all roads lead to calvary-第6节

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aying：　　always　go　straight　for　that。〃

He　gave　her　a　commission　then　and　there　for　a　heart　to　heart　talk　with　a　gentleman　whom　the　editor　of　the　Home　News　Department　of　the　Daily　Dispatch　would　have　referred　to　as　a　〃Leading　Literary　Luminary；〃　and　who　had　just　invented　a　new　world　in　two　volumes。　She　had　asked　him　childish　questions　and　had　listened　with　wide…　open　eyes　while　he；　sitting　over　against　her；　and　smiling　benevolently；　had　laid　bare　to　her　all　the　seeming　intricacies　of　creation；　and　had　explained　to　her　in　simple　language　the　necessary　alterations　and　improvements　he　was　hoping　to　bring　about　in　human　nature。　　He　had　the　sensation　that　his　hair　must　be　standing　on　end　the　next　morning　after　having　read　in　cold　print　what　he　had　said。　Expanding　oneself　before　the　admiring　gaze　of　innocent　simplicity　and　addressing　the　easily　amused　ear　of　an　unsympathetic　public　are　not　the　same　thing。　　He　ought　to　have　thought　of　that。

It　consoled　him；　later；　that　he　was　not　the　only　victim。　　The　Daily　Dispatch　became　famous　for　its　piquant　interviews；　especially　with　elderly　celebrities　of　the　masculine　gender。

〃It's　dirty　work；〃　Flossie　confided　one　day　to　Madge　Singleton。　　〃I　trade　on　my　silly　face。　　Don't　see　that　I'm　much　different　to　any　of　these　poor　devils。〃　　They　were　walking　home　in　the　evening　from　a　theatre。　　〃If　I　hadn't　been　stony　broke　I'd　never　have　taken　it　up。　　I　shall　get　out　of　it　as　soon　as　I　can　afford　to。〃

〃I　should　make　it　a　bit　sooner　than　that；〃　suggested　the　elder　woman。　　〃One　can't　always　stop　oneself　just　where　one　wants　to　when　sliding　down　a　slope。　　It　has　a　knack　of　getting　steeper　and　steeper　as　one　goes　on。〃

Madge　had　asked　Joan　to　come　a　little　earlier　so　that　they　could　have　a　chat　together　before　the　others　arrived。

〃I've　only　asked　a　few；〃　she　explained；　as　she　led　Joan　into　the　restful　white…panelled　sitting…room　that　looked　out　upon　the　gardens。　　Madge　shared　a　set　of　chambers　in　Gray's　Inn　with　her　brother　who　was　an　actor。　　〃But　I　have　chosen　them　with　care。〃

Joan　murmured　her　thanks。

〃I　haven't　asked　any　men；〃　she　added；　as　she　fixed　Joan　in　an　easy　chair　before　the　fire。　　〃I　was　afraid　of　its　introducing　the　wrong　element。〃

〃Tell　me；〃　asked　Joan；　〃am　I　likely　to　meet　with　much　of　that　sort　of　thing？〃

〃Oh；　about　as　much　as　there　always　is　wherever　men　and　women　work　together；〃　answered　Madge。　　〃It's　a　nuisance；　but　it　has　to　be　faced。〃

〃Nature　appears　to　have　only　one　idea　in　her　head；〃　she　continued　after　a　pause；　〃so　far　as　we　men　and　women　are　concerned。　　She's　been　kinder　to　the　lower　animals。〃

〃Man　has　more　interests；〃　Joan　argued；　〃a　thousand　other　allurements　to　distract　him；　we　must　cultivate　his　finer　instincts。〃

〃It　doesn't　seem　to　answer；〃　grumbled　Madge。　　〃One　is　always　told　it　is　the　artistthe　brain　worker；　the　very　men　who　have　these　fine　instincts；　who　are　the　most　sexual。〃

She　made　a　little　impatient　movement　with　her　hands　that　was　characteristic　of　her。　　〃Personally；　I　like　men；〃　she　went　on。　　〃It　is　so　splendid　the　way　they　enjoy　life：　　just　like　a　dog　does；　whether　it's　wet　or　fine。　　We　are　always　blinking　up　at　the　clouds　and　worrying　about　our　hat。　　It　would　be　so　nice　to　be　able　to　have　friendship　with　them。

〃I　don't　mean　that　it's　all　their　fault；〃　she　continued。　　〃We　do　all　we　can　to　attract　themthe　way　we　dress。　　Who　was　it　said　that　to　every　woman　every　man　is　a　potential　lover。　　We　can't　get　it　out　of　our　minds。　　It's　there　even　when　we　don't　know　it。　　We　will　never　succeed　in　civilizing　Nature。〃

〃We　won't　despair　of　her；〃　laughed　Joan。　　〃She's　creeping　up；　poor　lady；　as　Whistler　said　of　her。　　We　have　passed　the　phase　when　everything　she　did　was　right　in　our　childish　eyes。　　Now　we　dare　to　criticize　her。　　That　shows　we　are　growing　up。　　She　will　learn　from　us；　later　on。　　She's　a　dear　old　thing；　at　heart。〃

〃She's　been　kind　enough　to　you；〃　replied　Madge；　somewhat　irrelevantly。　　There　was　a　note　of　irritation　in　her　tone。　　〃I　suppose　you　know　you　are　supremely　beautiful。　　You　seem　so　indifferent　to　it；　I　wonder　sometimes　if　you　do。〃

〃I'm　not　indifferent　to　it；〃　answered　Joan。　　〃I'm　reckoning　on　it　to　help　me。〃

〃Why　not？〃　she　continued；　with　a　flash　of　defiance；　though　Madge　had　not　spoken。　　〃It　is　a　weapon　like　any　otherknowledge；　intellect；　courage。　　God　has　given　me　beauty。　　I　shall　use　it　in　His　service。〃

They　formed　a　curious　physical　contrast；　these　two　women　in　this　moment。　　Joan；　radiant；　serene；　sat　upright　in　her　chair；　her　head　slightly　thrown　back；　her　fine　hands　clasping　one　another　so　strongly　that　the　delicate　muscles　could　be　traced　beneath　the　smooth　white　skin。　　Madge；　with　puckered　brows；　leant　forward　in　a　crouching　attitude；　her　thin　nervous　hands　stretched　out　towards　the　fire。

〃How　does　one　know　when　one　is　serving　God？〃　she　asked　after　a　pause；　apparently　rather　of　herself　than　of　Joan。　　〃It　seems　so　difficult。〃

〃One　feels　it；〃　explained　Joan。

〃Yes；　but　didn't　they　all　feel　it；〃　Madge　suggested。　　She　still　seemed　to　be　arguing　with　herself　rather　than　with　Joan。　〃Nietzsche。　　I　have　been　reading　him。　　They　are　forming　a　Nietzsche　Society　to　give　lectures　about　himpropagate　him　over　here。　Eleanor's　in　it　up　to　the　neck。　　It　seems　to　me　awful。　　Every　fibre　in　my　being　revolts　against　him。　　Yet　they're　all　cocksure　that　he　is　the　coming　prophet。　　He　must　have　convinced　himself　that　he　is　serving　God。　　If　I　were　a　fighter　I　should　feel　I　was　serving　God　trying　to　down　Him。　　How　do　I　know　which　of　us　is　right？　TorquemadaCalvin；〃　she　went　on；　without　giving　Joan　the　chance　of　a　reply。　　〃It's　easy　enough　to　see　they　were　wrong　now。　　But　at　the　time　millions　of　people　believed　in　themfelt　it　was　God's　voice　speaking　through　them。　　Joan　of　Arc！　　Fancy　dying　to　put　a　thing　like　that　upon　a　throne。　　It　would　be　funny　if　it　wasn't　so　tragic。　You　can　say　she　drove　out　the　Englishsaved　France。　　But　for　what？　The　Bartholomew　massacres。　　The　ruin　of　the　Palatinate　by　Louis　XIV。　　The　horrors　of　the　French　Revolution；　ending　with　Napoleon　and　all　the　misery　and　degeneracy　that　he　bequeathed　to　Europe。　History　might　have　worked　itself　out　so　much　better　if　the　poor　child　had　left　it　alone　and　minded　her　sheep。〃

〃Wouldn't　that　train　of　argument　lead　to　nobody　ever　doing　anything？〃　suggested　Joan。

〃I　suppose　it　would　mean　stagnation；〃　admitted　Madge。　　〃And　yet　I　don't　know。　　Are　there　not　forces　moving　towards　right　that　are　crying　to　us　to　help　them；　not　by　violence；　which　only　interrupts　delays　them；　but　by　quietly　preparing　the　way　for　them？　　You　know　what　I　mean。　　Erasmus　always　said　that　Luther　had　hindered　the　Reformation　by　stirring　up　passion　and　hate。〃　　She　broke　off　suddenly。　　There　were　tears　in　her　eyes。　　〃Oh；　if　God　would　only　say　what　He　wants　of　us；〃　she　almost　cried；　〃call　to　us　in　trumpet　tones　that　would　ring　through　the　world；　compelling　us　to　take　sides。　　Why　can't　He　speak？〃

〃He　does；〃　answered　Joan。　　〃I　hear　His　voice。　　There　are　things　I've　got　to　do。　　Wrongs　that　I　must　fight　against。　　Rights　that　I　must　never　dare　to　rest　till　they　are　won。〃　　Her　lips　were　parted。　Her　breasts　heaving。　　〃He　does　call　to　us。　　He　has　girded　His　sword　upon　me。〃

Madge　looked　at　her　in　silence　for　quite　a　while。　　〃How　confident　you　are；〃　she　said。　　〃How　I　envy　you。〃

They　talked　for　a　time　about　domestic　matters。　　Joan　had　established　herself　in　furnished　rooms　in　a　quiet　street　of　pleasant　Georgian　houses　just　behind　the　Abbey；　a　member　of　Parliament　and　his　wife　occupied　the　lower　floors；　the　landlord；　a　retired　butler；　and　his　wife；　an　excellent　cook；　confining　themselves　to　the　basement　and　the　attics。　　The　remaining　floor　was　tenanted　by　a　shy　young　mana　poet；　so　the　landlady　thought；　but　was　not　sure。　　Anyhow　he　had　long　hair；　lived　with　a　pipe　in　his　mouth；　and　burned　his　lamp　long　into　the　night。　　Joan　had　omitted　to　ask　his　name。　　She　made　a　note　to　do　so。

They　discussed　ways　and　means。　　Joan　calculated　she　could　get　through　on　two　hundred　a　year；　putting　aside　fifty　for　dress。　Madge　was　doubtful　if　this　would　be　sufficient。　　Joan　urged　that　she　was　〃stock　size〃　and　would　be　able　to　pick　up　〃models〃　at　sales；　but　Madge；　measuring　her　against　herself；　was　sure　she　was　too　full。

〃You　will　find　yourself　expensive　to　dress；〃　she　told　her；　〃cheap　things　won't　go　well　on　you；　and　it　would　be　madness；　even　from　a　business　point　of　view；　for　you　not　to　make　the　best　of　yourself。〃

〃Men　stand　more　in　awe　of　a　well…dressed　woman　than　they　do　even　of　a　beautiful　woman；〃　Madge　was　of　opinion。　　〃If　you　go　into　an　office　looking　dowdy　they'll　beat　you　down。　　Tell　them　the　price　they　are　offering　you　won't　keep　you　in　gloves　for　a　week　and　they'll　be　ashamed　of　themselves。　　There's　nothing　infra　dig。　in　being　mean　to　the　poor；　but　not　to　sympathize　with　the　rich　stamps　you　as　middle　class。〃　　She　laughed。

Joan　was　worried。　　〃I　told　Dad　I　should　only　ask　him　for　enough　to　make　up　two　hundred　a　year；〃　she　explained。　　〃He'll　laugh　at　me　for　not　knowing　my　own　mind。〃

〃I　should　let　him；〃　advised　Madge。　　She　grew　thoughtful　again。　　〃We　cranky　young　women；　with　our　new…fangled；　independent　ways；　I　guess　we　hurt　the　old　folks　quite　enough　as　it　is。〃

The　bell　rang　and　Madge　opened　the　door　he