all roads lead to calvary-第16节
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in 'is miner's jacket。〃
〃You'll soon get used to it；〃 Joan told her。 〃The great thing is not to be afraid of one's fate； whatever it is； but just to do one's best。〃 It was rather like talking to a child。
〃You're the right sort to put 'eart into a body。 I'm glad I came up；〃 said Mrs。 Phillips。 〃I get a bit down in the mouth sometimes when 'e goes off into one of 'is brown studies； and I don't seem to know what 'e's thinking about。 But it don't last long。 I was always one of the light…'earted ones。〃
They discussed life on two thousand a year； the problems it would present； and Mrs。 Phillips became more cheerful。 Joan laid herself out to be friendly。 She hoped to establish an influence over Mrs。 Phillips that should be for the poor lady's good； and； as she felt instinctively； for poor Phillips's also。 It was not an unpleasing face。 Underneath the paint； it was kind and womanly。 Joan was sure he would like it better clean。 A few months' attention to diet would make a decent figure of her and improve her wind。 Joan watched her spreading the butter a quarter of an inch thick upon her toast and restrained with difficulty the impulse to take it away from her。 And her clothes！ Joan had seen guys carried through the streets on the fifth of November that were less obtrusive。
She remembered； as she was taking her leave； what she had come for： which was to invite Joan to dinner on the following Friday。
〃It's just a homely affair；〃 she explained。 She had recovered her form and was now quite the lady again。 〃Two other guests beside yourself： a Mr。 AirlieI am sure you will like him。 He's so dilletantyand Mr。 McKean。 He's the young man upstairs。 Have you met him？〃
Joan hadn't： except once on the stairs when； to avoid having to pass her； he had gone down again and out into the street。 From the doorstep she had caught sight of his disappearing coat…tails round the corner。 Yielding to impishness； she had run after him； and his expression of blank horror when； glancing over his shoulder； he found her walking abstractedly three yards behind him； had gladdened all her evening。
Joan recounted the episodeso far as the doorstep。
〃He tried to be shy with me；〃 said Mrs。 Phillips； 〃but I wouldn't let him。 I chipped him out of it。 If he's going to write plays； as I told him； he will have to get over his fear of a petticoat。〃
She offered her cheek； and Joan kissed it； somewhat gingerly。
〃You won't mind Robert not wearing evening dress；〃 she said。 〃He never will if he can help it。 I shall just slip on a semi…toilette myself。〃
Joan had difficulty in deciding on her own frock。 Her four evening dresses； as she walked round them； spread out upon the bed； all looked too imposing； for what Mrs。 Phillips had warned her would be a 〃homely affair。〃 She had one other； a greyish…fawn； with sleeves to the elbow； that she had had made expressly for public dinners and political At Homes。 But that would be going to the opposite extreme； and might seem discourteousto her hostess。 Besides； 〃mousey〃 colours didn't really suit her。 They gave her a curious sense of being affected。 In the end she decided to risk a black crepe…de…chine； square cut； with a girdle of gold embroidery。 There couldn't be anything quieter than black； and the gold embroidery was of the simplest。 She would wear it without any jewellery whatever： except just a star in her hair。 The result； as she viewed the effect in the long glass； quite satisfied her。 Perhaps the jewelled star did scintillate rather。 It had belonged to her mother。 But her hair was so full of shadows： it wanted something to relieve it。 Also she approved the curved line of her bare arms。 It was certainly very beautiful； a woman's arm。 She took her gloves in her hand and went down。
Mr。 Phillips was not yet in the room。 Mrs。 Phillips； in apple… green with an ostrich feather in her hair； greeted her effusively； and introduced her to her fellow guests。 Mr。 Airlie was a slight； elegant gentleman of uncertain age； with sandy hair and beard cut Vandyke fashion。 He asked Joan's permission to continue his cigarette。
〃You have chosen the better part；〃 he informed her； on her granting it。 〃When I'm not smoking； I'm talking。〃
Mr。 McKean shook her hand vigorously without looking at her。
〃And this is Hilda；〃 concluded Mrs。 Phillips。 〃She ought to be in bed if she hadn't a naughty Daddy who spoils her。〃
A lank； black…haired girl； with a pair of burning eyes looking out of a face that； but for the thin line of the lips； would have been absolutely colourless； rose suddenly from behind a bowl of artificial flowers。 Joan could not suppress a slight start； she had not noticed her on entering。 The girl came slowly forward； and Joan felt as if the uncanny eyes were eating her up。 She made an effort and held out her hand with a smile； and the girl's long thin fingers closed on it in a pressure that hurt。 She did not speak。
〃She only came back yesterday for the half…term；〃 explained Mrs。 Phillips。 〃There's no keeping her away from her books。 'Twas her own wish to be sent to boarding…school。 How would you like to go to Girton and be a B。A。 like Miss Allway？〃 she asked； turning to the child。
Phillips's entrance saved the need of a reply。 To the evident surprise of his wife he was in evening clothes。
〃Hulloa。 You've got 'em on；〃 she said。
He laughed。 〃I shall have to get used to them sooner or later；〃 he said。
Joan felt relievedshe hardly knew whythat he bore the test。 It was a well…built； athletic frame； and he had gone to a good tailor。 He looked taller in them； and the strong； clean…shaven face less rugged。
Joan sat next to him at the round dinner…table with the child the other side of him。 She noticed that he ate as far as possible with his right handhis hands were large； but smooth and well shaped his left remaining under the cloth； beneath which the child's right hand； when free； would likewise disappear。 For a while the conversation consisted chiefly of anecdotes by Mr。 Airlie。 There were few public men and women about whom he did not know something to their disadvantage。 Joan； listening； found herself repeating the experience of a night or two previous； when； during a performance of Hamlet； Niel Singleton； who was playing the grave… digger； had taken her behind the scenes。 Hamlet； the King of Denmark and the Ghost were sharing a bottle of champagne in the Ghost's dressing…room： it happened to be the Ghost's birthday。 On her return to the front of the house； her interest in the play was gone。 It was absurd that it should be so； but the fact remained。
Mr。 Airlie had lunched the day before with a leonine old gentleman who every Sunday morning thundered forth Social Democracy to enthusiastic multitudes on Tower Hill。 Joan had once listened to him and had almost been converted： he was so tremendously in earnest。 She now learnt that he lived in Curzon Street； Mayfair； and filled； in private life； the perfectly legitimate calling of a company promoter in partnership with a Dutch Jew。 His latest prospectus dwelt upon the profits to be derived from an amalgamation of the leading tanning industries： by means of which the price of leather could be enormously increased。
It was utterly illogical； but her interest in the principles of Social Democracy was gone。
A very little while ago； Mr。 Airlie； in his capacity of second cousin to one of the ladies concerned； a charming girl but impulsive； had been called upon to attend a family council of a painful nature。 The gentleman's name took Joan's breath away： it was the name of one of her heroes； an eminent writer： one might almost say prophet。 She had hitherto read his books with grateful reverence。 They pictured for her the world made perfect； and explained to her just precisely how it was to be accomplished。 But； as far as his own particular corner of it was concerned； he seemed to have made a sad mess of it。 Human nature of quite an old…fashioned pattern had crept in and spoilt all his own theories。
Of course it was unreasonable。 The sign…post may remain embedded in weeds： it notwithstanding points the way to the fair city。 She told herself this； but it left her still short…tempered。 She didn't care which way it pointed。 She didn't believe there was any fair city。
There was a famous preacher。 He lived the simple life in a small house in Battersea； and consecrated all his energies to the service of the poor。 Almost； by his unselfish zeal； he had persuaded Joan of the usefulness of the church。 Mr。 Airlie frequently visited him。 They interested one another。 What struck Mr。 Airlie most was the self…sacrificing devotion with which the reverend gentleman's wife and family surrounded him。 It was beautiful to see。 The calls upon his moderate purse； necessitated by his wide…spread and much paragraphed activities； left but a narrow margin for domestic expenses： with the result that often the only fire in the house blazed brightly in the study where Mr。 Airlie and the reverend gentleman sat talking： while mother and children warmed themselves with sense of duty in the cheerless kitchen。 And often； as Mr。 Airlie； who was of an inquiring turn of mind； had convinced himself；
