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i and my chimney-第8节

小说: i and my chimney 字数: 每页4000字

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unsuspicious of aught hidden within; this chimney may or may not

have a secret closet。 But if it have; it is my kinsman's。 To

break into that wall; would be to break into his breast。   And

that wall…breaking wish of Momus I account the wish of a

churchrobbing gossip and knave。 Yes; wife; a vile eavesdropping

varlet was Momus。〃 



〃Moses? Mumps? Stuff with your mumps and Moses?〃



The truth is; my wife; like all the rest of the world; cares not

a fig for philosophical jabber。 In dearth of other philosophical

companionship; I and my chimney have to smoke and philosophize

together。 And sitting up so late as we do at it; a mighty smoke

it is that we two smoky old philosophers make。 



But my spouse; who likes the smoke of my tobacco as little as she

does that of the soot; carries on her war against both。 I live in

continual dread lest; like the golden bowl; the pipes of me and

my chimney shall yet be broken。 To stay that mad project of my

wife's; naught answers。 Or; rather; she herself is incessantly

answering; incessantly besetting me with her terrible alacrity

for improvement; which is a softer name for destruction。  Scarce

a day I do not find her with her tape…measure; measuring for her

grand hall; while Anna holds a yardstick on one side; and Julia

looks approvingly on from the other。 Mysterious intimations

appear in the nearest village paper; signed 〃Claude;〃 to the

effect that a certain structure; standing on a certain hill; is a

sad blemish to an otherwise lovely landscape。 Anonymous letters

arrive; threatening me with I know not what; unless I remove my

chimney。 Is it my wife; too; or who; that sets up the neighbors

to badgering me on the same subject; and hinting to me that my

chimney; like a huge elm; absorbs all moisture from my garden? At

night; also; my wife will start as from sleep; professing to hear

ghostly noises from the secret closet。 Assailed on all sides; and

in all ways; small peace have I and my chimney。 

 

Were it not for the baggage; we would together pack up and remove

from the country。 



What narrow escapes have been ours! Once I found in a drawer a

whole portfolio of plans and estimates。 Another time; upon

returning after a day's absence; I discovered my wife standing

before the chimney in earnest conversation with a person whom I

at once recognized as a meddlesome architectural reformer; who;

because he had no gift for putting up anything was ever intent

upon pulling them down; in various parts of the country having

prevailed upon half…witted old folks to destroy their

old…fashioned houses; particularly the chimneys。 



But worst of all was; that time I unexpectedly returned at early

morning from a visit to the city; and upon approaching the house;

narrowly escaped three brickbats which fell; from high aloft; at

my feet。 Glancing up; what was my horror to see three savages; in

blue jean overalls in the very act of commencing the

long…threatened attack。  Aye; indeed; thinking of those three

brickbats; I and my chimney have had narrow escapes。 



It is now some seven years since I have stirred from my home。  My

city friends all wonder why I don't come to see them; as in

former times。 They think I am getting sour and unsocial。 Some say

that I have become a sort of mossy old misanthrope; while all the

time the fact is; I am simply standing guard over my mossy old

chimney; for it is resolved between me and my chimney; that I and

my chimney will never surrender。 











The End

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