the days of my life-第103节

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One　boon；　from　infancy　to　age；　has　been　showered　upon　me　in　a　strange　abundance；　pressed　down　and　running　over　—　the　uncountable；　peculiar　treasure　of　every　degree　and　form　of　human　love；　which　love　alone；　present　or　departed；　has　made　my　life　worth　living。
But　if　it　is　all　to　cease　and　be　forgotten　at　the　borders　of　the　grave；　then　life　is　not　worth　living。　Such；　however；　is　no　faith　of　mine。
Farewell！
H。　Rider　Haggard。
Ditchingham：　September　25；　1912。
Chapter　23　A　NOTE　ON　RELIGION
S。S。　Arcadia；　December　16；　1912。　（Off　Aden。）
It　has　occurred　to　me　that　the　views　on　the　matter　of　religion　of　a　person　of　my　day　with　such　experiences　as　this　work　records　may　prove　of　interest　to　some　of　those　who　e　after　me；　and　possibly；　here　and　there；　of　help。　So　I　add　them　to　this　book　as　a　footnote　which　none　need　read　unless　they　wish。
First　I　should　state　that　I　am　not　a　theologian。　Theology　is　a　science　that　has　no　attraction　for　me。　In　this　great　question　of　our　future　life　or　death　I　find　no　place　for　subtleties　in　which　many　take　so　much　delight。　Such　is　the　constitution　of　my　mind。　The　fine　divisions　of　a　creed；　the　bitterness　that　rages　between　High　Church　and　Low；　for　instance；　awake　in　my　heart　neither　sympathy　nor　echo。　What　are　vestments　or　ritual　when　eternal　life　or　death　and　salvation　are　at　stake？　Even　the　great　gulf　fixed　between　Anglican　and　Roman　Catholic　is　to　me　narrow。　I　was　bred；　and　doubtless　shall　to　the　end　remain；　a　member　of　the　Church　of　England。　But；　on　the　other　hand；　I　have　a　great　admiration　for　many　parts　of　the　Roman　precept　and　practice。　Its　discipline　seems　to　me　beyond　praise；　the　support　it　gives　to　the　individual　struggling　and　affrighted　soul　shows　deep　understanding　of　the　eternal　needs　of　human　nature；　while　who　can　be　blind　to　the　abnegation　of　self　evinced　in　the　practice　of　celibacy　by　its　devoted　priesthood；　resulting；　as　it　does；　in　an　enormous　gain　to　its　efficiency　as　a　Church？
Further；　within　limits　that　I　need　not　discuss；　personally　I　think　the　virtue　of　Confession　which　it　inculcates　great；　since　thereby　is　brought　the　whole　weight；　wisdom　and　merit　of　the　Church　to　the　aid　of　the　particular　case。　I　am　aware　that　Confession　is　allowed　to　Anglicans　and　even；　in　a　sense；　enjoined　upon　them。　But　by　how　many　is　the　rite　employed？　And　why　is　it　not　employed？　The　question　may　be　answered　by　another。　Who　wishes　to　make　confessions　of　his　failings　—　to　lay　bare　that　wonderful　and　sometimes　awful　thing；　the　secret　soul　of　man；　to　Mrs。　Rector　or　Mrs。　Archdeacon；　or　even　to　a　selection　of　the　father　confessor’s　brothers　and　priests？　It　may　be　retorted；　not　without　indignation；　that　such　a　thing　would　not　happen。　Perhaps。　Yet　the　average　man　feels　a　risk　which　he　will　not　face。　Many　of　us　have　known　worthy　but　much　married　clergymen　whose　conjugal　confidences　are　famous。　In　consequence；　rightly　or　wrongly；　other　confidences　are　withheld　from　them；　and　with　the　abolition　of　a　one…doctrined；　properly　controlled；　responsible　and　non…amateur　celibate　priesthood；　Confession　has　gone　out　of　fashion。　This；　however；　is　by　the　way。
The　trouble　about　the　Roman　Church　is　not　only　its　notorious　intolerance　and　bigotry；　of　which　history　tells；　but　the　fact　that　some　of　the　doctrines；　as　I　understand　them；　are　not　to　be　found　in　the　New　Testament；　which　after　all　is　the　Christian’s　only　charter。　Since　the　Scriptures　are　of　no　private　interpretation　what　is　not　written　there　is；　so　far　as　they　are　concerned；　presumably　non…existent。　It　is　this　truth　that　keeps　so　many　from　the　gates　of　Rome。　Perhaps　in　some　day　to　e　she　will　modify　her　attitude　in　certain　directions；　as　we　may　modify　ours；　and　the　two　greatest　divisions　of　the　Church　of　Christ　will　draw　together　again。　I　trust　and　pray　that　this　may　be　so　and　that　thus　an　united　front　may　be　presented　to　the　evil　that　is　in　the　world；　which　lessens　little；　if　at　all；　with　the　passage　of　the　ages。
In　the　same　way　that　I　admire　and　respect　the　Roman　Church　do　I　admire　and　respect　a　Body　which　stands　at　the　other　religious　pole　—　I　refer　to　the　Salvation　Army。　But　this　Body；　splendid　as　is　its　work；　makes　what　I　consider　the　mistake　of　omitting　the　use　of　the　Sacraments　which　seem　to　me　to　be　clearly　enjoined　by　the　New　Testament。　As　the　Roman　Church　elaborates　the　sum　total　of　the　corpus　of　our　faith；　so　the　Salvation　Army　deducts　from　that　sum。　But　it　has　been　explained　to　me　that　the　late　General　Booth　did　this　of　set　purpose；　because　he　did　not　think　that　the　people　with　whom　he　had　to　deal　understood　the　Sacraments。
I　do　but　quote　these　two　extremes；　however；　each　of　which　I　think　so　admirable　in　its　own　fashion；　as　evidence　of　the　statement　with　which　I　opened　these　remarks；　to　the　effect　that　whatever　I　may　or　may　not　be；　I　am　no　bigot。　Now　I　will　try　to　show　why　I　believe　in　the　simple　and　unadulterated　doctrines　of　Christianity　as　these　appear　within　the　four　corners　of　the　New　Testament　and　are　preached　by　the　Church　to　which　I　belong。
There　are；　of　course；　many　varieties　of　what　is　known　as　Faith。　There　is；　for　instance；　the　unquestioning　Faith　which　many　profess　because　it　is　there；　because　they　inherited　or　were　taught　it　in　childhood。　Such　persons　have　looked　and　need　to　look　no　further。　Theirs　not　to　reason　why；　and　they　are　fortunate　and　happy　in　this　attitude。
Others　have　a　more　difficult　experience。　When　the　intellect　awakes　it　begins　to　question；　and　often　enough　finds　no　satisfactory　answer。　It　bees　aware　that　all　these　divine　events　happened　a　long　while　ago；　also　that　the　evidence　for　them　is　not　of　a　nature　that　forces　conviction　per　se；　at　any　rate　at　first　sight。　For　instance；　no　judge　would　send　an　accused　person　to　gaol　on　the　testimony　which；　for　some　purpose　beyond　our　ken；　has　been　considered　sufficiently　strong　to　enable　mankind　to　accept　a　very　wonderful　story　and　to　build　thereon　the　hope　or　rather　the　certainties　of　redemption　and　eternal　life　beyond　the　chances　and　changes　of　this　mortality。　Some　are　thereby　entirely　discouraged　and；　rejecting　what　they　conclude　must　be　a　fable；　set　themselves　sadly　to　make　the　best　of　things　as　they　are；　awaiting　the　end　with　resignation；　with　terror；　or　with　the　callous　indifference　of　despair；　according　to　their　individual　temperaments。　Others　start　out　on　wild　searches　of　their　own。　They　examine　the　remaining　religions；　they　try　spiritualism；　they　bring　themselves；　or　so　imagine；　into　some　faint　and　uncertain　touch　with　the　dead；　the　Unseen　and　the　Powers　that　dwell　therein；　only　after　all　to　return　unsatisfied；　unsettled；　hungry　—　frightened　also　at　times　—　and　doubtful　of　the　true　source　of　their　vision。　For　in　all　these　far　seas　they　can　find　no　sure；　anchored　rock　on　which　to　stand　and　defy　the　storms　of　Fate。　Those　alien　religions　may　suit　and　even　be　sufficient　to　the　salvation　of　their　born　votaries；　but　to　these　philosophical　inquirers　they　are　not　sufficient。　Moreover；　they　find　that　Christianity　embodies　whatever　is　true　and　good　in　every　one　of　them；　rejecting　only　the　false　and　evil。　To　take　but　one　example；　all；　or　very　nearly　all；　of　the　beautiful　rules　and　maxims　of　Buddha　are　to　be　found　in　the　teaching　of　our　Lord。　but　there　is　this　difference　between　the　faiths　they　preached。　Whereas　that　of　Buddha；　as　I　understand　it；　is　a　religion　of　Death；　holding　up　cessation　of　mundane　lives　and　ultimate　extinction　as　the　great　reward　of　virtue；　Christianity　is　a　religion　of　Life；　of　continued　individual　being；　full；　glorious；　sinless　and　eternal；　to　be　won　by　those　who　choose　to　accept　the　revelation　of　its　Founder。　Who　then　can　hesitate　between　the　two？　Who　wishes　to　be　absorbed　into　the　awful　peace　of　Nothingness？　Why；　such；　without　its　precedent　preparation；　was　the　refuge　of　the　Roman　who　opened　his　veins　when　things　went　wrong　or　Caesar　frowned！
Thus　it　es　about　that　these　seekers　after　spiritual　truth　remain　drifting　to　and　fro　in　their　little　boats　of　hope；　that　grow　at　length　so　frail　and　old；　and　mayhap　in　the　end　founder　altogether。
Or　perhaps　they　turn　in　despair　and；　aware　of　the　overwhelming　importance；　of　the　awfulness　of　the　issue　indeed；　to　which　all　other　things　are　as　naught；　face　the　situation　afresh；　study　afresh；　think　afresh；　pray　afresh；　perchance　for　years　and　years。　If　so；　there　is　really　only　one　work　with　which　they　need　trouble　themselves；　the　New　Testament；　and　parts　of　the　Old　such　as　the　Psalms。　At　least　that　is　my　experience　—　the　experience　of　a　plain　man　in　search　of　truth。
I　suppose　that　for　the　last　fifteen　or　twenty　years；　except　very　occasionally　through　accident　or　a　sense　of　unworthiness；　scarcely　a　day　has　gone　over　my　head　on　which　I　have　not　once　（the　last　thing　at　night）　and　often　more　than　once；　read　a　portion　of　the　Bible。　The　result　is　that　now　I　find　it　fresher；　stronger；　more　convincing；　more　full　of　hidden　meaning　than　I　did　when　I　began　this　exercise。　“Search　the　Scriptures”　was　a　very　great　and　potent　saying；　for　in　them　I　think　is　life。
What；　it　may　be　asked；　do　you　find　there；　beyond　picturesque　narrative　and　the　expression　of　hopes　natural　to　the　hearts　of　members　of　a　race　that　in　a　few　short　years　must　throb　itself　to　silence？　I　answer　that　in　all　their　main　facts　they　are　true。　I　have　been　accustomed　to　write　fictio