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my name is red-我的名字叫红-第57节

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to the judge my husband is still alive。 It was only because Hasan tried to take 
advantage  of  me  during  his  older  brother’s  absence;  a  failed  assault  that 
embarrassed  my  father…in…law;  that  I  was  allowed  to  return  to  my  father’s 
home though not officially a widow。 But now that my father is dead and I am 
without even a brother; there is no question that my only possible guardians 
are  my  husband’s  brother  and  my  father…in…law。  They’ve  already  been 
scheming  to  have  me  returned  to  their  home;  coercing  my  father;  and 
threatening me。 Once they hear my father is dead; they won’t hesitate to take 
official action。 My only hope to prevent this is to conceal my father’s death。 
Perhaps in vain; for they may be the ones behind the crime。” 
At  that  very  moment;  a  thin  beam  of  light  gracefully  filtered  through  the 
broken shutters and fell between Black and me; illuminating the ancient dust 
inside the room。 
“This isn’t the only reason I’m hiding my father’s death;” I said; fixing my 
gaze into Black’s eyes; in which I was gladdened to see attentiveness more than 
love。 “I’m also afraid of being unable to prove my whereabouts at the time of 
my father’s murder。 Though she’s a slave and her word might be discounted; 
I’m  afraid  that  Hayriye  is  involved  in  these  machinations;  if  not  against  me; 
then  against  my  father’s  book。  And  as  long  as  I  remain  without  a  protector; 
the  announcement  of  my  father’s  murder;  while  initially  simplifying  matters 
at  home;  might  well;  solely  for  the  reasons  I’ve  enumerated;  cause  me  great 
misfortune at her hand; for instance; what if Hayriye is aware that my father 
didn’t want me to marry you?” 
“Your father didn’t want you to marry me?” asked Black。 
“No; he didn’t; he was worried that you’d take me away from him。 Since 
there’s no longer any danger of you doing such evil to him; let’s assume my 
dear unfortunate father has no further objection。 Do you have any?” 
“None at all; my darling。” 
“Fine;  then。  My  guardian  has  no  claims  of  money  or  gold  on  you。  Please 
excuse  the  impropriety  of  my  discussing  marital  circumstances  on  my  own 
209 
 
behalf; but I have certain prerequisites that I must; unfortunately; explain to 
you。” 
As I fell silent for a while; Black said; “Yes;” in a manner that suggested an 
apology for his hesitation。 
“First;” I began; “you must swear before two witnesses that if you behave 
badly toward me in our marriage; to a degree that I find unbearable; or if you 
take  a  second  wife;  you  will  grant  me  a  divorce  with  alimony。  Second;  you 
must  swear  before  two  witnesses  that  if  for  whatever  reason  you  are  absent 
from the house for more than a six…month period without a visit; I will also be 
granted a divorce with alimony。 Third; after we are married; you will of course 
move into my home; however; until the villain who has murdered my father 
has been caught or until you find him—how I’d love to torture him myself!—
and  until  Our  Sultan’s  book;  pleted  under  the  guidance  of  your  talents 
and efforts; has been honorably presented to Him; you will not share my bed。 
Fourth; you will love my sons; who do share my bed with me; as if they were 
your own children。” 
“I agree。” 
“Good。 If all of the obstacles that still lie before us disappear this quickly; 
we’ll soon be wed。” 
“Yes; wed; but not in the same bed。” 
“The first step is marriage;” I said。 “Let’s see to that first。 Love es after 
marriage。  Don’t  forget:  Marriage  douses  love’s  flame;  leaving  nothing  but  a 
barren  and  melancholy  blackness。  Of  course;  after  marriage;  love  itself  will 
vanish  anyway;  but  happiness  fills  the  void。  Still;  there  are  those  hasty  fools 
who fall in love before marrying and; burning with emotion; exhaust all their 
feeling; believing love to be the highest goal in life。” 
“What; then; is the truth of the matter?” 
“The truth is contentment。 Love and marriage are but a means to obtaining 
it: a husband; a house; children; a book。 Can’t you see that even in my state; 
with a missing husband and a deceased father; I’m better off than you in your 
isolation?  I’d  die  without  my  sons;  with  whom  I  spend  my  days  laughing; 
tussling  and  loving。  Moreover;  since  you  long  for  me  even  in  my  present 
predicament; since you secretly ache to spend the night with me—even if not 
in the same bed—under the same roof with my father’s body and my unruly 
children; you’re pelled to listen with all your heart to what I now have to 
say。” 
210 
 
“I’m listening。” 
“There are various ways that I might secure a divorce。 False witnesses could 
swear that before my husband set out on campaign; they witnessed him grant 
me  a  conditional  divorce;  for  example;  that  he’d  pledged  that  if  he  didn’t 
return  within  two  years;  I  should  be  considered  free。  Or;  more  simply;  they 
might  swear  they’d  seen  my  husband’s  corpse  in  the  field  of  battle;  citing 
various  convincing  and  descriptive  details。  But  taking  my  father’s  body  and 
the  objections  of  my  in…laws  into  consideration;  to  rely  on  false  witnesses 
would  be  an  unsound  way  to  proceed;  as  no  judge  of  any  intelligence  or 
caution  would  be  persuaded。  Considering  that  my  husband  left  me  without 
alimony  and  hasn’t  returned  from  war  for  four  years;  even  judges  of  our 
Hanefi  creed  couldn’t  grant  me  a  divorce。  The  üsküdar  judge;  however; 
knowing how the number of women in my situation is increasing each day; is 
more sympathetic and so—with a nod from Our Excellency the Sultan and the 
Sheikhulislam—the  judge  occasionally  allows  his  proxy  of  the  Shafü  creed  to 
rule  in  his  place;  thereby  granting  divorces  left  and  right  to  women  like  me; 
including conditions of alimony。 Now; if you can find two witnesses to testify 
openly  to  my  predicament;  pay  them  off;  cross  the  Bosphorus  with  them  to 
the üsküdar side; arrange for the judge; making certain that his proxy will sit 
in for him so the divorce might be granted by virtue of the witnesses; register 
the  divorce  in  the  judge’s  ledger;  obtain  a  certificate  testifying  to  the 
proceeding;  obtain  written  permission  for  my  immediate  remarriage;  and  if 
you can acplish all of this and get back to this side of the Bosphorus by the 
afternoon;  then—assuming  no  difficulty  in  finding  a  preacher  who  might 
marry us this evening—then; as my husband; you could spend this night with 
me and my children。 Thereby; you’ll also spare us a sleepless night of hearing 
in every creaking of the house the steps of that devilish murderer。 Moreover; 
you’ll  save  me  from  the  wretchedness  of  being  a  poor  unprotected  woman 
when we announce the death of my father in the morning。” 
“Yes;” said Black with good humor and somewhat childishly。 “Yes。 I agree to 
make you mine。” 
You  remember  how  only  recently  I  declared  I  didn’t  know  why  I  was 
speaking to Black in such a high…handed and insincere manner。 Now I know: 
I’ve  e  to  realize  that  only  by  assuming  such  a  tone  might  I  convince 
Black—who has yet to outgrow his childhood muddle…headedness—to believe 
in the possibility of events that even I have a hard time believing will e to 
pass。 
211 
 
“We have a lot to do in fighting our enemies; those who would obstruct the 
pletion of my father’s book and those who could contest my divorce and 
our marriage ceremony—which will be performed tonight; God willing。 But I 
suppose  I  shouldn’t  further  confuse  you;  since  you  are  already  even  more 
confused than I。” 
“You aren’t confused at all;” said Black。 
“Perhaps; but only because these aren’t my own ideas; I learned them from 
my  father  over  the  years。”  I  said  this  so  he  wouldn’t  dismiss  what  I  said; 
assuming that these plans had sprung from my feminine mind。 
Next; Black said what I’d heard from every man who wasn’t afraid to admit 
he found me very intelligent: 
“You’re very beautiful。” 
“Yes;” I said; “it pleases me to be praised for my intelligence。 When I was a 
child; my father would often do so。” 
I was about to add that once I’d grown up my father ceased to praise my 
intelligence; but I began to weep。 As I cried; it was as if I’d left myself and was 
being  another;  entirely  separate  woman。  Like  some  reader  troubled  by  a 
sad picture in the pages of a book; I saw my life from the outside and pitied 
what  I  saw。  There’s  something  so  innocent  in  crying  over  one’s  troubles;  as 
though  they  were  another’s;  that  when  Black  embraced  me;  a  sense  of  well…
being spread over us both。 Yet; this time; as we hugged; this sense of fort 
remained there between us; unable to affect the adversaries circling us。 
 
 
   
212 
 
I AM CALLED BLACK 
 
Widowed; abandoned and aggrieved; my beloved Shekure fled with fea

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