henry ossian flipper-第19节
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been known to himcome to my tent to borrow ink of me。 I readily complied with his request； feeling proud of what I thought was the beginning of a new era in my cadet life。 I felt he would surely prove himself manly enough； after thus recognizing me； to keep it up； and thus bring others under his influence to the same cause。 And I was still further assured in this when I observed he made his visits frequent and open。 At length； sure of my willingness to oblige him； he came to me； and； after expressing a desire to 〃bone up〃 a part of the fourth… class course； and the need he felt for such 〃boning；〃 begged me to lend him my algebra。 I of course readily consented； gave him my key； and sent him to my trunk in the trunk rooms to get it。 He went。 He got it； and returned the key。 He went into ecstasies； and made no end of thanks to me for my kindness； etc。 All this naturally confirmed my opinion and hope of better recognition ultimately。 Indeed； I was glad of an opportunity to prove that I was not unkind or ungenerous。 I supposed he would keep the book till about September； at which time he would get one of his own； as every cadet at that time was required to procure a full course of text…books； these being necessary for reference； etc。； in future life。 And so he did。 Some time after borrowing the book； he came to me and asked for India ink。 I handed him a stick； or rather part of one； and received as usual his many thanks。 Several days after this； and at night； during my absenceI was； if I remember aright； at Fort Clinton making a series of observations with a zenith telescope in the observatory therehe came to the rear of my tent； raised the wall near one corner； and placed the ink on the floor； just inside the wall； which he left down as he found it。
I found the ink there when I returned。 I was utterly disgusted with the man。 The low； unmanly way in which he acted was wholly without my approval。 If he was disposed to be friendly； why be cowardly about it？ If he must recognize me secretly； why； I would rather not have such recognition。 Acting a lie to his fellow… cadets by appearing to be inimical to me and my interests； while he pretended the reverse to me； proved him to have a baseness of character with which I didn't care to identify myself。
September came at last； and my algebra was returned。 The book was the one I had used my first year at the Academy。 I had preserved it； as I have all of my books； for future use and as a sort of souvenir of my cadet life。 It was for that sole reason of great value to me。 I enjoined upon him to take care of the book； and in nowise to injure it。 My name was on the back； on the cover； and my initial； 〃F；〃 in two other places on the cover。 When the book was returned he had cut the calfskin from the cover； so as to remove my name。 The result was a horrible disfiguration of the book； and a serious impairment of its durability。 The mere sight of the book angered me； and I found it difficult to retrain from manifesting as much。 He undoubtedly did it to conceal the fact that the book was borrowed from me。 Such unmanliness； such cowardice； such baseness even； was most disgusting； and I felt very much as if I would like towell； I don't know that I would。 There was no reason at all for mutilating the book。 If he was not man enough to use it with my name on it； why did he borrow it and agree not to injure it？ On that sole condition I lent it。 Why did he not borrow some one else's and return mine？
I have been asked； 〃What is the general feeling of the corps towards you？ Is it a kindly one； or is it an unfriendly one。 Do they purposely ill…treat you or do they avoid you merely？〃 I have found it rather difficult to answer unqualifiedly such questions； and yet I believe； and have always believed； that the general feeling of the corps towards me was a kindly one。 This has been manifested in multitudes of ways； on innumerably occasions； and under the most various circumstances。 And while there are some who treat me at times in an unbecoming manner； the majority of the corps have ever treated me as I would desire to be treated。 I mean； of course； by this assertion that they have treated me as I expected and really desired them to treat me； so long as they were prejudiced。 They have held certain opinions more or less prejudicial to me and my interests； but so long as they have not exercised their theories to my displeasure or discomfort； or so long as they have 〃let me severely alone；〃 I had no just reason for complaint。 Again； others； who have no theory of their own； and almost no manliness； have been accustomed 〃to pick quarrels；〃 or to endeavor to do so； to satisfy I don't know what； and while they have had no real opinions of their own； they have not respected those of others。 Their feeling toward me has been any thing but one of justice； and yet at times even they have shown a remarkable tendency to recognize me as having certain rights entitled to their respect； if not their appreciation。
As I have been practically isolated from the cadets； I have had little or no intercourse with them。 I have therefore had but little chance to know what was really the feeling of the corps as a unit toward myself。 Judging； however； from such evidences as I have； I am forced to conclude that it is as given above； viz。； a feeling of kindness； restrained kindness if you please。
Here are some of the evidences which have come under my notice。
I once heard a cadet make the following unchristian remark about myself when a classmate had been accidentally hurt at light…battery drill： 〃I wish it had been the nigger； and it had killed him。〃 I couldn't help looking at him； and I did； but that； and nothing more。 Some time after this； at cavalry drill； we were side by side； and I had a rather vicious horse； one in fact which I could not manage。 He gave a sudden jump unexpectedly to me。 I almost lost my seat in the saddle。 This cadet seized me by the arm； and in a tone of voice that was evidently kind and generous； said to me； 〃For heaven's sake be careful。 You'll be thrown and get hurt if you don't。〃 How different from that other wish given above！
Another evidence； and an important one； may be given in these words。 It is customary for the senior； or； as we say； the first class； to choose； each member； a horse； and ride him exclusively during the term。 The choice is usually made by lot； and each man chooses according to the number he draws。 By remarkable good fortune I drew No。 1； and had therefore the first choice of all the horses in the stables。
As soon as the numbers drawn were published； several classmates hastened to me for the purpose of effecting an exchange of choice。 It will at once be seen that any such change would in no manner benefit me； for if I lost the first choice I might also lose the chance of selecting a good horse。 With the avowed intention of proving that I had at least a generous disposition； and also that I was not disposed to consider； in my reciprocal relations with the cadets； how I had been； and was even then treated by them； I consented to exchange my first choice for the fourteenth。
This agreement was made with the first that asked for an exchange。 Several others came； and； when informed of the previous agreement； of course went their way。 A day or two after this a number of cadets were discussing the choice of horses； etc。； and reverted to the exchange which I had made。 One of them suggested that if an exchange of a choice higher than fourteen were suggested to me； I might accept it。
What an idea； he must have had of my character to suppose me base enough to disregard an agreement I had already made！
However； all in the crowd were not as base as he was； and one of them was man enough to say：
〃Oh no！ that would be imposing upon Mr。 Flipper's good nature。〃 He went on to show how ungentlemanly and unbecoming in a 〃cadet and gentleman〃 such an act would be。 The idea was abandoned； or at least was never broached to me； and if it had been I would never have entertained it。 Such an act on the part of the cadet could have arisen only from a high sense of manly honor or from a feeling of kindness。
There are multitudes of little acts of kindness similar to these； and even different ones。 I need notindeed as I do not remember them all I cannot mention them all。 They all show； however； that the cadets are not avowedly inclined to ill…treat me； but rather to assist me to make my life under the circumstances as pleasant as can be。 And there may be outside influences； such as relatives or friends； which bias their own better judgments and keep them from fully and openly recognizing me。 For however hard either way may be； it is far easier to do as friends wish than as conscience may dictate； when conscience and friends differ。 Under such conditions it would manifestly be unjust for me to expect recognition of them； even though they themselves were disposed to make it。 I am sure this is at least a Christian view of the case； and with such view I have ever kept aloof from the cadets。 I have not obtruded myself upon them； nor in any way attempted to force recognition from them。 This has proved itself to be by far the better way； and I don't think it could well be otherwise。
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