured　to　regulate　his　own　conduct　in　pursuance　of　these　principles；　and　to　secure　to　himself　as　much　freedom　as　the　present　regulations　of　society　would　permit。　　The　same　independence　which　he　claimed　for　himself　he　likewise　extended　to　me。　　The　distribution　of　my　own　time；　the　selection　of　my　own　occupations　and　companions　should　belong　to　myself。

But　these　privileges；　though　while　listening　to　his　arguments　I　could　not　deny　them　to　be　valuable；　I　would　have　willingly　dispensed　with。　　The　solitude　in　which　I　lived　became　daily　more　painful。　　I　ate　and　drank；　enjoyed　clothing　and　shelter；　without　the　exercise　of　forethought　or　industry；　I　walked　and　sat；　went　out　and　returned　for　as　long　and　at　what　seasons　I　thought　proper；　yet　my　condition　was　a　fertile　source　of　discontent。

I　felt　myself　removed　to　a　comfortless　and　chilling　distance　from　Ludloe。　　I　wanted　to　share　in　his　occupations　and　views。　　With　all　his　ingenuousness　of　aspect　and　overflow　of　thoughts；　when　he　allowed　me　his　company；　I　felt　myself　painfully　bewildered　with　regard　to　his　genuine　condition　and　sentiments。

He　had　it　in　his　power　to　introduce　me　to　society；　and　without　an　introduction；　it　was　scarcely　possible　to　gain　access　to　any　social　circle　or　domestic　fireside。　　Add　to　this；　my　own　obscure　prospects　and　dubious　situation。　　Some　regular　intellectual　pursuit　would　render　my　state　less　irksome；　but　I　had　hitherto　adopted　no　scheme　of　this　kind。



Chapter　V。


Time　tended；　in　no　degree；　to　alleviate　my　dissatisfaction。　It　increased　till　the　determination　became　at　length　formed　of　opening　my　thoughts　to　Ludloe。　　At　the　next　breakfast　interview　which　took　place；　I　introduced　the　subject；　and　expatiated　without　reserve；　on　the　state　of　my　feelings。　　I　concluded　with　entreating　him　to　point　out　some　path　in　which　my　talents　might　be　rendered　useful　to　himself　or　to　mankind。

After　a　pause　of　some　minutes；　he　said；　What　would　you　do？　You　forget　the　immaturity　of　your　age。　　If　you　are　qualified　to　act　a　part　in　the　theatre　of　life；　step　forth；　but　you　are　not　qualified。　　You　want　knowledge；　and　with　this　you　ought　previously　to　endow　yourself。　。　。　。　。　　Means；　for　this　end；　are　within　your　reach。　　Why　should　you　waste　your　time　in　idleness；　and　torment　yourself　with　unprofitable　wishes？　　Books　are　at　hand　。　。　。　。　books　from　which　most　sciences　and　languages　can　be　learned。　　Read；　analise；　digest；　collect　facts；　and　investigate　theories：　ascertain　the　dictates　of　reason；　and　supply　yourself　with　the　inclination　and　the　power　to　adhere　to　them。　　You　will　not；　legally　speaking；　be　a　man　in　less　than　three　years。　　Let　this　period　be　devoted　to　the　acquisition　of　wisdom。　　Either　stay　here；　or　retire　to　an　house　I　have　on　the　banks　of　Killarney；　where　you　will　find　all　the　conveniences　of　study。

I　could　not　but　reflect　with　wonder　at　this　man's　treatment　of　me。　　I　could　plead　none　of　the　rights　of　relationship；　yet　I　enjoyed　the　privileges　of　a　son。　　He　had　not　imparted　to　me　any　scheme；　by　pursuit　of　which　I　might　finally　compensate　him　for　the　expense　to　which　my　maintenance　and　education　would　subject　him。　He　gave　me　reason　to　hope　for　the　continuance　of　his　bounty。　　He　talked　and　acted　as　if　my　fortune　were　totally　disjoined　from　his；　yet　was　I　indebted　to　him　for　the　morsel　which　sustained　my　life。　Now　it　was　proposed　to　withdraw　myself　to　studious　leisure；　and　romantic　solitude。　　All　my　wants；　personal　and　intellectual；　were　to　be　supplied　gratuitously　and　copiously。　　No　means　were　prescribed　by　which　I　might　make　compensation　for　all　these　benefits。　　In　conferring　them　he　seemed　to　be　actuated　by　no　view　to　his　own　ultimate　advantage。　　He　took　no　measures　to　secure　my　future　services。

I　suffered　these　thoughts　to　escape　me；　on　this　occasion；　and　observed　that　to　make　my　application　successful；　or　useful；　it　was　necessary　to　pursue　some　end。　　I　must　look　forward　to　some　post　which　I　might　hereafter　occupy　beneficially　to　myself　or　others；　and　for　which　all　the　efforts　of　my　mind　should　be　bent　to　qualify　myself。

These　hints　gave　him　visible　pleasure；　and　now；　for　the　first　time；　he　deigned　to　advise　me　on　this　head。　　His　scheme；　however；　was　not　suddenly　produced。　　The　way　to　it　was　circuitous　and　long。　It　was　his　business　to　make　every　new　step　appear　to　be　suggested　by　my　own　reflections。　　His　own　ideas　were　the　seeming　result　of　the　moment；　and　sprung　out　of　the　last　idea　that　was　uttered。　Being　hastily　taken　up；　they　were；　of　course；　liable　to　objection。　These　objections；　sometimes　occurring　to　me　and　sometimes　to　him；　were　admitted　or　contested　with　the　utmost　candour。　　One　scheme　went　through　numerous　modifications　before　it　was　proved　to　be　ineligible；　or　before　it　yielded　place　to　a　better。　　It　was　easy　to　perceive；　that　books　alone　were　insufficient　to　impart　knowledge：　that　man　must　be　examined　with　our　own　eyes　to　make　us　acquainted　with　their　nature：　　that　ideas　collected　from　observation　and　reading；　must　correct　and　illustrate　each　other：　　that　the　value　of　all　principles；　and　their　truth；　lie　in　their　practical　effects。　Hence；　gradually　arose；　the　u