the days of my life-第104节

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nce？　I　answer　that　in　all　their　main　facts　they　are　true。　I　have　been　accustomed　to　write　fiction　for　a　space　of　nearly　a　whole　generation；　and　I　know　something　of　the　business。　Having　this　experience　at　my　back　I　declare　earnestly　that；　with　a　single　exception；　I　do　not　think　it　possible　that　the　gospels　and　the　rest　can　be　the　work　of　man’s　imagination。　That　exception　is　the　Book　of　Revelation；　which　might　possibly　have　been　conceived　by　some　noble　human　mind　in　a　wonderful　period　of　spiritual　exaltation。　I　hasten　to　add　that　I　am　certain　this　was　not　the　case；　that　on　the　contrary　it　was　divinely　inspired；　whatever　the　actual　meaning　of　parts　of　it　may　be。　All　I　say　is　that；　in　my　view；　it　alone　of　the　books　of　the　New　Testament　might　perhaps　be　a　fruit　of　human　powers　of　creation。
With　the　remainder　of　them　it　is　different。　These；　I　am　sure；　are　records　of　things　that　were　said　or　happened　very　much　as　they　are　written　down。　Who；　for　instance；　could　have　invented　the　account　of　the　Last　Supper　in　St。　John？　A　thousand　touches；　patent　enough　to　the　eye　of　one　who　poses　romance；　show　that　this　view　is　true；　the　very　inconsistencies　or　variations　in　the　different　accounts　of　certain　incidents；　due　for　the　most　part　to　the　varying　temperaments　of　the　recorders　that　cause　them　to　dwell　upon　that　aspect　of　the　matter　in　hand　which　appealed　to　them；　rejecting　or　slurring　over　the　others；　suggest　that　it　is　true。　Any　person　who　has　been　accustomed　to　hear　evidence　knows　that　such　evidence　is　most　suspicious　when　a　number　of　witnesses　tell　exactly　the　same　story；　especially　as　to　events　that　happened　a　while　before；　and　most　credible　when　that　story　es　from　sundry　mouths　with　differences　of　detail。
So；　the　critic　will　say；　you　are　prepared　to　swallow　the　miracles　at　a　gulp？　Yes；　I　am　—　or　most　of　them。　I　do　not　see　how　they　are　to　be　explained　away；　moreover；　I　have　known　so　many　miracles　to　occur　in　my　own　time　and　experience　that　a　few　more　or　less　make　no　difference　to　me。　To　state　that　miracles；　which　after　all　may　be　but　the　partial　manifestation　of　some　secret　law　veiled　from　us　as　yet；　have　ceased　is；　in　my　opinion；　a　profound　mistake；　they　happen　often；　especially　in　the　heart　of　man。　Moreover；　the　whole　circumstances　of　life　are　a　miracle；　the　wireless　instrument　that　at　this　moment　I　hear　doing　its　work　is　a　miracle；　we　are　surrounded　by　miracles；　unappreciated；　unvalued；　because　so　mon。　This；　though　a　truism；　is　one　from　which　we　may　argue。
I　believe；　therefore；　that　these　things　took　place　substantially　as　they　are　recorded；　that　a　God…endowed　Being　of　supernatural　strength　did　show　signs　and　wonders　before　the　eyes　of　His　generation；　and　for　the　subsequent　instruction　of　mankind。　If　this　is　not　true；　or　rather；　if　the　greatest　of　these　signs　is　not　true；　then　Christianity　falls　to　the　ground；　it　is　a　well　dug　in　sand　that　will　hold　no　water；　and　what　tens　of　millions　have　believed　and　believe　to　be　a　gateway　to　a　better　and　enduring　world　is　but　a　glorious　morning　cloud　which　melts　away　and　is　lost　in　the　vastness　of　the　ether。　Then；　as　St。　Paul　says；　we　are　of　all　men　the　most　miserable；　then　let　us　eat　and　drink　for　tomorrow　we　die；　then　let　us　see　to　it；　so　far　as　is　possible；　that　we　bring　none　here　to　bear　the　burden　of　the　years　and　know　the　despairing　bitterness　of　death。
Needless　to　say；　I　refer　to　the　Resurrection　of　Jesus　Christ。　If　He　never　rose　from　the　grave；　then；　so　far　as　I　can　see；　there　is　no　hope　for　Christian　man；　and　we　trust　in　a　vain　thing。　I　say；　so　far　as　I　can　see；　for　there　may　exist　other　roads　of　salvation　with　y　part；　I　believe；　however；　that　He　did　rise；　as　firmly　as　I　believe　that　at　this　moment　of　writing　I　am　sitting　on　the　deck　of　a　ship　called　the　Arcadia；　and　that　what　He；　born　of　woman；　did；　we　shall　do　also。
Indeed　this　may　be　a　convenient　place　to　state　my　private　opinion　（it　is　no　more；　though　I　cannot　find　that　it　conflicts　with　the　doctrines　of　Christianity；　see；　for　instance；　the　passage　in　which　our　Lord　refers　to　Elijah　as　having　returned　to　Earth　in　the　person　of　John　the　Baptist）；　to　the　effect　that　we；　or　at　any　rate　that　some　of　us；　already　have　individually　gone　through　this　process　of　ing　into　active　Being　and　departing　out　of　Being　more　than　once　—　perhaps　very　often　indeed　—　though　not　necessarily　in　this　world　with　which　we　are　acquainted。　In　short；　like　the　Buddhists；　I　am　strongly　inclined　to　believe　that　the　Personality　which　animates　each　of　us　is　immeasurably　ancient；　having　been　forged　in　so　many　fires；　and　that；　as　its　past　is　immeasurable；　so　will　its　future　be。　This　is　in　some　ways　an　unfortable　faith　or　instinct；　thus　I；　for　one；　have　no　wish　to　live　again　upon　our　earth。　Moreover；　it　is　utterly　insusceptible　of　proof　—　like　everything　else　that　has　to　do　with　the　spirit　—　for　vague　memories；　affinities　with　certain　lands　and　races；　irresistible　attractions　and　repulsions；　at　times　amounting　in　the　former　case　to　intimacies　of　the　soul　（among　members　of　the　same　sex；　for　in　discussing　such　matters　it　is　perhaps　better　to　exclude　the　other）　so　strong　that　they　appear　to　be　already　well　established；　such　as　have　drawn　me　so　close　to　certain　friends；　and　notably　to　one　friend　recently　departed；　are　none　of　them　proof。　Nor　are　the　revelations　of　persons　who　seem　to　have　access　to　certain　stores　of　knowledge　denied　to　most　men；　for　these　may　be　anything　or　nothing。　Nor　is　that　strong　conviction　of　immemorial　age　which　haunts　the　hearts　of　some　of　us。
No；　there　is　no　proof；　and　yet　reason　es　to　the　support　of　these　imaginings。　Unless　we　have　lived　before；　or　the　grotesque　incongruities　of　life　are　to　be　explained　in　some　way　unknown　to　us；　our　present　existence；　to　my　mind；　resembles　nothing　so　much　as　a　handful　of　what　is　known　as　“printer’s　pie”　cast　together　at　hazard　and　struck　off　for　the　reader　to　interpret　as　he　will　or　can。　Or　perhaps　in　this　case　a　better　example　would　be　to　pare　the　world　to　a　great　ball…room　wherein　a　Puck…like　Death　acts　as　Master　of　Ceremonies。　Here　the　highly　born；　the　gifted　and　the　successful　are　weled　with　shouts　of　praise；　while　the　plain；　the　poorly　dressed；　the　halt；　are　trodden　underfoot；　here　partners；　chosen　at　hazard；　often　enough　seem　to　be　dancing　to　a　different　time　and　step；　till　they　are　snatched　asunder　to　meet　no　more；　here　one　by　one　the　revellers　of　all　degrees　are　touched　upon　the　shoulder　by　the　Puck…like　Death　who　calls　the　tune；　and　drop　down；　down　into　an　imperable　darkness；　while　others　who　knew　them　not　are　called　to　take　their　places。
But　if　we　admit　that　every　one　of　these　has　lived　before　and　danced　in　other　rooms；　and　will　live　again　and　dance　in　other　rooms；　then　meaning　informs　the　meaningless。　Then　those　casual　meetings　and　swift　farewells；　those　loves　and　hatings；　are　not　of　chance；　then　those　partners　are　not　chosen　at　hazard　after　all。　Then　the　dancers　who　in　turn　must　swoon　away　beneath　that　awful；　mocking　touch；　do　not　drop　into　darkness　but　into　some　new　well　of　the　water　of　Life。　Then　what　we　behold　is　but　a　few　threads；　apparently　so　tangled；　that　go　to　weave　the　Sphinx’s　seamless　veil；　or　some　stupendous　tapestry　that　enwraps　the　whole　Universe　of　Creation　which；　when　seen　at　last；　will　picture　forth　the　Truth　in　all　its　splendour；　and　with　it　the　wondrous　story　and　the　meaning　of　our　lives。
Such；　put　shortly　and　figuratively；　seems　to　me　one　of　the　strongest　arguments　for　the　continuity　of　our　personal　existence　through　various　phases。　It　may　be；　however；　that　it　is　no　argument　at　all　—　that　there　is　some　other　explanation　（beyond　that　of　blind；　black；　brutal　chance）；　perhaps　so　simple　that　we　cannot　grasp　it；　which　accounts　for　everything。
One　contention；　however；　I　find　it　hard　to　accept　—　namely；　that　man　appearing　here　for　the　first　time　through　an　accident　of　the　flesh　is　placed　and　judged　eternally　in　accordance　with　his　deeds　of　at　most　about　thirty　waking；　conscious　years　（even　if　his　life　be　long）；　for　childhood　and　the　time　spent　in　sleep　must　be　excluded。　To　me　such　a　thing　is　almost　incredible。　Final　judgment　I　can　understand　after　many　lives　of　growing　towards　the　good　or　towards　the　ill　—　and；　indeed；　the　faith　I　follow　declares　it　—　but　not　an　eternity　of　anything　decreed　on　the　deeds　of　ten　or　twenty　or　thirty　years　passed　among　the　surroundings　in　which　we　happened　to　be　born；　weighted　with　the　infirmities　and　inherited　tendencies　of　a　flesh　and　nature　that　we　did　not　choose。　Over　a　great　period　of　many　different　existences；　selected　according　to　the　elective　fitness　of　the　ego；　matters　and　opportunities　selves；　and　that　ego　would　follow　the　path　it　selected　to　its　inevitable　end。　But　one　life　of　a　maximum　of　thirty　years　full…stopped　with　doom　。　。　。　！
All　this；　however；　is　a　digression　from　my　arguments　to　which　I　now　return。
I　have　said　that　I　believe　in　the　truth　of　the　New　Testament　story；　and　that　to　my　mind　everything　hinges　upon　the　fact　of　the　Resurrection；　although　I　am　aware　that　many　who　call　themselves　Christians；　and　expect；　apparently；　to　receive　whatever　benefits　Christianity　can　bring；　give　no　credence　to　this　or　any　other　miracle。　Surely　these　might　as　well　expect　to　inherit　salvation　by　virtue　of　a　study　of　the　doctrines　of　Confucius。　I　hope