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any other body of men to attempt to remove so stubborn a

nuisance。



If it should be doubted whether we can bring this case within the

letter of any capital law now subsisting; I am ashamed to own it

cannot; for surely no crime better deserves such punishment; but

the remedy may; nevertheless; be immediate; and if a law was made

at the beginning of next session; to take place immediately; by

which the starving thousands of poor was declared to be felony;

without benefit of clergy; the fishmongers would be hanged before

the end of the session。  A second method of filling the mouths of

the poor; if not with loaves at least with fishes; is to desire

the magistrates to carry into execution one at least out of near

a hundred acts of parliament; for preserving the small fry of the

river of Thames; by which means as few fish would satisfy

thousands as may now be devoured by a small number of

individnals。  But while a fisherman can break through the

strongest meshes of an act of parliament; we may be assured he

will learn so to contrive his own meshes that the smallest fry

will not be able to swim through them。



Other methods may; we doubt not; he suggested by those who shall

attentively consider the evil here hinted at; but we have dwelt

too long on it already; and shall conclude with observing that it

is difficult to affirm whether the atrocity of the evil itself;

the facility of curing it; or the shameful neglect of the cure;

be the more scandalous or more astonishing。



After having; however; gloriously regaled myself with this food;

I was washing it down with some good claret with my wife and her

friend; in the cabin; when the captain's valet…de…chambre; head

cook; house and ship steward; footman in livery and out on't;

secretary and fore…mast man; all burst into the cabin at once;

being; indeed; all but one person; and; without saying; by your

leave; began to pack half a hogshead of small beer in bottles;

the necessary consequence of which must have been either a total

stop to conversation at that cheerful season when it is most

agreeable; or the admitting that polyonymous officer aforesaid to

the participation of it。  I desired him therefore to delay his

purpose a little longer; but he refused to grant my request; nor

was he prevailed on to quit the room till he was threatened with

having one bottle to pack more than his number; which then

happened to stand empty within my reach。  With these menaces he

retired at last; but not without muttering some menaces on his

side; and which; to our great terror; he failed not to put into

immediate execution。



Our captain was gone to dinner this day with his Swiss brother;

and; though he was a very sober man; was a little elevated with

some champagne; which; as it cost the Swiss little or nothing; he

dispensed at his table more liberally than our hospitable English

noblemen put about those bottles; which the ingenious Peter

Taylor teaches a led captain to avoid by distinguishing by the

name of that generous liquor; which all humble companions are

taught to postpone to the flavor of methuen; or honest port。



While our two captains were thus regaling themselves; and

celebrating their own heroic exploits with all the inspiration

which the liquor; at least; of wit could afford them; the

polyonymous officer arrived; and; being saluted by the name of

Honest Tom; was ordered to sit down and take his glass before he

delivered his message; for every sailor is by turns his captain's

mate over a cann; except only that captain bashaw who presides in

a man…of…war; and who upon earth has no other mate; unless it be

another of the same bashaws。  Tom had no sooner swallowed his

draught than he hastily began his narrative; and faithfully

related what had happened on board our ship; we say faithfully;

though from what happened it may be suspected that Tom chose to

add perhaps only five or six immaterial circumstances; as is

always I believe the case; and may possibly have been done by me

in relating this very story; though it happened not many hours ago。



No sooner was the captain informed of the interruption which had

been given to his officer; and indeed to his orders; for he

thought no time so convenient as that of his absence for causing

any confusion in the cabin; than he leaped with such haste from

his chair that he had like to have broke his sword; with which he

always begirt himself when he walked out of his ship; and

sometimes when he walked about in it; at the same time; grasping

eagerly that other implement called a cockade; which modern

soldiers wear on their helmets with the same view as the ancients

did their creststo terrify the enemy he muttered something; but

so inarticulately that the word DAMN was only intelligible; he

then hastily took leave of the Swiss captain; who was too well

bred to press his stay on such an occasion; and leaped first from

the ship to his boat; and then from his boat to his own ship;

with as much fierceness in his looks as he had ever expressed on

boarding his defenseless prey in the honorable calling of a

privateer。  Having regained the middle deck; he paused a moment

while Tom and others loaded themselves with bottles; and then

descending into the cabin exclaimed with a thundering voice;

〃Dn me; why arn't the bottles stowed in; according to my orders?〃



I answered him very mildly that I had prevented his man from

doing it; as it was at an inconvenient time to me; and as in his

absence; at least; I esteemed the cabin to be my own。  〃Your

cabin!〃 repeated he many times; 〃no; dn me! 'tis my cabin。

Your cabin! dn me! I have brought my hogs to a fair market。  I

suppose indeed you think it your cabin; and your ship; by your

commanding in it; but I will command in it; dn me! I will show

the world I am the commander; and nobody but I! Did you think I

sold you the command of my ship for that pitiful thirty pounds? I

wish I had not seen you nor your thirty pounds aboard of her。〃

He then repeated the words thirty pounds often; with great

disdain; and with a contempt which I own the sum did not seem to

deserve in my eye; either in itself or on the present occasion;

being; indeed; paid for the freight of  weight of human

flesh; which is above fifty per cent dearer than the freight of

any other luggage; whilst in reality it takes up less room; in

fact; no room at all。



In truth; the sum was paid for nothing more than for a liberty to

six persons (two of them servants) to stay on board a ship while

she sails from one port to another; every shilling of which comes

clear into the captain's pocket。  Ignorant people may perhaps

imagine; especially when they are told that the captain is

obliged to sustain them; that their diet at least is worth

something; which may probably be now and then so far the case as

to deduct a tenth part from the net profits on this account; but

it was otherwise at present; for when I had contracted with the

captain at a price which I by no means thought moderate; I had

some content in thinking I should have no more to pay for my

voyage; but I was whispered that it was expected the passengers

should find themselves in several things; such as tea; wine; and

such like; and particularly that gentlemen should stow of the

latter a much larger quantity than they could use; in order to

leave the remainder as a present to the captain at the end of the

voyage; and it was expected likewise that gentlemen should put

aboard some fresh stores; and the more of such things were put

aboard the welcomer they would be to the captain。



I was prevailed with by these hints to follow the advice

proposed; and accordingly; besides tea and a large hamper of

wine; with several hams and tongues; I caused a number of live

chickens and sheep to be conveyed aboard; in truth; treble the

quantity of provisions which would have supported the persons I

took with me; had the voyage continued three weeks; as it was

supposed; with a bare possibility; it might。



Indeed it continued much longer; but as this was occasioned by

our being wind…bound in our own ports; it was by no means of any

ill consequence to the captain; as the additional stores of fish;

fresh meat; butter; bread; &c。; which I constantly laid in;

greatly exceeded the consumption; and went some way in

maintaining the ship's crew。  It is true I was not obliged to do

this; but it seemed to be expected; for the captain did not think

himself obliged to do it; and I can truly say I soon ceased to

expect it of him。  He had; I confess; on board a number of fowls

and ducks sufficient for a West India voyage; all of them; as he

often said; 〃Very fine birds; and of the largest breed。〃  This I

believe was really the fact; and I can add that they were all

arrived at the full perfection of their size。  Nor was there; I

am convinced; any want of provisions of a more substantial kind;

such as dried beef; po

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