lecture08-第4节

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supersaturated　fluid　suddenly　begin　to　crystallize　out。







Tolstoy　writes：　　〃S。；　a　frank　and　intelligent　man；　told　me　as



follows　how　he　ceased　to　believe：







〃He　was　twenty…six　years　old　when　one　day　on　a　hunting



expedition；　the　time　for　sleep　having　come；　he　set　himself　to



pray　according　to　the　custom　he　had　held　from　childhood。







〃His　brother；　who　was　hunting　with　him；　lay　upon　the　hay　and



looked　at　him。　　When　S。　had　finished　his　prayer　and　was　turning



to　sleep；　the　brother　said；　'Do　you　still　keep　up　that　thing？'



Nothing　more　was　said。　　But　since　that　day；　now　more　than　thirty



years　ago；　S。　　has　never　prayed　again；　he　never　takes　communion；



and　does　not　go　to　church。　　All　this；　not　because　he　became



acquainted　with　convictions　of　his　brother　which　he　then　and



there　adopted；　not　because　he　made　any　new　resolution　in　his



soul；　but　merely　because　the　words　spoken　by　his　brother　were



like　the　light　push　of　a　finger　against　a　leaning　wall　already



about　to　tumble　by　its　own　weight。　　These　words　but　showed　him



that　the　place　wherein　he　supposed　religion　dwelt　in　him　had　long



been　empty；　and　that　the　sentences　he　uttered；　the　crosses　and



bows　which　he　made　during　his　prayer；　were　actions　with　no　inner



sense。　　Having　once　seized　their　absurdity；　he　could　no　longer



keep　them　up。〃　　　　Ma　Confession；　p。　8。







I　subjoin　an　additional　document　which　has　come　into　my



possession；　and　which　represents　in　a　vivid　way　what　is　probably



a　very　frequent　sort　of　conversion；　if　the　opposite　of　'falling



in　love；'　falling　out　of　love；　may　be　so　termed。　　Falling　in　love



also　conforms　frequently　to　this　type；　a　latent　process　of



unconscious　preparation　often　preceding　a　sudden　awakening　to　the



fact　that　the　mischief　is　irretrievably　done。　　The　free　and　easy



tone　in　this　narrative　gives　it　a　sincerity　that　speaks　for



itself。







〃For　two　years　of　this　time　I　went　through　a　very　bad　experience；



which　almost　drove　me　mad。　　I　had　fallen　violently　in　love　with　a



girl　who；　young　as　she　was；　had　a　spirit　of　coquetry　like　a　cat。



As　I　look　back　on　her　now；　I　hate　her；　and　wonder　how　I　could



ever　have　fallen　so　low　as　to　be　worked　upon　to　such　an　extent　by



her　attractions。　　Nevertheless；　I　fell　into　a　regular　fever；



could　think　of　nothing　else；　whenever　I　was　alone；　I　pictured　her



attractions；　and　spent　most　of　the　time　when　I　should　have　been



working；　in　recalling　our　previous　interviews；　and　imagining



future　conversations。　　She　was　very　pretty；　good　humored；　and



jolly　to　the　last　degree；　and　intensely　pleased　with　my



admiration。　　Would　give　me　no　decided　answer　yes　or　no　and　the



queer　thing　about　it　was　that　whilst　pursuing　her　for　her　hand；　I



secretly　knew　all　along　that　she　was　unfit　to　be　a　wife　for　me；



and　that　she　never　would　say　yes。　　Although　for　a　year　we　took



our　meals　at　the　same　boarding…house；　so　that　I　saw　her



continually　and　familiarly；　our　closer　relations　had　to　be



largely　on　the　sly；　and　this　fact；　together　with　my　jealousy　of



another　one　of　her　male　admirers　and　my　own　conscience　despising



me　for　my　uncontrollable　weakness；　made　me　so　nervous　and



sleepless　that　I　really　thought　I　should　become　insane。　　I



understand　well　those　young　men　murdering　their　sweethearts；



which　appear　so　often　in　the　papers。　　Nevertheless　I　did　love　her



passionately；　and　in　some　ways　she　did　deserve　it。







〃The　queer　thing　was　the　sudden　and　unexpected　way　in　which　it



all　stopped。　　I　was　going　to　my　work　after　breakfast　one　morning；



thinking　as　usual　of　her　and　of　my　misery；　when；　just　as　if　some



outside　power　laid　hold　of　me；　I　found　myself　turning　round　and



almost　running　to　my　room；　where　I　immediately　got　out　all　the



relics　of　her　which　I　possessed；　including　some　hair；　all　her



notes　and　letters　and　ambrotypes　on　glass。　　The　former　I　made　a



fire　of；　the　latter　I　actually　crushed　beneath　my　heel；　in　a　sort



of　fierce　joy　of　revenge　and　punishment。　　I　now　loathed　and



despised　her　altogether；　and　as　for　myself　I　felt　as　if　a　load　of



disease　had　suddenly　been　removed　from　me。　　That　was　the　end。　　I



never　spoke　to　her　or　wrote　to　her　again　in　all　the　subsequent



years；　and　I　have　never　had　a　single　moment　of　loving　thought



towards　one　for　so　many　months　entirely　filled　my　heart。　　In



fact；　I　have　always　rather　hated　her　memory；　though　now　I　can　see



that　I　had　gone　unnecessarily　far　in　that　direction。　　At　any



rate；　from　that　happy　morning　onward　I　regained　possession　of　my



own　proper　soul；　and　have　never　since　fallen　into　any　similar



trap。〃







This　seems　to　me　an　unusually　clear　example　of　two　different



levels　of　personality；　inconsistent　in　their　dictates；　yet　so



well　balanced　against　each　other　as　for　a　long　time　to　fill　the



life　with　discord　and　dissatisfaction。　　At　last；　not　gradually；



but　in　a　sudden　crisis；　the　unstable　equilibrium　is　resolved；　and



this　happens　so　unexpectedly　that　it　is　as　if；　to　use　the



writer's　words；　〃some　outside　power　laid　hold。〃







Professor　Starbuck　gives　an　analogous　case；　and　a　converse　case



of　hatred　suddenly　turning　into　love；　in　his　Psychology　of



Religion；　p。　141。　　Compare　the　other　highly　curious　instances



which　he　gives　on　pp。　137…144；　of　sudden　non…religious



alterations　of　habit　or　character。　He　seems　right　in　conceiving



all　such　sudden　changes　as　results　of　special　cerebral　functions



unconsciously　developing　until　they　are　ready　to　play　a



controlling　part　when　they　make　irruption　into　the　conscious



life。　　When　we　treat　of　sudden　'conversion；'　I　shall　make　as　much



use　as　I　can　of　this　hypothesis　of　subconscious　incubation。　



















　In　John　Foster's　Essay　on　Decision　of　Character；　there　is



an　account　of　a　case　of　sudden　conversion　to　avarice；　which　is



illustrative　enough　to　quote：







A　young　man；　it　appears；　〃wasted；　in　two　or　three　years；　a　large



patrimony　in　profligate　revels　with　a　number　of　worthless



associates　who　called　themselves　his　friends；　and　who；　when　his



last　means　were　exhausted；　treated　him　of　course　with　neglect　or



contempt。　　Reduced　to　absolute　want；　he　one　day　went　out　of　the



house　with　an　intention　to　put　an　end　to　his　life；　but　wandering



awhile　almost　unconsciously；　he　came　to　the　brow　of　an　eminence



which　overlooked　what　were　lately　his　estates。　　Here　he　sat　down；



and　remained　fixed　in　thought　a　number　of　hours；　at　the　end　of



which　he　sprang　from　the　ground　with　a　vehement；　exulting



emotion。　　He　had　formed　his　resolution；　which　was；　that　all　these



estates　should　be　his　again；　he　had　formed　his　plan；　too；　which



he　instantly　began　to　execute。　　He　walked　hastily　forward；



determined　to　seize　the　first　opportunity；　of　however　humble　a



kind；　to　gain　any　money；　though　it　were　ever　so　despicable　a



trifle；　and　resolved　absolutely　not　to　spend；　if　he　could　help



it；　a　farthing　of　whatever　he　might　obtain。　　The　first　thing　that



drew　his　attention　was　a　heap　of　coals　shot　out　of　carts　on　the



pavement　before　a　house。　　He　offered　himself　to　shovel　or　wheel



them　into　the　place　where　they　were　to　be　laid；　and　was　employed。







He　received　a　few　pence　for　the　labor；　and　then；　in　pursuance　of



the　saving　part　of　his　plan　requested　some　small　gratuity　of　meat



and　drink；　which　was　given　　him。　　He　then　looked　out　for



the　next　thing　that　might　chance；　and　went；　with　indefatigable



industry；　through　a　succession　of　servile　employments　in



different　places；　of　longer　and　shorter　duration；　still



scrupulous　in　avoiding；　as　far　as　possible；　the　expense　of　a



penny。　　He　promptly　seized　every　opportunity　which　could　advance



his　design；　without　regarding　the　meanness　of　occupation　or



appearance。　　By　this　method　he　had　gained；　after　a　considerable



time；　money　enough　to　purchase　in　order　to　sell　again　a　few



cattle；　of　which　he　had　taken　pains　to　understand　the　value。　　He



speedily　but　cautiously　turned　his　first　gains　into　second



advantages；　retained　without　a　single　deviation　his　extreme



parsimony；　and　thus　advanced　by　degrees　into　larger　transactions



and　incipient　wealth。　　I　did　not　hear；　or　have　forgotten；　the



continued　course　of　his　life；　but　the　final　result　was；　that　he



more　than　recovered　his　lost　possessions；　and　died　an　inveterate



miser；　worth　L60；000。〃＇94＇







＇94＇　Op。　cit。；　Letter　III。；　abridged。















Let　me　turn　now　to　the　kind　of　case；　the　religious　case；　namely；



that　immediately　concerns　us。　　Here　is　one　of　the　s