the days of my life-第107节

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tance　before　in　some　other　life　or　lives　we　are　called　upon　to　reap　the　harvest　of　that　unrepented　folly。
What　is　life　as　we　know　it；　even　if　that　life　be　not　a　single　volume　but　a　series　of　chapters　which　will　ultimately　be　bound　into　a　pleted　book？　A　few　breaths　melting　into　the　immensity　of　this　bitter　air；　a　few　dewdrops　sparkling　on　a　single　thorn　in　the　great　dim　forest　—　no　more。　And　what　is　Eternity？　Ah！　I　cannot　answer。　Yet　I　do　believe　that　our　fate　in　the　second　depends　not　so　much　upon　our　doings；　perhaps；　as　on　our　struggles　in　the　first。　Surely；　then；　it　behoves　us　to　be　up　and　stirring　while　there　is　still　time。　For　if　we　neglect　the　opportunity　who　knows；　as　age　sweeps　on　to　endless　age；　with　what　agonies　of　grief　we　may　repent　that　which　can　no　more　be　remedied；　because　as　we　have　chosen　so　we　must　go；　as　the　tree　falls　so　must　it　lie。　Even　in　this　world　the　might…have…been　is　a　thing　terrible　to　contemplate；　what；　then；　may　it　be　in　a　world　that　will　neither　suffer　us　to　die　nor　die　itself？　To　be　cast　out　to　the　murk　while　others　serve　in　honour　within　the　glowing　gates；　to　be　told　to　chew　the　cud　of　our　unbelief　or　to　eat　of　the　husks　and　drink　of　the　sour　wine　of　our　desires　till　we　loathe　the　taste　and　stench　of　them；　while　others　—　among　them；　perchance；　our　most　adored　—　feed　on　the　manna　of　the　blest；　to　endure　the　reproaches　and　the　heaped…up　hate　of　the　panions　of　our　woe；　to　be　separated　from　those　we　loved　and　who　loved　us；　those　who　have　chosen　the　better　part　—　oh！　surely　we　need　fly　to　no　obscene　phantasies　of　mediaeval　torture　to　paint　the　picture　of　a　blacker　hell。　Even　if　mercy　finds　us　at　the　last；　as　for　my　part　I　think　it　must　and　will；　what　sufferings　must　we　first　endure！　—　for　of　this　we　may　be　certain；　that　if　in　such　conditions　we　should　cease　to　suffer；　then　we　shall　be　lost　and　draw　near　to　the　Second　Death　whence　we　can　scarcely　hope　to　rise　again。　For　the　soul；　as　for　the　body；　pain　is　a　healthy　symptom。　When　it　passes　we　are　apt　to　mortify　and　—　cease。
Now；　like　a　Scotch　preacher；　I　go　to　my　second　head：　the　folly　of　sin　whereof　even　here　the　heritage　is　of　sackcloth　and　of　ashes。　Never　was　there　a　truer　saying　than　that　the　Devil　is　the　worst　of　paymasters。　If　we　go　against　the　rules　of　the　game　as　they　are　laid　down　for　us　by　the　creed　we　serve　in　that　part　of　the　world　in　which　we　have　been　born；　even　when　those　rules　seem　not　natural　to　us；　we　err；　and　what　is　more　we　injure　others；　which　is　surely　the　essence　of　sin。　For；　as　I　have　said；　the　laws　of　Nature　differ　from　the　laws　of　God　as　these　are　revealed　to　us　（and　we　must　follow　the　higher　Light）　—　a　fact　from　which　I　am　sometimes　tempted　to　argue　that　Nature；　“red　in　tooth　and　claw；”　is　not　begotten　of　God　alone。　Surely　the　powers　called　Satan　and　Death　have　had　a　hand　in　its　makings。　Thus　Nature　says　to　Everyman　who　is　a　man：
“See　where　She　stands　with　longing　arms　and　lips　that　murmur　love。　Hark　to　what　She　says　who　would　be　the　mother　of　your　child：　‘Seek！　Seek　for　heaven　hid　in　these　dark　eyes　of　mine　and　find　all　Earth’s　desire。　Drink！　Drink　of　the　Mysteries　from　the　cup　of　this　rich　heart　of　mine　and　learn　what　Life　can　be。　Sleep！　Sleep　and　dream　of　naught　but　me　on　this　kind　breast　of　mine　which　shall　breathe　for　you　alone　until　the　Night　forgets　her　stars。’”
“Touch　not；　taste　not；　handle　not；”　answers　the　cold　stern　Law。　“Pass　on；　she　is　not　thine。”
Often　enough　it　is　Nature　that　prevails　and；　having　eaten　of　the　apple　that　She；　our　Mother；　gives　us；　we　desire　no　other　fruit。　But　always　the　end　is　the　same：　its　sweetness　turns　to　gravel　in　our　mouth。　Shame　es；　sorrow　es；　e　death　and　separations。　And；　greater　than　all　of　these；　remorse　rises　in　the　after　years　and　stands　over　us　at　night；　since；　when　our　eyes　are　no　longer　clouded　with　the　mists　of　passion；　we　see　and　bewail　our　wickedness。
For　sin　has　this　quality。　Like　some　bare；　black　peak　in　a　plain　of　flowers　it　dominates　all　our　landscape。　However　far　we　wander　never　can　we　escape　the　sight　of　it。　Our　virtues；　such　as　they　may　be；　are　dwarfed　and　lost　in　the　dark　shadows　thrown　up　by　our　towering　crime。　True　and　honest　love　of　wife　and　child；　unceasing　thought　for　others；　vicarious　sufferings　on　behalf　of　others；　often　sharp　enough　to　sadden；　whatever　kind　deeds　and　charities　may　lie　within　our　power；　the　utter　and　heartfelt　forgiveness　of　all　who　have　wronged　us；　the　struggles　that　we　made　as　the　snare　closed　round　us；　the　memories　of　those　keen　temptations　from　which　we　have　escaped　—　it　will　be　noted　that　these　are　ever　of　a　sort　to　appeal　to　whatever　sin　doth　so　easily　beset　us　—　high　friendships　well　deserved；　fair　fame　well　won；　duty　well　done；　such　are　the　flowers　upon　the　plain　we　travel。　Yet　we　forget　them；　we　do　not　even　note　them；　because　of　that　black　mount　of　evil　which　our　stained　hands　piled　and　the　icy　gloom　it　throws。　Never；　never　can　we　be　free　of　it　till　prayer　has　brought　unfeigned　repentance；　and　these；　hand　in　hand；　have　led　us　on　to　Faith；　and　Faith；　opening　her　door；　has　shown　us　the　far…off　glory　of　Forgiveness；　which　glory；　growing　ever　brighter；　falls　at　length　upon　our　heads　in　blessing　and；　when　we　turn　our　dazzled　eyes　to　seek　the　familiar　mount　of　shame　—　lo！　it　is　gone。
The　third　head；　that　of　the　necessity　of　repentance；　needs　no　elaboration。　Of　it　I　have　already　said　enough。　If　we　have　forgotten　out　Creator　in　the　days　of　our　youth　—　or　even　of　our　age　—　let　us　at　least　obey　the　cry　of　His　Messengers；　and　repent；　repent　while　there　is　yet　time。　“The　Promises　are　sure　if　only　we　will　believe”　were　the　last　words　of　my　friend；　the　aged　William　Booth　—　very　true　words。　And　of　these　promises　perhaps　the　greatest　and　the　happiest　for　man　is　that　of　full　and　free　forgiveness　to　those　who　kneel　and　from　the　heart　will　say；　“Father；　I　have　sinned。　Father；　forgive！”
But　to　do　this　we　must　have　Faith。　When　Faith　fails　there　is　nought　but　blackness　in　which　we　wander　helplessly　and　in　vain。　Even　our　Lord　（as　I　venture　to　think；　and　I　know　one　very　learned　bishop　who　agrees　with　me）　as　a　man　perhaps　walked　the　world　more　by　Faith　than　by　knowledge。　It　may　be　that　this　was　the　heaviest　of　His　temptations　—　the　temptation　to　admit　some　creeping　doubt　into　His　own　mission　and　Divinity。　If　so　we　can　well　understand　the　full　magnificence　of　His　sacrifice　and　the　glory　of　His　triumph。　Once；　indeed；　in　the　moment　of　agony　and　mortal　weakness　that　Doubt　seems　to　have　conquered　Him：　I　mean　in　the　cry　upon　the　Cross；　“My　God！　My　God！　Why　hast　Thou　forsaken　Me？”
If　this　be　so　let　us　take　fort；　since　where　He　seems　to　have　failed；　how　can　we；　His　poor　servants；　always　expect　to　succeed？　“Lord；　I　believe；　help　Thou　my　unbelief！”　Such　should　be　our　daily　petition；　which　will　not　go　unheeded。
The　shores　of　India　draw　near；　and　I　have　finished　the　sermon　which　something　has　prompted　me　to　write；　whereof　I　will　say　that；　however　much　it　may　be　mocked　at；　I　hope　at　least　it　can　do　no　harm　in　the　after　years。　It　is　the　only　one　I　ever　posed　or　shall　pose；　and　brief；　bare　as　it　is；　it　has　taken　me　half　a　lifetime　to　think　out　its　underlying　principles。　（How　do　clergymen　succeed　in　evolving　one　or　two　on　every　Sunday　of　their　active　lives；　I　wonder！）
What　is　the　sum　of　it　all？　This。　That　my　spiritual　experience　leads　me　to　take　a　higher　view　of　man　than　that　which　declares　him　to　be　but　a　physical　accident。　That；　through　all　the　winds　and　weeping　of　this　rough　world；　I　hear　the　whisper　of　the　still；　small　voice　of　God　directing　us　from　on　high。　That；　by　the　gift　of　His　Christ　（and　mayhap　in　many　another　way）；　He　has　provided　a　means　of　Redemption　for　every　soul　that　breathes　in　flesh。　That；　however　often　they　may　fail　or　stumble；　He　will　love　and　save　those　who　try　to　love　and　obey　Him　as　they　understand　Him。　That　those　who　reject　Him　must　themselves　run　a　risk　of　rejection　and　of　darkness；　since；　if　we　choose　Death；　Death　will　be　given　to　us。　Whatever　good　thing　we　desire　we　may　have；　but　to　have　we　must　desire。　That　He　will　forgive　all；　whatever　be　their　sins；　who　strive　to　believe　and　yearn　to　be　forgiven。　That　He；　or　His　Messengers；　will　fort　us　in　our　dark；　ultimate　hour　of　mortal　agony　（may　it　prove　short　and　sudden！）　and　awful　death　sleep；　and　be　with　us　in　the　light　of　the　last　Awakening。　That　He　will　lead　us　to　our　lost　ones；　who　are　dearer　to　us　than　life；　in　the　home　He　has　prepared　for　us　and　those　who　wish　to　dwell　there　in　our　pany　and；　from　Eternity　to　Eternity；　in　some　place　where　sin　and　Satan　do　not　e；　will　wipe　all　tears　from　off　our　faces。　That　in　due　season　He　will　gather　to　us　those　other　dear　ones　whom　we　have　loved　upon　the　earth　and　who　do　not　forget　us　although　we　have　been　borne　away。　That；　if　it　pleases　Him　to　touch　us　with　His　Fire　on　the　lips　and　give　us　back　our　whitened　spirits；　filled　with　the　fulness　of　individual　life；　at　His　unending　tasks　and　service　in　other　Worlds　or　Heavens　we　shall　grow　ever　brighter　and　more　glorious　until；　spheres　and　aeons　hence；　after　this　earth　where　we　have　no　abiding　city　has　bee　to　us　but　a　troubled　dream；　though　we　be　still　very　far　away；　at　length　we　approach　to　the　Divinity　of　Christ’s　own　perfect　nature。　That　all　Love　is　immortal。　It　is　God’s　light　permeati