vanity fair(名利场)-第138节

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says　one。　　〃Be　off；〃　says　another　fiercely。　　Three…and…sixpence
has　been　spent　in　vainthe　screens　retire　to　Miss
Clapp's　bedroom；　who　persists　in　thinking　them　lovely。
She　writes　out　a　little　card　in　her　neatest　hand；　and
after　long　thought　and　labour　of　composition；　in　which　the
public　is　informed　that　〃A　Lady　who　has　some　time　at
her　disposal；　wishes　to　undertake　the　education　of　some
little　girls；　whom　she　would　instruct　in　English；　in　French；
in　Geography；　in　History；　and　in　Musicaddress　A。　　O。；
at　Mr。　Brown's〃；　and　she　confides　the　card　to　the　gentleman
of　the　Fine　Art　Repository；　who　consents　to　allow
it　to　lie　upon　the　counter；　where　it　grows　dingy　and
fly…blown。　　Amelia　passes　the　door　wistfully　many　a　time；
in　hopes　that　Mr。　Brown　will　have　some　news　to　give
her；　but　he　never　beckons　her　in。　　When　she　goes　to
make　little　purchases；　there　is　no　news　for　her。　　Poor
simple　lady；　tender　and　weakhow　are　you　to　battle
with　the　struggling　violent　world？
She　grows　daily　more　care…worn　and　sad；　fixing　upon
her　child　alarmed　eyes；　whereof　the　little　boy　cannot
interpret　the　expression。　　She　starts　up　of　a　night　and
peeps　into　his　room　stealthily；　to　see　that　he　is　sleeping
and　not　stolen　away。　　She　sleeps　but　little　now。　　A
constant　thought　and　terror　is　haunting　her。　　How　she
weeps　and　prays　in　the　long　silent　nightshow　she　tries
to　hide　from　herself　the　thought　which　will　return　to　her；
that　she　ought　to　part　with　the　boy；　that　she　is　the　only
barrier　between　him　and　prosperity。　　She　can't；　she　can't。
Not　now；　at　least。　　Some　other　day。　　Oh！　it　is　too　hard　to
think　of　and　to　bear。
A　thought　comes　over　her　which　makes　her　blush　and
turn　from　herselfher　parents　might　keep　the　annuity
the　curate　would　marry　her　and　give　a　home　to　her
and　the　boy。　　But　George's　picture　and　dearest　memory
are　there　to　rebuke　her。　　Shame　and　love　say　no　to　the
sacrifice。　　She　shrinks　from　it　as　from　something　unholy；
and　such　thoughts　never　found　a　resting…place　in　that
pure　and　gentle　bosom。
The　combat；　which　we　describe　in　a　sentence　or　two；
lasted　for　many　weeks　in　poor　Amelia's　heart；　during
which　she　had　no　confidante；　indeed；　she　could　never
have　one；　as　she　would　not　allow　to　herself　the
possibility　of　yielding；　though　she　was　giving　way　daily
before　the　enemy　with　whom　she　had　to　battle。　　One　truth
after　another　was　marshalling　itself　silently　against　her
and　keeping　its　ground。　　Poverty　and　misery　for　all；　want
and　degradation　for　her　parents；　injustice　to　the　boy
one　by　one　the　outworks　of　the　little　citadel　were　taken；
in　which　the　poor　soul　passionately　guarded　her　only
love　and　treasure。
At　the　beginning　of　the　struggle；　she　had　written　off　a
letter　of　tender　supplication　to　her　brother　at　Calcutta；
imploring　him　not　to　withdraw　the　support　which　he　had
granted　to　their　parents　and　painting　in　terms　of　artless
pathos　their　lonely　and　hapless　condition。　　She　did　not
know　the　truth　of　the　matter。　　The　payment　of　Jos's
annuity　was　still　regular；　but　it　was　a　money…lender　in　the
City　who　was　receiving　it：　　old　Sedley　had　sold　it　for　a
sum　of　money　wherewith　to　prosecute　his　bootless
schemes。　　Emmy　was　calculating　eagerly　the　time　that
would　elapse　before　the　letter　would　arrive　and　be
answered。　　She　had　written　down　the　date　in　her　pocket…
book　of　the　day　when　she　dispatched　it。　　To　her　son's
guardian；　the　good　Major　at　Madras；　she　had　not
communicated　any　of　her　griefs　and　perplexities。　　She　had
not　written　to　him　since　she　wrote　to　congratulate　him　on
his　approaching　marriage。　　She　thought　with　sickening
despondency；　that　that　friendthe　only　one；　the　one
who　had　felt　such　a　regard　for　herwas　fallen　away。
One　day；　when　things　had　come　to　a　very　bad　pass
when　the　creditors　were　pressing；　the　mother　in
hysteric　grief；　the　father　in　more　than　usual　gloom；　the
inmates　of　the　family　avoiding　each　other；　each　secretly
oppressed　with　his　private　unhappiness　and　notion　of
wrongthe　father　and　daughter　happened　to　be　left
alone　together；　and　Amelia　thought　to　comfort　her　father
by　telling　him　what　she　had　done。　　She　had　written　to
Josephan　answer　must　come　in　three　or　four　months。
He　was　always　generous；　though　careless。　　He　could　not
refuse；　when　he　knew　how　straitened　were　the
circumstances　of　his　parents。
Then　the　poor　old　gentleman　revealed　the　whole　truth
to　herthat　his　son　was　still　paying　the　annuity；　which
his　own　imprudence　had　flung　away。　　He　had　not　dared
to　tell　it　sooner。　　He　thought　Amelia's　ghastly　and　terrified
look；　when；　with　a　trembling；　miserable　voice　he　made
the　confession；　conveyed　reproaches　to　him　for　his
concealment。　　〃Ah！〃　said　he　with　quivering　lips　and　turning
away；　〃you　despise　your　old　father　now！〃
〃Oh；　papal　it　is　not　that；〃　Amelia　cried　out；　falling
on　his　neck　and　kissing　him　many　times。　　〃You　are
always　good　and　kind。　　You　did　it　for　the　best。　　It　is　not
for　the　moneyit　ismy　God！　my　God！　have　mercy
upon　me；　and　give　me　strength　to　bear　this　trial〃；　and
she　kissed　him　again　wildly　and　went　away。
Still　the　father　did　not　know　what　that　explanation
meant；　and　the　burst　of　anguish　with　which　the　poor
girl　left　him。　　It　was　that　she　was　conquered。　　The　sentence
was　passed。　　The　child　must　go　from　herto　othersto
forget　her。　　Her　heart　and　her　treasureher　joy；　hope；
love；　worshipher　God；　almost！　　She　must　give　him　up；
and　thenand　then　she　would　go　to　George；　and　they
would　watch　over　the　child　and　wait　for　him　until　he
came　to　them　in　Heaven。
She　put　on　her　bonnet；　scarcely　knowing　what　she　did；
and　went　out　to　walk　in　the　lanes　by　which　George　used
to　come　back　from　school；　and　where　she　was　in　the
habit　of　going　on　his　return　to　meet　the　boy。　　It　was
May；　a　half…holiday。　　The　leaves　were　all　coming　out；
the　weather　was　brilliant；　the　boy　came　running　to　her
flushed　with　health；　singing；　his　bundle　of　school…books
hanging　by　a　thong。　　There　he　was。　　Both　her　arms　were
round　him。　　No；　it　was　impossible。　　They　could　not　be
going　to　part。　　〃What　is　the　matter；　Mother？〃　said　he；
〃you　look　very　pale。〃
〃Nothing；　my　child；〃　she　said　and　stooped　down　and
kissed　him。
That　night　Amelia　made　the　boy　read　the　story　of
Samuel　to　her；　and　how　Hannah；　his　mother；　having
weaned　him；　brought　him　to　Eli　the　High　Priest　to
minister　before　the　Lord。　　And　he　read　the　song　of　gratitude
which　Hannah　sang；　and　which　says；　who　it　is　who
maketh　poor　and　maketh　rich；　and　bringeth　low　and
exaltethhow　the　poor　shall　be　raised　up　out　of　the
dust；　and　how；　in　his　own　might；　no　man　shall　be　strong。
Then　he　read　how　Samuel's　mother　made　him　a　little
coat　and　brought　it　to　him　from　year　to　year　when　she
came　up　to　offer　the　yearly　sacrifice。　　And　then；　in　her
sweet　simple　way；　George's　mother　made　commentaries
to　the　boy　upon　this　affecting　story。　　How　Hannah；　though
she　loved　her　son　so　much；　yet　gave　him　up　because
of　her　vow。　　And　how　she　must　always　have　thought　of
him　as　she　sat　at　home；　far　away；　making　the　little
coat；　and　Samuel；　she　was　sure；　never　forgot　his　mother；
and　how　happy　she　must　have　been　as　the　time　came
（and　the　years　pass　away　very　quick）　when　she　should
see　her　boy　and　how　good　and　wise　he　had　grown。　　This
little　sermon　she　spoke　with　a　gentle　solemn　voice；　and
dry　eyes；　until　she　came　to　the　account　of　their
meetingthen　the　discourse　broke　off　suddenly；　the　tender
heart　overflowed；　and　taking　the　boy　to　her　breast；　she
rocked　him　in　her　arms　and　wept　silently　over　him　in
a　sainted　agony　of　tears。
Her　mind　being　made　up；　the　widow　began　to　take
such　measures　as　seemed　right　to　her　for　advancing　the
end　which　she　proposed。　　One　day；　Miss　Osborne；　in
Russell　Square　（Amelia　had　not　written　the　name　or　number
of　the　house　for　ten　yearsher　youth；　her　early　story
came　back　to　her　as　she　wrote　the　superscription）　one
day　Miss　Osborne　got　a　letter　from　Amelia　which　made
her　blush　very　much　and　look　towards　her　father；　sitting
glooming　in　his　place　at　the　other　end　of　the　table。
In　simple　terms；　Amelia　told　her　the　reasons　which
had　induced　her　to　change　her　mind　respecting　her　boy。
Her　father　had　met　with　fresh　misfortunes　which　had
entirely　ruined　him。　　Her　own　pittance　was　so　small　that
it　would　barely　enable　her　to　support　her　parents　and
would　not　suffice　to　give　George　the　advantages　which
were　his　due。　　Great　as　her　sufferings　would　be　at　parting
with　him　she　would；　by　God's　help；　endure　them　for　the
boy's　sake。　　She　knew　that　those　to　whom　he　was　going
would　do　all　in　their　power　to　make　him　happy。　　She
described　his　disposition；　such　as　she　fancied　itquick
and　impatient　of　control　or　harshness；　easily　to　be　moved
by　love　and　kindness。　　In　a　postscript；　she　stipulated　that
she　should　have　a　written　agreement；　that　she　should
see　the　child　as　often　as　she　wishedshe　could　not
part　with　him　under　any　other　terms。
〃What？　Mrs。　Pride　has　come　down；　has　she？〃　old
Osborne　said；　when　with　a　tremulous　eager　voice　Miss
Osborne　read　him　the　letter。　　〃Reg'lar　starved　out；　hey？
Ha；　ha！　　I　knew　she　would。〃　He　tried　to　keep　his　dignity
and　to　read　his　paper　as　usualbut　he　could　not　follow
it。　　He　chuckled　and　swore　to　himself　behind　the　sheet。
At　last　he　flung　it　down　and；　scowling　at　hi