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I and My Chimney



by Herman Melville







I and my chimney; two grey…headed old smokers; reside in the

country。 We are; I may say; old settlers here; particularly my

old chimney; which settles more and more every day。 



Though I always say; I AND MY CHIMNEY; as Cardinal Wolsey used to

say; 〃I AND MY KING;〃 yet this egotistic way of speaking; wherein

I take precedence of my chimney; is hereby borne out by the

facts; in everything; except the above phrase; my chimney taking

precedence of me。 



Within thirty feet of the turf…sided road; my chimneya huge;

corpulent old Harry VIII of a chimneyrises full in front of me

and all my possessions。 Standing well up a hillside; my chimney;

like Lord Rosse's monster telescope; swung vertical to hit the

meridian moon; is the first object to greet the approaching

traveler's eye; nor is it the last which the sun salutes。 My

chimney; too; is before me in receiving the first…fruits of the

seasons。 The snow is on its head ere on my hat; and every spring;

as in a hollow beech tree; the first swallows build their nests

in it。 



But it is within doors that the pre…eminence of my chimney is

most manifest。 When in the rear room; set apart for that object;

I stand to receive my guests (who; by the way call more; I

suspect; to see my chimney than me) I then stand; not so much

before; as; strictly speaking; behind my chimney; which is;

indeed; the true host。 Not that I demur。 In the presence of my

betters; I hope I know my place。



From this habitual precedence of my chimney over me; some even

think that I have got into a sad rearward way altogether; in

short; from standing behind my old… fashioned chimney so much; I

have got to be quite behind the age too; as well as running

behindhand in everything else。 But to tell the truth; I never was

a very forward old fellow; nor what my farming neighbors call a

forehanded one。 Indeed; those rumors about my behindhandedness

are so far correct; that I have an odd sauntering way with me

sometimes of going about with my hands behind my back。  As for my

belonging to the rear…guard in general; certain it is; I bring up

the rear of my chimneywhich; by the way; is this moment before

meand that; too; both in fancy and fact。  In brief; my chimney

is my superior; my superior; too; in that humbly bowing over with

shovel and tongs; I much minister to it; yet never does it

minister; or incline over to me; but; if anything; in its

settlings; rather leans the other way。 

    

My chimney is grand seignior herethe one great domineering

object; not more of the landscape; than of the house; all the

rest of which house; in each architectural arrangement; as may

shortly appear; is; in the most marked manner; accommodated; not

to my wants; but to my chimney's; which; among other things; has

the centre of the house to himself; leaving but the odd holes and

corners to me。 



But I and my chimney must explain; and as we are both rather

obese; we may have to expatiate。 



In those houses which are strictly double housesthat is; where

the hall is in the middlethe fireplaces usually are on opposite

sides; so that while one member of the household is warming

himself at a fire built into a recess of the north wall; say

another member; the former's own brother; perhaps; may be holding

his feet to the blaze before a hearth in the south wallthe two

thus fairly sitting back to back。  Is this well? Be it put to any

man who has a proper fraternal feeling。 Has it not a sort of

sulky appearance? But very probably this style of chimney

building originated with some architect afflicted with a

quarrelsome family。



Then again; almost every modem fireplace has its separate

flueseparate throughout; from hearth to chimney…top。 At least

such an arrangement is deemed desirable。 Does not this look

egotistical; selfish? But still more; all these separate flues;

instead of having independent masonry establishments of their

own; or instead of being grouped together in one federal stock in

the middle of the houseinstead of this; I say; each flue is

surreptitiously honey…combed into the walls; so that these last

are here and there; or indeed almost anywhere; treacherously

hollow; and; in consequence; more or less weak。  Of course; the

main reason of this style of chimney building is to economize

room。 In cities; where lots are sold by the inch; small space is

to spare for a chimney constructed on magnanimous principles;

and; as with most thin men; who are generally tall; so with such

houses; what is lacking in breadth; must be made up in height。

This remark holds true even with regard to many very stylish

abodes; built by the most stylish of gentlemen。 And yet; when

that stylish gentleman; Louis le Grand of France; would build a

palace for his lady; friend; Madame de Maintenon; he built it but

one story highin fact in the cottage style。 But then; how

uncommonly quadrangular; spacious; and broadhorizontal acres;

not vertical ones。 Such is the palace; which; in all its

one…storied magnificence of Languedoc marble; in the garden of

Versailles; still remains to this day。 Any man can buy a square

foot of land and plant a liberty…pole on it; but it takes a king

to set apart whole acres for a grand triannon。 



But nowadays it is different; and furthermore; what originated in

a necessity has been mounted into a vaunt。 In towns there is

large rivalry in building tall houses。 If one gentleman builds

his house four stories high; and another gentleman comes next

door and builds five stories high; then the former; not to be

looked down upon that way; immediately sends for his architect

and claps a fifth and a sixth story on top of his previous four。

And; not till the gentleman has achieved his aspiration; not till

he has stolen over the way by twilight and observed how his sixth

story soars beyond his neighbor's fifthnot till then does he

retire to his rest with satisfaction。 



Such folks; it seems to me; need mountains for neighbors; to take

this emulous conceit of soaring out of them。 



If; considering that mine is a very wide house; and by no means

lofty; aught in the above may appear like interested pleading; as

if I did but fold myself about in the cloak of a general

proposition; cunningly to tickle my individual vanity beneath it;

such misconception must vanish upon my frankly conceding; that

land adjoining my alder swamp was sold last month for ten dollars

an acre; and thought a rash purchase at that; so that for wide

houses hereabouts there is plenty of room; and cheap。 Indeed so

cheapdirt cheapis the soil; that our elms thrust out their

roots in it; and hang their great boughs over it; in the most

lavish and reckless way。 Almost all our crops; too; are sown

broadcast; even peas and turnips。 A farmer among us; who should

go about his twenty…acre field; poking his finger into it here

and there; and dropping down a mustard seed; would be thought a

penurious; narrow…minded husbandman。 The dandelions in the

river…meadows; and the forget…me…nots along the mountain roads;

you see at once they are put to no economy in space。 Some

seasons; too; our rye comes up here and there a spear; sole and

single like a church…spire。 It doesn't care to crowd itself where

it knows there is such a deal of room。 The world is wide; the

world is all before us; says the rye。 Weeds; too; it is amazing

how they spread。 No such thing as arresting themsome of our

pastures being a sort of Alsatia for the weeds。 As for the grass;

every spring it is like Kossuth's rising of what he calls the

peoples。 Mountains; too; a regular camp…meeting of them。 For the

same reason; the same all…sufficiency of room; our shadows march

and countermarch; going through their various drills and masterly

evolutions; like the old imperial guard on the Champs de Mars。  

As for the hills; especially where the roads cross them the

supervisors of our various towns have given notice to all

concerned; that they can come and dig them down and cart them

off; and never a cent to pay; no more than for the privilege of

picking blackberries。 The stranger who is buried here; what

liberal…hearted landed proprietor among us grudges him six feet

of rocky pasture? 



Nevertheless; cheap; after all; as our land is; and much as it is

trodden under foot; I; for one; am proud of it for what it bears;

and chiefly for its three great lionsthe Great Oak; Ogg

Mountain; and my chimney。 

    

Most houses; here; are but one and a half stories high; few

exceed two。 That in which I and my chimney dwell; is in width

nearly twice its height; from sill to eaveswhich accounts for

the magnitude of its main contentbesides showing that in this

house; as in this country at large; there is abundance of space;

and to spare; for both of us。 



The frame of the old house is of woodwhich but the more sets

forth the solidity of the chimne

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