all roads lead to calvary-第37节
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mean； dear； don't you？〃 she continued。 〃It will be such a comfort to me to know that it's all right。〃
In answer the tears sprang to Joan's eyes。 She knelt down and put her arms about the woman。
〃Don't be so silly；〃 she cried。 〃There's nothing going to happen。 You're going to get fat and well again； and live to see him Prime Minister。〃
〃I am getting thin； ain't I？〃 she said。 〃I always wanted to be thin。〃 They both laughed。
〃But I shan't see him that； even if I do live；〃 she went on。 〃He'll never be that； without you。 And I'd be so proud to think that he would。 I shouldn't mind going then；〃 she added。
Joan did not answer。 There seemed no words that would come。
〃You will promise； won't you？〃 she persisted； in a whisper。 〃It's only 'in case'just that I needn't worry myself。〃
Joan looked up。 There was something in the eyes looking down upon her that seemed to be compelling her。
〃If you'll promise to try and get better；〃 she answered。
Mrs。 Phillips stooped and kissed her。 〃Of course； dear；〃 she said。 〃Perhaps I shall； now that my mind is easier。〃
Phillips came； as Mrs。 Phillips had predicted。 He was surprised at seeing Joan。 He had not thought she could get back so soon。 He brought an evening paper with him。 It contained a paragraph to the effect that Mrs。 Phillips； wife of the Rt。 Hon。 Robert Phillips； M。P。； was progressing favourably and hoped soon to be sufficiently recovered to return to her London residence。 It was the first time she had had a paragraph all to herself； headed with her name。 She flushed with pleasure； and Joan noticed that； after reading it again； she folded the paper up small and slipped it into her pocket。 The nurse came in from her walk a little later and took Joan downstairs with her。
〃She ought not to talk to more than one person at a time；〃 the nurse explained； with a shake of the head。 She was a quiet； business…like woman。 She would not express a definite opinion。
〃It's her mental state that is the trouble；〃 was all that she would say。 〃She ought to be getting better。 But she doesn't。〃
〃You're not a Christian Scientist； by any chance？〃 she asked Joan suddenly。
〃No；〃 answered Joan。 〃Surely you're not one？〃
〃I don't know；〃 answered the woman。 〃I believe that would do her more good than anything else。 If she would listen to it。 She seems to have lost all will…power。〃
The nurse left her； and the landlady came in to lay the table。 She understood that Joan would be dining with Mr。 Phillips。 There was no train till the eight…forty。 She kept looking at Joan as she moved about the room。 Joan was afraid she would begin to talk； but she must have felt Joan's antagonism for she remained silent。 Once their eyes met； and the woman leered at her。
Phillips came down looking more cheerful。 He had detected improvement in Mrs。 Phillips。 She was more hopeful in herself。 They talked in low tones during the meal； as people do whose thoughts are elsewhere。 It happened quite suddenly； Phillips explained。 They had come down a few days after the rising of Parliament。 There had been a spell of hot weather； but nothing remarkable。 The first attack had occurred about three weeks ago。 It was just after Hilda had gone back to school。 He wasn't sure whether he ought to send for Hilda； or not。 Her mother didn't want him tonot just yet。 Of course； if she got worse； he would have to。 What did Joan think？did she think there was any real danger？
Joan could not say。 So much depended upon the general state of health。 There was the case of her own father。 Of course she would always be subject to attacks。 But this one would have warned her to be careful。
Phillips thought that living out of town might be better for her； in the futuresomewhere in Surrey； where he could easily get up and down。 He could sleep himself at the club on nights when he had to be late。
They talked without looking at one another。 They did not speak about themselves。
Mrs。 Phillips was in bed when Joan went up to say good…bye。 〃You'll come again soon？〃 she asked； and Joan promised。 〃You've made me so happy；〃 she whispered。 The nurse was in the room。
They discussed politics in the train。 Phillips had found more support for his crusade against Carleton than he had expected。 He was going to open the attack at once； thus forestalling Carleton's opposition to his land scheme。
〃It isn't going to be the Daily This and the Daily That and the Weekly the Other all combined to down me。 I'm going to tell the people that it's Carleton and only CarletonCarleton here； Carleton there； Carleton everywhere； against them。 I'm going to drag him out into the open and make him put up his own fists。〃
Joan undertook to sound Greyson。 She was sure Greyson would support him； in his balanced； gentlemanly way； that could nevertheless be quite deadly。
They grew less and less afraid of looking at one another as they felt that darkened room further and further behind them。
They parted at Charing Cross。 Joan would write。 They agreed it would be better to choose separate days for their visits to Folkestone。
She ran against Madge in the morning； and invited herself to tea。 Her father had returned to Liverpool； and her own rooms； for some reason； depressed her。 Flossie was there with young Halliday。 They were both off the next morning to his people's place in Devonshire； from where they were going to get married； and had come to say good…bye。 Flossie put Sam in the passage and drew…to the door。
〃Have you seen her？〃 she asked。 〃How is she？〃
〃Oh； she's changed a good deal；〃 answered Joan。 〃But I think she'll get over it all right； if she's careful。〃
〃I shall hope for the best；〃 answered Flossie。 〃Poor old soul； she's had a good time。 Don't send me a present； and then I needn't send you onewhen your time comes。 It's a silly custom。 Besides； I've nowhere to put it。 Shall be in a ship for the next six months。 Will let you know when we're back。〃
She gave Joan a hug and a kiss； and was gone。 Joan joined Madge in the kitchen； where she was toasting buns。
〃I suppose she's satisfied herself that he's brainy；〃 she laughed。
〃Oh； brains aren't everything；〃 answered Madge。 〃Some of the worst rotters the world has ever been cursed with have been brainy enoughmen and women。 We make too much fuss about brains； just as once upon a time we did about mere brute strength； thinking that was all that was needed to make a man great。 Brain is only muscle translated into civilization。 That's not going to save us。〃
〃You've been thinking；〃 Joan accused her。 〃What's put all that into your head？〃
Madge laughed。 〃Mixing with so many brainy people； perhaps；〃 she suggested； 〃and wondering what's become of their souls。〃
〃Be good； sweet child。 And let who can be clever；〃 Joan quoted。 〃Would that be your text？〃
Madge finished buttering her buns。 〃Kant； wasn't it；〃 she answered； 〃who marvelled chiefly at two things： the starry firmament above him and the moral law within him。 And they're one and the same； if he'd only thought it out。 It's rather big to be good。〃
They carried their tea into the sitting…room。
〃Do you really think she'll get over it？〃 asked Madge。 〃Or is it one of those things one has to say？〃
〃I think she could；〃 answered Joan； 〃if she would pull herself together。 It's her lack of will…power that's the trouble。〃
Madge did not reply immediately。 She was watching the rooks settling down for the night in the elm trees just beyond the window。 There seemed to be much need of coming and going； of much cawing。
〃I met her pretty often during those months that Helen Lavery was running her round；〃 she said at length。 〃It always seemed to me to have a touch of the heroic； that absurd effort she was making to 'qualify' herself； so that she might be of use to him。 I can see her doing something quite big； if she thought it would help him。〃
The cawing of the rooks grew fainter。 One by one they folded their wings。
Neither spoke for a while。 Later on； they talked about the coming election。 If the Party got back； Phillips would go to the Board of Trade。 It would afford him a better platform for the introduction of his land scheme。
〃What do you gather is the general opinion？〃 Joan asked。 〃That he will succeed？〃
〃The general opinion seems to be that his star is in the ascendant；〃 Madge answered with a smile； 〃that all things are working together for his good。 It's rather a useful atmosphere to have about one； that。 It breeds friendship and support！〃
Joan looked at her watch。 She had an article to finish。 Madge stood on tiptoe and kissed her。
〃Don't think me unsympathetic；〃 she said。 〃No one will rejoice more than I shall if God sees fit to call you to good work。 But I can't help letting fall my little tear of fellowship with the weeping。〃
〃And mind your p's and q's；〃 she added。 〃You're in a difficult position。 And not all the eyes watching you are friendly。〃
Joan bore the germ of worry in her breast as she crossed the Gray's Inn Garden。 It was a hard law； that of the world： knowing only winners and losers。 Of course； the woman was to be pitied。 No one could feel more sorry for her than Joan herself。 But what had Madg
