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The frame of the old house is of woodwhich but the more sets

forth the solidity of the chimney; which is of brick。 And as the

great wrought nails; binding the clapboards; are unknown in these

degenerate days; so are the huge bricks in the chimney walls。 The

architect of the chimney must have had the pyramid of Cheops

before him; for; after that famous structure; it seems modeled;

only its rate of decrease towards the summit is considerably

less; and it is truncated。 From the exact middle of the mansion

it soars from the cellar; right up through each successive floor;

till; four feet square; it breaks water from the ridge…pole of

the roof; like an anvil…headed whale; through the crest of a

billow。 Most people; though; liken it; in that part; to a razed

observatory; masoned up。 



The reason for its peculiar appearance above the roof touches

upon rather delicate ground。 How shall I reveal that; forasmuch

as many years ago the original gable roof of the old house had

become very leaky; a temporary proprietor hired a band of

woodmen; with their huge; cross…cut saws; and went to sawing the

old gable roof clean off。 Off it went; with all its birds' nests;

and dormer windows。 It was replaced with a modern roof; more fit

for a railway wood…house than an old country gentleman's abode。

This operationrazeeing the structure some fifteen feetwas; in

effect upon the chimney; something like the falling of the great

spring tides。 It left uncommon low water all about the

chimneyto abate which appearance; the same person now proceeds

to slice fifteen feet off the chimney itself; actually beheading

my royal old chinmeya regicidal act; which; were it not for the

palliating fact that he was a poulterer by trade; and; therefore;

hardened to such neck…wringings; should send that former

proprietor down to posterity in the same cart with Cromwell。 



Owing to its pyramidal shape; the reduction of the chimney

inordinately widened its razeed summit。 Inordinately; I say; but

only in the estimation of such as have no eye to the picturesque。

What care I; if; unaware that my chimney; as a free citizen of

this free land; stands upon an independent basis of its own;

people passing it; wonder how such a brick…kiln; as they call it;

is supported upon mere joists and rafters? What care I? I will

give a traveler a cup of switchel; if he want it; but am I bound

to supply him with a sweet taste? Men of cultivated minds see; in

my old house and chimney; a goodly old elephant…and…castle。 



All feeling hearts will sympathize with me in what I am now about

to add。 The surgical operation; above referred to; necessarily

brought into the open air a part of the chimney previously under

cover; and intended to remain so; and; therefore; not built of

what are called weather…bricks。 In consequence; the chimney;

though of a vigorous constitution; suffered not a little; from so

naked an exposure; and; unable to acclimate itself; ere long

began to failshowing blotchy symptoms akin to those in measles。

Whereupon travelers; passing my way; would wag their heads;

laughing; 〃See that wax nosehow it melts off!〃 But what cared

I? The same travelers would travel across the sea to view

Kenilworth peeling away; and for a very good reason: that of all

artists of the picturesque; decay wears the palmI would say;

the ivy。 In fact; I've often thought that the proper place for my

old chimney is ivied old England。 



In vain my wifewith what probable ulterior intent will; ere

long; appearsolemnly warned me; that unless something were

done; and speedily; we should be burnt to the ground; owing to

the holes crumbling through the aforesaid blotchy parts; where

the chimney joined the roof。 〃Wife;〃 said I; 〃far better that my

house should bum down; than that my chimney should be pulled

down; though but a few feet。 They call it a wax nose; very good;

not for me to tweak the nose of my superior。〃 But at last the man

who has a mortgage on the house dropped me a note; reminding me

that; if my chimney was allowed to stand in that invalid

condition; my policy of insurance would be void。 This was a sort

of hint not to be neglected。 All the world over; the picturesque

yields to the pocketesque。 The mortgagor cared not; but the

mortgagee did。 



So another operation was performed。 The wax nose was taken off;

and a new one fitted on。 Unfortunately for the expressionbeing

put up by a squint…eyed mason; who; at the time; had a bad stitch

in the same sidethe new nose stands a little awry; in the same

direction。 



Of one thing; however; I am proud。 The horizontal dimensions of

the new part are unreduced。 



Large as the chimney appears upon the roof; that is nothing to

its spaciousness below。 At its base in the cellar; it is

precisely twelve feet square; and hence covers precisely one

hundred and forty…four superficial feet。 What an       

appropriation of terra firma for a chimney; and what a huge load

for this earth!  In fact; it was only because I and my chimney

formed no part of his ancient burden; that that stout peddler;

Atlas of old; was enabled to stand up so bravely under his pack。

The dimensions given may; perhaps; seem fabulous。 But; like those

stones at Gilgal; which Joshua set up for a memorial of having

passed over Jordan; does not my chimney remain; even unto this

day? 



Very often I go down into my cellar; and attentively survey that

vast square of masonry。  I stand long; and ponder over; and

wonder at it。 It has a druidical look; away down in the

umbrageous cellar there whose numerous vaulted passages; and far

glens of gloom; resemble the dark; damp depths of primeval woods。

So strongly did this conceit steal over me; so deeply was I

penetrated with wonder at the chimney; that one daywhen I was a

little out of my mind; I now thinkgetting a spade from the

garden; I set to work; digging round the foundation; especially

at the corners thereof; obscurely prompted by dreams of striking

upon some old; earthen…worn memorial of that by…gone day; when;

into all this gloom; the light of heaven entered; as the masons

laid the foundation…stones; peradventure sweltering under an

August sun; or pelted by a March storm。  Plying my blunted spade;

how vexed was I by that ungracious interruption of a neighbor

who; calling to see me upon some business; and being informed

that I was below said I need not be troubled to come up; but he

would go down to me; and so; without ceremony; and without my

having been forewarned; suddenly discovered me; digging in my

cellar。 



〃Gold digging; sir?〃



〃Nay; sir;〃 answered I; starting; 〃I was merelyahem!merelyI

say I was merely digging…round my chimney。〃 



〃Ah; loosening the soil; to make it grow。 Your chimney; sir; you

regard as too small; I suppose; needing further development;

especially at the top?〃 



〃Sir!〃 said I; throwing down the spade; 〃do not be personal。 I

and my chimney〃



〃Personal?〃 



〃Sir; I look upon this chimney less as a pile of masonry than as

a personage。 It is the king of the house。 I am but a suffered and

inferior subject。〃 



In fact; I would permit no gibes to be cast at either myself or

my chimney; and never again did my visitor refer to it in my

hearing; without coupling some compliment with the mention。  It

well deserves a respectful consideration。 There it stands;

solitary and alonenot a councilof ten flues; but; like his

sacred majesty of Russia; a unit of an autocrat。 



Even to me; its dimensions; at times; seem incredible。  It does

not look so bigno; not even in the cellar。 By the mere eye; its

magnitude can be but imperfectly comprehended; because only one

side can be received at one time; and said side can only present

twelve feet; linear measure。  But then; each other side also is

twelve feet long; and the whole obviously forms a square and

twelve times twelve is one hundred and forty…four。 And so; an

adequate conception of the magnitude of this chimney is only to

be got at by a sort of process in the higher mathematics by a

method somewhat akin to those whereby the surprising distances of

fixed stars are computed。 



It need hardly be said; that the walls of my house are entirely

free from fireplaces。 These all congregate in the middlein the

one grand central chimney; upon all four sides of which are

hearthstwo tiers of hearthsso that when; in the various

chambers; my family and guests are warming themselves of a cold

winter's night; just before retiring; then; though at the time

they may not be thinking so; all their faces mutually look

towards each other; yea; all their feet point to one centre; and;

when they go to sleep in their beds; they all sleep round one

warm chimney; like so many Iroquois Indians; in the woods; round

their one heap of embers。  And just as the Indians' fire serves;

not only to keep them comfortable; but also to keep off wolves;

and other savage mon

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