all roads lead to calvary-第33节

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aside　their　earthly　passions；　humbly　with　pure　hearts　they　would　kneel　before　God's　altar。　　He　should　bless　their　union。

A　lark　was　singing。　　She　stood　listening。　　Higher　and　higher　he　rose；　pouring　out　his　song　of　worship；　till　the　tiny；　fragile　body　disappeared　as　if　fallen　from　him；　leaving　his　sweet　soul　still　singing。　　The　happy　tears　came　to　her　eyes；　and　she　passed　on。　　She　did　not　hear　that　little　last　faint　sob　with　which　he　sank　exhausted　back　to　earth　beside　a　hidden　nest　among　the　furrows。

She　had　forgotten　the　time。　　It　was　already　late　afternoon。　　Her　long　walk　and　the　keen　air　had　made　her　hungry。　　She　had　a　couple　of　eggs　with　her　tea　at　a　village　inn；　and　was　fortunate　enough　to　catch　a　train　that　brought　her　back　in　time　for　dinner。　　A　little　ashamed　of　her　unresponsiveness　the　night　before；　she　laid　herself　out　to　be　sympathetic　to　her　father's　talk。　　She　insisted　on　hearing　again　all　that　he　and　Arthur　were　doing；　opposing　him　here　and　there　with　criticism　just　sufficient　to　stimulate　him；　careful　in　the　end　to　let　him　convince　her。

These　small　hypocrisies　were　new　to　her。　　She　hoped　she　was　not　damaging　her　character。　　But　it　was　good；　watching　him　slyly　from　under　drawn…down　lids；　to　see　the　flash　of　triumph　that　would　come　into　his　tired　eyes　in　answer　to　her　half…protesting：　　〃Yes；　I　see　your　point；　I　hadn't　thought　of　that；〃　her　half　reluctant　admission　that　〃perhaps〃　he　was　right；　there；　that　〃perhaps〃　she　was　wrong。　It　was　delightful　to　see　him　young　again；　eager；　boyishly　pleased　with　himself。　　It　seemed　there　was　a　joy　she　had　not　dreamed　of　in　yielding　victory　as　well　as　in　gaining　it。　　A　new　tenderness　was　growing　up　in　her。　　How　considerate；　how　patient；　how　self…　forgetful　he　had　always　been。　　She　wanted　to　mother　him。　　To　take　him　in　her　arms　and　croon　over　him；　hushing　away　remembrance　of　the　old　sad　days。

Folk's　words　came　back　to　her：　　〃And　poor　Jack　Allway。　　Tell　him　I　thank　him　for　all　those　years　of　love　and　gentleness。〃　　She　gave　him　the　message。

Folk　had　been　right。　　He　was　not　offended。　　〃Dear　old　chap；〃　he　said。　　〃That　was　kind　of　him。　　He　was　always　generous。〃

He　was　silent　for　a　while；　with　a　quiet　look　on　his　face。

〃Give　him　our　love；〃　he　said。　　〃Tell　him　we　came　together；　at　the　end。〃

It　was　on　her　tongue　to　ask　him；　as　so　often　she　had　meant　to　do　of　late；　what　had　been　the　cause　of　her　mother's　illnessif　illness　it　was：　　what　it　was　that　had　happened　to　change　both　their　lives。　But　always　something　had　stopped　hersomething　ever　present；　ever　watchful；　that　seemed　to　shape　itself　out　of　the　air；　bending　towards　her　with　its　finger　on　its　lips。

She　stayed　over　the　week…end；　and　on　the　Saturday；　at　her　suggestion；　they　took　a　long　excursion　into　the　country。　　It　was　the　first　time　she　had　ever　asked　him　to　take　her　out。　　He　came　down　to　breakfast　in　a　new　suit；　and　was　quite　excited。　　In　the　car　his　hand　had　sought　hers　shyly；　and；　feeling　her　responsive　pressure；　he　had　continued　to　hold　it；　and　they　had　sat　for　a　long　time　in　silence。　　She　decided　not　to　tell　him　about　Phillips；　just　yet。　　He　knew　of　him　only　from　the　Tory　newspapers　and　would　form　a　wrong　idea。　　She　would　bring　them　together　and　leave　Phillips　to　make　his　own　way。　　He　would　like　Phillips　when　he　knew　him；　she　felt　sure。　　He；　too；　was　a　people's　man。　　The　torch　passed　down　to　him　from　his　old　Ironside　ancestors；　it　still　glowed。　　More　than　once　she　had　seen　it　leap　to　flame。　　In　congenial　atmosphere；　it　would　burn　clear　and　steadfast。　　It　occurred　to　her　what　a　delightful　solution　of　her　problem；　if　later　on　her　father　could　be　persuaded　to　leave　Arthur　in　charge　of　the　works；　and　come　to　live　with　her　in　London。　　There　was　a　fine　block　of　flats　near　Chelsea　Church　with　long　views　up　and　down　the　river。　　How　happy　they　could　be　there；　the　drawing…room　in　the　Adams　style　with　wine…coloured　curtains！　　He　was　a　father　any　young　woman　could　be　proud　to　take　about。　　Unconsciously　she　gave　his　hand　an　impulsive　squeeze。　　They　lunched　at　an　old　inn　upon　the　moors；　and　the　landlady；　judging　from　his　shy；　attentive　ways；　had　begun　by　addressing　her　as　Madame。

〃You　grow　wonderfully　like　your　mother；〃　he　told　her　that　evening　at　dinner。　　〃There　used　to　be　something　missing。　　But　I　don't　feel　that；　now。〃

She　wrote　to　Phillips　to　meet　her；　if　possible；　at　Euston。　　There　were　things　she　wanted　to　talk　to　him　about。　　There　was　the　question　whether　she　should　go　on　writing　for　Carleton；　or　break　with　him　at　once。　　Also　one　or　two　points　that　were　worrying　her　in　connection　with　tariff　reform。　　He　was　waiting　for　her　on　the　platform。　　It　appeared　he；　too；　had　much　to　say。　　He　wanted　her　advice　concerning　his　next　speech。　　He　had　not　dined　and　suggested　supper。　　They　could　not　walk　about　the　streets。　　Likely　enough；　it　was　only　her　imagination；　but　it　seemed　to　her　that　people　in　the　restaurant　had　recognized　him；　and　were　whispering　to　one　another：　he　was　bound　to　be　well　known。　　Likewise　her　own　appearance；　she　felt；　was　against　them　as　regarded　their　desire　to　avoid　observation。　　She　would　have　to　take　to　those　mousey　colours　that　did　not　suit　her；　and　wear　a　veil。　　She　hated　the　idea　of　a　veil。　It　came　from　the　East　and　belonged　there。　　Besides；　what　would　be　the　use？　　Unless　he　wore　one　too。　　〃Who　is　the　veiled　woman　that　Phillips　goes　about　with？〃　　That　is　what　they　would　ask。　　It　was　going　to　be　very　awkward；　the　whole　thing。　　Viewed　from　the　distance；　it　had　looked　quite　fine。　　〃Dedicating　herself　to　the　service　of　Humanity〃　was　how　it　had　presented　itself　to　her　in　the　garden　at　Meudon；　the　twinkling　labyrinth　of　Paris　at　her　feet；　its　sordid　by…ways　hidden　beneath　its　myriad　lights。　　She　had　not　bargained　for　the　dedication　involving　the　loss　of　her　self…　respect。

They　did　not　talk　as　much　as　they　had　thought　they　would。　　He　was　not　very　helpful　on　the　Carleton　question。　　There　was　so　much　to　be　said　both　for　and　against。　　It　might　be　better　to　wait　and　see　how　circumstances　shaped　themselves。　　She　thought　his　speech　excellent。　It　was　difficult　to　discover　any　argument　against　it。

He　seemed　to　be　more　interested　in　looking　at　her　when　he　thought　she　was　not　noticing。　　That　little　faint　vague　fear　came　back　to　her　and　stayed　with　her；　but　brought　no　quickening　of　her　pulse。　It　was　a　fear　of　something　ugly。　　She　had　the　feeling　they　were　both　acting；　that　everything　depended　upon　their　not　forgetting　their　parts。　　In　handing　things　to　one　another；　they　were　both　of　them　so　careful　that　their　hands　should　not　meet　and　touch。

They　walked　together　back　to　Westminster　and　wished　each　other　a　short　good…night　upon　what　once　had　been　their　common　doorstep。　With　her　latchkey　in　her　hand；　she　turned　and　watched　his　retreating　figure；　and　suddenly　a　wave　of　longing　seized　her　to　run　after　him　and　call　him　backto　see　his　eyes　light　up　and　feel　the　pressure　of　his　hands。　　It　was　only　by　clinging　to　the　railings　and　counting　till　she　was　sure　he　had　entered　his　own　house　round　the　corner　and　closed　the　door　behind　him；　that　she　restrained　herself。

It　was　a　frightened　face　that　looked　at　her　out　of　the　glass；　as　she　stood　before　it　taking　off　her　hat。

She　decided　that　their　future　meetings　should　be　at　his　own　house。　Mrs。　Phillips's　only　complaint　was　that　she　knocked　at　the　door　too　seldom。

〃I　don't　know　what　I　should　do　without　you；　I　really　don't；〃　confessed　the　grateful　lady。　　〃If　ever　I　become　a　Prime　Minister's　wife；　it's　you　I　shall　have　to　thank。　　You've　got　so　much　courage　yourself；　you　can　put　the　heart　into　him。　　I　never　had　any　pluck　to　spare　myself。〃

She　concluded　by　giving　Joan　a　hug；　accompanied　by　a　sloppy　but　heartfelt　kiss。

She　would　stand　behind　Phillips's　chair　with　her　fat　arms　round　his　neck；　nodding　her　approval　and　encouragement；　while　Joan；　seated　opposite；　would　strain　every　nerve　to　keep　her　brain　fixed　upon　the　argument；　never　daring　to　look　at　poor　Phillips's　wretched　face；　with　its　pleading；　apologetic　eyes；　lest　she　should　burst　into　hysterical　laughter。　　She　hoped　she　was　being　helpful　and　inspiring！　　Mrs。　Phillips　would　assure　her　afterwards　that　she　had　been　wonderful。　　As　for　herself；　there　were　periods　when　she　hadn't　the　faintest　idea　about　what　she　was　talking。

Sometimes　Mrs。　Phillips；　called　away　by　domestic　duty；　would　leave　them；　returning　full　of　excuses　just　as　they　had　succeeded　in　forgetting　her。　　It　was　evident　she　was　under　the　impression　that　her　presence　was　useful　to　them；　making　it　easier　for　them　to　open　up　their　minds　to　one　another。

〃Don't　you　be　put　off　by　his　seeming　a　bit　unresponsive；〃　Mrs。　Phillips　would　explain。　　〃He's　shy　with　women。　　What　I'm　trying　to　do　is　to　make　him　feel　you　are　one　of　the　family。〃

〃And　don't　you　take　any　notice　of　me；〃　further　explained　the　good　woman；　〃when　I　seem　to　be　in　opposition；　like。　　I　chip　in　now　and　then　on　purpose；　just　to　keep　the　ball　rolling。　　It　stirs　him　up；　a　bit　of　contradictoriness。　　You　have　to　live　with　a　man　before　you　understand　him。〃

One　morning　Joan　received　a　letter　from　Phillips；　marked　immediate。　He　informed　her　that　his　brain　was　becoming　addled。　　He　intended　that　afternoon　to　give　it　a　draught　of　fresh　air。　　He　would　be　at　the　Robin　Hood　gate　in　Richmond　Park　at　thr